Fairy Tail's Dragon Prince
by LaurenRoover
Summary: Story request by sketchywolf. An OC story about a childhood friend of Erza with a hidden dark past. Follows the Tower of Heaven arc and their journey to become the best mages they can be. However, things get even more complicated when he develops certain feelings for the strong Titania. NOTE: this is a request, not a stolen idea.
1. Prologue

**Hello!**

**This is a story request from sketchywolf. Just for good measure, I will hereby state that I do not own Fairy Tail and that the story idea comes from sketchywolf. This is just what I made of it.**

**This story will be updated every other week, since I'm also still working on another Fairy Tail fanfiction.**

**Enjoy! ;)**

**EDIT 7/6: I have been made aware of the fact that the story of Riku has been written multiple times by different authors on this platform. I did not know about this when I started writing this story in december of 2019. This was a request by sketchywolf, I did not steal any ideas from other people. I will finish this story properly, because I have spent too much time on it to have it go to waste, and there are readers who do enjoy it. I had no ill intentions, just wanted to put that out there.**

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_PROLOGUE_

Ever since I was little I have this recurring nightmare. It's one of those dreams that question whether, after you've woken up, anything you've just experienced actually happened or not.

It starts off with a voice, nothing else.

'There you are.'

I'm stuck. Hollow footsteps in the dark. And then two eyes, shining blue as the bottom of a flame. I'm stuck.

There is a body attached to those eyes, I'm sure of it. And it is coming for me.

It's close. Warm breath against my skin. Then a hand.

'Are you scared?'

I feel myself changing. Instead of feeling afraid, I get angry. It's the way this voice says it. Patronizing, jarring. It's...annoying, almost.

So I grab the hand. 'No.'

My voice is that of a child. I'm not sure how old I am in this dream.

The person the hand belongs to leads me away. Suddenly, I am not stuck anymore. I look down at my feet and notice tiles. The dripping I heard earlier comes from long, almost dangling rocks of the ceiling.

'Where are we going?' I ask. All I see of the person is his hand, and the silhouet of the body. He wears a cape.

'Away,' he answers.

A light appears. We approach it. I can see green, blue, yellow, the colours of the outside world. Yet I still can't see the face of the person that saved me.

'What is your name?' he asks. I frown as I try to remember.

'R...Riku, I think.'

'Where are you from, Riku?' He sounds formal, as if he's not speaking to a child, but someone his own age. I like that. I am not a child. I am not afraid.

'I don't know,' I answer, and notice my voice sounds different, as if I am growing up as I stand there.

'Would you like to come with me, Riku?' the stranger asks. 'I won't be your mommy, I will not take care of you, but I can keep you alive.'

Remember: I said this was a nightmare. So far, it may not seem like it, but trust me; this is the beginning of something bad. Because this is not just a dream. It is also a memory. Have you ever noticed that in dreams, you don't really feel things, such as pain, or that you don't hear a lot. You just know there is a sound.

The water dripping from the ceiling is what I remember of the place where I was found. I think it might just be the earliest memory I have. I lay there in a pile of what used to be a house. I don't remember anything of this house. I don't know what it used to look like, and who used to live there. Maybe I did, at some point.

And if it wasn't for the stranger, I might've died right there. In my memory, I don't recall wanting to be loved, or wanting to be taken care of. Whatever happened before I was found shaped my desire to be the protector, not the protected. That is something I realized later on, but at that moment, when the stranger asked me to follow him, my instinct told me to say yes. Whatever I wanted my life to be, I could help create it by coming with the stranger.

Still, the question remains: why is this a nightmare? Well, right after I told the stranger I would follow him anywhere, the sky started to crack. Like the shell of an egg, the heaven split open. And a figure fell down.

The stranger let go of my hand and ran towards the other stranger. He did not tell me to stay back, but I assumed he meant to say that. I hid behind a rock and pressed my hands against my ears.

And I stayed there for a while. I've had this dream for years, but I still get scared at the end. During the day, I always know the end of the dream is coming and I know what it is. But there is no way to prepare for it. The only remedy might be to drink enough to become comatose, but even then I see it.

A face.

The blue eyes from before, along with several glowing stripes across a face with the expression of a mask. Dark hair floating like wings on a bird. Sharp teeth. They will eat me.

That is when I wake up. Covered in sweat, my heart beating in my ears and my fists covered in dark flames.

'Shit,' I say one night. Me and my teammate are camping in the forest, on our way back from a quest. I wave my hands around frantically, trying to get rid of the dark fire. It doesn't burn my skin, of course. A dragon slayer who gets burned by his own flames is like accidentally shooting yourself in the head.

The campfire, of normal flames, has burned to a crisp. It's still night, the moon is out. My partner is asleep, I think. He's leaning with his back against a tree. It's kind of ironic to see him like that, since most of his spells involve making others fall asleep.

I sit up straight and take a sip of water. The dream is still in the back of my mind, but slowly starts to fade. When I try to remember what the voice was like, I blank.

I shiver. It's only spring, going on summer, and I'm not wearing my shirt, but still I shiver. Because I feel empty. The stranger from my dream is gone and I'm not sure whether I hate him or miss him.

I lay back down on my back, one hand on my bare chest. After a second or so, I realise my finger is following the outlines of my guild mark, which is right above my heart.

And I feel stupid for smiling. Tomorrow, we reach the guild. I've talked it over with Mystogan, and I'm planning on staying a little longer this time. Mystogan likes to claim his money, go to the guild for a new request and leave immediately. I've been tagging along for three quests now, and it sure is good money. As expected from S-class quests.

But it's not everything. I feel like I haven't spoken with anyone of the guild (besides Mystogan) in forever. Last time we were there, I noticed we had a new member. Some blonde girl Natsu dragged with him, poor thing. I haven't spoken with her yet, but she seems nice. As long as she's not as obnoxious as that fire eater.

The cold I feel in my body starts to fade. The guild was never my home, but it's the closest thing I have to it.

And then there's Erza.

Mystogan makes a groaning sound. 'What are you smiling about?'

I sit up straight, way too quick to be innocent. 'Nothing. Just...excited to see the guild.'

He looks at me for a few seconds, and then nods. 'Right. Me too.'

'Are you?' I lean on one elbow. I don't know much of Mystogan, just that he trusts me. And that works for us, so I don't ask many questions.

He pulls down the cloth covering his mouth and nose, revealing the bottom half of the tattoo across one of his eyes. Yeah, that is how much he trusts me. 'Just because I don't like to stay long doesn't mean I don't care. Maybe not as much as you do, but I do.'

I know what he means by that. I lay down on my back. 'I can't wait to get my hands on a drink. Anything else than water will do.'

'Sorry, but that's my rule,' says Mystogan, and he puts the cloth back over his face, 'no alcohol on the job. And besides; it's bad for you.'

'At least it helps me sleep. Can't say that for you.' I've asked him many times to put me to sleep, a dreamless sleep, but he says it doesn't work like that. Bastard.

'Dreams are nothing but a message from your subconscious,' says Mystogan, 'I can't change that with some sleeping spell.'

I turn my back to him. 'Whatever.'

I don't expect to fall asleep again, but I do. The dream starts all over. When I wake up, it's morning. And it's time to head to the guild. Fairy Tail.


	2. Chapter 1: Lukewarm Welcome

**Heya! Welcome to the first official chapter. Have fun!**

_Chapter 1: Lukewarm welcome_

You've probably heard of Magnolia Town, might've visited it even. Perhaps you've also heard of Fairy Tail, or at least you have by now.

It used to be a 'normal' mages guild, for as far as that's possible. Six years ago, it didn't have the reputation it has now. A new generation has taken over, some might say they've made Fairy Tail the best mages guild in all of Fiore. The S-class mages have become legendary, others have gotten nicknames which make them sound mystical. Salamander, Iceman, etcetera.

Even Mystogan is well-known across the Kingdom, despite, or maybe even especially because of his mask. Mostly, the people posting requests only realize he is _that _Mystogan by the time we've left. I'm not sure if I've gotten a nickname. Maybe just 'Mystogan's companion', which is fine by me. In the shadows is where I'm safe. Anyone who knows me, _really _knows me, would agree. I think you would too.

It's almost noon by the time we reach Magnolia. Mystogan is taking his time, but I can't slow down.

'You can go on ahead,' he says, when we're only a few blocks away. 'I have to take care of something.'

I frown at him, but I don't ask. After three years of tagging along, I've learned not to question Mystogan too much. He does what he thinks is best. Just a few weeks ago, while on the job, he left to 'take care of something', which meant the responsibility of the quest fell on my shoulders. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't think I could handle it, but it was still a shitty thing to do. If the master ever found out he left me in charge of an S-class quest, Mystogan would...actually, I have no idea what would happen. I'm not sure what the master would do to Mystogan.

I fasten my pace and I feel the eyes of the people of Magnolia on me. Even though my guild mark is not showing, they know I'm part of Fairy Tail. They friendly nod.

I don't think they would if they knew what I am.

And that thought alone makes me shift my eyes to the ground, which is why I don't realise the guild looks different when I'm standing in front of it.

For starters: the roof's gone. Or rather, it's not there _yet_. The place where the guild hall used to be has turned into a construction site. The walls and the skeleton of the building are there, but it's far from being finished.

'What the hell…?' I hear myself stumble. My travel bag falls of my shoulder, I let it slip. Something smells fishy here.

Speaking of smell; there isn't much. There's the regular stank of sweat and beer, but the foundations of the hall smell completely different. I don't remember anyone speaking of redecorating, or rebuilding anything.

And most important: I don't smell _her._ Or the idiots she likes to travel with. On a quest, perhaps.

I then notice my hands are clenched to fists and are burning up. There is no need to panic, though. Everyone in Magnolia I've come across seemed normal, cheerful. And I don't sense anything bad in the air.

But of course, there is this one voice in the back of my mind that worries. Call it instinct, or whatever.

I throw my bag over my shoulder and enter the new guild hall. Immediately a few heads turn, just like they did in the old guild hall: Wakabe and Macao.

'Yo, Riku!' Macao says, holding up a pint. 'Welcome back!'

I just nod, and attempt to smile. I've been a part of Fairy Tail for over five years, but I still find it odd and kind of uncomfortable when other members greet me as if I'm their family. I know they go nuts for that word, 'family', or 'comrades'. That's cool and all, just not my thing. Too dangerous, I think.

Still, I appreciate the gesture. So I walk over.

'What the hell happened here?' I ask the two geezers. They look at one another. I then notice Macao has a bandage above one of his eyes. They seem pretty tired too.

'You... don't know?' Wakabe asks. I just shake my head. I wouldn't have asked if I did now, would I?

'Well,' says Macao, scratching the back of his head, 'we had a little...altercation with Phantom.'

'As in Phantom Lord?'

He nods. 'They came to kidnap Lucy. You know Lucy, right? And, well, they beat the crap out of all of us in the process.'

I look around and see that more members still wear bandages and have scratches over their arms and faces. 'And the guild hall too, then. How long ago was this?'

Wakabe shrugs. 'A few weeks ago now, I think. We could only start rebuilding after the council paid a visit - hey, where are you going?'

I've turned my back to them, leaving my bag behind on their table. A few weeks ago. I don't have to ask for the specifics. I know Mystogan too well. He left to help and didn't say a thing.

I find his smell easily. He's not far, just at the edge of East Forest. I start running, sending dark flames to the soles of my feet to move faster.

He's practically waiting for me, leaning nonchalantly against a large oak tree. He doesn't flinch when I grab the collar of his robe and lift him up.

'You bastard,' I spit against his mask. 'Fairy Tail was at war and you didn't tell me?! What were you thinking?'

'So now you care about the guild, huh?' he responds, calmly.

I squeeze harder. He's taller than I am, but I'm strong enough to make his feet dangle in the air. 'Shut up. Why didn't you say anything? I thought we decided to trust each other.'

He places one hand on my arm holding him up, and sends a spell through my body that makes me drowsy. Never a sleeping spell, but enough to make me weak.

'You want me to shut up and talk at the same time?' he says, but not to humour himself or me. It's more an observation, because I say stupid things when I get angry. 'I didn't tell you because of this exact reason. You're too emotional. Those dark flames...they're too controlling.'

I let go of his collar and I feel my legs trembling under me. Mystogan's spells, even the smaller ones, are powerful. 'Well, they're not here now, are they?'

He lifts the spell and sighs. 'I'm sorry, Riku. But I didn't join the fight either. I went to all the outskirts where Phantom Lord was hiding, and delivered my own justice for what they did. The guild's disbanded now. It's over.'

'The hall's in ruins,' I say, watching him closely, 'everyone's hurt.'

Mystogan tilts his head slightly. 'Don't pretend, Riku. I know you. But don't worry. She's safe. It takes more than some rivalry guild to take down Titania.'

I lower my head, so I don't have to look him in the eyes. And I won't admit it to Mystogan, but it is a relief to hear about Erza.

Mystogan steps towards me and places his hands on my shoulders.

'Riku,' he says, 'I didn't tell you not just for your own sake, but for everyone else's. Your flames, and your feelings…' That last part embarasses me to the point where I don't want to ever look anyone in the face again. 'You'll figure it out, I know you will, but right now you have to be careful.'

I hear what he's saying. I know he's just being a friend, but I can't take any more of this. I take a step back, away from his hands.

'I appreciate the gesture,' I say, as calmly as I can, 'but I don't need a babysitter.'

Because of his mask I can't see the lower half of his face, but Mystogan makes a sound that implies a smirk of some kind. 'I understand. Just know you're always welcome by my side.'

'Yeah,' I say, turning away from him, 'thanks.'

I left my bag at the guild, so that is where I'm heading next. Or back, I guess. My plan was to stay at the hall for a while, catch up, maybe actually start enjoying Fairy Tail, but I don't feel like that anymore. Maybe I'll grab some request from the board to keep me busy, until Erza gets back. In the two times I've crossed through Magnolia today, I haven't smelled her anywhere.

Back at the guild I'm greeted by Mirajane. There's a temporary bar and a temporary request board, which she seems very happy about.

'Alone this time, are you?' Mirajane asks. I always get a bit nervous when someone that pretty speaks to me. I nod. 'Can I get you anything?'

'A beer. No, a pint.'

She lifts an eyebrow. 'That bad, huh?'

I nod again. In a matter of seconds I have my hands around a wooden jug. After I've downed half of it, I notice Mirajane is staring at me, with a frown on her face. I quickly place the pint on the counter, afraid that she might scold me for my manners.

'Did...something happen between you and Mystogan?' she asks. I'm surprised. There's mystery surrounding Mystogan, it always has, but guild members have just learned to cope with it. Since I'm the only one that actually hangs out with him, you'd think people might interrogate me about him, but they don't. It's just out of respect to Mystogan himself.

But when Mirajane asks, I realize she's asking for my sake. She's the oldest in a family of three siblings, she's learned to recognize when something's troubling a person.

I take a quick breath and force a smile. I've become good at it. 'Nothing too serious. Just a quarrel between teammates, that's all. Uhm, do you perhaps know where Erza might be?'

She looks at me a few seconds, scanning, and then coming to the conclusion she won't get much more out of me. 'She's in a resort, with Natsu, Gray, Lucy and Happy. It was a gift from Loke...oh, I guess you haven't heard about Loke yet. Did you know he was a Celestial Spirit this whole time?'

I have to admit I didn't really listen to the last part, but I continue to smile. 'Ah, well, I thought he smelled weird, but I guess that explains it. Do you maybe know which resort they've gone to?'

After I've gotten the information from Mirajane, I stop by my apartment to get some fresh clothes and some food for the journey. It's not far, but I can't enter a resort smelling like I've been travelling through a swamp land for the past few weeks, which I actually did.

When I take a look at a map I realize the fastest way to get there is by train. The thought of it alone makes my stomach turn upside down. Sleeping through it isn't an option, because I dream of strangers in caves and monsters.

According to Mirajane, Erza and the others left not long ago. If I keep up a good pace, I could get there by dinnertime.

As I close the front door behind me, I realize I have no idea what I'm gonna do once I get there. I have the money to get a room and join in on the activities, but do I really want to?

I just want to talk to Erza. I could maybe just show my face, go somewhere private and have a chat. I can't tell her everything about Mystogan, but I can leave some things out.

I feel like I haven't seen her in forever.

After, I'll see what I do.

It seems that the further away I get from the guild and Magnolia, the easier I can breathe. The smell of grass and the sound of leafs under my boots sends pleasant shivers down my spine. The sun is out and hot, while crossing through the forest I throw my red cloak off my shoulders and tie it around my travel bag. Birds are singing and I find myself losing sense of time the longer I walk. I guess the expectation of my first destination helps me forget about Mystogan, about the guild and those stupid dark flames. Right now, everything seems good.

If you've been paying attention so far, you're probably not surprised to hear that it doesn't last forever. I haven't shared must of my past, I'm getting to that later, but so far, everything nice I've ever come across gets destroyed just as I start enjoying it. Which is probably why I refuse to care too much about the guild in general.

There's a loud explosion. I fasten my pace, which is my instinct kicking in. I later notice I'm getting close to the resort. I run up a hill and see smoke rising. When I'm at the top, I can look down at the coastline, where the resort is located.

I don't immediately panic. Don't get me wrong, I am worried. But there are four members of Fairy Tail in that resort, which means an explosion or a building collapsing is only natural. Most of the times it's them causing it.

Still, I hurry. Something tells me it's not just Natsu and Gray causing havoc.

Around the resort, there's chaos. People try to get away from the epicentre of the explosions as much as possible. Once I get inside the resort, it's the complete opposite.

It's deserted. There are only the feint residues of smells, and they are disturbing. It makes me slow down my pace.

I feel like I recognize the people these smells belong to. And it brings back bad memories. Terrible ones. I find myself stopping, trembling on my knees. I know this sensation only from my nightmares.

I told you: nothing nice ever stays. Something bad is going to happen.

After a while I find the strength to stand up. Erza might still be here too. And if I'm right about the familiar smells, she's just as terrified as I am.

I go up to the first floor and find new smells. There are people here, but they're...tiny? As if I'm smelling pixies.

Yes, they do exist.

And there is a smell I do recognize. I smelled it only once before. It's the newest addition to the Fairy Tail guild: Lucy, the Celestial mage.

I find her tied up, in front of a cart game counter. Speaking of cards: there are a bunch scattered all around the floor. And then I know where the tiny smells are coming from. The people are trapped inside the cards. I've never seen anything like it.

'Hey!' Lucy says then. Her feet and hands are tied behind her back, making her arch her body forward in a very uncomfortable looking pose. 'Can you help me...please?'

I run over and kneel down next to her, careful not to step on any of the cards.

'What happened here?'

She squirms and moves around much, making it kind of hard to help her untie, but I don't bother telling her that. 'Some people came, mages. They took my friend!'

My hands stop moving. Lucy is not completely loose yet, but she can pull herself free. She looks at me strangely. It hits me that she has no idea who I am.

It takes everything to not run off and follow the residues of Erza's smell, but I can't go now. Lucy is a friend of Erza, it would be wrong to leave like this.

'I'm Riku,' I say, as I offer my hand to help her stand up. She takes it. 'We haven't met.'

She brushes the dust off her dress. 'Thanks. Lucy Heartfilia. And I think I've heard about you...you're Mystogan's teammate, right?'

I nod. For now, it's better to leave it at that. 'Where are the others? Iceman and Salamander, I mean. And the cat.'

Lucy's expression changes. 'They took Happy too. Last I saw Natsu, he was in the gambling area…'

I breathe in deep and sniff out Natsu's stank. 'Right. One floor down.'

Lucy looks at me strangely, but says nothing. She seems smart, which means I have to be careful around her. If she's hung around Natsu all this time, she knows what his strengths and abilities are. It's only a matter of time before she starts drawing her own conclusions.

'Follow me,' I say. We take the stairs, which have collapsed only halfway through. While running, I equip my winged sword. It's the only equip spell I know, and enough to refrain me from using my dark flames.

And right now, it might throw Lucy off as well.

The gambling area is a mess. In one corner lay the remains of what seemed to a cafeteria. And there lays a body resembling Gray.

Lucy fastens her pace, running past me even. She kneels down next to her friend. His eyes are empty and I fear the worst.

'He's cold,' Lucy mutters, and at that moment, the body shatters in tiny pieces of ice. Lucy screams and tries to reassemble the shards, while I'm still wondering why I couldn't smell Gray. Then an unfamiliar voice calls us, and a woman with blue hair and a blue dress appears, in what seems to be a pool of water. Underneath her, there is Gray, alive and well.

'Huh?' says Lucy, looking at the woman, 'aren't you from Phantom?'

I get more confused by the second, and I turn my back to them. Gray's an idiot, but if he trusts the blue woman to let her protect him, I guess it's alright. I sniff for Natsu. He's at the other end of the hall, and I already hear him coughing and cussing.

When I find him, his throat is smoking. Not just from breathing fire. He got hit with something. He stops fooling around when he notices me.

'What are you doing here?'

The last remains of Erza's smell are disappearing. There's no use in waiting for these idiots to take action. Lucy is safe now, I trust Salamander, Iceman and Waterwoman can help her. And if she survived the war with Phantom Lord, I judge she's strong enough to protect herself.

'Natsu,' I say, and he hears in my voice that I'm serious. He might be an idiot, but when it comes down to it, you can rely on the guy. 'Listen to me. Whatever you do; don't follow me. The people that took Erza...this doesn't concern you.'

His snake-like eyes widen and he quickly jumps onto his feet. 'What? Erza is my friend too! We're part of the same-' He ends the sentence early because my blade is pressing against his throat.

'Natsu,' I say, and I'm surprised how dark my voice sounds, 'please.'

He clenches his fists, but doesn't push the blade away. 'I'll give you a headstart, how about that?'

I look him in the eyes. We were never friends. He knows I smell weird. He doesn't ask, but I know he knows. In the end, it's the guild mark that binds us, that keeps him from smacking me in the face for real.

Natsu knows I'll get to Erza faster than he will. There's no headstart to give. He'll take a boat and get sick, lose track of Erza's smell and float around for a while. I'm not gonna wait for that.

Natsu is stubborn, just like me. So I lower my sword. 'Fine by me.'

'Be careful,' he says, but I'm gone already, jumping through the giant hole in the wall of the gambling hall.

I go immediately for the beach. If I'm correct about the smells, I might not need to follow Erza's scent. I can guess where they're going. I might not know the exact location, but it's as much of a headstart as I can get.

It is about now that the panic starts to get to me. I managed to suppress it when I helped out Lucy, when I found Gray and when confronting Natsu, but now I'm alone again, where no one can see me freak.

And there are dark flames dancing around my feet. The discomfort of the situation is expressing itself through the power I can control the least. It is also at this moment that the masked face of Mystogan crosses my mind.

'Damn you,' I say under my breath. As soon as I reach the beach, I know I can't take it much longer. I have to use it, right now.

I look around, but there is no one here. It's safe to use.

I leave my travel bag somewhere between the palm trees and feel my back arching weirdly. I press my jaws down as hard as I can and try to resist. I have to use it, the way I want it.

I start to whisper.

'Semi...secret dragon art...takeover...wings.' There's pain in my shoulders and back, only for a second, and then relief. The chaos raging within me has found a way out, in the form of two dark wings sprouting from my back.

I start running, and stumble over my own feet. The extra weight is disturbing my balance, but I don't fall. I start flapping the wings and push my feet off the sand. If a curious onlooker would see me now, they might think I used an ordinary takeover spell. I sometimes wish it was, because this will bite me in the ass later.

Underneath me the sea is becoming darker and darker. There are strange creatures in the depths and some jump up in an attempt to take a bite out of me, but I can't be bothered. I still have my sword in my hand, and each snake that tries to crawl out is returned to sea cut in two, ready to be cooked.

Flying like this, especially with the big fish, reminds me of the blue cat. Poor Happy. They took him too.

In the skies above the sea it's difficult to sniff out any smells, but once I find them they hit hard. All at once. They're right below me, all on the same ship.

Only for a split second a voice in my head says 'ugh, a ship'.

I dive down, letting my dark wings dissolve midair. I'm falling now, my face turned towards the ship. Erza is there. They've done something to her to prevent her from using magic, but I sense her. In the belly of the ship, tied up perhaps.

Adrenaline is rushing through me the same the salty air of the sea is. My ears are ringing, my hair which normally hangs in front my face is blown back and it feels as if my clothes are about to be ripped off me. I grab my sword tighter and prepare for a very hard landing.

There are three people on deck, two below. The ones on deck notice me, there is a shout. One of them points, a man with a face shaped entirely out of blocks. Some other guy has an artificial lower jaw and there's a girl who looks or pretends to be a cat. She's holding Happy, who is either sleeping or unconscious.

Right as I'm about to smash through the ship, I turn around half way, so I'm going in legs first instead of head. I lift my sword above my head and puncture the top of the mast with it. The speed of with which I'm falling gives me enough strength so slice through it all the way to where it's connected to the deck.

I go for the guy with the weird jaw first, kicking him on top of the blocked guy. The kitty girl tries to throw a rope over me. I pull my sword out of the destroyed mast and slice the weird looking rope. The girl wraps it around the blade and pulls, but I'm stronger. I pull my sword towards me and her with it. Before she can do anything else, I knocked her unconscious.

Happy slips through her hands and I manage to catch him before he hits the deck.

But that's where I made a mistake. I had the advantage of coming from the sky and maintaining my speed. If I gave them no time for a counter attack, I might be able to get in, get Erza and get out, without getting motion sickness. But I forgot to stay swift.

The last one comes up behind me and casts a spell. My sword slips through my fingers and the ship suddenly becomes really, really big.

Or I'm shrinking.

I'm falling, helplessly this time. I see the wood of the deck nearing and I brace for impact. But I never make it to the deck. There's a hand that catches me, and whatever I got stuck in.

A huge face appears in front of me. Tanned skin, dark green eyes, blonde spiky hair, a five-shaped tattoo on his chin. He didn't have that the last time I saw him.

'Shô?' I ask, even though I know it is him. He lifts an eyebrow and grins.

'Well,' he says, and he sounds nothing like the boy I knew, 'look at that. Two flies in one day.'

It feels like I'm stuck behind a wall, or a window. I slam my fists against the surface, but there's not even a thud. The sound is flat.

I then remember the cards with the people in them, back at the resort, when I found Lucy. That's what Shô did to me.

'Coward!' I say, and it is the only thing I can say.

'Typical,' Shô says, 'that's my traitor brother for you.'

I'm sorry if this sounds childish to you, but I want none of this. I left the life I shared with these people behind. Erza and I never speak of it, not even with each other. We went our own ways once we joined the guild, but stayed close. Hell, Erza is the only reason I'm still part of Fairy Tail. At the moment when I'm stuck in a stupid playing card, all I can think is that I don't want this to be happening. I want to continue living the way I did, pretending to have moved on from all the horrors, pretending I'm a wizard who just knows two spells when people are around, and practices his true magic when he is alone. I want to go on jobs and go back to the guild and tell Erza about it.

Remember: nothing nice ever lives long. Not when the stranger found me. Not when Erza found me. And not now, after becoming a guild mage.

'Is that all, brother?' Shô asks, still holding my card in front of his face. I can hear little of what is going on, but I assume the others I knocked down are getting back up. Simon, Milliana and Wally.

Shô makes a 'Tch' sound and starts moving. It gets dark, and I think we're going below deck.

'Sis,' he says, 'look who came to visit.'

Air blows past me and I feel like I'm falling, but slowly, as if I'm sitting on top of a feather leaving the wings of a bird. It doesn't hurt when I hit the deck.

The only way I can look is up. Erza is there.

They tied her up. Not as humiliatingly as Lucy, but she's still unable to move. And she looks crushed.

'So nice, don't you think?' Shô says, and it almost sounds genuine. 'Us, all back together. Like in the old days.' He kneels down in front of Erza, who refuses to look at him. He takes her chin between his fingers and pushes it up. 'It will be over soon. Don't worry.'

There's so much I want to do and say, but I feel useless inside the cart. I have to stay put and watch while Shô gives Erza a patronizing hug. Then he leaves.

For a minute, neither of us say anything. Our shared past is something we refused to talk about for so long, even though there was so much to be said of it. Now, we can't find the words.

'Riku Starlight,' says Erza, softly. 'How did you get here?'

'I used them,' I say, 'the flames.'

Despite where we are, she smiles, only quickly. 'Idiot. But Riku, you have to promise me something.'

'Anything,' I say. There's movement above us, our captors might not leave us alone for long.

'Riku,' Erza says, and speaking seems to take a lot of effort, 'promise me, that whatever happens at the Tower, you do not use them. Can you do that?'

I guess it is now time to tell you why Erza asks me this. If I'm to continue to tell you about my life, you'll have to know about the Tower of Heaven and what came after. You're forcing me to talk about what was probably the worst time ever. Until now, I kept reminding you that nothing nice that I've come across stayed nice for long. But sometimes, the bad times help bring forth the good. The worst of times shape people, creates character, gives them a choice to either become better or worse than what hurt them in the first place.

Don't get me wrong; bad times suck for real. I hate them. Everyone deals with the bad times in their own way, not every person is the same, despite what some have you believe and not every bad time is as bad as the bad time of someone else.

Am I still making sense?

What I'm trying to say, is that I will tell you about the Tower of Heaven how I remember it. I was very young still, and I struggled to remember what happened to me after I stayed with the stranger. It is around the time the nightmares started. The most I remember is of Erza being there with me.


	3. Chapter 2: Memories of the Tower

**Heya! **

**Thanks for coming back! Hope you enjoy this new chapter!**

_Chapter 2: Memories of the Tower _

The recurring dream which is actually a memory, the one I told you about earlier, is basically the only thing I know of the stranger. I ended up spending some years by his side, I know that much, but it seems that any detail I have of him is erased. There are files missing in my mind. All I have besides that dream is strange, dangerous flames. _His _flames.

One day I'm chilling with the stranger, next I'm lying on the side of a road in a country I don't know. It's morning, there are plain fields everywhere I look, mountains in the back.

There's a girl, big brown eyes, red hair. She seems to be alone, just like me. I get nervous. It sparks something inside of me, something dangerous. Flames. So I push her away.

'Don't be scared,' she says, kneeling down so our faces are at the same height. 'I mean, you don't have to be. I'm scared too.'

Somehow that calms me. She helps me stand up and tells me her name is Erza.

'You're alone too, huh?' she asks. 'Well, there's a town up ahead. Maybe we can find some food there.'

I'm not hungry, but I nod. She hasn't asked for my name and apparently thinks it's not important. We walk silently for a couple minutes, going up a hill. On the other side lies a valley. I still feel something's bugging me. There's something inside me, trying to fight its way out. I don't want it to get out.

'Are you okay?' Erza asks, and her voice sounds like it's coming from miles away. I take a deep breath, and somehow that helps. I feel my nostrils opening, strangely, and the land smells very strong. I smell the grass, the dirt of the road, moss on the trees. I smell Erza, sweet but sweaty. The town, fresh bread, fish roasting over a fire, but also horses shitting, people puking and other gross stuff.

It helps. I learn from that point on that whenever I feel uncomfortable I send the power to my nose, or my ears. They sharpen, I can hear everything clearly.

'I'm okay,' I say and I straighten my back. Erza stares at me for a second. She notices something has changed in me. But she only nods.

'You know,' she says, 'I never asked your name-'

I gesture she has to shut up. A strange smell has entered my newly improved nose. Horses, iron, rust, wood, blood, sweat, snot. Sound comes next. Hoofs on the road, chuckles, shackles, cries. It doesn't sound good.

I jump behind a rock on the side of the road. Erza follows. I kind of forgot about her.

'What is it?' she whispers. I place a hand over her mouth and dare to look over the rock. There's a cart, pulled by what I first assumed were horses. I know see they are more like big dogs. Except they're not. They walk on four legs, their skin looks like leather, they have big teeth which cover most of their face, they have no eyes but big holes by which they smell. And they sniff.

There's nothing I can do but run. So I run.

'Hey!' Erza says, which ruins both our chances of getting away. If I was on my own I might've made it.

The men on the cart send one of their blind dogs after me. It jumps on my back and pushes me into the sweet grass. A slimy tongue shoots between the sharp teeth and wraps around my throat. The beast pulls me off the ground. I kick my feet around, scratching at the tongue hoping to get free. The beast drags me towards the cart and throws me in the back. I black out for some time.

And wake up in the belly of a ship. It's dark, and I feel sick. My nose isn't working like before. I can only tell by the coughing and groaning that there are other people. Erza is here too.

I feel like hurling.

'Just breathe,' Erza says, and I feel her hand on my back, 'that worked before, right?'

So she noticed. I try to speak, but there's acid burning at the back of my throat. Erza pulls me towards her, places my head in her lap and holds me. I've never felt anything like it. It's safe somehow. I also feel guilty. 'Erza.'

'I think it's better if you try not to talk,' she says. I don't listen.

'I'm sorry for leaving you behind earlier.'

I can't see her face, but I imagine she somewhat smiles. 'Yeah, that wasn't nice.'

There is light. A door opens. The other people shift around nervously. A masked man waving around a stick enters. I can't see his eyes, but he moves his head as if he can see. He walks towards us.

'No touching!' he barks. He shoves the stick in Erza's side, urging her to move away from me.

'But he needs help!' she says. I shake my head, because I know I'm not dying.

'I'll...be...okay…' I manage to say. Erza and the masked man turn towards me. The man then gives me a kick in the stomach. I hug my own romp and pull my knees to my chest, trying not to vomit. Erza is crying.

'Did I say you could speak?' the masked man roars. He tilts his head slightly, as if he's listening. When I keep my mouth shut, he walks away. When the door is closed again and the light is gone, Erza crawls towards me.

'I'm sorry,' she says, grabbing my shoulder. The pain so too overwhelming to speak, but there is someone else in the dark that warns her.

'You better don't touch him again, little lady,' he says, 'for both your sakes.'

The rest of the journey is a blur. The pain and sickness, which I later learn is called motion sickness, have me down on the floor until the ship moves into a harbour. The masked man forces us onto our feet and puts our arms in handcuffs, but no shackles. There are big red balls on top of them.

When I set foot on land, my sense of smell returns. So does the uneasiness, the strange power nagging at me. I smell ash, mold, fire, piss, sweat, blood, iron and more. It is around this time my hearing gets amplified as well. Groaning, bare feet, screams, iron hitting iron, iron hitting rock, iron hitting wood, crying.

The masked man forces us to walk in a line. Erza stays close to me, her knees are trembling. The sounds get louder. We enter a platform of dirt, surrounded by wooden stellars, ladders, machines. There are people with the same handcuffs as us. Their clothes are ripped, their skins barely covering their bones, are filled with scars, bruises, cuts and crusts of recently healed wounds. They're dragging around rocks, smashing iron upon iron, working on the machines and if they're not quick enough they get punished by the masked men with sticks.

And it's all for a weird looking building. Only the first few floors are finished, but it looks as if it's supposed to go up a lot more.

'The Tower of Heaven,' some voice says behind us. I don't know if that's a good thing.

Erza, next to me, leans over and whispers 'Don't worry. We'll be okay.' Her knees are still trembling.

We're put to work. Since our hands our small, we're tasked with braiding the ropes which will lift up equipment and supplies to the upper levels of the Tower. We sit on our knees behind a table. The table is built like a square and everyone sits with their backs towards the centre, faces towards the canvas of a white tent. The work itself isn't too hard, but the materials used to braid the ropes is rough. It slices the skin easily and after a few hours my hands are covered with small cuts. And if we don't move fast enough, we get either zipped by one of the sticks or kicked by the masked men, the slavers.

There are only kids in the tent. One keeps crying, softly. A blonde kid, the youngest out of all of us. He sits at the other side of the square, so I have to look over my shoulder to know who is making that awful noise. Next to him sits a blue haired kid, who tries to get him to stop.

'They don't like it when you cry,' he says. The blonde kid looks up at him, teary eyed.

'But it hurts.'

The blue haired kid nods. I see Erza look over at him. 'I know. But it will hurt a lot more if you get punished.'

What blue kid does is dangerous. We're not allowed to talk at all, but he still risks it. I don't know how well the two know each other, but I wouldn't risk getting punished because I stopped someone else from getting punished.

At the end of the day we are send to the nursery, which is nothing more than one masked guy applying some bandages to all the small cuts in our hands. I see people with severe injuries, broken bones and burns. The masked man, the 'nurse', gives one look and then lets them get picked up by some guards. I'm pretty sure the sick who are beyond help are just thrown into sea or something.

We get pushed and shoved towards a cell. It's almost as dark in there as inside the ship, but luckily there is one window. The moon shines through the bars, making three stripes on the gray floor. It smells a lot worse in here. There are all kinds of people, some older, but very few kids. I sit down in a corner of the cell, the farthest away from the stank of piss. During the work I was too distracted to think about the annoying power inside me, but now it has my full attention again. I breathe in, despite the stank. I feel like running, but I'm also tired. My head is racing, as if someone's screaming right by my ears, but it's dead silent inside the cell.

To help myself calm down, I try to assemble each smell to a person. This is how I learn to distinguish a smell of an older person from that of a younger person.

'Are you doing it again?' Erza asks. I hadn't noticed her sitting down next to me. I nod. Everyone inside this cell looks like they haven't eaten in years. When we finally get food, I understand why; a lump of moldy bread, some rice and a glass of water.

After the meal, the cell is quiet. People sit around staring into nothing, or lying on the ground in hopes of getting some sleep. Erza and I sit in a corner, waiting for whatever will happen next. Somewhere during my staring, I get caught in the eyes of an old man sitting in the other corner of the cell, right underneath the window. His eyes seem to glow and the way he looks at me makes me nervous. As if he knows something about me.

The guard standing outside the cell leaves. The cell seems to come alive. The old man looks away. People dare to talk.

'You're new around here, right?' a voice asks. It's the blue haired boy. He has a weird looking tattoo surrounding his left eye. 'I'm Jellal.'

Erza gets up and shakes his hand. 'I'm Erza. And this is….' She turns to look at me strangely. 'I never learned your name. I'm sorry, it all happened so quickly.'

I don't blame her. 'I'm Riku,' I say.

Jellal introduces us to the other kids of our cell: Simon, Milliana, Wally and the blonde kid who kept crying, Shô.

'How are your hands?' Erza asks him. He holds them up to show her.

'They hurt, but not as much.' And he smiles.

Erza seems to get along with the kids quite well. I stay seated in the corner.

I'm baffled. I don't understand Erza at all. She doesn't know these kids. Her hands are just as badly hurt as Shô's, yet she asks him about it as if it just happened to him. She ignores her own hurt. Why would she do that?

'What are you looking at?' one of the kids asks. Jellal. 'Are you angry?'

'No,' I answer, 'this is just how my face is.'

He sits down next to me. 'This place really sucks, huh?'

I nod. 'Pretty much.'

'Me and Shô have only been here one day longer than you,' he says. I didn't ask. 'But something tells me it's gonna get a lot worse.'

I look at my hands and for the first time I feel scared. The flames come again, and I have to breathe to control it.

'Which is why,' Jellal continues, without noticing, 'we should look out for each other. You, me, Erza and the others. Shô is the youngest here, he doesn't understand much, but if we help him I think we can make it.'

Erza and Jellal are the same in the sense that I don't understand either of them. I don't know why he's saying this to me, but it comforts me somehow. Perhaps all I have to understand is that I am not alone.

I make fists of my bandaged hands. 'Alright. I can do that.'

Jellal looks at me and raises an eyebrow, but says nothing.

The next few weeks we stayed braiding the ropes, but once there was enough to store away we were forced to the construction site, where all the grownups were working as well. It became harder to look out for each other, mostly because the masked guards seemed to notice we were up to something. They put us to work mining rocks with pickaxes or carrying water from the wells. Most of the time we were more worried about not passing out than looking out for our siblings.

Yes, we started calling each other brother and sister. It happened after Shô one day accidently called Erza 'sis'.

'We can be a family,' Jellal says, the same night in our cell. 'A family stays together.' He looks around. 'Who wants to join our family?'

Some heads turn. The grownups don't pay much attention to us. Most of them have been here longer than us. I later learn they tried not to get attached to anyone, especially the kids, because they died first.

But there is one grownup who stands up. The old man in the corner.

'I used to know kids like you lot,' he says, and his voice sounds warm, 'mages, actually.'

Wally and Milliana immediately jump up. 'Really?'

The old man nods and sits down, crossing his legs. 'Absolutely! They travel the kingdom, doing quests and earning their living by using magic!'

'What's a quests?' asksWally. The old man, Rob, starts telling stories about wizards and strange creatures and wonderful adventures. I notice some heads turning, the people refusing to join our family, and they listen as well.

I sit a little further away from the old man. Despite his nice stories, I'm still a bit afraid of him. Jellal sits down next to me, the way he did the first night Erza and I got here.

'I think this works out perfectly!' he says, crossing his arms. 'Six kids and a grandpa. Don't you think?'

I nod quietly, hoping that's the end of it. But Jellal turns to look at me.

'It's only pretend,' he says, 'just to make it easier living here. There's no use in being alone.'

I don't know why, but it stirs the dark power inside me. 'Why are you like this?'

Jellal blinks. 'Like what?'

'You, and Erza,' I say, 'you're talking to me as if you know me. As if...I don't know.'

'As if we care?' he tries. I know that's not it. But I don't know what _is_. I shrug and my eyes find Erza. She's sitting next to Milliana, her hands in fists and her face in a bright smile, listening to the stories of Grandpa Rob. And just like that the dark flames start to die down. Not completely, but to a point where it's bearable.

'Sorry,' I say to Jellal, 'I don't know why I said that. I guess I just have to get used to it.'

He looks at me and for the first time I'm worried. It's the first time I feel shame. What if he thinks I'm weird? But he bumps his knuckles against my shoulder. 'You'll learn it too, someday.'

The nights in the cell became precious to me. I still couldn't understand why Jellal and the others wanted me as a sibling, but I decided to just deal with it. The work on the tower got harder and the masked guards forced us to work longer. As if they were in a hurry.

One day me and Shô had to go down the caves and chop more rocks. The caves were further away from the construction site and for some reason the masked men wanted stones from farther within the cave. The rocks there were pitch black and even more solid than rock from the surface. It was very difficult getting anything loose, but we managed somehow.

It's just a small group. Me, Shô and four grownups, none of them from our cell. There is one guard carrying a torch watching over us while we work. We're too deep in to see the entrance, but we know there's one of the blind dogs standing there. Shô is scared of them, but has learned to whimper in silence. He still stays close to me, because I am his brother.

We're not allowed to talk while we work. I try to concentrate on hitting my pickaxe in the same spot every time so the rock breaks off sooner, when a strong smell enters my nose. I look over at Shô. Just the other day he alone had to get back to the braiding station. His hands are still covered in bandages and the cuts aren't healed yet, because what I smell is blood.

He's biting his jaws down hard as he swings his pickaxe, while also holding back tears. I put down my own axe and turn towards the guard. 'Sir. I think he needs to see the nurse.'

The guard looks at me from behind his mask. 'He can move, so I think not.'

The blood is dripping on the ground and I don't know how, but I know it smells strange. Something in Shô's blood. He might be sick.

'Sir,' I say again, and the masked guard sighs, 'I really think it would be better if my brother-'

'Ha!' the guard interrupts. 'You're one of those kids, huh? I heard about your little family. Adorable!' He laughs some more, so much he almost falls backwards and has to grab on to the wall to stay on his feet, and then abruptly stops. 'Keep working. I'll see what I can do.'

He leaves the torch hanging on the side of the wall, so we have light to work with. The grownups take this time unwatched to sit down, but Shô continues to work.

'Take a break,' I say to him, 'you're hurt.'

He continues to chop. 'Everyone is. Keep going, otherwise we'll get in trouble.'

I sigh and I kind of want to just take the pickaxe from him and force him to sit down, but then there's a strange sound. Shô's pickaxe hits a different surface. And it smells awful.

'Stay back,' I say, pushing him away. There's a light between the cracks. Blue and it smells like fish. Rotten fish.

'What is that?' Shô asks, and he grabs my hand. I suddenly realize how small he is.

'I don't know.' I look at him and think of Erza. 'We'll be okay.'

There are shouts at the entrance of the cave. We're too deep in to see the outside, but I smell something's coming. One of the blind dogs.

I throw my pickaxe away and lift Shô off the ground. He wraps his arms around my neck.

The blind dog jumps out of the dark and knocks the torch off the wall. Now the only light source is the strange blue light coming from the fish smelling rock. I think it's a diamond of some kind.

Shô pushes his face into my shoulder and whimpers. The blind dog turns its head around swiftly, spreading his nostrils. The blue light coming from the diamond enters his nose like smoke. His body moves around spastically and from then on he smells different.

The grownups start running away, deeper into the cave. I move backwards, holding Shô, till my back hits the other wall. The blind dog opens its mouth, showing us rows and rows of teeth. A horrible sound which makes the air shift and the cave tremble in its core leaves its throat. Pieces of rock start falling off the ceiling.

Then the blind dog moves towards us. I hold Shô's head with one hand, forcing him to look the other way. The blind dog picks up the pace. There's not much distance between us, I have to do something.

The dark flames I've been resisting come rushing like a wave towards the shore. I could take a breath, send the power to enhance my senses, but I don't. I put Shô on the ground and start running towards the nearing beast.

My feet get hot. It's burning. But it feels good.

Dark flames surround my limbs. There are scales covering my shoulders. My hands are claws. And my stomach is made of fire.

I burn the dog and slash it into pieces. It squeaks as I do it. The nasty fish smell leaves its body. When I'm sure there is nothing left, I burn the dog's blood of my skin. It doesn't hurt one bit. Why was I resisting all this time?

I then turn around to see Shô crawled up against the wall, hiding between a few rocks, his hands covering his eyes. I take a breath and the flames die out.

Damn.

I totally forgot about him.

If those rocks weren't there to protect him, I would've gotten him too.

There are footsteps at the entrance of the cave. I ignore the mess I've made and grab my pickaxe off the ground. With one good smash I destroy the diamond before the guards get here.

I then walk over to Shô, who's crying softly. He flinches when I touch his shoulder. 'He's gone now, it's over.'

He moves his hands slightly from his eyes. 'Did...did you do that?'

He's terrified. So I do what Jellal always does when he tries to comfort someone. I smile. 'No, silly. It was the rock.'

Shô looks past me, at the remains of the blind dog. Then he start crying louder. I'm afraid I made it worse, but before I can say anything else he has grabbed my shirt and his soaking my chest in tears. 'I thought….there was a monster….I thought…'

I assume he didn't fully see what happened. I rub his back softly. 'It was the rock, I promise.'

The guards finally arrive. Two go after the grownups who ran further into the cave, and the others question us. Shô is too scared to say anything, so I make up a good story. Then we leave the cave and are put to work sharpening axes and other tools.

That night after dinner Shô tells the family what happened, according to him. 'And Riku was so brave!' he ends it with. All heads turn to me. Jellal gives me a shove.

'See? I knew you would get it.'

Erza frowns at him. 'Get what?'

'What family is all about,' Jellal says, 'looking out for each other.'

Milliana gives me two thumbs up, Wally and Simon seem very impressed. Grandpa Rob just stares. That knowing stare.

That night I'm the last one to go to sleep. The flames nagging inside me died down a few hours after I faced the blind dog, but they have returned now just the same. And Grandpa Rob staring at me doesn't help. I feel like if anything such as that afternoon happens again, it will be much worse. I have to find another way to control it.

When I'm almost asleep, a hand shakes me awake again. I smell him before I see his face. Grandpa Rob sits down next to me, again with that stare.

'You used it, didn't you?'

My heart stops. I feel sick, as if I'm on the boat again.

But Grandpa Rob just sighs. 'I thought so. Don't worry, I'll keep your secret.'

I can't say a thing. 'I…I didn't mean to...I just…'

Grandpa Rob places a gentle hand on my shoulder. 'But I must warn you. What you have is very, very dangerous if you don't learn to control it. I can tell it's been troubling you, and you've done a good job so far.' And he smiles.

I feel cold, all of a sudden. And for the first time ever, there are tears. Actual tears. And the dark power itself seems to understand that it needs to back off for now.

I was so busy thinking to suppress it I never realized what it did to me. It's the reason I didn't understand the family.

Grandpa Rob lets me cry, waiting patiently. 'I have to be honest, kid. I didn't expect a kid with such dark magic to be so kind.'

I look up. 'Kind? I'm not kind. Erza is, Jellal is. I'm just-'

'Part of the family?' He laughs softly. 'That's true. But you share your food just like the others. You protect the weaker amongst you. Jellal seems to be fond of you, and I know he has a good heart. But you…' He places two fingers on my forehead. 'You are kind in a way no one else here is. You sense what that power can do. It is meant to cause great pain, and you choose not to use it.'

That doesn't make sense to me. 'So just because I don't I'm a good person?'

Grandpa Rob removes his fingers. 'It's because you use a power meant for evil to do good. You saved Shô's life today.'

I think back. 'No, there were rocks protecting him. If they weren't there, he would've-'

'But he didn't,' Grandpa Rob interrupts. 'Think of what has happened, not of what could have. You are not that darkness. Remember that.'

I feel relieved. At the time, I don't understand much of what he says, but it comforts me to know Grandpa Rob is on my side. He sort of understands and so far he is the only person who does. I learned from Simon what a grandpa is, and I think Grandpa Rob is much more than that.

'You'll have to learn to control your power yourself,' Grandpa Rob says after a while, 'but I have something that might help.'

He makes me sit up in front of him. He places four fingers, index and middle finger of both his hands, right above my heart. He closes his eyes and whispers. The air around him shifts and I smell something familiar. It's the same as what I smelled in Shô's blood. Is this what magic smells like?

There's a loud thud, even though nothing's falling. It wakes up the entire cell and alerts the guards. Grandpa Rob sits down, panting. There's confusion, a little chaos. The guards search the cell, but find nothing.

After they've left and everyone has calmed down, Grandpa Rob gestures to me.

'I placed a repelling spell over your heart,' he whispers, 'it will help you keep the darkness away from there. It won't last forever, but for now you don't have to do it on your own.' He looks pale as a sheet and is about to pass out, but he smiles.

After that, he falls fast asleep. I take a breath. The darkness is still there, but it's less overwhelming. I don't feel like it will take over.

'What's going on?' Erza asks. She lifts an eyebrow when she sees my face. 'What's so funny?'

When I look at her now, without the nagging flames asking for attention, I feel like it's the first time I actually _see _her.

'You're pretty,' I blurt out.

Her eyes widen and her cheeks turn red. 'Oh. Uh. Thank you?'

I then realize it might be a weird thing to say. I force my eyes to my feet and stutter. Then Jellal calls us over.

'Guys,' he says, when we're all crouched together. 'It's been decided. We're getting out of here.'

'What?' asks Simon loudly, and he immediately gets sushed by the rest. 'Decided by who?'

Jellal grins. 'Well, just me and Shô. He has a plan.'

I look at Shô, who's facing the floor, as if he's ashamed almost. 'Um, well. That wall-' He turns around and points. 'I think we can dig a hole, maybe.'

'Do we know where it leads to?' Simon asks. Milliana nods.

'A staircase. They made me clean there.'

Simon shakes his head. 'A staircase, then what?'

Jellal's grin grows wider. 'Then we escape.'

The next day, the ones working with tools tried sneaking them into the cell. Me and Simon covered Jellal, Wally, Milliana and Erza while they worked, and Shô looked out for guards. I think some grownups in the cell knew what we were doing, but none of them asked. I think Grandpa Rob assured them they wouldn't get in trouble if we got caught.

But still: someone talked.


	4. Chapter 3: Uprising

**Heya!**

**Just so you know, this part contains some gore. Enjoy! ;)**

_Chapter 3: Uprising_

Our plot was discovered a week after we started.

Shô warns that a guard is coming. Erza, Jellal, Milliana and Wally move away from the hole in the wall, while me and Simon drag some wood from the corner to cover it up. Just as the guard unlocks the cell, me and Simon manage to turn around and look innocent. But the guard goes straight for the spot.

'Out of the way, scum,' he says to us, shoving Simon aside with his stick. Everyone else in the cell seems to hold their breath. The guard kicks the wood away, revealing our selfmade escape route.

'Well,' he says, turning around. He puts two fingers to his lips and whistles. There are footsteps from the hallway and more guards appear. One of them grabs Erza by her hair and she yells. I feel the flames inside me make a jump.

The guard throws her on the ground. Others push and pull the rest of our family till we are all gathered in one place, except for Grandpa Rob. The masked guards surround us. The leader grabs Milliana by her chin. 'It's the family again, huh?'

Shô whimpers softly, Wally whispers he has to stop. The masked guard points at the hole in the wall. 'Whose idea was it, huh?'

I try to lock eyes with Jellal, but I then realise that might look suspicious. I have to pretend it was no one's idea.

Erza glances at Shô. Her mouth trembles. She starts to move. I try to get her attention by shaking my head slightly, but she doesn't see it.

She's going to do it again. I know it. She will put someone else's sake before her own, again. Shô sees it too. He's young, but he understands guilt. But if he confesses, he'll surely die.

The dark power, which is less prominent thanks to Grandpa Rob's spell, is still nagging, making me nervous. I don't want Erza to die.

But before she can say anything, Jellal has jumped up. 'Mine! It was my idea!'

Erza's brown eyes widen, Shô starts crying. The masked guard grins. 'Ah, I should've known. Smart slaves are never any good.'

He takes his staff in both hands and points the end at Jellal's chest. A wave of electricity rushes through his body and he screams and falls face down on the floor. The guard gives him a kick.

'But you're not smart enough.' The guard points at Erza. 'Take her instead.'

I feel cold. One of the other guards grabs Erza again by her hair and pulls her off the floor.

'No…' Jellal squirms weakly. I can't do anything but sit silently and listen while Erza tries not to scream. It's not working. They're hurting her.

The guards restore the hole we have made in the wall and leave. Erza's screams get softer and softer, but I keep hearing them after they're gone.

'Boy,' says the voice of Grandpa Rob. I then notice his hand is on my shoulder. He nods towards my fist.

There are dark flames surrounding my skin. Out in the open. I didn't sense it at all.

Simon helps Jellal stand up. There's blood dripping down the corners of his mouth, but he doesn't seem to care. Jellal pushes Simon's arms away and stumbles towards the barred door of the cell. Several people move out of his way, afraid to make him trip.

'Erza,' he says, and coughs. Shô starts crying louder. Simon tries to pull Jellal away, but he won't move.

'I'm going,' I say to Grandpa Rob. 'I have to.'

He seems to sigh, in a way only an old man can do. Then he raises one hand towards the bars in the cell door. A light swirls around his thin arm and shoots towards the iron. Slowly, three bars start evaporating. Jellal looks over his shoulder and seems instantly cured. Or adrenaline has kicked in, making the pain numb.

'Good luck,' Grandpa Rob says, as he falls to his knees. Magic seems to take a lot out of him. I shouldn't waste his sacrifice.

I lock eyes with Simon. 'Stay here. Protect them.'

He lifts an eyebrow, perhaps surprised how serious I sound. I still don't understand much of the family stuff and what it all means, but I know what has to be done.

I grab Jellal by his elbow and drag him along with me, out of the cell.

'We'll have to fight,' I tell him, 'you think you can do that?'

Jellal pulls his elbow from my grip and wipes the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. And he smiles, kind of eerie. 'For Erza; always.'

We run. I try to sniff out Erza, and find her on one of the top floors. Jellal looks at me strangely while I do it, but says nothing. We start going up a staircase. Neither of us has gone up this far into the tower. There aren't any guards until we get to where Erza is. I smell them before I see them.

I pull Jellal with me into a windowsill. At the top of the staircase there is a platform which they will cross, and if they turn their heads only slightly they'll spot us.

'What are you doing?' Jellal whispers. I gesture he has to shut up. The guards stop to listen. But they don't go down to search. When they've left the platform, we jump out the windowsill.

'What was that about?' Jellal asks.

'There were guards,' I say, and I start running again.

'So?' Jellal says. 'You just said so yourself that we'll have to fight.'

He's absolutely right, I did say that. Which makes me an idiot.

'I know,' I say, 'but I'd rather avoid it. Just get Erza out when they're not watching.'

'The only time they don't have eyes on her is after they're done punishing.'

I stop running. Jellal almost bumps into me. The flames are making me sick, as if I'm standing on a boat.

They're doing it. Right now. They're hurting her.

She screams. Without realising it I have enhanced my hearing. I hear her tears hitting the floor.

Yet I can't move. Jellal says something, but I can't hear it. I look at the step in front of me, where my own shadow lays, and everything else disappears.

Something tells me I could end this right away. Jellal said it. I said it. At some point we'll have to fight. But if I fight, I will surely kill them. The guards.

But isn't death what they deserve? After everything they've done to us?

I feel the flames are licking at the repelling spell Grandpa Rob has placed over my heart. It's them saying these things.

If I kill these guards, the people torturing my sister, I'm submitting to their will. I'm becoming what they want me to be.

Remember what Grandpa Rob said. You are not that darkness.

'Jellal,' I say, and I slowly return to the staircase. 'Listen to me.'

'What are you doing?!' he says, 'why are you wasting time? We have to go!'

'I know,' I say. I can still hear Erza scream. She is right above us. If I send power to my legs, I will be able to jump up, maybe spit fire at the ceiling to break it.

Wait. How do I know I can do these things?

A little side note. I told you about the nightmares. They started around this time, but they weren't as clear as what I've told you. At this point all I dreamt of was the cave and the hand. There was no voice and we never started walking. But I did know that I dreamt of a stranger.

And at the moment where I start imagining plans to save Erza, something tells me the stranger is someone I once used to know. And he sure played a part in me knowing how I can use my power.

'Jellal,' I say, because he starts running up the stairs again. He turns around angrily.

'What?!'

I turn my back towards him and bend my knees slightly. 'Hop on. We're going up this way.'

'No thanks, I can walk-'

'Just do it!'

He groans, but comes down. He jumps and locks his legs around my waist, his hands on my shoulders, piggy back riding style.

'Just don't ask, okay?' I tell him.

'What?' But we've already launched. The ceiling is coming at me faster than I anticipated. I pull the flames burning inside my stomach towards my throat and if I think about it too long it sounds more like throwing up than a roar, but trust me when I say I used a roar. The sound it makes sounds nothing like I expected, but it does the job. The ceiling burns away right as we pass through it.

But I don't know how to land. We float a few feet above the ground before crashing down. Jellal lets go of me before we hit the floor and rolls away. I just hope he's not unconscious.

There are three guards in the room, and more are entering so see what the ruckus is about. They all have staffs to use against slaves, but they look scared. They have no idea how we got in.

In one corner, Erza is tied up against a pole. She's not screaming anymore. She's bleeding. Her head hangs forward, her hair is covering her face, but I can smell the wound.

They took out her eye.

'Erza!' Jellal shouts, as he's getting back on his feet. The guards still stand around as if struck by lightning themselves, but when Jellal makes noise they seem to awaken. A group of them comes running towards me and two at Jellal.

Jellal only gives one look. One tries to poke him with the staff, but he dashes away at the last second. The staff gets stuck in the ground. Jellal kicks the guard in the stomach and pulls the staff lose, just in time to zapp the other one.

I'm surprised. He's badly hurt, tired, but hopeless. If we lose now, we're all dead.

'Take her out of here!' I shout, just hoping he'll hear me. By now I've been surrounded by masked men myself. Some have seen me enter this room the way I did, some haven't, but they're all cautious. As if they hear the flames too.

Kill them. It's what they deserve.

The first one tries to smash me on the head, and I have to make a decision. I jump away, like I saw Jellal do. Another one grabs the back of my shirt and pokes his staff in my ribs.

I can't really describe what it feels like to get electrocuted. Let's just say I wouldn't recommend it.

I fall on the floor afterwards and see a foot coming at my face. It's how they like to do it. Zap the slaves till they can't move, then kick them when they're down. But I don't stay down.

With what strength I have left I stand back up. When I have proper footing on the floor, I send flames to the soles of my feet and I jump, just in time to avoid getting zapped again.

Jellal is still fighting off guards, and he's not getting any closer to Erza. We won't win if we continue this way.

I start falling back down, and I manage to land on top of a few guards, knocking them out. The less the better.

I grab a staff and suddenly have an idea. The flames have been a part of me, but what if I make it part of something else?

The flames protest, but eventually they give in. In the same way the guards used the staffs to send electricity through the bodies of slaves, I can now zap them with dark flames, just enough to knock them out. It hurts them, surely. But it doesn't kill them.

After the ones surrounding me have fallen, I go to help Jellal. But as I run towards him, I feel the strength in my legs is leaving me. The world starts to shift. I fall to one knee.

Jellal is pushed against a wall, a guard uses a staff to choke him. Erza screams, begging him to stop.

'C'mon,' I whisper to my legs. All this time the dark flames seemed overwhelming, a power uncontrollable, but now there's nothing left. I'm drained.

'Riku!' Erza screams then. 'Please! You have to do something!'

Jellal's feet are kicking around aimlessly as he's struggling for air. His eyes start rolling back into his head.

And then I feel it. A spark.

'Erza,' I manage to say, as I stand up, 'look away.'

I feel my nails growing. My arms go cold and get covered in a substance I can only describe as leather. My back arches and something leaves my spine. Then there's speed.

I grab the guard with my claw, my nails digging into his face. He screams and lets go off the staff. Jellal falls to the floor, coughing.

I lift the guard off his feet and I feel his skull cracking. It's breaking. An egg shell in the palm of my hand. And I like it.

Someone gasps. A girl who's name I can't remember. She's scared of me.

I drag the screaming guard to the other side of the room. His eyes are leaking on my skin, but there's no use in letting go now. The broken skull is puncturing his brain and he'll soon bleed out.

So I do what any sensible person would do. I throw him out the window.

There's a beat in my ears when I watch him fall. At first I think it's my heart, but it feels different. It's the spell covering my heart. Grandpa Rob.

I listen to it and slowly my body returns to normal.

Jellal is already halfway out the door, carrying an unconscious Erza with him. He looks over his shoulder and I know he saw what I did.

'Go on ahead,' I say, and pretend nothing happened. 'I'll catch up.'

He stares at me. Erza groans softly. Then they leave.

I fall face first on the floor and pass out for a few hours.

And, well, my nightmare doesn't care if I'm asleep or knocked out. Unconscious means party time, so the stranger is there. It goes slower this time, and somehow it makes me want to hurry. As if my body knows what just happened. If I don't get up soon, it will all have been for nothing. We attacked our slavers. Nothing will be the same ever again. We'll never work again. All we have to do now is escape. Which sounds really easy, but then I remember the Tower of Heaven stands on an island in the middle of the ocean. The only way to get off is by ship.

Ugh, ships.

When I open my eyes again, there's a familiar face above my head. Two, actually, but it's hard to tell because I first see six of the same.

'Riku,' says one of them. She helps me sit up. Milliana. The other is Wally.

'Can you walk?' he asks. There is the sound of an explosion coming from down below. I don't have my sense of smell.

'What happened here?' Milliana asks, looking around. Some of the guards who were knocked out seemed to have woken up and walked off. There's still blood in some places. Wally helps me on my feet. I have to lean heavily on Wally not to fall over.

'What is going on outside?' I ask, and it's almost a grunt. Milliana suddenly has a bottle of water in her hand, she pushes it against my lips.

'An uprising! We're taking over!'

I've never seen her this cheery. We walk down the stairs, Milliana in front of me.

'Is Erza OK?' I ask. Milliana smiles.

'More than OK! She's our leader!'

I can't believe it. We pass a window. As if the sky is listening, the sun breaks through the grey clouds.

The construction site is utter chaos. Former slaves are attacking their former slavers with tools and rocks, or their own staffs. When we get to the ground, I tell Wally I can stand on my own. I'm still wobbly, but I can fight.

Shô comes running out of nowhere and shoves a hammer into my hands. He looks strangely determined.

Shô. That little kid that cried all damn day.

'How long was I out?' I ask, more to myself than to anyone around me. Wally and Milliana have run off, throwing rocks at a masked slaver. Shô hands out more weapons.

I decide to find Erza. I have to see it for myself.

Explosion after explosion goes off. I have no idea how, but some slaves found dynamite.

Through the clouds of dust and the constant screaming and shouting, I regain my sense of smell. It hits hard and it takes a few seconds till I can distinguish one from the other. And I find her.

She's at the edge of the beach. She has a sword. How did she get a sword?

'Erza!' I shout, and she turns around quickly. Then I remember she saw me. She knows what I am.

She continues to fight. 'Riku! Good to have you here. We can use you.'

Erza slices the face of a blind dog. They've gone loose, apparently.

'What?' I stumble. She backs away from another attack.

'Do your thing,' she says, 'like you did before.'

Another blind dog launches at her, claws out. She doesn't jump away, but faces it head on. She cuts the beast where its eyes should be and it falls on the ground, screeching.

'Well?' she asks, turning to look at me with her one eye. She put a temporary patch on the other one. The hole where her eye should be.

Someone calls our names. Simon comes running towards us, followed by Wally and Milliana.

'Watch out!' shouts Simon, and he points at something behind him. 'Magic Troops!'

Shadows appear in the clouds of dust. Machines or monsters, I can't tell, but there are things flying in the air. And they have lasers.

'Watch out!' Erza says, and jumps on top of me, getting me away from the first blast. She quickly gets up after. 'Where's Shô?'

The little kid crawls out underneath a fallen storage unit, carrying more tools. Erza sighs in relief.

'Riku,' she says, 'you have to do it.'

I struggle to get back on my feet. My knees are trembling. 'Erza, I can't. It's...gone. For now. I need some time-'

'We don't have that.'

The magic troops prepare for another attack. All the slaves I saw fighting earlier are dropping their weapons and running away. In just a matter of seconds the battle turns around. At first there was talk of winning, now we're just waiting to be annihilated.

'We have to leave,' says Simon, 'we can take the ships.'

'No!' says Erza, to my surprise. 'We can't leave without Jellal.'

'Where is he?' I ask. 'I can-'

Another blast hits just below our feet, pushing the air out of our lungs and launching us backwards. Milliana hits her head, scratching above her brow. Erza lands not far from me, but stands up immediately. It seems that right now, nothing can keep her down. We hide behind a large rock.

'They took him,' she says, and for a moment she sounds like her old self, 'and they threw me back in the cell.'

'I can find him,' I say. 'Trust me, I can.'

I expect there to be another blast from the magic troops, but something else is happening. Some are backing away and forming a circle.

Simon appears next to Erza. 'We have to leave, now.'

She shakes her head. 'No. I can't. Not without him.'

Something changes in Simon's face. It always happens when Erza is around Jellal. I've seen it many times before and I had no idea why. But what he says next pretty much sums it up.

'Are you in love with Jellal?'

Erza presses her lips together. I would say her cheeks turned red, but I couldn't see. I watch what Simon does. He scratches the back of his neck and looks at his feet.

'Because,' he stutters, 'I-'

He gets interrupted by another blast. It hits the rock we hide behind, which breaks into pieces. One of the pieces lands in Simon's eye and there's a loud 'crack'. He falls backwards, unconscious.

'Simon!' shouts Milliana. There's a tear appearing in Erza's eye, but she wipes it away before it can roll down her cheek.

'Take everyone to the ships,' she says, 'now!'

I look at the magic troops, still floating in the air. The group that stayed back is breaking up. I sense something horrible is coming.

'Erza,' I say, because I know she wants to walk away, 'they're launching a big attack. It will hit all of us.'

She looks at the nearing enemies and her breath trembles. Then she gives me a push.

'Go with the others. I'll hold them off.'

Her push is weak. I stay where I am. 'What are you talking about? That blast will kill you.'

She opens her mouth, as if she'll say something, but then closes it. 'Just go.'

There is a light. The magic troops are starting the launch. Milliana, Shô and Wally are running away with Simon between them.

Erza walks up to the nearing magic troops, on her bare feet. She even unhooks whatever it was that she used as armor. She's spreading her arms, welcoming her enemies as if embracing a loved one.

'What the hell are you doing?!' I shout, but I can't move my feet. I'm frozen with fear. There are no dark flames to warm me. Where are my flames?

'Doing what needs to be done,' Erza answers. 'Doing what you and Jellal would do. I'm protecting my family.'

So this is my fault. I force myself to break out of the ice. As if my legs are wading through mud I make my way over to Erza. I feel dizzy. The stank of the magic of the troops is making me sick. But I have to move.

I fall to my knees. I'm close enough to touch her. With what I have left I throw my arms around Erza and I pull her towards me. The flames come bursting back like a match being lit.

'What are you-' she asks. I keep my eyes closed and concentrate.

It hit me only seconds ago. Grandpa Rob told me that I am not the darkness. But these are still my flames. They are a part of me and I will make them do as I will.

'I will protect you,' I say to Erza, as I force the flames to leave my body. I want to make a shield, strong enough against the coming blast. I have no idea if it will work. It's all I can think of now.

Then there's a loud beat in my ear, like a drum.

The spell. Grandpa Rob's spell.

It's sending the flames back from where they came. I can't do anything.

The blast is coming. The air is getting hot. All the other slaves who are still alive have fled. It's just us now.

The blast is coming. I hold on to Erza.

Footsteps. There is one other person. I can't smell them until it's too late. A shadow falls over us. He spreads his arms like Erza did seconds ago. The blast hits him in the chest, but it doesn't go further.

He stops it. With magic. He shouldn't be able to, but he does. From every part of himself he pulls magic power and sends it all against the attack, destroying the troops who launched it in the process.

'No,' Erza whispers. The light dies down and the pressure of magic in the air disappears and reveals the one saving us is Grandpa Rob.

Erza fights herself free from my arms and crawls towards him. I can't hear what he says to her. I can't hear anything.

His body crumbles.

His body turns to ash.

The ash gets picked up by the wind.

He floats.

His smell disappears, as if he never existed.

Our grandpa.

There is a hole in my chest. Not really, but it feels that way. I have to check to make sure. There is a hole in my chest.

Erza starts to scream. Out of nowhere, a circle of swords appears in the air. And I know she's doing it. She sends the swords towards the flying magic troops and slashes them.

From the beach, several slaves who had run off return. They see the little girl slashing enemy after enemy. They pick up their weapons.

Erza wipes her eye. 'Go to the ship. I'm getting Jellal.'

She doesn't sound like herself at all. All I can do is watch her run off, back into the Tower.

I half crawl half stumble away from the fighting and find one of the entrances to the cave system. Only a short while earlier, I used my flames for the first time, right in one of those caves. Why can't I do it now?

For a second, all I want is to just sit here and wait.

The only person to ever know what is burning inside of me just turned to dust. I'm alone again. And there is nothing burning now.

Because fire needs fuel to burn. Wood, or cloth, anything that's not water based.

I wipe my cheeks dry with my hand. How do I fuel dark flames?

That's when I sense it. Inside the Tower, an energy like nothing I've ever felt before. It's terrifying, but it makes my mouth water. Dark magic.

A shot of adrenaline opens my nose and I smell Erza is heading right for the spot. No, she's there already. She's been surrounded by it.

The hunger is making my mind fuzzy. I don't remember how, but suddenly I'm on the staircase, inside the Tower. And I'm going faster. The ground is rushing beneath me like a waterfall, my feet barely touch the steps.

I turn a corner. I smell Jellal. I smell Erza. I smell what my dark flames need.

So I start to slurp. It's spicy, but goes down easy, like tomato soup. During my time at the Tower of Heaven, I've known much hunger, but never like this. I can't stop eating. And after, nothing will ever taste as good.

Suddenly, Jellal appears in front of me. His face has turned into that of something evil. I never expected someone so kind to look so demonic.

His hand grabs my throat and I stop eating. He grins. 'Well, this is unexpected.'

That is the last I see of Jellal. I still have no idea how he did it, but next thing I know I wake up on a beach. And it's not the beach on the island of the Tower of Heaven. No, I'm back on the mainland.

Let the record show that this is the second time I wake up in an unknown place. And both times, Erza was there.

She's sitting not far away from me and she is crying as hard as Shô did when she got captured. I've never seen her like this.

Slowly but surely, the whole damn Tower and slavery come back to me. Grandpa Rob is dead. I killed a blind demon dog. I killed a masked guard.

There are flames, as if they've never left. I ate dark magic.

And my heart stops. I remember what happened afterwards.

I ate Jellal's magic. I remember looking out a window, he's standing beside me, still looking like a demon. Below us is the loading dock, with the ships. Almost all the former slaves have gone aboard. I smell Milliana, Shô, Wally and Simon. I know which one they're on.

'Burn them,' Jellal says, and I nod. He gives me a ball of dark magic, a little snack for on the way as I fly down and spit my flames across all the ships. The wood is burning and so are those who can't get away.

The memory fades. Simon. Wally. Milliana. Shô. Little Shô.

The flames are raging. Grandpa Rob's spell is gone. There is nothing holding them back now. Which is a good thing, because I want them out.

I open my mouth and start to scream. I force all that is left of Jellal's magic out my stomach, up into my throat and I take some of last nights meal with it as well. I force it out of me, into the air. It shoots upwards like a laser and keeps going for a full minute. Dark magic vomit.

Afterwards, there are tears. Erza is there too. As she was from the beginning.

'C'mon,' she says, but I don't want to get up. I can't. She places her hands under my armpits and forces me to sit up. 'Let's get out of here.'

'No.'

She sits down in front of me, holding my shoulders. 'We have to. Please. I can't do this alone.'

I don't look her in the eyes. 'I think you can. I think it's even better if you do.'

My head is blown backwards and my cheek stings. She punched me. 'I don't care. I don't want to.'

'Erza,' I try again, and the tears are choking me, 'I'm too dangerous. At the Tower-'

'No.' She stands up. 'I don't want to hear it. Get up.'

Somehow, I got up. We promised to never speak of the Tower of Heaven again. I never told her what I did to the ships. And she never told me what happened between her and Jellal, that final moment in the Tower. You must understand that we were just kids back then, with severe traumas. The only way we knew how to cope was by not speaking about it.


	5. Chapter 4: The Old Man In Snowtown

**Heya, thanks for coming back! I hope you're enjoying the story so far. Have fun!**

_Chapter 4: The Old Man In Snowtown_

I could go back to telling whatever happened at the Tower of Heaven the second time we were there, but I feel there is much more else to talk about. There are eight years between the two visits, you know. And in those eight years, Erza grew up to be the greatest mage the world. Well, I think she is. And I discovered what I didn't want to be. Just after we escaped the Tower for the first time, I kind of had an idea, but it became clear only later.

The beach we washed up on, I realize it now, was the same beach edging the resort where I would search for Erza eight years later. People were only just beginning to build it.

The first thing we did when the sun came up was to head for the town. And when I saw other people, people who hadn't been enslaved, I realized we were filthy. Even with my sense of smell I was pretty used to us reeking like the shit bucket in the corner of our cell. If we were to start over, we had to wash ourselves.

There being build a resort and all, there were supplies everywhere and not many people paid attention. The valley was kind of poor and the resort would bring new business for sure, but at that time no one cared if a few blocks of soap were missing.

'I don't like this,' Erza says after we've returned to the woods. 'This is the last time I'll ever steal something.'

'Why?' I ask. 'We used to do it all the time.'

'That was different,' she says, softly, 'our lives depended on it.'

And we risked our lives by doing it as well, but if we didn't steal from the kitchen none of the kids would've survived. Shô especially.

As the face of the little boy crosses my mind, I stop walking. I told you before that I will encounter Shô eight years from now, but at this time I still think I murdered him.

Erza looks over her shoulder. 'Let's not talk about that time, alright?'

I nod. I know I can never tell her what I did. She suspects something is up, she knows I have magic, but up till now she hasn't asked. But she will and I have no idea what to tell her because I have no idea what it is.

We go deeper into the forest, until we reach a stream. We haven't eaten, but there are some strange-looking fruits hanging from a tree. Erza smiles. 'Well, look at that. As if the trees heard my stomach.'

She grabs a stick from the ground and tries poking the fruit from its branch. It barely moves. I'm no taller than her, but I still take the stick out of her hand. I poke harder and the fruit lands in the grass. Erza picks it up, wipes it across her shirt and prepares to take a bite.

'Wait!' I say and take it from her. She looks annoyed, obviously.

'I saw it first!'

I bring the fruit as close to my nose as I dare and sniff. Something's off. I take a bite but immediately spit it out.

Something black is crawling around in the centre of the fruit, where the seeds should be. A slimy spider, or scorpion thing. I throw the fruit into the stream, where it drifts off, drowning the bug.

When I look back at Erza, she's trying to pick another fruit. 'Didn't you just see what was in there?'

She succeeds in getting another fruit-thing off the branch and catches it before it lands. 'Yes. But they can't all be bad.'

Before I can do anything she's taken a bite. I watch her face closely. She chews, frowns, chews some more and then shows me the inside of the fruit. It's bright yellow.

'See?'

I don't smell anything weird. I get a piece of fruit myself, the texture is nice but I don't like the taste. And the longer I chew, the more I realise it's not the fruit, but me. The dark magic has only just left me. It might still be, literally, stuck between my teeth.

After we've finished three more and our faces are covered in juice, Erza throws me one of the soaps. 'Go wash up. I'll keep watch.'

We both frown. Watch out for what? There are no guards and we're not doing anything we shouldn't.

But neither of us says anything. We promised not to speak of the Tower.

Erza leaves. I quickly take off my clothes and dip into the stream. It's cold against my skin, but I don't mind. After I've rubbed myself clean and washed off the soap, I step into my dirty clothes again. I suggested stealing some clean ones from an unattended laundry basket in town, but Erza wouldn't do it. So still half wet and in smelly clothes I go to look for her.

I find her at the bottom of a tree, knees pulled up to her chin, crying. Her one eye is tearing, but it's the sound that does it.

When I try to get closer, she looks up, alarmed. She gets up, too quick to be casual. 'Done already?'

I nod. 'You OK?'

She wipes her face, her hair covering the hole where her other eye should be. 'Yeah, I'll go in now.'

She takes the soap from me and walks to the stream. I want to ask, but I don't. We promised not to speak of the Tower.

When Erza gets back, clean, we improvise a travel bag by tying and braiding a few leafs onto a loose branch. We put the soaps and a few more pieces of fruit in the basket and I let the branch lean on my shoulder, the basket hanging behind me.

'What do we do now?' I ask. Erza kneels down in the dirt, already making her legs filthy again. I guess that was bound to happen. With one finger, she starts drawing lines in the sand. She stops a few times, wipes it away and starts over. She really wants to get this right.

When she stands up, there is a symbol in the dirt that faintly resembles the mark Grandpa Rob had on his back.

'I want to go there,' says Erza. 'Will you come with me?'

For a second I think I shouldn't. Not after what I've done. But the way she was about to bite into a poisoned piece of fruit I can't stop thinking she just won't make it without anyone by her side.

For the record: I think she would have. She is stronger than anyone I know, even then. She would do fine without me. I went with her for my sake.

We left the valley before it got dark and reached the next town over. The fruits were all eaten up by then.

As we got closer to the town the woods got thinner. Eventually there was only a road between two hills of grass. The landscape looked similar to where Erza found me, and where we got captured.

There are friendly lights in the distance. A cold wind passes and it's right around this time I feel something's off. It's the flames, of course, freed from Grandpa Rob's spell.

I try calming them down, suppressing until it becomes hard for me to breathe. There's beating in my ears, but I know it's not the friendly kind. Something is trying to get inside my head.

'Riku?' Erza's voice says. 'What's happening?'

She takes the branch with our stuff from me. My knees are trembling and the ground is coming at me fast. She catches me. And that somehow makes it worse, because I know I can't ever tell her. I just can't.

The frustration that fires up within me is strong enough to calm the flames. For now.

With Erza's help I stand back on my own two legs. I feel exhausted. But we can't stay out here.

'It's gonna be OK,' Erza says. She takes my hand. My first instinct is to pull away. And I keep thinking of doing that while we walk. Before I know it we've reached the edge of town.

It's dark now and the stars have come out. There are multiple light poles along the pavement and there is light shining from every window in every house, but there's hardly anyone in the streets. When we get to what I assume is the main street, there are only a few pieces of paper flying about. The wind is getting colder and all of a sudden there are pieces of dust falling out of the sky. It's like rain, but slower. When one of the flocks touches me, it's cold.

'This is snow,' Erza tells me. She lifts her face to the sky and sticks out her tongue. For a second I think she's gone insane. A piece of this snow lands in her mouth. It evaporates, I think.

'It's frozen water,' she explains. Right. 'But we'll have to find a place to hide, because if we stay outside we'll freeze to death.'

We continue holding hands while we search the streets for a place to sleep. I suggest knocking on one of the doors and asking for help, but Erza doesn't like the idea.

'There aren't any other people around,' she says, 'people without houses. The people living here probably don't like them. Meaning us.'

I don't understand that logic, but I trust her. The snow is landing on the ground and soon our feet start hurting. The fabric of our clothes barely covers our skins, let alone warms us.

Eventually, Erza falls. I kneel down beside her and shake her shoulder, but there's no response. With panic also rise the flames, but I'm too afraid to listen to them. I don't trust they'll warm us.

So I pick up the branch with our stuff in one hand and with the other put Erza's arm around my shoulders and try dragging her with me. The snow is coming down hard now, I can barely see the homes around me. The flames inside me are whispering, telling me they can help, that it's not worth it after all that we've been through at the Tower. It's not worth it to die here in this snow.

But still I refuse.

My legs are barely working, but I have to keep going. If I let myself fall down, I'll never get up. There is a voice and for a moment I think it's the flames. Warmth, light. I'm almost certain it's death.

Then the stranger is there. When I see him, I know I'm dreaming.

When I open my eyes, there is fire. Not mine, but low flames licking at carefully placed wooden blocks. I move my face away, to the other side. There is a window, the world outside is blindingly white. I slowly lift my arm and touch the glass with a finger. It's moist and the warmth of my skin leaves a mark.

A door opens. I sit up. I'm in a bed, wearing clothes that are way too big for me. An old man stands in the doorway, holding a plate with delicious smelling food. Erza comes up behind him, wearing a light blue dress. She also has a bandage over the hole in her face where her eye should be.

'You're up!' she says, stepping towards the bed. The old man narrows his eyes at me. I think I've seen him before. He looks at me long enough to make me uncomfortable. He closes the door behind him, grabs a chair from the corner and sits down besides the bed.

Erza takes the plate from him. The food is unlike anything I've seen before. Erza points at each thing and explains that what I'm looking at are potatoes, beans, carrots, steak and kale. The old man says nothing and just watches while I take a bite of the potatoes. I eat with my hands, as I always have, but Erza puts these pointy things in my hands.

'Cut and then eat,' she says. I do as she says and it's much easier eating when your fingers don't get so filthy. Erza turns towards the man. 'Thank you, again.'

The man keeps his eyes on me and grunts slightly. 'Didn't do it for you. When he's done, you need to leave.' He stands up. 'And I'm keeping the soap.'

He steps towards the fire and places a new log on it. Erza helps me cut the steak in smaller pieces.

'Who is he?' I whisper. She shrugs.

'He didn't say. But we better hurry. Apparently people in this town don't normally help strangers. It's frowned upon.'

The man stares into the fire for a while and I eat everything that is on the plate. Erza watches me, sometimes her eyes move towards the man, sometimes to the window. She's worried.

When the plate is empty, as if being called the man stands up. He takes the plate from the bed and stares at me again.

Then he dashes forward. Erza flinches and I feel the flames inside me burn up of surprise. The man's face moves in closer to mine. He pushes the plate against my chest.

'There is residue of magic around your heart, but it's not yours.'

Erza frowns. 'What is he talking about?'

'Don't lie to me, boy,' the man grunts, and presses the plate harder against my ribs. 'It was Rob, wasn't it? Don't lie.'

Then it hits me. This man has the same eyes, the same eyebrows, but he wears them differently. Where Grandpa Rob was caring this man is just all rough around the edges. As if his entire life he never cared for anything.

But I nod. The man moves away. 'Thought so. You.' He points the plate at Erza. 'Come with me.'

Erza looks at me, her red hair covering the bandage that is over her lost eye. I whisper she should follow the man. Despite his appearance and the way he speaks, if he's anything like Grandpa Rob he just wants to help. He saved our lives once already.

So Erza goes after him and they don't come back for a few hours.

I take the time to explore what is in this room. Just to be sure I close the curtains in front of the windows, so no one curious passing by can peek in. I take a burning log from the fire and use it as a torch.

There is a bookcase against the wall next to the fire pit. When my eyes go over the titles, I realize I recognize the symbols. I realize I can actually _read_. And that scares me. There is so much I don't know about myself. The flames are going crazy.

On the other wall hang multiple frames. Two boys keep coming back in each painting.

In every frame they become slightly older and start to look different from each other, but you can still tell they're brothers. Grandpa Rob and the man whose house I'm in. Something tells me he's not a wizard, not like Rob. But he knows of magic.

I put the log back on the fire and return to the bed.

Eventually, the door opens and Erza and the man return. Erza is wearing a poncho and has another one in her hands. The old man carries a big travel bag with him.

'Put this on,' Erza says, demanding. She puts the poncho on the bed. I hesitate. I want to ask what they've been up to. Erza seems different. She tries to smile, but it's different.

'I don't have all day,' the man says. I quickly pull the poncho over my head and step out of bed. The old man shoves a pair of shoes in my hands. I've never worn shoes before.

Erza helps me put them on. The old man walks to the window and slightly pulls the curtain aside.

'You must leave. The townsfolk are getting suspicious.' From the bigger travel bag he pulls two smaller ones, one for me and one for Erza. He hands Erza a piece of parchment. 'This should help you find the guild.'

'The what?' I ask. Erza unrolls the parchment. It's a map.

'Fairy Tail. It's where Grandpa Rob is from.'

The old man makes a sound that resembles a snicker, or a giggle. He walks to the door and expects us to follow him. I haven't seen anything else from the house, but it pretty much looks the same as the room. Books, frames, some furniture. There is no one else.

'Let's go out the back,' the man says, as if we know where the front of the house is. We go through the kitchen. He opens the door for us. 'You kids watch yourselves.'

I step outside first, but Erza doesn't follow. She looks at the old man, Grandpa Rob's brother. Then, almost too quick to see, she wraps her arms around the man's waist and hugs him. The man lifts his eyebrows and just kind of stands there. He pats Erza's back and it looks like he wants to say something, but he closes his mouth instead.

Then Erza lets go and steps outside, back in the snow. The man quickly closes the door, but every time I glance over my shoulder I see him standing in front of a window, watching us.

We get out of town as quick as possible and enter a pine tree forest. Walking through snow with shoes around your feet is almost pleasant. The poncho's aren't cold proof, but it's better than nothing. The travel bags are heavy, meaning they're probably filled with supplies for the journey, so I don't complain.

Erza stands still and takes a look at the map.

'Do you understand this?' I ask.

'Yes,' she answers, keeping her eyes on the scribbles, 'he explained it to me.' She points. 'Here's the town we were just in, and here's Fairy Tail.'

'What's all that in between?' I ask, touching some wavy lines.

'Mountains. He said we shouldn't go there, because there are cave monsters.'

I look at the map again. There's a red line going from the town to the guild. It goes around the drawing of the mountains. 'But if go through there it's way faster.'

Erza rolls up the piece of parchment. 'Maybe, but I don't want to take any chances.'

'I get that, but…' Ever since we left the house, the flames have started nagging again. And this time, I find myself almost agreeing with them. I could take on a cave monster easily.

No. Stop that.

'What else did he tell you?' I ask instead. Erza continues walking and doesn't answer for a few minutes.

'Just some things about Fairy Tail.' I know there's more, but I'm afraid to ask. Grandpa Rob knew what I was hiding with just one look. I imagined his brother was no different.

We cross through the pine tree forest in one day and at the other end the temperature rises. We take off the ponchos and put them in our bags. Erza says that we've crossed over from the land of small towns and we are about to enter the first big city. The name on the map is all smudged up so I have no idea what it is called, but I think it still exists.

On the way there I suddenly hear a terrible sound. It makes me fall on my knees. Erza stops dead in her tracks, but seems OK. While I'm covering my ears with my hands, I realize Erza doesn't touch me, which she would do normally. Rub my back, say something calming. She also doesn't kneel down beside me. She just stands there, and she's frightened.

'Don't you hear that?' I say through my gritted teeth. She shakes her head.

Then I see movement from the corner of my eye. Something is crawling, or rather riding into the city. Small wheels, big brakes, smoke rising from a chimney. I can hear every piece of the engine rotating and it drives me nuts.

When it rides past us into the city, I can stand up. I feel beat up, even though nothing has happened. I just wasn't paying attention to my senses. I was the one who messed up.

And scared the hell out of Erza.

'Sorry,' I say, 'my ears are sensitive.'

She nods. 'I kind of got that. Are you better now?'

The flames are going mad, but I shrug. 'I think so. But that thing was terrible.'

'It's a train,' Erza says, and she unrolls the map again. 'The old man said we could take one to Magnolia, the town of Fairy Tail, but I don't think we should.'

'Why not?'

'Because of your motion sickness.'

I frown at her. 'But I've never been on a train before. We can't know for sure-'

'I do,' she interrupts. 'We're not taking the train. We go through the city, find a place to spend the night and keep walking on tomorrow.'

The way she says it makes it clear there is no point in discussing. I suspect she's deliberately avoiding any danger at all, even the possibility of me feeling a little sick.

She knows. She absolutely knows.

I say nothing when we go through the city gates. There's an explosions of smells coming at me. Cooked food, horse shit, people sweat, spices, perfume, dirt, flowers. While we go through the main street there are several people offering their products to us, especially to Erza. I'm guessing I just don't look that approachable. Erza kindly declines all offers, but when there's a cart filled with weaponry she stops.

'See anything you like?' the salesman asks. He holds up a few swords, all way too big for Erza. She stares, in awe. 'I also have some armour. Maybe not in your size, but you'll grow into it.' He holds up a pieces of a steel chest plate for a grown woman and Erza just blushes. It's how her face looked each time Jellal spoke to her.

'I'm sorry,' she says to the salesman, 'I can't afford any of it.'

'Ah, too bad!' the man says. 'But you know what? I'll hold some stuff in the back, and if you come back with your parents we could discuss a more suitable price!'

Erza's mouth falls open. I never wondered if Erza had parents. I never asked. I don't remember mine.

'Thank you,' she says to the man, 'I'll bring them-'

I accidently let out a scream, interrupting them. Another train passes into the city and it feels as if the sound is frying my brain.

'Is your friend alright?' I hear the weapon salesman ask. Erza says something back, I can't hear it. The ground beneath my feet is shaking.

Somewhere in this haze Erza grabs my arm and drags me into an alley, away from the marketplace.

'Breathe,' she says. She takes my travel bag off me and pushes me against a wall, even though my legs feel like mud. I can't stand. 'Riku, breathe.'

I'm still not sure how it happened, I just wasn't used to the sound of trains, similar to dogs being afraid of fireworks. It wasn't necessarily the flames that caused it. The sound somehow called forth panic.

And then I'm crying. I feel the ground underneath me. Erza is there. Holding me.

'I'm sorry,' I say. She shakes her head.

'It's OK. I'm sorry too. I didn't realize it affected you so much.'

I close my eyes, hoping the embarrassment will disappear too. 'Me neither.'

I'm guessing you know why this keeps happening each time I hear the sound of a train slowing down. Some old trauma from our training days, right? I won't blame you if you don't remember it, you've lived over a thousand lifetimes. It's not just trains, anything that resembles it too. It has something to do with what happened before I was found. What turned my house into dust and what killed my family before the stranger came along.

But at this time, in this big city, I don't know that. During the day more trains come to pass and each time I have to sit down and cover my ears. But it gets less intense. Just before it gets dark, I'm able to handle it by just standing still and pressing my fingernails into my palms as hard as I can before I bleed.

'The man who helped us has a friend here,' Erza says, after another train passed, 'we could ask to spend the night at her house, but if you keep hurting like this-'

She's realized by now I'm no threat. If anything, the trains are utilizing the threat.

'That's alright,' I interrupt, 'I'm tired anyway. And now that I've slept in a bed for once I don't think I can ever sleep on the ground again.'

At the other end of the city, where our journey continues, lays a swamp. It's not big, but not made to be crossed through. It's the only way forward other than through the mountains. We might as well get some rest instead of going halfway and get no sleep at all.

So we go to the address of the friend. It's a woman with short hair and I'm immediately struck by how pretty she is.

'Rob?' she says, after Erza has explained. 'Alright, then.'

The woman reluctantly lets us into her house and leads us to the basement. I hesitate before following her down. Erza mentioned our helper in the Snowtown, but not his name. I doubt she knows it.

'It's gonna be OK,' Erza whispers. 'It's only for tonight.'

There are two mattresses on the ground, nothing else. There is one window at street level, all we see are some feet passing by. The woman lights a candle and leaves us. Erza takes the mattress underneath the window and yawns. 'I'm too tired to eat.'

'Me too,' I say, sitting down. We don't say much after that. As soon as I lay down, I'm asleep.

I know the stranger will be there in my dream, but I wake up feeling much worse than usual. I'm sweating and I hear someone screaming, but it's only inside my head. I swiftly look around and remember where I am. The candle is burned up and Erza is still asleep, her back turned towards me.

My mouth is watering. My ears are ringing. I don't know why.

I've mentioned a bunch of times how the flames try to communicate with me. I never really heard them speak, not actual words, but I always understand what they're trying to tell me. As if they're feeding me hunches and they're trying to disguise themselves as being part of my instinct. This night I heard them speak for the first time.

'Go,' they say, 'I know you want it.'

I feel so hungry. Over the past twenty-four hours I've eaten some great food, but none of that seems to matter. I have to eat, and not just anything. Something is tingling my desire for something awful.

'C'mon,' they say, 'go up the stairs. Open the door. Go through the streets. It's not far. You know what it is.'

I do as they say and I don't care if Erza wakes up. Part of me wishes she would, because right now I can't stop myself.

Sneaking out is awfully easy, it's as if my feet barely touch the ground. The world outside is dark, clouds are covering the stars and moon, but I can see everything clearly.

'Run,' they say. I don't feel my legs moving, and it seems my arms are cut off. I'm just a floating head at this point.

Then I realize I'm being pushed out of my body. Something else is taking over and I can't do anything to stop it.

'You smell it, don't you?'

I do. It smells delicious, but I know that once I eat it, there's no going back. My stomach hurts and it's the last straw. I blink and then I'm looking down at myself, running through an alley. On. All. Fours. Like an animal.

My body, the body of a boy, stops and sniffs. It growls and continues running. I float higher and higher and I scream, but the boy doesn't hear me.

He's about to step on a cross road, and there are people coming from another street. They'll meet soon. I try crawling my way back down, throwing my hands around searching for something to hold on to. But there's only air.

The alleys meet, the boy stands still. The two people from the other side, a couple, gasp at the sight of him. There's a dark substance leaking from the corners of his mouth. Black smoke is rising from his body, like the last remaining ashes of a fire. One of the couple starts to scream and backs away, dragging the other one with him.

The boy stands back on two legs. The smoke makes it hard to see him, but his hand is a claw. And he lashes out.

Then I'm too high up to see. I have no idea what is going on down below. The clouds surround me, there is rain and thunder.

'Isn't this nice?' they say. I'm being pulled back, so fast my eyes start to tear. I can't return to my body just yet, I'm floating slightly above it. The boy is in the swamps, his clothes soaked. Everywhere his claws touch flames stay behind, burning away all life.

'They've been waiting,' they say. 'Go ahead.'

I then notice the people. They're wearing capes and drapes and masks. They stand in a circle, their hands held up to the sky. And in the centre of the circle floats the thing that smells so delicious.

Dark magic.


	6. Chapter 5: From Now On

**Hello dear readers! I m uploading a little early this week because I m going on a study trip and I do not know what the internet is like at the place I m staying at. ****Enjoy this new chapter, starting right where we left off! **

_Chapter 5: From now on_

Delicious dark magic.

It's not much, it's barely the size of a small child. I feel the part that was once me, the one floating above my boy body, is fading away.

The boy body growls. His teeth are sharp and remind me of the blind demon dogs. The people standing in the circle turn their heads and their jaws drop.

'Give it to me,' the boy growls. He falls forward on all fours and slowly approaches the group. Some of them drop their arms and want to run away, but they're stopped by the more persistent ones. If they leave, the dark magic they worked so hard for will disappear.

'Give it!' the boy growls, louder. The distance between him and the people gets shorter and shorter.

And I can't do a thing. That feeling of helplessness haunts me still and it comes to me clearest when I'm afraid. The dark, taunting flames only accentuate the fact that without them, I'm just a weak boy.

When I float above my own body and am forced to watch this all play out, I can only scream. These people will be dead in a few minutes. Despite them calling upon dark magic, they did nothing wrong. Not to me. They were at the wrong place at the wrong time. They had no idea I was in town.

The biggest disappointment is that after all this time resisting the flames, they took over in mere minutes. When I woke up sweating, I immediately listened when they said I had to run. I didn't even complain. I didn't even try. I knew they were out for their own gain. They wouldn't help me, not like with the demon dog.

At this point I also started forgetting Erza. I barely knew her name, her face, but I felt guilt. I left her without a word, and my body was about to do something terrible. I betrayed her.

Because Erza was, and still is, a good person. A pure person. She felt bad for taking a few soaps from a place that would become a very rich establishment (of course, we had no concept of that, but there were só many of them that it was clear no one would care if we took a few) and when she bit into a poisoned apple, she dared to believe not all of them were like that.

She chose to look beyond just one bad experience.

The boy is now only two paces away from the people. They tremble in their robes, the dark magic is shuttering. The boy leaps forward, claws out and his mouth open. I close my eyes. They scream. A lot. Everything ends with a gurgle. Some choke on their own blood. My sense of smell is gone and I'm glad. They pee and piss while they die.

It's over in less than a minute. Eight lives gone in less than sixty seconds.

The boy slurps up what is left of the dark magic. It definitely was not worth killing these people for. It's barely the size of a baby now, but the boy yells in excitement with a voice that sounds like a million voices. The trees surrounding the spot split apart by the mere vibrations of it.

Then he runs. His arms are covered in scales and his eyes are pale white. His shoulders deform and from his pants erupts a tail. There is hardly anything left of the boy.

He stops and roars. The sky, which is turning light blue just above the trees, is blackened by flames. It licks the remaining stars and the moon. I can't even imagine how far the flames reach.

And the sound. It makes me, somehow, shiver.

When the roar ends, the boy stumbles on his feet. He's weakened, somehow. He reaches a tree as big as a house and rips the trunk apart. Then he climbs inside of it. And closes his eyes.

I'm still floating. There's snoring coming from the tree. I try to get closer, but I'm stuck where I am. The roar still hangs in the air and looks similar to a thunder cloud. When the sun comes up, it slowly evaporates. I watch as the sun climbs higher and think to myself, what if this is it? What if this was what it all lead up to? The nightmares, the resisting, the giving in, the controlling and eventually the take over? Is this my life now? Watching as my body submits to, well, darkness?

And there is something else I fear. Something much worse. I don't have to wait long before it happens.

She calls my name. Her dress is soaked and smeared with dirt. She's carrying both our travel bags. She followed the path of destruction the boy left behind and now she's here.

I shout at her. I tell her to go away. The boy doesn't care that it's her. If she tries anything, she's dead.

I shout till I feel pain in my throat. I don't know how that's possible, me being an astral being and all, but it hurts. I claw at the air around me, just anything to get me to the ground. I have to warn her. Throw a stick at her, shuffle some branches, anything.

'Riku?' she says, and for a second I think I've reached her. Of course I haven't. She's seeing the boy inside the tree. She puts the bags on the ground and slowly walks over. I kick my feet around and swing fists and scream and cry and yell but she doesn't hear me.

There's movement inside the tree. She gasps, backs away. 'That's you in there, isn't it?'

Two claws grab the edges of the hole in the trunk, the boy peeks his head out. I quit my struggling for a second to watch. Only one of his eyes is still pale white, the other one slightly resembles mine. More human skin can be seen through the scales. But it's still not me.

Erza holds up her hands in front of her and steps closer. 'I'm not afraid. I've seen it before.'

The boy steps out of the tree. His tail and wings are gone. I'm not sure if it's because of my efforts.

So I continue kicking. I can't tell if I'm getting closer to the ground. I'm stuck nonetheless. But it's all I can do for now.

The boy stands still. Erza gets closer, still holding her hands up protectively, like someone approaching a wild animal. Which isn't a bad description of what the boy looks like now. 'Riku. Can you come back?'

I feel like my heart stops. How did she know?

The boy growls. 'He's not here right now.'

Erza slightly jumps at the sound of his voice, but keeps getting closer. 'Is he somewhere else?'

The boy looks up. Straight. At. Me. 'Yes.'

Erza follows his eyes and she's looking in the right direction, but I can tell she's not seeing me. 'Those people back there...did you kill them?'

The boy doesn't answer at first. Erza stops coming closer. She can basically touch the boy. 'They were in the way.'

Erza nods, as if she understands. 'Are you going to kill me as well?'

She slowly drops her hands, and I see one is reaching behind her back. I scream at her not to try anything, because it won't work.

'Only,' the boy growls, 'if you give me reason to.'

Erza is grabbing something. All I can think is that she won't succeed. Whatever she's planning, it's doomed. 'Same here. I'll ask you once: give Riku back. Please.'

The boy stares at her. Then he throws his head back and laughs. Black smoke is coming from between his sharp teeth and flames spark around his feet. But his scales keep disappearing. He too is holding up an act. But I still can't return to my body.

'That's not a question,' he grunts.

'Please,' Erza tries again, 'don't make me do this.'

She reveals what she's been holding behind her back. It's a dagger, the size of a kitchen knife, and it's shining gold. As if actual sunlight is captured within the steel. The boy roars in surprise and takes a step back.

'Please don't make me use it,' Erza repeats, her voice surrounded by tears. The boy spits on the ground. Black substance hits the dirt with a hiss and smoke rises from the spot.

'No,' he says. With one foot he steps backwards and he leans his body forward, preparing to jump at her. Erza holds the dagger with both hands and I scream because she seems so small and fragile. I can't do a thing.

But I was wrong to underestimate her. Before the boy has a chance to lunge forward, Erza jumps.

'Sorry,' she whispers as she jams the dagger into the boy's chest.

It hurts. It hurts so much. I'm bleeding. There's beating in my ears and blood in my throat. I fall to my knees and cough. Everything is leaving my body. Organs, blood, bones, muscle.

I didn't die, of course, otherwise I wouldn't be here to tell you about it. But let it be known that it hurt. So. Much.

Erza is holding my face. My head is on her lap, her hair tickles my nose. Her eye is swollen, meaning she cried. A lot. I can't tell what time it is, maybe around noon. When Erza sees I'm awake, she moves away. Breathing hurts, let alone move. She helps me sit up and drags me to what's left of the tree trunk. I lean against it, like a sack of potatoes at a farmers market.

I'm not bleeding. There's only a nasty cut in my chest, but it's almost healed. My ribs feel crushed, as if I've been stuck underneath a rock for the past hour.

A few paces away lays the golden dagger, still glowing. It smells like the old man's house. I feel like it's watching me.

Our travel bags are close to it. Erza opens one of them and takes a loaf of bread. She hands me a piece, sits down opposite of me and starts eating.

We say nothing for a while. I look at the bread in my hands. I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating. There's so much I want to ask and I know I need to say stuff, but I can't. I did the unspeakable.

Erza doesn't look at me. She chews extremely long on each piece of bread, as if its difficult to get through.

'I'm sorry,' I say. I guessed that would be a good thing to start with. Erza continues chewing, swallows and thinks.

'Yes,' she says, 'you should be.'

It kind of surprises me to hear her say that. I mean, I didn't want to kill those people. It wasn't exactly me doing it either. I just said I was sorry because I didn't know what else to say.

'You need to learn how to control it,' Erza continues, angry almost. 'The old man told me what you are.'

I suspected that, but she stares at me as if I know it as well. I think she thinks I know. Her frown gets deeper. 'Do you want me to spell it out for you?'

Speaking still hurts, so I nod. She jumps up and I know I made it worse. 'This is not a joke, Riku! People are dead because of you!'

I just stare at her. She treated me differently after we left the snow town, but I never imagined this would happen. It's my own damn fault. I didn't tell her anything. But I didn't mean to kill those people.

'It was them,' I say, and cough.

'I know that,' Erza says, 'but it was you who let them out. How can you be a dragon slayer if you can't control your magic?'

'A what?'

Her gaze softens and then turns to confusion. 'You know, your magic. It's supposed to be used for...right?'

She breaks off the sentence as if I can fill in the rest, but I can't. I have no idea what she's talking about.

'The old man,' she says, 'said your magic is similar to that of a dragon slayer. And that you're probably the worst kind of all.'

The dark flames, who stayed quiet until now, start burning up again. 'Erza, I don't even know what a dragon slayer is.'

She stares, trying to figure out if I'm lying or not. 'The name says it all, though I think nowadays it's more symbolic, because dragon's don't exist anymore.' She bends her knees, but doesn't sit down. 'What _do_ you know?'

Breathing gets easier and I feel nervous somehow. This is the time I finally tell Erza about myself. Still not all of it. I've done horrible things. Remember when I crushed a guy's skull before throwing him out a window? I just tell her enough to make her understand. 'Honestly, not much. Nothing from before you found me. But I always felt like I knew things but had no idea how I knew. Sometimes, I remember how I can use the flames to my advantage. Other times they take over and I can't do anything.'

'Such as today?'

I nod. We let silence creep in between us. I didn't blame Erza for blaming me for what happened, but it still hurt that she did. Hearing it from someone else always hits harder than when you say it to yourself.

And the stupidest thing of all is that I followed Erza because I thought she couldn't take care of herself. Turns out I'm the burden. It then becomes clear to me that I have to leave.

'You should go on without me,' I say to her. 'I'll go into the mountains, or some other place where there are no people.'

But Erza, even after everything she said to me, after what I've done, just smiles. 'No.'

I find the strength to stand up. My chest hurts and knocks the breath out of my lungs, but I don't fall. 'Erza, don't get me wrong. I know family is important to you and stuff, but I'm not doing this anymore. I just can't. You're in danger, even just being here.'

Erza stands up too. And holds up the dagger. I never saw her pick it back up. 'That's why I have this.'

I shake my head. My voice gets louder. 'No. Nothing is strong enough to stop them. Back at the Tower, Grandpa Rob placed a spell over my heart, but I broke it only days after.'

Erza stays calm, still holding the dagger. 'So the only way is for you to learn to control them. At Fairy Tail, there are plenty of mages that could help you.'

I'm getting angry now. 'You really think anyone will want to help me after I tell them what I did?!'

She should be scared of me, but she isn't. She just stands there. 'I'm still here.'

And at the moment I kind of hate her. She should run away, should've done so long ago. I don't know why she didn't.

I don't get the family thing. Still don't. I learned the practical stuff, such as making sure everyone has food and looking out for them. But at this point, in the swamps, I didn't love Erza. I had no concept of that. And I don't think she necessarily loved me either. Sure, we cared about each other, but more in the way you care about a someone you work with. I told her once I thought she was pretty, but that's it. We accepted we were travelling to Fairy Tail together and silently promised to keep each other safe.

I followed Erza because it was convenient. With flames begging me to use them and me resisting their takeover, there was no room in my mind for anything else. Someone telling me which direction to go, someone to follow, was what kept me from going crazy.

But my weakness was proven. Erza is being stubborn. I think the only way for her to leave me alone is for me to hurt her. Not physically, but in a worse way. Hurt her so bad she'll hate me forever. I could tell her what I did to the ships.

But whatever it is that's keeping us together, whether it's survival or family, it prevents me from doing it. My anger dies down. Erza feels there is room for her to speak again. 'Let me at least explain what I learned from the old man in the snowtown.'

I nod. We sit down. Erza places the dagger between us. Its presence doesn't really affect me, but the flames seem uncomfortable.

'A dragon slayer,' Erza starts, 'is a mage specialized in fighting and killing dragons. They were trained by dragons, who raised the mages as their own children.'

A split second, I think of the hand, the one reaching out to me in my nightmares.

'Fire dragon slayers are trained by fire dragons,' Erza continues, 'and water dragon slayers by water dragons, and so on. Dragon slayers get their power by consuming the element of their dragon.'

That explains the lust for dark magic, I guessed.

And then it hit me. Dark flames, dark magic. Of course, to you this is no surprise. The old man wouldn't dare to speak your name to Erza, but she assured me you were the worst of all. Not even a dragon, not even a slayer, but a more terrible being.

And I was your apprentice.

'Usually,' Erza says, 'dragon slayers are pretty much one with their element. But in your case...your element is so unnatural that it becomes impossible to control. Well, unless you completely surrender.'

I'm trembling. I haven't eaten for nearly a day, but I feel like throwing up. I want to climb back into the tree trunk and stay there forever.

Erza leans over and places a hand on my knee. 'But you've chosen not to, which is a good thing. With this,' and she points at the dagger between us, 'I can help you. Just until we reach Fairy Tail.'

She talks about Fairy Tail as if it's a safe haven. And I want to believe that, but something tells me there will only be more temporary solutions. For the first time I realize I will never get rid of these flames.

'Look,' Erza says then, and squeezes my knee softly, 'I know you want to run away and hide. But no matter where you go, there will always be more dangers. Fleeing is the same as surrendering.' She hesitates, but then continues. 'I know you don't like the family-thing, but you have no choice. You are my family and I will take care of you, even if you won't take care of me.'

Hiding away would be easy. It's basically ignoring the problem, but in this case it's the same as trying to cork an erupting volcano. The flames will get out one day. If I run away from the rest of the world, they've won.

Then I know I'm being stupid. It's childish. Erza is saying the most rational things and all I can think is that she just doesn't understand. And I don't think she understands, which is why she understands.

Does that make sense?

Erza doesn't know how I feel or what I go through, yet she knows what needs to be done. At least for now. It hit me that I was depending on her, trusting her in a different way than before.

But I couldn't do that forever. A time would come where I had to depend on myself to control the flames. Right now I couldn't, but there was something else I could do.

I could stop whining.

This entire time I acted as if I was a victim, that I was a slave of these flames. It's how they took over so easy. Resisting is one thing, but you've only won if you overcome. I had to burn brighter than these flames.

'Alright,' I say to Erza, 'I'll come to Fairy Tail. I'll figure it out. But I don't think telling everyone there what I am is the best approach-'

'We can't know that for sure until we get there,' Erza says and she can barely contain her excitement, 'maybe they're all like Grandpa Rob, or the old man from Snowtown.'

I nod.

We gather our stuff together. The old man from Snowtown didn't give us an extra set of clothes. My shirt is ripped, both at the front and at the back, and there's a hole in my pants. It makes me sad. Erza improvises something with a few pieces of cloth from our ponchos. If I would see it now I'd say it looked terrible, but at the time I didn't mind. As long as my ass wasn't out.

We continued our journey. Erza told me she had thanked the woman who let us sleep in her basement before she left, so we didn't go back to the city. Travelling seemed easier, somehow. I'd shared some of my secret and it had cleared up the air between us. Erza didn't know how the dagger worked, but I knew the effect it could have and that was enough. The thought of her having it, even, was calming. And gave me strength.

The flames were more subdued, without me even having to try really hard. It helped clear my mind a little.

I had room to actually appreciate the world around me. The smells, the colours, the feeling of wind caressing my arms. We left the swamp and ended up on a dirt road, filled with footprints of both animal and human, and wheel tracks. I looked at my feet as they moved. I almost bumped into Erza doing so.

'What are you doing?' she asks. I feel a little embarrassed.

'I dunno.' And then: 'Thank you, by the way.'

She smiles. 'Of course.'

We came across two more cities, which we didn't enter. Both of them had train stations and although I'd promised myself not to whine so much, the sound of train engines still affected me.

After that we crossed through the countryside. There were only a few farms. Two families were kind enough to let us sleep in their barns. The second family even gave us some fresh supplies for the journey. Milk, cheese, a purple vegetable I don't remember the name of.

And then we arrived at Magnolia Town. At the edge of it I got nervous. Whenever we encountered new people, Erza did the talking. But our journey was almost over. I didn't know what would happen next.

Erza stands next to me and carefully takes my hand. 'What do you smell?'

I told her about my exceptional nose. She would, in later years, use that info as a way to taunt me, but always in a sweet way. And how she said it now it was more to calm me.

So I sniffed. I smell the bad smells first. Always. Horse shit, people shit. Sweat. But in Magnolia, it only lasts a second.

Apple pie, lavender, cinnamon, roses, chocolate, mint, coconut, garlic, shea, vanilla and more smells I had yet to learn the origins of. And I remember thinking, if this were to be what my home smells like, I'd be OK with that.

Erza is very patient with me and I'm too nervous to feel guilty about it. There's no need to ask for directions, we somehow just know where the guild hall is located. Back then, it had three stories, two big doors, red roofs, green windows, yellow walls. Above the entrance I read the name of the guild, and on either side it was hugged by the symbol I recognized from Grandpa Rob's back. And on the highest level of the building hung a flag with the same symbol. The guild mark I would soon come to wear on my body.

Erza and I stood on the doorstep for a full minute, just in awe. Beyond the red doors lay the rest of our lives.

I let go of Erza's hand. I have to start looking out for myself now. I don't say it to her, but I think she understands. She nods. 'Let's go.'

The first smell to reach me is that of alcohol and tobacco. The first sound is that of a laughter. The first thing I touch is the doorpost, a warm brown colour. The first things I see are rows and rows of tables and people wearing all kinds of clothes sitting at them. On one side, along the wall, is a bar with several chairs.

All the people wear the guild mark. Some are visible, others I can smell. Yes, the substance which is used to place the guild mark into someone's skin has a particular smell. A mixture between yeast and strawberries.

Erza has a determined look on her face. She walks between the tables and whenever she crosses one the people sitting at it stop what they're doing and look at her. Curious, but also impressed. Because she looks cool doing it. And the journey we've had can be read in her clothes, her skin, her eye.

I follow a little later and I can tell people are less impressed by me. Instead, they look concerned.

Sooner or later, the whole guild hall falls silent. I spot a boy with dark hair who's not wearing a shirt and a brown haired girl. They're about the same age as me and it somehow calms me to know there are other kids here.

There are sounds coming from behind the bar. Two hands appear on the counter, then a head and a mustache. The man is smaller than any other man I've ever seen, and if I wasn't so nervous I probably would've laughed. But no matter how ridiculous he looks, there is wisdom in his eyes. He lifts an eyebrow at us. 'Are you lost or are you here as recruits?'

The half naked boy glares at us, but doesn't look away. He's curious.

Erza steps forward, still determined. 'We're here to join.'

No one was saying anything before, but it seems the silence gets deeper after Erza said it.

All eyes are on us, indefinitely. I kind of stand behind Erza, trying not to look suspicious. These people are all wizards, they've probably already sensed what is inside me. I don't know what they'll do. Kill me, maybe?

If you know anything about Fairy Tail, you know that is not what they would do. All I did was enter the guild. And even if they did sense there was something off about me, at the time they didn't care.

So after the silence came a sound that made me jump. You know, sensitive ears. The majority of the mages in the guild hall jumped up from their seats and yelled, holding up their jugs of beer and wine as if they celebrated the ending of a war that lasted a hundred years.

'Marvellous!' the small man with the moustache says, and I could barely hear it over the yelling. 'We can always use young talent!' He jumps off the bar and wobbles on his feet when he lands, clearly a little drunk. 'I am your guild master then, Makarov. And you are?'

Erza puts her travel bag on the ground, as if establishing that this is her home now. 'My name is Erza Scarlet.'

I've never heard her use that name before. I never asked if she had a last name, I only learned some people had them during our travels.

Makarov is looking at me now. And I pull my eyes to the ground. Because he's staring. He knows.

'And this-' Erza says, but she hesitates. The guild falls silent, kind of. There are footsteps. A shadow appears at the spot on the floor where I'm looking at. Makarov's face appears in front of mine.

'It's rude to not look people in the eyes, you know,' he says. And I don't dare to look away now. But oh man, he knows. I can tell. They all know what I am, what I've done.

Makarov doesn't punch me, but does extend his arm. Not just extending, but making it longer as well, with magic. He uses it to push my chin up, forcing me to look up.

Everyone is looking at me. The flames are telling me they're glaring, preparing to jump at me, and when they do, they'll kill them instantly.

But after blinking a few times, I see they're not glaring at all. They smile, grin, with confidence. One girl even holds up two thumbs.

'Besides,' Makarov says, and he pulls his arm away, 'the world upon this floor is much more interesting.'

There are several nodding heads. Without saying it, they tell me I'm part of it now, whether I like it or not. There's no going back now.

And, strangely enough, I don't want to go back.

Makarov raises a hand, with one finger pointing towards the ceiling. I follow it, but I don't see what's so interesting. Then the rest of the people are doing it too.

'Instead of looking at the floor,' Makarov says, and his voice sounds really deep all of a sudden, 'look to the stars!'

And all the people yell. Erza smiles like I've never seen her smile before, and she notices it herself too. She blushes.

'Now!' Makarov shouts, 'What is your name?'

My throat feels dried out. I'm pretty sure Makarov knows, but he doesn't seem to want to kick me out. 'Riku. My name is Riku.'

'Very well!' Makarov says. 'Let's give a good old Fairy Tail welcome to Erza Scarlett and Riku!'


	7. Chapter 6: Paving My Own Path

**Thanks for coming back! I hope, wherever you are in the world, that you re safe and healthy. Wash your hands and enjoy this chapter!**

_Chapter 6: Paving my own path_

Makarov's speech was probably the most awkward moment of my life, but it turned out he did the same thing each time a new person joined the guild. He'd say something to inspire them and the rest of the guild joined in. It was a way for them to show that, no matter where you're from and what you've been through, you're part of a family.

And there is that word again. Family.

Because we had no money and barely any clothes, Makarov offered to cover for me and Erza for the first couple weeks or so, to get settled here. After, we had to go on our first job. In exchange for our services as mages, we would be rewarded with money. Makarov also made sure we had education.

'I can't teach you everything,' he says, while he shows us to our temporary rooms, 'a lot you'll have to figure out yourselves. But I trust you kids are smart, especially after undertaking such a journey.'

Erza told him loosely where we started, and that we knew Rob, who was a mage of Fairy Tail. For as far as Makarov knew, we were street rats in some snow town.

'And what about this eye of yours?' Makarov asks, and he kindly pushes a few locks of red hair from Erza's face.

'An accident,' she answers. Makarov looks at her and I can tell he doesn't believe it, but he doesn't bring it up again.

Our rooms are right next to each other. There's a bed, a chair, a table and some spare clothes. There's a mirror on the wall and when I undress I'm a little shaken by my own image. I've never seen myself so clearly. Of course, I've seen my own reflection in clear water, and I've once looked down upon myself when the flames pushed me out of my own body, but now, without distractions, I can actually see my face.

My hair is dark and long enough to hang over my eyes. I never noticed it before. With one hand, I push the locks up. They immediately fall down. I try again, hold them back against my head so my forehead is exposed. But when I let go they fall back in place.

There's a little scar on my chest, the exact spot where Erza stabbed me. I can count my ribs and my arms look fragile. My knees are two balls sticking out, barely covered by skin. My cheeks are hollow.

I quickly pull a shirt over my head and step into a pants with a big belt around the waist. I put on my old shoes, which have, somehow, survived the journey. And I find myself being a little fond of them. Later, I'll have to get new ones, because despite being underfed for the first years of my life, I will grow.

I go wait in the hall for Erza. She's wearing the same type of pants. I notice her eye is red again, meaning she cried, and I feel I should say something, but I'm afraid that will make it worse. We promised not to speak of the Tower.

We go back to the guild hall, which is one floor down. Makarov has made sure there is food for us. 'And get to know the others, why don't you?'

The other guild members seem hesitant, but smile. They introduce themselves and briefly tell us about their magic. At the end of the night I'm able to remember the names of Wakabe, Macao, Cana and the boy without a shirt, Gray. He keeps looking strangely at Erza.

In the middle of dinner, Makarov suddenly climbs up on the table. 'Friends! It is time!'

The chattering stops. Makarov is holding a stick with a stamp at the end. I recognize the smell of it, yeast with strawberry. We have to choose where we want our guild marks.

Erza picks her upper arm, but I hesitate. Having a guild mark means you're in for life.

And even though I don't understand _family_, I want to know. So I choose to have the mark on my chest, over the scar, right above my heart.

It stings a little. I touch the skin. I smell it.

Everyone cheers. There's a party afterwards, and then a fight, but Cana assures us there's nothing to be afraid of. It's just what happens every now and then.

The next few days, I try to relax and not stand out too much. Guild members I have not yet met because they were out on a job return and are very excited to get to know me and Erza and every time they want a party, but that dies out after a while. I try to stick by Erza's side, but every now and then she disappears and I have no idea where she goes. Each time she comes back, I smell salt on her cheeks.

And I just don't know what to say to her.

When the guild is used to us being a part of it, I have room in my mind to think about what to do next.

Makarov is making sure we can read and write and have a slight understanding of math.

'And,' he says one day, 'I think it will be good for you to practice your magic with the other kids. Just once, before you go out on your first job.'

As you can imagine, I freaked out. I thought Makarov kind of understood what was going on with me, why would he suggest such a thing?

My tongue gets stuck in my mouth and I can't say a thing.

'How about tomorrow?' Makarov continues. Erza nods and seems excited even. Later, after dinner, I knock on her door. I can smell she's in there, for once. She opens and lets me in.

'I can't train tomorrow,' I say, 'it's too dangerous. But I can't tell Makarov why.'

Erza sits down on her bed. 'Why not?'

I stare at her. 'Erza, this is _dark magic_. It's forbidden. What if he kicks me out the guild?'

Erza yawns and I'm not sure if she's even listening. 'I wouldn't worry about getting kicked out. As long as you stay calm, it will be OK. And I still have the dagger.'

I can't believe what I'm hearing. The flames are enjoying this and dance around in my stomach. I storm out, slamming the door behind me. I didn't mean to. But that carefree attitude annoys me, because it's fake. She goes off crying on her own and returns as if nothing happened.

Looking back now, she probably wasn't all that carefree as I remember. Perhaps she was just trying to calm me by not getting as alarmed.

I don't get any sleep that night. I keep imagining shock on Makarov's face when the flames arise, and the disgust of the rest of the guild. They've been nice to me so far. They know something's off about me, but despite that they treat me like one of them.

And I will ruin all that the next day.

When the sun comes up, I quickly wash my face and step into my clothes. I go downstairs for breakfast but don't eat anything. The ones I'll be training with are Gray and Cana. Gray shows up at the guild wearing a full outfit, but by the time he's done with breakfast he's in his underwear.

I can't find Erza, but when Makarov comes to find us, Erza's walking beside him. She tries locking eyes with me, but I ignore her. I'm still upset.

We go to the back of the guild, to a field edging the river bank. The sun shines onto the water and reflects back. I hear the flames, they're loving my anxiousness, they thrive on it. I keep imagining the dagger, force that image upon them, and that works, but it takes a lot of focus.

So I realize too late that me and Gray are to practice first. I'm sweating already.

'Let's see what you can do,' says Makarov, as he sits down on a tree trunk. Erza stands next to him, her arms crossed. I force myself to look at her. She nods encouragingly. I don't understand her at all.

Then I look back at Makarov. He gives me a thumbs up. There's no time to wonder, but just before Gray jumps at me I start to think Erza might've said something to Makarov. That's why she's so calm.

Again, everything seems to happen behind my back. In Snowtown, the old man and her whispered outside my room and now she's told the guild master something. Again, she's taking care of me. Again, I've been taken care of. Again, I'm a burden.

Gray has placed a rose of ice on my chest, which is spreading fast. I stumble backwards. He grins. 'Eyes here….whatever your name is.'

The flames are laughing at me. I think of what I can do, remember what I know. This isn't such a crisis situation as back at the Tower, but there must be a way to use the flames.

'Riku,' says Makarov, 'try thinking for yourself. And don't take so long. If Gray was your enemy, you'd be dead.'

He swings around a staff, gesturing for Gray to remove the ice. He walks over and helps me break it off.

'Again!' Makarov says. Gray and I step away from each other, till there are about six paces between us. Cana has come out to watch, she sits down on the ground next to Erza, who is now the only one standing up. Her calm demeanour isn't hiding much, she's squeezing one of her arms. The dagger might be hidden in there.

Gray waits this time. 'I'll let you go first.'

I look at him. Before the fight he put on a pair of pants. His upper body is muscular already, conditioned to conceal this ice magic of his.

_His magic_, my inner voice repeats. Not the flames, of course. It's more like myself. Don't worry, for as far as I know I'm not insane, but I do have voices in my head. I think everyone has. Instinct, a gut feeling, a soul. Well, I'm not sure if you specifically have that last one.

_His magic_. Makarov told me to think for myself. Which means not listening to the flames.

As if someone pushes me, I take a step. And another. And I fasten my pace. I start running towards Gray, without a plan. And I feel power. In my arms, my chest, anywhere the flames don't go when I don't use them. I push the locks of hair hanging over my eyes away, and they stay on my head.

When I think I'm close enough to Gray, I clap my hands together. I push my pulses against one another and open my palms. There's power going through my arms, _magic_, and it's about to leave my fingers.

In a cloud of smoke about the size of a cigaret puff.

Gray blinks and looks at my hands, only inches away from his nose. The smoke doesn't even make his eye tear up. Gray's mouth starts turning upwards. From his throat erupts a laughter. He wraps his arms around his stomach and falls on the ground, laughing till he cries.

And sure, it bothers me. I look at my hands. I feel embarrassed, but I learned something valuable. The only thing I should feel ashamed of is the fact that a lot of people have already said it to me, multiple times.

The dark flames are not me. This dark fire is your magic, not mine, which is why I had such a hard time controlling it. It's a completely different entity.

But I have magic too. My magic. And sure, it's not much, but it's there.

I turn to look at Makarov and Erza. There are more guild members gathered behind them. They're laughing behind their hands, laughing at me. And I get it. It was a huge anti climax. I must've looked so excited, so determined, and for there to only rise a fart from my hands; it's pretty hilarious.

But Makarov doesn't laugh. Erza doesn't laugh. They understand what just happened.

So I raise my hand. I point my index finger upwards. And I've never felt more powerful.

The training continued a few more hours. On the outside, it might've seemed I didn't learn all that much. I understood the importance of analysing my opponent, and soon I got the gist of Gray's attack patterns. There was a trick I developed as well; instead of enhancing my nose, I enhanced my eyes. I could tell where Gray was tightening a muscle, where he would move to next. It wasn't so much seeing the future, but more a way of slowing down time.

Doesn't mean I didn't have any bruises after that day, but none of that mattered. For the first time I learned there was another way for the flames and me, that didn't involve a dagger or getting hurt otherwise. I felt awesome.

Because, if you remember, at this point, to my knowledge, I had murdered over a hundred people and I was only about eleven years old. Even without incalculating the ships, there's still about twenty victims left. No matter how safe Fairy Tail made me feel, there was always a creeping fear they'd die because of me. I still had nightmares of the stranger, too. You were always there when I was weakest. There would be more victims.

This fart coming from my hands was the first sign, the first glimmer of hope it didn't have to be that way. And so I felt awesome.

I got to practice with Cana too, whose magic is entirely different. It asked a lot more agility and predicting. Erza faced both Gray and Cana too, she borrowed Makarov's staff and learned to equip it.

'You should get some weapons of your own,' Makarov says afterwards, 'we have some spare ones in the basement, you can use those till you can buy yours.'

We continued training each morning during the next couple days, and had lessons in the afternoon. Sometimes Gray and Cana joined, if they weren't out on a job. But most of the time it was just me and Erza.

After lessons, there were about two hours before dinner time. During this portion of the day Erza liked to disappear. I never went after her. I didn't ask what she told Makarov, but I swore to myself once again that I wouldn't be a burden to her. So I used the few hours of spare time to train on my own.

I walked out of Magnolia Town, away from the main road and into the forest. If I found a place where I was certain the trees hid me from the outside world, I trained. I discovered where my magic came from, and learned to distinguish it from the flames. The puff of smoke slowly turned into a tiny flicker of light. Still not much, but I knew I was on the right track. And it was way easier to handle without people laughing at me.

But one day, after lessons, Gray caught up with me as I was leaving the guild. 'Mind if I tag along?'

I did, actually. 'I kind of…'

'You know, Makarov doesn't like if you practice on your own,' he says, crossing his arms. 'Not without his permission and with that little experience.'

I stare at him and wonder if he's actually trying to blackmail me. Gray's not a bad kid and during this time he's not as annoying as he will be in the future. 'Fine. Whatever.'

So I take him to my training grounds and it kind of feels as if he's invading my house. He sits down in the grass and sighs. 'Just pretend I'm Makarov. I'll keep an eye on you.'

That doesn't help at all. It feels as if someone's watching me pee. I turn my back to Gray and focus on a tree. There are a few marks I made on different days. Little damage. The dark flames would've burned it to a crisp instantly, but I try not to think of that. Comparing my magic to yours is only toxic and not helpful at all.

I concentrate, gather the power within me. Just as I'm about to launch it, Gray opens his mouth and ruins it. 'So what's the deal with you and Erza? Are you, like, brother and sister?'

I stare at the tree, the magic is leaking from my fingers. Not really, but it feels that way. I turn towards Gray. He's half lying on his back, leaning on one elbow and it looks like he's not leaving any time soon. 'We're not. Well, not really.'

Gray, surprisingly, seems to understand. 'Yeah. I had one of those too.'

We stay silent. I turn my back towards him, thinking that's the end of it, but then he says something else. 'You know she goes off crying on her own?'

It was stupid to think I was the only one noticing. I shrug. 'Yes.'

'You just let her do that?'

I turn around again. 'I guess. I'm probably one of the reasons she's doing it anyway.'

'You mean you're making her cry?'

I look at the ground. 'I...don't know for sure.'

Indirectly, I suspected I was the reason. Milliana, Wally, Shô, Simon, Jellal, Grandpa Rob and all the others were reasons to cry, but not without me. She couldn't protect them, she didn't know what she was supposed to protect them from. It would crush her to know it was me.

And so I stayed away. But I didn't tell Gray that.

'Do you even care?' Gray asks. I look up. He's sitting now, judging me.

'Of course I do,' I answer, 'why do you care?'

'I don't,' he says, and he stands up, 'it just annoys me.'

He disappears between the trees, back in the direction of Magnolia. The remaining hours I have zero focus and I know it's the last time I ever take someone with me to train. Or at least Gray.

But I don't completely despise him, because the next day, after lessons, Erza comes up to me, instead of sneaking off immediately. 'You wanna practice? I need a sparring partner.'

She means sword fighting. I've never held a sword in my life, but I nod. Instead of training away from the town, we just move to the back of the guild. Since there's no magic involved, we don't need a supervisor. Kinda weird when it's kids holding edged weapons.

Erza seems, somehow, relieved. She moves around graciously and the sword is becoming a part of her. I, on the other hand, have trouble just standing on my feet while she charges at me. I'm even more bruised than normally, but despite that I'm glad.

Whatever Gray did, I'm grateful. And I promised myself once again that I would become stronger.

Erza taught me how to fight with a sword, and it helped the development of my magic immensely. The thing with magic is that some people are born with a certain type, like Erza, and others are taught, like Gray. I have both, meaning I still can form my own magic the way I want to. I know a few spells that normally wouldn't fit in with my type of magic, or the dark flames. For example; I know one equip spell. I have only one weapon I use it with.

The dark flames I use to enhance my senses. This is how I developed my magic style. Your teachings are still somewhere in my mind, hidden, and they emerge whenever I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing, but I know I need to do something. Such as the Secret Arts.

But those times at Fairy Tail, I had no idea of that. I was paving my own path to becoming a mage. And so was Erza.

Gray had, although he went out on jobs on his own already and we didn't have all that much in common, declared himself my friend. I think he felt that way because I was the only other boy around his age besides Laxus, who was just kind of...Laxus. Most of Gray's ideas of "friendship" was sitting together at dinner or bothering me while I tried to train on my own. Sometimes, Erza hung out with us as well, but I think Gray preferred if it was just the two of us.

One evening, during dinner, Cana asks Erza about her eye. 'What kind of accident was it?'

It stays quiet for a while. I feel ready to just jump in and say that I took it. But Makarov comes between. 'That's in the past, Cana. It's rude to ask about a painful memory if you don't know the history.'

She instantly regrets it. 'Oh. Sorry.'

Makarov places a hand on Erza's shoulder. 'But I must say, something needs to be done about that eye. It will benefit your career greatly.'

Erza looks at her plate and says nothing. I hadn't thought about the fact she might be embarrassed about her missing eye. I once said to her I thought she was pretty, and I still thought that. The missing eye, to me, was both the beauty and the ugliness of what we've been through together, but it was also a constant reminder of where we came from. And it was aching at her.

I sit opposite of her, and I lean forward. 'If you want, you can have my eye.'

The heads of the people at our table turn. Gray sits next to me. I can feel his frown.

Then there's pain on the back of my head. Makarov hit me with an enlarged fist.

'Stupid boy!' he says, and he's genuinely angry. 'That doesn't solve anything! A missing eye stays a missing eye, unless you can grow a new one!'

I rub my head and look at Erza. She lifts her face, which is red, but she's not crying. 'I thank you, Riku, but I can't accept.'

'Of course you can't!' Makarov says, but he doesn't hit her over the head. 'We can fix it some other way.'

The following day, training is skipped and instead Makarov takes Erza to see Porlyusica, a healing mage living in the forest. Gray is at the guild and has forced me to play a card game. I've become rather good at it, to his annoyance. If hanging out like this is what being friends is, I'm fine with that.

'Are you really not using magic?' he asks, for the sixth time. I told him about how I enhance my senses. Well, not entirely the _how_, but that I do it with magic. I shake my head.

'Your moves are too predictable.'

He narrows his eyes at the cards before him. 'Yeah right. You're just getting back at me because I beat you yesterday at practice.'

'You beat me everyday.'

Gray glares at me over the cards. 'Fair.'

The front door of the guild opens and sunlight bursts in. My nose responds and I smell Makarov, and someone else. When they walk in, I see it's actually Erza. But her scent is entirely different now.

And she has two eyes.

Gray puts his cards on the table and turns around. 'Huh. Looks good.'

Erza walks over and she seems like a different person. More confident. The new eye doesn't have a smell of its own, it's really hers that's changed. And it doesn't look at all different than her own eye.

I realize I'm staring at her. 'Yeah...looks good.'

She smiles, her eyes look happy too. She walks over to me, throws her arms around my neck and pulls me into a hug.

And I just kind of...freeze. I mean, holding hands was pretty much all the contact I'd ever had with another person. I could actually feel another living thing against me, breathing, beating, beaming. My first reaction was to freak out, but that was the flames speaking. I forced myself to actually think of this moment. And I answered her hug. I realized I liked this moment of tenderness between us.

'Thank you,' Erza says, and then lets me go. I open my mouth, but there's nothing to say, so I nod.

A few days later. Now that Erza had both eyes, Makarov thought it was time we went on our first job. Because there was a small number of kids in the guild compared to the amount of adult mages, Makarov installed a special request board for the younger mages. The dealing of affairs was pretty much the same: you accept a request, you meet with the person who posted the request, you fulfill the request and you get paid. With that money, Erza and I could make a living. Food, clothes, weapons. It would all be within our reach.

'For the first job,' Makarov says, 'I'd like it if you two went together. Normally, I'd send a more experienced mage with you, but considering the request we've gotten recently, I think you'll be fine on your own.'

Remember: at this point Fairy Tail didn't have the reputation it has now. Barely anyone outside Magnolia heard about it. During this time, even the adult mages got request to free cats from trees.

Makarov leaves us to pick out a job on our own. Erza is carrying a sword on her belt, one from the basement, and she put the hair which is normally hanging over her artificial eye back with a bobby pin, revealing her face. Since our hug the other day, I've been feeling kind of weird around her. I find myself staring at her for long periods of time, before Gray bumps his elbow at me, or Erza looks back.

Erza pulls one piece of parchment from the board and reads what it says. Then she shows me. 'What do you think of this?'

I quickly read "HELP FIND MISSING PIFFY". Apparently, Piffy is a bird. 'Seriously?'

Erza nods. 'Our first job doesn't have to be anything heroic. It's just to practice. And it pays alright.' She points at the number. It has three zeros, which I think is good. I just hope Erza is not just picking the easy route because I'm coming with.

'I can do heroic,' I say, looking at the parchment. She takes it from me, forcing me to look elsewhere.

'I know, but like I said: it's just practice.' She glances at the request. 'I have no idea where this town is.'

We consult Macao, who just happens to be in the guild, and he tells us it's up North. 'About two days. I heard they're still building the train tracks going there, so you better start walking now.'

Of course, I didn't mind not being able to take the train. Makarov sent a message forward to the person who posted the request to let them know we were coming, wished us good luck and then we were on our way. The two of us, again.

I was still wearing my old shoes, the one I got from the man in Snowtown. And like Erza, I felt more confident now. I knew I had changed already. I even allowed myself, despite what I'd done and what I was hiding, to feel happy.

I won't bother you with the details of the job itself. We arrived at the house of the person who posted the request, the daughter of some rich guy, and went to find the bird. I smelled him out rather easily. It got stuck in some net made by poachers. Erza cut it down, we went back to the house and collected our reward.

And then it was back to the guild. On our first travel, the one from the Tower of Heaven to Fairy Tail, we rarely conversed while walking. This time was different.

'Did you see the smile on her face?' Erza says, and her eyes are shining. 'When we get back to the guild, I wanna do something like this again!'

I hold up the bag of money. 'Me too.'

Because it took two days to reach the guild, we had to spent one night outside. We slept underneath a big oak tree and I awoke in the middle of the night, after my traditional nightmare, and saw that Erza was also up.

For a second I'm scared she might be crying. She has her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Her eyes are looking at the stars, which glimmer between the oak leaves.

'Riku,' she says, without looking away, 'you're burning.'

I look at my hand. There are dark flames between my fingers. I quickly force them out. 'Sorry.'

'That's alright.' Her sword is lying in the grass next to her, I don't know where she put the dagger. I won't ask where it is.

I sit up and stretch my back. 'What are you looking at?'

She turns away from the stars. 'Nothing much. I just thought it was beautiful.'

I look up. I don't see anything different than other starry nights. 'Cool.'

'And I was thinking you didn't have a last name yet.'

'That doesn't bother me.'

'Me neither.' She looks back at the stars. 'I just thought it would be fun. Can I suggest one?'

I shrug. 'Sure.'

She smiles. '"Starlight".'

I really don't care, but if she does, I'll take it. 'Alright.'

'I know it's not tough or catchy,' she says, 'but I like it. Makarov told you, didn't he, when we first came to Fairy Tail? To not look at the floor anymore?'

It makes me laugh a little. Erza looks at me and she laughs too. 'Well, I just thought it was nice!'


	8. Chapter 7: The Sky is Pink

**Hey, thanks for coming back! Enjoy! ;)**

_Chapter 7: The Sky is Pink_

After our first job was done, it didn't take long before we set out to do another. And another. And then another. We were quite the team, and perhaps the requests were too easy as well. But I didn't really care. It brought the money and, well, I got to be around Erza.

And this is kind of where I feel uncomfortable, because it's _you _I'm telling. So I'll just be blunt about it; I started having feelings for her.

Right. You probably don't have a clue what that's like. Honestly, I don't think I was capable of it either before I learned to use my magic, not just yours.

Anyway, we went out on jobs, made a living for ourselves and made the guild master proud.

'Look at that!' he says, one day after we get back. He turns his head to look at Macao and Wakabe, who are, as always, doing nothing but sitting around and drinking. 'You should be more like these kids!'

Macao and Wakabe just grin sheepishly and continue sitting around and drinking.

Now that I was earning my own money, I wasn't all that much in the guild, to the annoyance of Gray. And I felt kind of guilty about that, too. So from time to time, he tagged along with us. These were, probably, the happiest times of my life thus far.

Gray and Erza were becoming pretty good mages already. Most of the time they did the heavy lifting and I helped out strategizing. That became my strength: analyzing the situation, calculating the odds, measuring the abilities of Erza and Gray at the moment and predicting the outcome. It went so far they depended on what I suggested they should do. And since we were all getting pretty good at it, we became confident. Maybe too much.

One time we went on a job to help cut down a magic tree. The thing that made it magical was that it couldn't be cut with any normal axe, the power of a wizard was needed. So upon arrival, I investigated the tree. I smelled it, touched it, enhanced my sight even to get a closer look. It smelled weird, but I didn't think much of it. It was a magical tree, after all.

'Alright,' I say after a while. Erza and Gray stand a few paces away, waiting patiently.

'What's the verdict?' asks Gray. I tell him he needs to freeze the lower part of the trunk, just above the roots, weakening the wood, and then Erza can cut through it. He nods.

But when he starts applying the ice, something changes. Erza already has a sword and is just waiting for Gray's signal, but I step in. 'Wait!'

The weird smell gets stronger. It makes my mouth water. Erza lowers her sword. 'What is it?'

I sniff again, and it makes me dizzy. 'Gray, get away from it!'

He looks up, but still has his hands on the trunk. Before he can say anything, one of the branches starts moving. Not because of wind, but on its own. The tree is moving.

The tree punches Gray in the stomach, propelling him backwards. He hits his head hard on the ground, knocking him out.

'Gray!' yells Erza, while she takes a step back. She's holding her sword with two hands now, watching the tree closely. 'Riku, what is going on?'

I try to ignore the deliciousness, but it I still stumble on my feet. I shake my head vigorously, trying to focus. There's loud cracking coming from the tree. The roots are breaking loose from the ground. Somehow, it growels.

'Must be a curse,' I manage to say. Erza looks at me and sees what's happening to me.

'What do you recommend I should do?'

I fall back, try to get up, fall again. 'I...don't know. You can't cut through...unless…' I start thinking real fast, despite the clouds over my mind.

'What?!' asks Erza, alarmed as the tree is getting closer.

'You must infuse the blade with your magic. Cut the curse itself.'

She seems stunned by that. 'How do I do that?'

Yes, how indeed. Erza's magic is, to put it bluntly, used for inventory. The magic serves as the adrenaline to help her fight, but that's only a small part. Most of it she learned by physical training. It might be impossible to use her magic in another way without the aid of a transfusion machine, such as the ones used for magical vehicles.

'Come here,' I say, as I manage to sit up straight, 'give me the blade.'

She points it at me, and I grasp it with two hands. It's sharp and immediately cuts my palms, which are filled with scars from the braiding of ropes at the Tower.

I concentrate, think of my fart-like magic. The insides of my hands warm up, sending out a blinding light. 'It won't hold for long!'

I let go and Erza looks at it. Small strikes of lightning dance around the steel.

She runs towards the tree, which has now set its 'eyes' on the unconscious Gray. Erza can attack it from behind. She jumps, pulling the sword backwards and launching it forward, slashing the trunk with one move.

The tree shrieks. The branches wave around in panic, and a growl erupts from the centre. A dark cloud drifts upwards. The dark magic is leaving as the trunk splits in two, the top half barely missing Gray. The cloud evaporates in the air.

The magic covering Erza's sword disappears as well. She runs towards Gray, who blinks in confusion.

Upon returning to the guild we learned we violated the rules, but only by accident. The request board for kids only holds selected request, the jobs assumed to both challenge the younger wizards but to also be at their level. As it turned out, the magic tree job was more fit for an adult mage, and it was the fault of the master himself when he judged the job otherwise.

But even so, we were blamed for not stepping down. We were supposed to just run away, leave it to the adult mages.

'But there was no time!' argues Erza after the master tells us this. 'It was coming at us fast, and if we didn't do anything it might have destroyed the village surrounding it too!'

Makarov nods while he listens, his arms crossed and a deep frown on his face. 'That may be true, but that was not your call to make. You are, after all, in my care. I failed as a parent, putting you kids in danger, and you acted reckless as a result.'

He looks up, eyeing me. 'Although you saw an opening to defeat the enemy, you should've been more careful. You cannot fully trust on your magical abilities just yet, and so can't your friends. Think for yourself.'

That was a bitter pill to swallow. For the past months, the jobs had been easy. I was slacking off, meaning I had to work even harder than before.

'I won't let you down again, master!' I say, thinking I sound cool. Makarov just shakes his head.

'Don't do it for me, kid.' He points at Gray, sitting at a table with a bandage around his head. I immediately feel dumb and spent the rest of the day training on my own.

A couple days later, me and Erza go on jobs again. Sometimes Gray joins, but not as much. I feel guilty for what happened to him, but I don't know how to apologize. He doesn't hold a grudge, but things are a little more awkward between us now.

Months pass, and before I know it it's been a year since Erza and I fled the Tower. I notice it on the calendar behind the bar. I'm not sure Erza saw. We continued to work hard.

Sometimes, we worked so hard we emptied out our request board. The master wouldn't allow us to take on jobs from the adult request board, certainly not after what happened with the cursed tree, so there was nothing else to do than to just sit around in the guild hall, sometimes train in the back, or play cards. We had nothing to do for an entire week.

Erza already moved into the girl's dorm, while I still stayed in the spare room above the guild hall. Apparently, Gray rented some room in town, and he promised to keep an eye out if anything opened up. During the week where we had nothing to do, I was each day the first one in the guild hall downstairs. It was only a short walk from the girl's dorm, so Erza was usually second to arrive.

But one morning I see only Gray step in. Even he's surprised. 'Did I just beat her?' He's only wearing his underwear. I point, and he groans. 'Not again!'

'It's not a contest,' I say, 'but sure. She's not here.'

Gray walks out and finds out he pulled his shirt over his head just a few paces from the entrance of the guild. He puts it back on. 'So what you wanna do today?'

I shrug. 'I dunno. Makarov said something about reorganizing the library-'

'No way we're doing that!' He sits down opposite of me. 'Isn't there some theatre thing we can go to?'

'You wanna see theatre?'

He looks at me, dead serious. 'Yeah. Why not?'

At that moment, finally, Erza enters the guild. I feel I'm automatically smiling. I can't help myself. I know, it's stupid.

I then notice she's carrying something wrapped in cloth. It looks heavy, yet it doesn't show on her face. She puts it down on the table. 'Here you go!'

Gray and I look at it. 'What is it?'

Erza puts her hands on her hips. 'A gift! From me to you!'

I stare at her for a second, making sure she actually means me. I unwrap the cloth, but I already know by the sound and the smell it's a sword, custom made even.

Erza has bought a bunch of swords for herself since we went out on our first job and has built up quite the arsenal. I was fine by just using whatever the guild basement armoury provided.

I lift it, and I have to use both hands. 'It's heavy.'

I can see my own face in the blade. My cheeks are less hollow, my eyes look brighter. Guild life was treating me good.

I put the sword back on the table, just before I hurt anyone. I know, kind of ironic.

'Erza,' I say, 'why...I mean, thank you, first of all. But...just, why?'

She picks up the sword like it's nothing more than a branch and swings it around, testing its balance and feel. 'Now that I have my weapons, I wanted to make sure you had one of your own. To protect yourself.'

Gray frowns. 'I guess that's not a bad idea, considering the small amount of magic you have.'

I just nod, but Erza gives him a look. She points the sword at Gray's nose. 'He's capable of much more, you know.'

Gray looks at the blade, a little taken back. 'If you say so.'

It was the first official gift I'd ever gotten. Sure, I was given stuff before, out of necessity, such as clothes and food, but never like this. This was given to me with a different gesture. I could barely hold the damn thing, I would have to get stronger before I could use it.

'Thank you, Erza,' I say, and I feel my voice trembles. She smiles.

'You're welcome.'

A couple days pass. I carry the sword on my back, trying to get used to it. Erza helps me train, but even after some time I'm just able to lift it off the ground a little. My hands, arms and back hurt, but I don't want to disappoint her. Each time I look at the sword, I feel a little guilty. I need to get her something too.

On another day, Makarov suddenly calls for Erza. She leaves her breakfast on the table and both me and Gray watch as she walks towards the bar, where the master is sitting on top of. He looks straight at us, and I immediately turn to my plate, but Gray keeps staring. The master speaks calmly, but very soft. That's not a problem for me, of course, but I don't feel like enhancing my hearing. Somehow, I think the master will know if I do.

So I wait till Erza gets back. She doesn't look strange and acts as if nothing happened. Gray has less patience than me. 'Well? What did he want?'

Erza quickly takes a bite of her toast and gestures she won't speak with food in her mouth. Gray rolls his eyes. It's clear she's buying time.

'The master,' she says then, 'proposed I should go on a job myself.'

'Alone?' I say, and my voice shrieks at the end, making Gray laugh. Erza nods.

'Yes. That's what that means.' She takes another bite, chews. 'Don't worry. It will be alright.'

I open my mouth but close it quickly. Of course she can do this. This is Erza Scarlet, a young mage well on her way to become the best Fiore has ever known.

'When will you leave?' I ask.

'At noon. Master has picked the perfect job for me.'

I nod, trying not to look worried. We eat our breakfast in silence, then Erza goes to her dorm to pack. Gray and I sit around at the guild, because there still aren't any jobs for us.

'So you wanna see theatre or not?' Gray asks. I still don't get why he wants to so bad. I shake my head.

'I was actually thinking of getting Erza a gift, for when she gets back.' The sword weighs heavy on my shoulders and I feel like it got worse after Erza announced she was going on a job alone. Gray rolls his eyes.

'You're such a little kid,' he says, surprisingly mean. 'Just tell her how you feel already.'

He might as well have been choking me. I literally stop breathing. 'What?'

'I see the way you look at her. It's extremely obvious.'

I don't know why, but it angers me. Just the way he talks, so casual, about something so complicated. I don't even know what it all means.

I stand up, my hands folded in fists. There's a lot I want to say, but I don't. Instead I walk away, my jaws pressing down hard. I keep walking, away from Magnolia, till I get to my old training spot in the forest. There, I open my mouth and let out a scream.

It goes on for a few seconds. My throat gets sore and when I open my eyes the tops of the trees are burning with dark flames. I accidently roared.

I run to a nearby stream, but have nothing to carry the water with. So I end up eating my own flames, which is really the most disgusting thing ever. Like eating your own vomit. But it stops the trees from burning.

I feel sick.

They hadn't bothered me for the past few months. I had it under control, but all it took was a little teasing from Gray to make them come out. I wasn't all that powerful as I thought.

I lay down on my back, looking at the sky. My head is spinning and I feel like throwing up, but that would mean spitting out the same flames all over again.

I have to get back to the guild, but I don't want to. It's not like she's leaving forever, I'm just not sure if I can look at her now. And Gray's being annoying as well.

I know, these don't sound like the worst problems in the world. But when you're around twelve years old you care about dumb things. Hell, even thinking back now, I'm glad I had the time to worry about futile things like this. I endured your training, was made a slave and escaped my slavers, and now all I had to wrap my mind around was the fact that I liked a girl. I count myself lucky that was all there was.

As I lay there, I focus on my breathing and enhancing my ears. I close my eyes and let my mind drift along with the wind through the remaining branches. And instead of hearing more, I hear less because I somehow fall asleep. The nightmares are still going strong, so it's not surprising I'm a little tired all the time.

When I wake up, the first thing I see is pink. I'm thinking it's late in the afternoon and the sky is turning in for the night already, but then I notice it's not sky. It's hair.

There are two big brown eyes with cat-like pupils looking at me. He blinks. 'Oh. You're awake.'

Something's tickling my nose. His scarf, hanging from one side over his shoulder. He moves back and I sit up. And he smells really weird, but also a little familiar. I stare at him, to the point it makes him uncomfortable. 'What are you lookin' at?'

'Sorry,' I say, 'and don't take this the wrong way, but you smell weird.'

I then notice he has unnaturally sharp teeth. He sits down opposite of me, crossing his legs.

'Well, you smell weird too.' He tilts his head, almost like a cat. 'Are you the Riku-guy?'

He seems a little younger than me. His clothes are dirty, as if he travelled for a long time. But I also smell the guild on his feet. 'Were you looking for me?'

'The old little guy said I should find you,' he answers, 'not sure why.'

I assume he means Makarov. 'Are you joining the guild?'

He shrugs. 'Doesn't look like I have a choice. I'm Natsu, by the way. Natsu Dragneel.'

I nod. 'Riku….Starlight.'

Natsu lifts an eyebrow. 'Is that really your name? Sounds kinda girly.'

'I didn't pick it,' I say, 'and Dragneel sounds fake too.'

He doesn't like that. 'Hey! That's my father's name! And if he hears you say that, he'll burn you to a crisp.'

'Is your father a dragon, then?'

I know. Stupid, stupid thing to say. I'm not aware of it at the time, but I was so annoyed by everyone and everything I blurted out this.

Natsu's eyes get even bigger. Before I can react, he has punched me in the face. I fall backwards, against a tree. Natsu jumps up. 'Hell yeah he is! And he will burn you!'

I then smell something. Around his fist dance flames. My mind is racing, I can't even feel the pain in my cheek. 'You know a dragon?'

'Hell yeah I do! And when he comes back...when he….he will…' His voice dies out. He stands there for a minute, breathing heavily as if he just ran a few miles.

Then I connect the dots. 'Are you a Dragon Slayer?'

The flames around his fists disappear. 'Depends on who's asking.'

I find that a weird thing to say, but I then notice he's just trying to play cool. And I'm not sure what I should do next.

It is the first time I meet another Dragon Slayer. I don't know much of our training and I think Natsu can tell me so much more. But I've been trained by the most terrible dragon of all time. A dragon who's not even a dragon anymore, alive because he killed other dragons. Natsu clearly cares a lot about his dragon dad. Am I really going to ruin my only chance to learn about dragon slayer magic?

This is probably why the master send Natsu to find me. Not with clear instructions, Makarov trusted I would know what to do.

'I used to know one,' I say then, 'a Dragon Slayer, I mean. He...he was pretty stupid, but he tried.'

Nothing is left of the cool demeanour when Natsu hears this. Like night turning into day his face clears up and his mouth turns into a big smile. 'Really?! I've never met any others! And he was trained by a dragon? Like me?'

I nod. I'm relieved he's calmed down a little, but now I have to lie. 'I don't know the name of the dragon, though.'

Natsu jumps around like a kid waiting for candy. 'Where is he now? Can I meet him? Maybe he knows where Igneel went!'

'Uhm,' I say, and I think fast, 'I'm not sure where he is. He might be dead.'

Natsu's face changes again. The smile disappears. 'Damn. Are you sure?'

'Pretty much.'

He sits down. 'Bummer.'

We stay quiet for a while. I ask 'Is Igneel your father?'

Natsu nods, pushing his nose in his scarf. 'I don't know where he is. He disappeared.'

Somewhere in my mind, alarm bells go off. I was left on the side of a road, remember? Where Erza found me. You disappeared too. 'When?'

Natsu pulls at the grass in front of his feet. 'Just weeks ago.'

That doesn't add up at all. It's been a year since I joined Fairy Tail and I can't calculate how long I've spent in slavery. Might be weeks, or years. I can only assume you disappeared before Igneel. I later learned all the dragons went missing on the same day, but we're not there yet.

'So,' I say, just testing the waters, 'what was he like? Igneel?'

Natsu's mouth disappears into his scarf. 'He's not dead.'

'Right. Sorry. I'm just curious. The, uh, Dragon Slayer I knew didn't have any memories of his dragon.'

His face stays towards the ground, but Natsu lifts his eyes up to look at me. 'Dragons are the best.'

'Aren't they smelly?' I ask. I'm not sure, but it looks like there's fire in his eyes. He pulls his scarf down, away from his mouth.

'No! They're the best!'

'Alright, you just said that,' I say, 'but please tell me why. I'm interested.'

Then Natsu starts talking and he doesn't shut up until his stomach starts making sounds. Dragons are smart, dragons are loyal, dragons are cool. Natsu even shows me some of his moves; Fire Dragon's Iron Fist, Fire Dragon's Roar, Fire Dragon's Claw. I try to remember what he says before he shows me, but he starts talking faster the more he gets into it. I make a promise to myself to write down whatever I can recall as soon as we get back to the guild.

'And do you actually eat fire?' I ask after a while. He nods.

'I need flames to use,' he says, like it's obvious. But it keeps me thinking for a while.

'But are there any flames, like….' I struggle to explain it without giving away too much, 'just, always burning? As a small fireplace in the back of your mind?'

He lifts one eyebrow and I realize he doesn't understand what I mean. 'I mean, there's always a little, but that's just your own...what's that word? Stamsa?'

'Stamina?'

'No, I don't think that's it.'

I'm pretty sure that's what it is. So there is always a little power inside the Dragon Slayer, a starting point, the match lighting the path to the rest of the magic. My starting point consist of your flames. But I have a second starting place: my own magic.

'And you can't eat anything else than fire?' I ask. Natsu throws a ball of fire from one hand to the other and scoffs.

'Of course I can. I can't imagine not being able to eat chicken, or fish.'

He keeps misunderstanding me and I wonder what the Fire Dragon actually taught him. 'No, I mean, for your stamina. For example...wind?'

'You can't eat-'

'I know, sorry, bad example….how about lightning?'

Natsu stops throwing the ball over. 'Well, I've never tried _that_...but I did eat some other things. And it works for a little while, but I feel really bad afterwards. I don't like doing it.'

I nod. He starts telling me about that time he tied Igneel's wings together, but his voice fades to the background as I think again. There might be some other reason your flames were nagging all the time, besides trying to completely take over.

What if they were hungry?

I couldn't eat dark magic. Bad things happened if I would. But it was possible to eat other things. It would make me sick, apparently, which might compromise my control over the flames, but what if I could fool them into thinking I was eating dark magic? Mask it, somehow? There was magic inside me, my magic. I could shape it however I liked.

Natsu waves his hand in front of my eyes. 'Are you even listening?'

'Not really,' I say, without thinking about it. Natsu is clearly hurt by that, but he doesn't get sad. Instead, he gets angry.

'That is so rude! Why would you do that?'

I shrug. 'I don't know, I was just thinking of something else.'

'You are a bad person!' he yells, but it doesn't sound like he means it. He's provoking, but I'm not easily provoked. Especially not by some remark that is actually closer to the truth than he thinks.

His stomach roars. Not a dragon roar, just a person that is hungry.

'Let's head back to the guild,' I say, and stand up. He wants to say more, but his hunger steps in. It's now around dinner time.

When we get to the guild, something occurs which will ultimately end whatever friendship Gray and I had. Not in a very dramatic way. We would just never hang out the same way again after he met Natsu for the first time.

It started when Natsu said 'what's with the nearly naked guy?'. Gray answered that by getting up and asking 'you got a problem with that?' to which Natsu replied 'I dunno, should I?'

Before I know it, they're standing just inches from each other, glaring. Natsu has flames around his fists and the temperature in the air around Gray is dropping rapidly.

'So,' I say, 'this is Natsu. Natsu, Gray.'

'A snowman, heh?' Natsu says through his teeth.

'And what are you, a candle?'

This goes on for a few minutes. No one else pays any attention, because it's just kids fighting, but then they start using magic. Tables are thrown around and other mages are getting mixed into it. I step away from the brawl, and don't do anything. I'm just shocked to see Gray like this. It never occured to me he was looking for someone to quarrel with every now and then, but I now connect the dots.

We could never be friends the way he wanted to be. That is partly his fault for having certain expectations, but the thing that separates us most is the fact that I have secrets I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him why Erza and I were the way we were. I couldn't tell him what I had done and what I was carrying with me.

We never had anything to talk about. It was a circumstantial friendship. And I was almost glad it was over.

The fighting stopped when the master entered the guild hall. With two huge hands he picked Natsu and Gray off the ground. He butted their heads together and he would do so a thousand times over every time they fought, until Erza took responsibility.

Erza returned after a week. I didn't get her a present after all, and that was for the better. It wouldn't have been genuine.

Erza quickly took Natsu under her wing, making sure he got the right education and took him on a job even. Makarov barely had anything to worry about. Erza could stop Gray and Natsu from fighting with just one look, which was quite amusing to watch.

Gray and Natsu were healthy rivals which brought a lot more life to the guild. I watched from afar and went back on jobs with just Erza. The only jobs I ever did alone was finding lost cats. I didn't want to take any risks.

And I tried my hand at Dragon Slayer Magic. I didn't tell anyone, not even Erza. The master probably suspected, but he just nodded each time I reappeared after training. I was figuring it out, finally paving my own path.

The practice wasn't easy. I had to figure out a way to consume dark magic without actually consuming dark magic. I tried water, stones, dirt, wood and grosser things, until I landed on the perfect substance: regular flames.

Yeah. Not that surprising, I know. In the end, they were the easiest to change into something resembling dark magic, because the texture your dark flames were made of was the same. I used my magic as a filter, or more as a scan, or a transformation portal to feed the dark flames with regular flames.

It took about two years to develop this technique. I did it all on my own, isolating myself from everyone else at the guild. In the meantime, the Strauss family joined the guild, Happy was born, Macao had a son and Laxus became an S-class mage. Erza and I were both around fourteen years old, we weren't sure, but that's what Porlyusica guessed based on our growth. Erza was slaying the same monsters as the adult mages were. I kept myself to the easiest jobs possible, where I had to use the least amount of violence. I had the track record for the smallest amounts of damage to public properties of the entire guild. I just didn't take any risk, despite having combat abilities.

The problem was that I never practiced these combat abilities on an actual person. I had no idea what damage they could do. It could be nothing more than shift in the air, or it could turn someone to dust. I didn't want to take the risk.

So at fourteen I was rescuing cats from trees and I was contend with that. But of course, you had to ruin everything again.


	9. Chapter 8: The Fair

**Heya, thanks for coming back! This is a bit of an intense chapter, lots of revelations but also fluff. Hope you like it! Enjoy! ;)**

* * *

_Chapter 8: The Fair_

So there I am, fourteen years old, a dark dragon slayer living among ordinary mages, if you can ever call mages ordinary. I don't count Natsu, I'm sure you know why.

A distance has come between me and Erza. We didn't go out on jobs together anymore. It just happened and it hurt sometimes, but it was for the better. I had finally come to a point where I felt it was safe to be myself. The part that is not connected to you, without the flames interfering. I felt I had finally gotten control.

I was young and stupid, of course. I was growing up, my body was changing. Puberty is weird enough on its own, though I don't think you remember much of yours.

Things started going down after the Spring Fair. Apparently there was some supermoon that only appeared once every thirty years and there was a big feast organized for it in Magnolia. From all over the region people came to watch the moon, dance, eat, drink, and celebrate the magic of the universe.

Let's go back to three days prior. I'm in the guild hall, having lunch. I sit by myself, I like it that way. Having so much to hide has made me naturally shy, I rarely ever raise my voice, which makes me the odd one in the guild. I don't mind.

So imagine my surprise when Gray appears in front of my table. Without a shirt on, of course. Without uttering a word I point at him. He looks down, curses and walks away. A minute later he returns, with his shirt on. He sits down opposite of me. 'You hear about the comet?'

I chew, pause, and chew some more. 'Wasn't it a supermoon?'

'Right. We're all going to the fair.' By all, I imagine he means himself, Erza, Natsu, Cana, Mirajane, Lisanna and Elfman. Though Erza and Mirajane don't always get along, often times they do go on activities together. And then there's the case of Gray and Natsu. They seem to want to prove themselves to each other, but they never go all out. It's all in good sports.

Though each time they have a brawl it annoys me. They're just so loud.

And with Gray sitting opposite of me, I'm fearing the question that's coming. 'You're going too, right?'

I've never actually apologized to Gray for screwing up that one time, with the cursed tree. Two years have passed already, Gray has made many new friends, but he seems to sometimes still want to hang out with me.

And Erza's going too. I've kind of been avoiding her, and she's been preoccupied with teaching Natsu how to read and stomping around the guild being bossy. Looking back, it was nice to see her blossom like that. She's about the only person that can come between Gray and Natsu and it's come to the point where they're a little scared of her.

It was almost like seeing what she was without having me to drag her down. She smiles to me every once in a while, but we don't really talk. We nod to each other when we return from a quest. I rescue kittens, she slays monsters.

At this particular lunch, I realize I miss her. A lot.

'Sure,' I answer then. Gray grins a little.

'Awesome. There's a theatre company coming.' He's still going on about theatre.

* * *

We head out around noon. Natsu and Happy run off, followed by Lisanna. Erza and Mirajane are bickering about something, budding their heads together. Elfman walks behind them, muttering to his pet bird on his shoulder.

Gray walks beside me. We say nothing.

First there's a market with all kinds of silly stuff and weird smelling foods. I think back to a similar time, the first big city Erza and I ever saw. It was filled with spices too, strange coloured clouds of smoke, foreign languages, weird looking foods. How Erza stopped in front of a cart filled with armour. How I woke up in the middle of the night, sweating, rampaging.

I shake my head, hoping the image of what happened in the swamps goes away quickly.

Gray grabs my arm. 'Look!'

In the middle of a square stands a stage with its curtains drawn. Gray is finally getting his theatre performance.

* * *

It sucked.

It really did. Gray never talked about theatre again and was grumpy the rest of the day. At some point he walked off, muttering about getting food. So I was all alone for a second.

Then someone screamed my name. I heard the flapping of wings and next thing I know I have a crying Happy in my arms.

'Riku, it's terrible!' he says, blowing his nose in my shirt. His wings disappear and I catch him, almost holding him like a baby. A few people at the market turn to look. Most of them are from Magnolia and have pretty much gotten used to Happy, but some come from other places and can't believe what they're seeing.

'What's the matter?' I ask the blue cat. He sobs till his snout is covered in snot. I softly pat him on the head, not really sure if that helps, because I don't really know Happy all that well. He's around Natsu and Lisanna all the time and I think the only reason he came flying to me just now was because I was the first familiar face he came across. It didn't matter if we were friends or not, I was part of the guild. It's the simplest logic, suitable for a cat.

'I can't find Natsu!' he says, his eyes still streaming.

'Oh,' I say, a little relieved, because, well, it s not that bad, 'where did you lose him?'

He's shaking. 'He...he said I had to find him. I had to close my eyes and count to ten, and when I opened them...he was gone!'

I stare at him and wonder if he's being serious or not. Happy's not all that bright, that's for sure, but he likes joking around too. 'That's the game, isn't it?'

He stares at me.

'Hide-and-seek,' I say, 'that's what you're playing, right?'

I can almost see the seconds ticking by as the realization kicks in. He jumps out of my hands into the air and calls forth his wings. 'Oh yeah! I forgot! Thanks!'

Then he's gone. I stand there for a minute, baffled. Life can be easy sometimes.

Then I hear some giggling. I glance over my shoulder and see it's Erza, with a piece of cheesecake in a bag. 'You're too sweet to that silly cat.'

'I guess.' I force my eyes to the ground.

'Are you OK?'

It's been a while since we've been this close. 'Yeah. Just a bit lost.'

Out of nowhere she's holding my hand. 'C'mon. I'll show you around.'

I let myself get dragged along. She leads me past the many different carts, every now and then stopping and pointing at something. She doesn't buy anything, though. She's very cautious with her money, except when it comes to cake.

At a fair such as this, lots of things are going on. It can get quite overwhelming for someone with enhanced senses, such as me. So I try focussing on Erza most of the time. The smell of her hair, the sound of her voice, the touch of her skin.

Then I hear music, and something accompanying it which sounds like trouble. Erza notices the change in my face. 'What is it?'

We stop and I listen. 'It's coming from the Kardia Cathedral.'

Neither of us brought swords, but that's not an issue for Erza. Still, we wait a little, not to cause any panic. When we get closer to the Cathedral, I realize what the trouble is.

And I can't help but to laugh. I almost forget Erza is still holding my hand.

'What is it?' she asks. This time, I'm the one pulling her along.

'You'll see.'

The square surrounding the Cathedral is filled with music and dancing people. Disturbing this peace are two boys, budding their heads together. One is spitting fire while the other one is freezing his fists.

Erza grunts and lets go of me. She places her hands on her hips and lifts her chin. 'What is going on here?'

Her voice travels over the square, crossing through the music and reaching the ears of both boys. I can almost see the vibrations entering, causing their eyes to widen till both of them jump away from the other.

'Erza!' says Natsu in all innocence.

'We were just…' mutters Gray, hiding the iced fist behind his back.

'...dancing,' finishes Natsu. Both of them frown.

'Really?' asks Erza, sounding as strict as ever.

'You couldn't have said anything else?!' says Gray between his teeth.

'You got a better idea?' Natsu grunts.

The band playing on the square starts off a new song, urging the dancing people to change the tempo. It's upbeat, folkish, the kind that even if you're not that great at dancing makes you want to tap your feet along.

Natsu and Gray both start hopping and bopping around and though I don't know much of dancing, I can safely say they look ridiculous. It even makes Erza laugh.

Then Natsu notices me and concludes that this is his way to escape. Gray glares at him, but when he sees Erza's still keeping an eye on him he dances even harder.

'Yo, Riku!' says Natsu when he reaches me. 'Thanks for helping out Happy earlier.'

I look at him, wondering if he's being serious. 'But...I didn't do anything. Where is he, anyway?'

Natsu points to a cart filled with pieces of fried fish. Happy floats around the counter, his mouth watering all over the food, to the annoyance of the stall keeper. I'm once again reminded what life is like for a simpleton. Seems nice.

The band has finished their song. Gray escapes the dancefloor, his back hunched over and his hands deep in the pockets of his pants, which he surprisingly is still wearing.

One of the guitarists grabs the floating speaker and pulls it to his mouth. 'Now, a very special song.'

Just by the way he talks, I feel there's something off about this guy. He raises his other hand, the one not holding the speaker. He spreads his fingers towards the crowd. There's a twinkle in his eyes. 'Take a loved one by the hand. Boy, girl, anything between and outside! This one is for you.'

I narrow my eyes, enhancing my sight. Something definitely just left the guy's fingers. It's coming straight for Erza.

I push Natsu aside and run towards her. She's only a few paces away, but I can't reach her in time. The impact isn't all that dramatic. She stumbles back a little, as if a fly landed on her nose.

I grab her by the shoulders. 'Are you OK?'

She sneezes, pulls out a handkerchief from her pocket and blows her nose. 'I'm fine. What's going on?'

'That musician-' I feel something tickling the back of my head. I turn around to look at the band and realize I've been hit as well. But before I can move, they start playing.

The violin begins a melody, then the bass joins. The guitarist starts stroking the snares and all of a sudden our bodies start moving.

I have both Erza's hands in mine, our faces are drawn close together. I take a step forward, while she takes a step back with the opposite foot.

'What's happening?' she says. 'I'm not doing this.'

'Me neither.' One of my hands lets go of her and she spins around. During the spin, her clothes change. When she stands still again she's wearing a pink dress.

'Riku,' she says, looking at my clothes, which have turned into a black suit. She does another spin and then she's leaning back over my knee, while I hold her upper body in my arms.

Then we start swirling around the dance floor. We're not the only ones caught up in whatever this is. A song, a curse, we don't know.

There's no point in resisting. The moves just get more difficult when we do. At one point we're doing lifts.

'I have to admit,' Erza says after a minute, 'I'm enjoying this, kind of.'

My arms pull her closer, she leads me into a spin, then wraps her arms around my neck and kicks her feet, as if walking in the air.

'I think,' I say, 'I might be too.'

The other dancers are starting to disappear, and so is the square, the cathedral and eventually the band. All I hear are a few piano tones, playing the violin's melody. Our dancing becomes slower. Soon we're just quietly stepping right and left, looking each other in the eyes.

'This is nice,' says Erza, and she seems surprised, as if she didn't realize she just said it out loud. She averts her gaze, her cheeks become red.

I'm very aware of our closeness. My hands on her back, while her arms are over my shoulders, around my neck. I can feel her breath.

'Yes,' I say, and I'm almost whispering, 'it is.'

Then my mind becomes clouded. I'm not sure if it's still the music, or if it's me, but I lean forward, and I can't stop. I don't want to.

When I see Erza's leaning in too, I'm glad. It's strange, it's awkward, but we do it. We kiss.

I don't feel all that comfortable telling you what it was like, my first kiss, so I won't. What I think is most important, is what I felt while it happened. It was unlike anything.

It was quiet.

There was always something going on inside my head. Hoping no one found out about the dark flames. Keeping secrets from Erza. The guilt of being a murderer. Being afraid of what might happen if I lose control again. Being afraid that I like what will happen.

All of it is gone.

There was only us. I'm holding her, she's holding me. I've never felt safer than in this moment.

Eventually, the song ends.

Slowly the sounds of the square return, the smells, the sunlight. We both blink. We're wearing our own clothes again.

Erza bows her head and takes a step back. 'Well. That was…'

'...strange?' I say, because I feel like that's a save word to pick. Her face is turning as red as her hair.

'Yes. I, uh, have to go.' And she runs away. Actually runs.

And I feel even more uncomfortable than before. When I look at the band I notice the guitarist isn't there anymore. In fact, the remaining members are playing an entirely different song.

But I'm not the only one who is confused. The people that were on the dance floor before also look around, scratching their heads, blushing, staring at their clothes or their feet in slight shame.

I hear some familiar giggling. Natsu and Happy can barely contain themselves, they're shaking with laughter.

'What was that?' asks Natsu when he has the breath to. My face gets warm.

'Nothing. Someone put a spell on us.'

Happy is basically foaming at the mouth. 'Yeah, the spell of _love._'

This cat is barely one year old and already getting on my nerves. It reminds me of what Gray said to me two years ago, patronizingly. And again, I'm angry.

I don't like people who just say stuff about things they know nothing about. They don't know what Erza and I went through. They don't know what I'm hiding. And the stupidest thing is that it's my fault the people say stupid stuff, because I won't tell them the truth.

I leave the square saying nothing. I hear Natsu yell after me 'It's just a joke!' and I know I'm overreacting, but I don't know what else to do.

I consider going back to the guild, locking myself in the spare room and not coming out of it any time soon.

But I've barely left the market area, or I run into Erza. Or rather: she runs into me. Towards me. She can't look straight at me, but she approaches.

'Hey,' she tells my shoes. Without her eyes fixed on me it's easier to look at her. I hope I didn't scare her or anything.

'Hey,' I say. Her hair falls over her shoulders, blending in with the redness of her face.

'So,' she says, 'it was weird. But it doesn't change anything, does it?'

It does. It changes everything. Just by her asking that I can tell she doesn't feel the same. Or wants to.

'I guess,' is my answer. I really want to leave now.

'Although,' she says then, 'I, uhm, had fun. So, thank you, is what I'm saying.'

I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. We're not sure if we were forced to kiss like we were forced to dance, or if that was our own decision. It definitely sparked something.

And then it becomes clear to me that there's no better time to tell her than right now. It's time to stop acting like a whiny kid. I have too much going on already.

'Actually,' I hear myself say, wondering if it's a leftover from the curse, 'Erza, I think it does change. Because I, just, care. About you. A lot.'

She stops breathing. 'I care about you too.'

'Then perhaps the only thing that's changed is that we now know.'

I'm relieved when she takes a breath. She lifts her face slightly, her eyes peeking through her hair. 'Yeah. Perhaps.'

Then she slowly moves her hand, grabbing mine. Before, she wouldn't hesitate to do so.

She takes a step forward and turns around, so she's standing next to me. We look at each other. She's only three inches shorter than I am, but she still stands up on her toes to give me a kiss on the cheek. I feel it shudder through my body.

This was more than I could ever dream of happening.

* * *

The rest of the day we walk around, holding hands, eating cake. When we get back to the cathedral square, the guitarist still hasn't returned. I silently thank him.

In the afternoon, we sit down at a picnic table and drink lemonade. At one point, I accidently grab someone else's cup, which is filled with beer. The taste surprises me, but I don't mind it. Smells nice too. This will become a problem later, but we re not there yet. I stick to lemonade for the day.

'Erza,' I say, and she looks at me. 'I forgot to tell you. I have control now.'

She blinks. 'You mean...the flames?'

I nod. 'I taught myself. I've become better.'

She turns back to her lemonade. 'Well, I kind of suspected it. But I'm proud of you.'

* * *

When the sun goes down, we quickly grab some food and walk up the hill to watch the supermoon. We find the others from the guild and sit down beside them. Happy has gone from a teasing cat to a crying supporter. Natsu tries to pick a fight with Gray, but he's not really responding. He looks at me and Erza and gives me a silent nod.

Then the supermoon appears. We lay down on our backs. The thing is purple with red spots and looks more like an experimental mushroom than a miraculous natural occurrence.

'Hey,' says Erza then, 'remember that job with the bird?'

'Sssh!' says Natsu.

'What?' says Gray, 'you need your ears to see?'

Natsu sits up, glad his rival is finally biting. 'It sure helps to not get distracted.'

Gray leans on his elbow. 'So just because you're too stupid to pay attention to one thing at a time everyone needs to be quiet?'

'Both of you shut up!' says Mirajane, and although she's not as convincing as Erza, she is scary.

'I remember,' I whisper to Erza. We had to sleep under the stars. Erza reminded me of what Makarov had told me when we first arrived at the guild. The master urged me to not look at the ground so much.

'It was a night like this,' whispers Erza, 'Riku Starlight.'

It gets quiet again. I've never been so happy.

After midnight, the supermoon disappeared and everyone went home. I walked Erza to the girls dorm and strolled back to the guild with my head in the clouds. I said goodnight to anyone I saw still in the streets, even the drunkards.

When I let myself fall on my bed I knew the recurring nightmare would soon start, but I allowed myself to drift in the memories of that day.

* * *

Of course you're wondering, 'when will the shit show start?' Well, your patience will be rewarded.

Right.

Now.

The dream is nothing different than usual. It's when I wake up.

It feels like someone's trying to pierce my brain by squeezing my skull. There's ringing in my ears and whispers in my head. Both my hands are on fire. Dark flames. My feet are burning. I kick, rolling out of bed, waving my arms around.

I'm shaking, sweating. Then there are flashes, images. I'm not sure which are memories and which are fictions made by the flames.

There's a bearded man, he smiles at me.

Shô is screaming.

A control panel, several lights are going off.

Ships sink in flames.

Erza hangs upside down, her throat cut.

A horrible sound, that of a train slowing down, the brakes, they're screeching.

Jellal is laughing at me, his eyes bright red.

I'm crying, breathing heavily. I manage to stand up. Shô's drowning.

I have to get out of here. Something is about to happen. Back in the city, the couple that just happened to cross my path. I beheaded them.

I go for the stairs, but lose my balance and fall down. With each step I hit another image flashes by. The guild going up in flames. Makarov asking me 'Why, Riku? Why?'. A woman with purple hair, smiling at me. A cave. Erza. Jellal. Shô.

My head hurts even more when I'm at the bottom. It takes everything to push myself off the floor. I walk from table to table till I reach the main doors. I push them open, night sky. I see the Tower of Heaven in the moon.

I start running. Everything hurts. Happy sitting beside the cold body of Natsu. 'Why, Riku, why?'

The dagger. The only thing that can stop this is the dagger. Erza has it. I have to go back to the girl's dorm and wake her.

No. Too dangerous.

The forest. No, can't go there either. I have to get away from people, anything close to people. Soon I won't be people anymore. My own dark claws crushing the skull of a guard.

The mountains. I have to go into the mountains, freeze my body, anything to stop it. I'm thinking, begging, please, let me make it in time. Let me protect them. Gray, his face a mask of disgust. 'Why, Riku, why?'

I can't feel my feet. I'm not wearing shoes. The night is hot. Macao, holding his newborn son, begging for their lives.

My head feels like it will explode. There's no time to be relieved when the shadows of the mountains fall over me. I don't stop. I cut the soles of my feet and leave a trail of blood in the snow, but I can't stop. There's no pain.

There are whispers at the back of my head. No words, just whispers. They're always there, they tell me. Even when you don't feel us. We're there.

I'm sobbing. I don't want this.

I'm grabbing the sides of my head while stumbling over my own feet. It's snowing. Erza, holding her face up to the sky, a snowflake landing on her tongue. Grandpa Rob.

I fall forward, landing on my hands. I push my face into the snow and I scream. Make it stop. Please, make it stop.

It's not safe to stay here. Still too close to civilization. I have to keep going. So I start crawling, digging my fingers into the snow, pulling myself forward. My clothes are soaked. I might've lost a toe back there. The swamps, the hollow tree, the screams, they shit when they die.

I keep going till I can't feel the wind in my face anymore. I don't know what's real and what's not. There's ice, water dripping from the ceiling. Sometimes I think one of the icicles falls, on its way to slice me, but it sadly doesn't.

I crawl into a ball, hiding my face in my knees, and wait. Erza.

* * *

There's a bearded man, peeking his head through a hole in the ground. He's my dad and he's diving into the belly of our ship. Something's beeping in the cockpit. My mother's not sure what it is, might be the pipes.

I'm only three years old and this is all I know. Mom, dad, our ship, floating through the sky. Sometimes, after bedtime, I push aside the curtains in front of my window and look. There's water and trees and houses and little spots of people.

My dad emerges from the hole again, his face is dirty. He says something, my mother turns pale. The beeping gets louder.

Then there's a horrible sound. It hurts my ears. A sound similar to the brakes on a train, though I will only realize this later, when I am older, walking into a strange city.

The ship shakes. My mother rushes over to me, grabs me under my armpits and puts me in a seat. She locks me in, tells me to be brave and returns to the cockpit. My father joins her. Lights are flickering on the control panel.

The sound gets louder and louder and I start crying. I'm being squished into my seat and my stomach jumps, which tells me we're either going up or down very fast. My parents speak loudly to each other and it scares me. I start screaming, hoping I will somehow drown out the horrible sound. My mother screams. Glass shatters. Something's burning. Everything gets dark.

The cave. A helping hand. Someone asks my name. It's the nightmare, repeating itself, but I can see it much clearer now. The sky doesn't actually split open. It's my ship. The house I thought was mine all along is just some building I happen to land into and destroyed upon impact. I somehow made it out alive before the crash, while my parents were about to die.

I stand next to the stranger and watch as the burning airship draws a line of smoke in the blue sky. Right before they're about to hit the ground, I run away, hide behind a rock. Then the face comes. It's the stranger's, and it's not as scary as in my dream. It's the first look.

Whatever shaped his form in my nightmare was a result of the years following.

My years with you, that is.

I guess I should thank you. Despite you telling me you wouldn't take care of me, you kind of did. You fed me. Made sure I was warm when I felt cold, nursed me back to health when I got sick. And you taught me to take care of myself. You did it all without love, of course. It was all for your personal gain. And I didn't love you, didn't even look up to you. The only reason I'm telling you my story is because you're my only hope.

But we're not there yet.

The memory I see next is the one where all my hurt is explained. I see the origins of my flames.

'Make a fire,' you tell me one night. I go off into the forest, gather branches, and return. By rubbing two smaller branches together I get a spark going.

'It needs to be bigger,' you tell me, so I place a few bigger logs on the fire. 'Bigger.'

You're satisfied when the flames are raging, reaching into the sky and smoking till it makes me cough.

Without hesitation, you extend your hand into the fire. The flames don't hurt you. They stay perfectly still, flicker between your fingers till they turn black. You hold it in front of my face.

'Eat it.'

* * *

Time is lost on me. I'm cold and I can't move. I might be frozen into the mountain. I can't tell the difference between having my eyes open and having them closed.

The dark flames inside me are raging like in the old days. I don't have any energy to fuel my own magic. The magic of my parents. I don't even know their names.

One thing is for certain: there was no rampaging. I can feel it. No wings erupted, no fingers turned into claws, no weird tail. No hunger for dark magic, or the aftertaste. It's a relief, somewhat. It means I didn't kill anyone.

My head doesn't hurt. That's also a good thing. There are no weird images. The memories have ended. There's just me. Losing consciousness.

* * *

There's light, there are voices. Shadows. The salt of tears. My arms are frozen around my knees which are frozen together. My eyelashes are gone. I shouldn't be alive.

Natsu unfreezes me, very slowly. I start shivering uncontrollably. Erza is whispering, but my ears are filled with ice.

'...the heck would you do this?' is the first thing I hear.


	10. Chapter 9: The Journey To Solve It All

**Heya, thanks for coming back! Enjoy! ;)**

* * *

_Chapter 9: The Journey To Solve It All_

I didn't want to die. It was more so the feeling of not having the choice to continue living that made me do it. It still is one of the darkest moments of my life. Not even the thought of Erza, whom I loved the most, could drive out the madness your flames brought onto me.

Makarov sent Natsu and Erza back to the guild and took me to Porlyusica's house. There I stayed for a week, alone with the old woman. She hated people and avoided any chance of making conversation. All she did was heal me.

The only thing she asked me was 'You were there when Rob died?' I wasn't able to speak so I nodded. She breathed loudly through of her nose. 'Thought so. I see the remnants of his spell around your heart. It's broken, obviously, but it brings me comfort to know some part of him lives on.'

Remnants of Grandpa Rob's magic. So it didn't disappear completely. Not that it mattered, the flames could overthrow it any second. They showed they could and there was nothing that could stop it.

Most of the time while in Porlyusica's care, I slept. It was the best way to heal, she said. After a week the master came to get me. He didn't ask anything about why I attempted to freeze myself and just ordered me to go back into the spare room above the guild hall and rest. I think it was his way of saying I was grounded.

I slept for a couple hours and awoke with Erza at my bedside. She looked exhausted, physically and emotionally and I knew I was the cause of that. She found the courage to smile. She always does.

'Hey,' she says. I clear my throat, but my voice still sounds soft.

'Hi.'

She helps me to sit up, makes sure I have a pillow to lean against. Then she takes a trembling breath. 'Riku, please tell me...why did you do this?'

Because I was about to kill about every single person within my reach, is what I would say if I was telling the truth.

Or at least, I thought I was about to kill. It never happened, and I can't know for sure if it was because I prevented it, or if it just wasn't going to happen anyway. That it was just my own insecurity, my own anxiety, that caused me to panic.

My body didn't change. No one died by my hand. Nothing happened.

'I thought…' says Erza then, 'I thought you had control.'

I did. I had control, and that made me cocky. Just because the flames didn't take over this time, didn't meant they wouldn't take over the next. I was still dangerous. I was a threat to anyone close to me.

Meaning I had to break things off with Erza.

'We'll figure it out,' she says then, and that breaks my heart. She's too good of a person. She didn't deserve any of the things that happened to her. Including me.

There is one thing I could say that would instantly separate us for life. Something she'll never forgive me for.

'I still have the dagger,' she says, 'so don't worry.'

She takes my hand. I can't look at her. I feel the words in my mouth. _I burned the ships. I killed your family. You still want to help me?_

She rubs the back of my hand with her thumb, careful and soft. 'I'll be there with you, every step of the way.'

I can't do it. If I tell her, it'll break her. She won't be the same again. She won't be able to stomp around the guild being bossy, to go head to head with Mira, to keep Gray and Natsu from killing each other, to go out on adventures. I will ruin her.

I just can't do it.

'You're tired, aren't you?' I hear her say. I just nod. She stands up. 'I understand. I'll come back tomorrow.'

I keep my head bowed. I can't do anything but stare till the door closes behind her. I look up, see my own reflection in the mirror. My eyes look as if they're being pushed into my skull. My mouth is a thin white line. My eyelashes are gone.

I wonder if I look like my parents. Their faces in the memory were a little blurred, only a few recognizable features were left. Will I get a beard like my father? Do I have my mother's eyes?

I don't even know what they were like, but I know I loved them. They loved me. I just wish I could've met them.

As I stare at myself in the mirror, I realize I can't stay here. I can't stay at Fairy Tail, not without having control, not without answers. I feel I have control now, the flames are subdued, but who knows when they spark up again.

I throw the blanket off me, swing my legs over the side of the bed and wait. I feel dizzy. When I'm confident I won't fall over I dare to stand up. I walk around my room, gathering clothes and maps. I loosen one of the floor planks and pull out all the money I have earned over the years. All of it I try stuffing in a travel bag.

* * *

I wait till night falls. I skipped dinner. I try writing a letter to Erza explaining why I'm leaving, but I quit halfway through. She'll be mad no matter what, so I burn it. But I take the sword she gave me.

When I'm sure everyone has left the guild hall, I sneak out. With the softest footsteps I go down the stairs. I'm so focused on not making any noise I find out someone's at the front door when I'm already there. Sure, it's the master we're talking about, he's as small as a toddler, but still.

He stands there, staff in one hand and the other one in a fist. He's, to put it bluntly, not pleased.

'Going somewhere, Riku?' It's more so a grunt than a casual question. He's blocking the way, that's for sure.

I put my bag on the ground. 'I can't stay here, master.'

He breathes out loudly through his nose, in a way only an old man can. 'Are you planning to leave the guild?'

My instincts would say I was, but I never considered it. All I wanted was to leave, and I didn't think of the possibility of coming back.

Would I leave Erza?

'No,' I say, 'but I can't stay here.'

'I see.' Makarov nods slowly. 'Because if you were leaving the guild, you'd have to swear a few oaths. And I would be very disappointed to see you go, after you've come so far. I would tell you I was proud of you. I would let you know that, even though you've chosen to suffer in silence, I never wanted you to suffer alone. I would tell you that you're not alone in this fight. I am your guild master, and acting parent when I need to be. I would wish you all the best in the world. I would tell you you're forever one of my children, and even after you've chosen your own path, I would continue to worry about you.' He lifts the staff off the ground, and slams it down with a loud thud. 'That is what I would tell you, Riku Starlight.'

I stand there, a little in awe. I've always respected the guild master and I knew of his love for the guild and all that surrounds it, but to hear it like this makes my throat swell up and my eyes burn. Am I really leaving this place?

I press my arm against my eyes. I thought the tears would come later, when I was truly alone, but I guess they're here now.

'Master,' I manage to say, 'I will come back. I promise.'

He grunts an old man grunt. 'Good.' He turns around, facing the doors and opens them for me. I look up. The cool breeze of nighttime rolls inside. I have to go, I know it.

I lift my travel bag off the ground, swing it over my shoulder and take the first steps of this new adventure. When I pass the master, I feel I have to say something. Thank him, for all he has done. But I don't, because that's too close to saying goodbye. And I will come back. I will.

So to not make this moment any more painful, I start running, off into the night, hoping to find answers.

The true objective of this journey is to do precisely that. I have to find the place where the ship of my parents crashed. It's the key to this whole thing.

I'm sick and tired of the secrecy, the mystery of my past. There always seems to be more I don't know and the memories seem to pop out of nowhere, causing me to panic and lose control over your flames. That shit needs to be over. This journey has to solve it all.

* * *

I was gone from Fairy Tail for two years. Most of the time I tried living off what nature provided and I slept outdoors. I crossed the kingdom in several different ways, taking familiar routes and going off them to explore new territory, because I had precisely zero to go on when it came to finding the crash side.

I went to the beach Erza and I washed up on after we escaped the Tower of Heaven. The region had already become rich due to the spa, the beauty parlors and the water parks and what not. I found the road Erza found me on, or one similar to it.

I even considered going back to Snowtown. I avoided the big city where I lost control once, and the swamps surrounding it.

I had a steady run for the first three months. I was glad no one from Fairy Tail came after me and I avoided anyone associated with mage guilds. And I felt somehow freed. The control I had over the flames seemed about the same as before the panic at the night of the supermoon, and now that I was constantly on the move I felt safer. I stayed away from people, just in case it did happen again.

But a person, even me, can only go so long without human interaction. I didn't mind being alone, but that's not the same as being lonely. I started to forget the sound of my own voice, what my face looked like, while the memory of Erza became clearer. I could even recall the smell of her hair.

I'm not proud of this, because it comes close to an obsession. Sure, teenage love can be overwhelming, but it got to a point where I wondered which would be worse, your flames or Erza's lips on mine.

So I walked into a bar. There is no punchline, only that I asked for lemonade, which was the first thing I said to anyone in weeks, and the bartender told me they only served alcohol. So I asked for a beer. I tasted it before, at the fair for the supermoon, and I enjoyed it just as much as then. So I ordered another. And another. And then another. And then another. And then another.

You get it. Not proud of this either.

I woke up the next day in the street next to my own vomit. I somehow still had all my belongings on me, even my money. No one got hurt, but I remembered barely anything from the night before.

Despite feeling like shit, I felt happy. Because for the first time in forever I didn't have any nightmares. It might have been a different state of unconsciousness, but to me it was as being freed from torture. Though I knew the truth behind the dream, it still scared me. Every. Single. Night.

Being fourteen and stupid, I thought I'd found my solution. So from now on, each town I passed by I entered a bar, ordered beers till I felt I couldn't stand up straight anymore, walk off, fall down somewhere, and sleep.

* * *

After a few weeks, I had lost all concept of time and space. I had no idea where I was and I didn't care, as long as there was a place I could get beer, wine, or even sake. I ate hardly anything and stopped training entirely. At one point, I even tried trading my sword for a bottle of gin. It was the other guy that told me the sword was way too expensive and that I was an idiot to trade it for some bottle. My drunk mind realized he was right.

I slowly lost my money on this drinking habit and I didn't regret a thing. I got dreamless sleep for it in return.

One morning, I wake up in some alley, head pounding, feeling like crap. I hear a voice. A familiar voice. It both makes me sad and angry, before I even know who it belongs to.

I crawl to my feet, lean against a wall, stumble to the street. It's early in the day, only a few people out and about. I look around, trying to pinpoint where the voice is coming from.

There's a kid with blue hair, speaking to some man sitting on his own porch. Lots of kids have blue hair, but it still makes me jump. The kid is about my age and has his back turned to me, but I know that voice. Though he smells different. What the hell is he doing here? Wherever 'here' is.

I don't run up to him yet. There is some part of me that wonders if I'm just still drunk. I might be imagining things.

Then he turns around. I'm instantly cured. He has the tattoo around his eye. The smirky face.

My feet are moving. I pace, sprint towards him. Flames are burning around my hands. He frowns when he sees me coming.

I grab him by his shirt, lift him off the ground, drag him away from the street. Somewhere in a shadow I push him up against a wall. He struggles, but I don't let go. I shout at him, spit in his face. Something along the lines of 'You ruined my life'.

He just looks very confused. 'Sorry, I don't-'

I might kill him, is what I'm thinking. Just right here. He made me burn the ships, he turned me into a monster. He hurt Erza.

I have one hand around his throat. He kicks his feet around in panic, clawing at my arm. I squeeze. His face turns red, he shrieks. How dare he.

He can barely lift his arm to grab mine. As soon as he does, one of his eyes flickers. My sight gets blurry and I feel like yawning. Drowsy, sleepy.

* * *

I wake up hours later. It's late in the afternoon, the kid is gone. I sit up and sniff around. His smell is completely gone too.

I sit there for a while. Did he escape the Tower? Has he come back to haunt me?

My head feels like it's gonna explode. I'm too tired to think this over, but I feel like I have to. Because the way I reacted was strange to me. There was adrenaline, for sure. I was angry, scared, but happy and sad too.

He had none of that in his face. It was like he didn't even know who I was.

The more I think about it, the sicker I feel. And there's no use dwelling on this, because I can't figure it out. The guy ran off and I hadn't seen in which direction. His smell was gone. It was almost like it never happened.

What if it hadn't? What if my drunk mind was fooling me? Then I just scared the crap out of some random kid.

Either way, I couldn't stay in this town. I had to move on, maybe reach the next one over before dark.

I felt even more miserable than when I still had my nightmares. The town I entered next was a harbour town and I should've known that meant trouble. Because if there is sea, there are pirates. And the liquid that pirates like the most besides salt water, is alcohol.

As soon as I set foot in a bar, all faces turned to look at me. One of the bigger guys laughs at me. 'Run along, kiddo. This place is taken.'

By place I assume he means the entire bar, not just a seat. The bartender looks terrified and seems to quietly ask for help. I wouldn't say I looked all that reliable, but maybe there was some part of me that screamed 'guild mage'.

As you know, I wasn't exactly the greatest fighter, not even a good one. I sparred with Erza from time to time, but the last round was ages ago. My magic wasn't exactly a battle-type either. And my natural shyness didn't help.

But over the past few weeks, or however long it was since I started drinking, something happened inside me. Something changed. The flames seemed a bad memory, they only sparked up if I was puking my stomach out somewhere, but that was it. The nightmares were gone too.

I felt a little freed, and that gave me courage to speak up from time to time. And at this moment, I felt like shit anyway.

So when that pirate told me to run along, instead of listening I unsheath my sword. A laughter goes through the bar, but the bartender disappears into the kitchen.

'You wanna go, kid?' says the big man. I hold the sword with two hands. It's been a while since I held her, but it's like riding a bike. I can do this.

'Bring it.'

The big pirate jumps forward, waving around a short sword barely the size of my head. I dash sideways just in time, bumping into a table. The pirates sitting at it grab my shoulders and pull me down. The big man steps forward, holding the sword up, ready to press it down through me.

I kick one of my feet up and launch it into the big man's stomach. He coughs and stumbles back. I manage to free my sword and use the shaft to smack one of the guys holding me on the head. The other one lets me go in confusion.

The big man comes running again. The other pirates have now formed a circle around us, I have to avoid their grasping hands, otherwise they'll trap me again. I jump and duck away from the big man's swinging. I'm too quick for him, so I wait till he tires himself out.

'You think you're clever, don't you?' he pants at once, leaning on one of his friends. He lifts the sword, pointing the edge at my face. I wait steadily. Then he grins. 'You're alright, kid.'

The pirates in the circle start laughing as if it's the funniest thing they've heard in years. Someone pulls me by the shoulder and then I'm sitting at the bar, holding the biggest pint I've ever seen. The pirates start singing songs and buy me one drink after another. The night continues on.

* * *

I was a fool, of course. You should never trust a pirate, not even a good one. All my money was gone. There wasn't much left anyway, but it still hurt. They took some of my clothes too, but left the sword on my back. Perhaps out of respect.

When I'm done emptying my stomach at the side of the docks, I sit down at the beach. It's a warm day, there are a few ships floating aimlessly. They're no smaller than my thumb, that's how far away they are.

I don't like ships, because of motion sickness, but I wish I could've enjoyed them. The guys from the night before might have stolen from me, but they were fun.

Perhaps the only reason I thought this was because I was a complete stranger to them. I could never have this much fun at the guild, because I would be too afraid of accidentally telling someone things they shouldn't know. Pirates didn't care. They went from town to town causing havoc, stealing, murdering maybe. And they also didn't care for magic. There was only so much to do with magic at sea.

As I'm sitting there, appreciating the silence and the fact that I got to be a nobody, a smell enters my nose that wakes me out of it. I jump up. He's not far, I can tell that much.

I enhance my sight to the point it hurts. I can see between the buildings, up a hill, into the palm tree forest, where there is a cave. He's there, going about his business.

I'm coming for him.

Just from tension alone I have to vomit, but after my head is cleared I start running, through the town, up a hill, into the palm tree forest. I have no plan what to do when I reach the cave. By that time he might've already seen me coming, because I make a lot of noise. I might be foaming at the mouth for all I know.

I see the cave clearly know, I'm five hundred paces away but I see him. He turns around, away from whatever he's doing inside his cave. He looks in my direction, narrows his eyes but he can't see me yet. He knows something's happening, because he takes one of his staves that is leaning against the opposite wall.

I'm almost there.

He steps out of the cave, into the sunlight. I fasten my pace even more, I have to get there before he can put a spell on me again.

He slams the end of the stave into the dirt, the ground shudders. It knocks me off my feet a little, when I get to the ground I don't have enough time to avoid a nearing tree. I bump into it, breaking the stem in half and bruising my face.

I fall back, hitting my head hard on the ground, and this is the second time the blue haired kid has knocked me out.

* * *

This time, I awake tied up to a tree. Roots are strangling my wrists together. The first thing I think of is to burn them, but something tells me that won't do. They smell weird.

The blue haired kid sits a few paces away from me, legs crossed, four or five staves on his back. The sun is beaming down on me hard, while he's in the shadow of his cave.

It's hard just looking at him. And it hurts even more that he looks so innocent, but it is him. There's no doubt about it.

'Would you mind telling me,' he starts off, and the sound of his voice makes my stomach turn, 'what it is I did to you?'

The roots around my wrists loosen slightly, though not enough for me to free myself. I keep my eyes to the ground. 'You turned into a monster and killed our family.'

It's a rough version of what happened, but it's the first thing I think of and it explains a lot. Although I blame myself a lot, I blame Jellal too.

'Our?' he repeats. 'Are you saying we're related?'

I can tell by the way his breathing sounds he's patiently waiting for me to answer. He seems genuinely interested, as if this is the first time he's hearing about this.

'No,' I say, deciding to play along, 'not really. We were a made up family. Don't you remember?'

Still, there is no change. No sign that he recognizes any of this. 'And according to you I killed them. Just for good measure...can you tell me what you think my name is?'

He's screwing with me. He must be. Trying to earn my trust. I might still be hungover, but I'm not an idiot. 'Stop messing around.'

'I'm not,' he says, 'I just think you have the wrong person. I am truly sorry for what happened to your family, but I'm not the one who did it.'

Even this sounds believable. I force myself to look him in the eyes, just to make sure. I enhance my ears, to the point where I hear his heart beating. He's completely in control of himself, because he has control of the situation. There's no sign that he's hiding anything.

And when I look at him, some part of me just hopes it's true. That he looks like Jellal, speaks like Jellal and almost moves around the same as Jellal, but that nothing of the Tower had ever happened to him.

'So you don't know who I am?' I say, pulling my eyes back to the ground. I have to calm down, because there is one thing that doesn't make sense still. He doesn't smell the same as Jellal.

Of course, someone's scent can change over the years. It happened with Erza, after she got a new eye, but I knew it was her scent. It still had the same imprints, if that makes sense.

This Jellal has none of it. There's not a hint of my brother in there, as if he's really a different person as he says.

'Sorry,' he says, 'I don't. And I see you're starting to get that, so I'd like to suggest loosening the roots, but you'll have to promise not to attack me. My throat still hurts.'

He doesn't wait for me to answer. The roots move away from my wrists, till they're nothing more than a tight bracelet.

'Your name,' I say, because I hadn't answered his previous question, 'is Jellal. We met at the Tower of Heaven, where we were forced into slavery. You decided it would be best for our cellblock if the children looked out for each other. We became a family. You, me, Erza, Shô, Milliana, Wally, Simon and Rob, who was our Grandpa.'

None of these names tell him anything and that almost angers me. I have to remind myself this is not the Jellal I knew.

'Again,' he says, 'I'm really sorry for what happened to them. I can tell it's hard for you to restrain yourself, and I can imagine. If it was really someone with my face who did it-'

'It wasn't,' I interrupt. 'The reason I can't look at you right now is because you remind me of what I did.'

It's out before I can think about it and that makes it all the more true. All Jellal ever did at the Tower of Heaven was try to protect his family. In doing so, he got caught and was made into a monster. The monster told me to destroy the ships. Not Jellal.

Jellal didn't ruin my life. And I have to remind myself that I didn't do so either. It was the flames. Everything leads back to you.

'Did you kill your family?' Jellal asks then. There's no judgement in there. It's just a question. And for the first time I feel like I don't have to lie.

'No,' I say, 'but I could've prevented it from happening.'

My body feels heavy. All I want to do now is disappear. And I'm ashamed.

Disappearing is what I've been trying to do over the last few weeks, instead of finding answers. I tried drinking my nightmares away, lose myself in brawls with people I'd never see again, become a completely different person. A rude person.

And instead of overcoming it, I start crying right there. Tied up to a tree in front of someone wearing the face of my brother, though he isn't. And he just sits there, staring at me. He just waits till there is room for him to speak.

'Though I don't know you all that well,' he says, 'I can tell you're persistent. I think that if you could've prevented it, you would have.'

As my snot is dripping down in the grass I realize he's right. The flames had their grip on me. I couldn't do a thing. That was no excuse for what happened, but a motivation to prevent it from happening again. Because I could do that.

I lift my head and force myself to look at him. 'My name is Riku.'

The roots move away from my wrists. I'm freed.

'Though it is strange, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.' Jellal stands up. 'Are you hungry?'

Before I can say anything else, he's already on his way into the cave. He seems to like doing that, asking people stuff and then answering for them.

I push myself onto my feet, clean my face in my shirt and follow him. I then realize my sword is gone, but when I enter the cave I see it's leaning against a wall, where I saw Jellal's staves earlier.

In the middle of the cave hangs a pot over a fire. The smell of vegetables and chicken makes my stomach jump. It might have been weeks since I'd eaten anything of substance.

Jellal pours me a bowl and hands it over. He sits down and gestures I should do the same. At this point, I'm just his guest.

'I guess I owe you an explanation of some sort,' he says, between sipping. 'Though it might sound unbelievable.'

It occurs to me that the way he talks is a tiny bit different than the Jellal I knew. He's more formal, the way nobles speak.

And soon I learn why. I can bother you with the long version, but it won't get any less stranger. And it's really no use telling it all, because all of it will be solved before we meet.


	11. Chapter 10: The Journey Continues

**Hello, thanks for coming back! I have some exciting news: my other fanfiction that I used to upload by weekly on Wednesdays has ended, which means weekly uploads for this story can start! So enjoy this chapter, and see you next week!**

* * *

_Chapter 10: The Journey Continues_

To put it bluntly: there are parallel worlds. The Jellal that was speaking now was the prince of a kingdom in that parallel world. And there, his name was also Jellal.

'When I get back to my world,' he says after he's done explaining the gist of it, 'I will look for your counterpart. I wonder what happened to him.'

And yes, there are counterparts of everyone in that world. I'll never get to meet them, though. But we're not there yet.

'If you don't mind me asking,' he starts then, again so formal, 'what kind of magic do you use? I can tell it has to do with your senses, but the other day I saw flames too.'

I did mind that he asked, but I felt comfortable enough explaining a little, mostly because he was from another world and planned to return to it. It was the same as brawling with people in bars; I would probably never run into them again.

'I'm actually still trying to figure that out myself,' I start off. 'I recently found out new things about my past. I was partly raised by a dragon slayer, though I don't remember much of it. I'm trying to find the spot where he found me, because it might tell me how I can control the flames. There…' I stop myself as the face of Erza crosses my mind. 'There's a place I have to return to, eventually. But I can't do that before I know I won't hurt anyone.'

Jellal nods slowly, and even if it's just being polite, it feels nice to have someone listening.

'Before,' he says, 'I used to travel with someone. I had to leave her behind, because it was getting dangerous. I left her somewhere safe, of course, and it was for the better. Every now and then, it does get lonely.' Then he smirks. 'And now that I know I have a quite dangerous counterpart in this world, it becomes even more difficult.'

'You could wear a mask.'

He nods, but he doesn't find it funny. To have the face of Jellal might cause problems. Though the Tower of Heaven was a very secret project, it did reach the ears of the Magical Council. It wouldn't surprise me if they knew what happened to the Jellal there. To have another Jellal running around would attract the wrong attention.

I realize that must really suck for this Jellal. The first time I saw him, he was speaking to an old man on a porch. He was probably just making conversation, stepping out of his loneliness for some time. And then I attacked him.

The inside of the cave tells me he's been staying there for a while. He told me he was looking for some spell that would solve the problems with his world, but the search seemed to have come to a hold.

I might have been his first guest ever.

'This place you have to go back to,' he says after a while, and he almost sounds dreamy, 'what's it like?'

I actually find myself smiling, thinking of the guild. 'It's called Fairy Tail, it's a guild for mages. I've been there for two years now, going on three.' I open my shirt to reveal the guild symbol on my chest. Jellal looks at it with great interest. 'It's a way for mages to work for money, but it's also a home. They took me and my friend in and took care of us. The members on their own are crazy and loud, and all crouched together they're even worse...but they're good people.' As I hear myself talking, I realize I do care a little bit. I often felt alienated from Fairy Tail, but now, telling someone else about it, I realize once again what I'm part of.

Hell, it might just be a family.

'Sounds nice,' says Jellal. And I don't know for sure, but I sensed a little jealousy in there. Or maybe longing. He had no idea how long it would take for him to return to his world. Everything was uncertain, while I had a place to return to. Always.

'You know,' I say, and while I talk I'm still thinking it over, but I know it's the right thing to do, 'I've done some pretty bad stuff. The master doesn't know all of it, but he suspects. He still took me in.' I force myself to once again look at his face. Jellal's face. And I wonder if it will even work. Can Erza deal with it?

Jellal has an idea of where I'm going with this and smiles a little. 'You think there's a chance for me?'

'There might be.'

He turns his eyes to the entrance of the cave, where the palm tree forest begins. He seems to be looking at something only he can see, and his face brightens somehow. 'You mentioned a mask earlier. That might not be a bad idea. If it means I get a place in this world, I will wear it.'

'You'll need a different name, too.'

'You're right.' He thinks for a while, takes another sip of his soup. 'I will dwell on this later. Let's first do the dishes.'

I couldn't help but to frown. It was such a homely thing to do. Washing the dishes. We said nothing while doing it, but it was nice.

Afterwards, when walking back to the cave, it was getting dark already. That was quite a bummer, because it meant I couldn't get to the next town in time. And to return to the bar I went to the night before was impossible. The pirates probably weren't there anymore, but the bartender would recognize me. Not a great idea.

'You can stay here, if you want,' says Jellal. 'Tomorrow, I will fabricate a mask and a new identity.'

He seems excited about it. Perhaps because he finally has something to do.

'Thanks,' I say, hesitantly. I guess I will stay here. I probably won't get any sleep, but there are too many things to wonder about anyway. Parallel worlds, Jellals and Erzas. My parents. The fact that I'm a joke of a mage.

'I would like to leave for the guild soon,' says Jellal, while he's improvising a bed for me. I didn't ask him to do that. Then I realize what he's saying.

'Oh, but I can't go yet,' I say. Not in this state, at least. Makarov would kick me out immediately. I was slacking off hard.

'Right,' says Jellal, a little disappointed, 'you're searching for something.'

'Yeah,' I answer, 'though it's not going great so far. I'm a little lost, honestly.'

Jellal stops what he's doing and turns to me. 'I wouldn't mind helping. If that's alright with you.'

He wouldn't say that if he knew what I could do. So far, I hadn't worried the flames would take over. Jellal himself seemed pretty strong, if something happened he might survive, but the whole reason I fled Fairy Tail was to stay away from people in order to figure out how I can't hurt them. Was I really gonna involve someone in this mess again?

'I think it's better if you don't,' I say after I've thought it over. 'I can give you directions to the guild, but I can't go back there yet.'

He nods. 'Of course. Though you should know I don't mind waiting a little longer. I have ways to help you. Unconventional, some would say.'

So far, I've seen little of what this Jellal is capable of and already I thought he was pretty strong. He put me to sleep while I was strangling him, he made the ground move beneath my feet, he induced roots with some spell that made them freakishly strong. And there were all these staves.

'What kind of ways?' I ask eventually. He steps out of the cave and sits down opposite of me.

'There are several different spells I use,' he says, 'but the one I'm most experienced in is Sleep Magic, which I used on you before.' His eyes glimmer a little, as if he's curious about this too. 'You have nightmares, don't you?'

I'm so surprised by this and it shows in my face. It makes Jellal laugh a little even. I must've had one while I was unconscious, or the flames showed themselves, or something, but I didn't remember.

Could it be that, even if I don't remember, I can have nightmares? That would mean drinking didn't solve it at all. Well, that's no surprise to anyone, but it was a bummer. The nightmare would still come. Always.

'Yeah,' I say, when I'm over it a little, 'the place I search for is in my nightmare.'

Jellal nods and by that shows that he suspected that. 'With this Sleep Magic, we'll be able to take a look.'

'Really?' I say, and I whisper it almost. And I'm a little scared. I don't know if it will be like a dream, or like the vision I had while frozen.

'I'll be there with you,' Jellal says, 'you're not alone in there.'

He has no idea what that means to me, but there is one part of me that resists. I barely know this guy. Will I really show him my most vulnerable moment? Even if he is from another world, even if he too has a secret he needs to hide from the world, I don't really know him.

He sees me thinking. 'I understand if you need time to consider. The offer stands.' He pushes himself back on his feet. 'Would you like some tea?'

I don't answer, but he still gets me a cup, again answering for me, but with this big thing he leaves me alone. I never willingly went into my nightmare. I always let it flow over me, like a wave hitting the shore.

Jellal drinks his tea in silence while mine gets cold. The sun goes down behind the palm trees and the stars come out. Jellal leaves to make a fire and then continues to wait for me to say yes.

I do, eventually.

'But I think it's best if you tie me up,' I add. Jellal lifts one eyebrow. 'Trust me. The flames...they sometimes like to go off on their own.'

'But you'll be asleep.'

I don't know how to say it any other way. 'Just do it.'

So he gets two more of the roots he used on me earlier and ties me to both a tree and a rock.

'Alright,' I say then, 'now you can do it.'

Jellal didn't bring any of the staves. He just places one hand in the middle of my face and I feel weak in the knees. I get the sensation of falling backwards but never hitting the ground.

I blink a few times. It's dark and I know where this is. The hand will come out soon.

'Riku,' says Jellal. I look over. He's standing a few paces away and looks tall. I realize I'm the three year old version of myself again. Jellal smiles a little. 'You seem like a sweet child.'

I wasn't, I try to say, but I can't move my mouth. Still, Jellal seems to hear me. 'Everyone thinks that.'

I'm lying between the ruins of a house, it's dark. I stare, waiting for the hand. Your hand, of course.

'He won't hear us,' says Jellal, 'just so you know. And he can't see me.'

There it is. The hand. I focus on Jellal and I almost skip over the fact that I can't hear anything. The dream is completely silent. I've had it so many times that it doesn't really matter, I know what is being said, but it's comforting to have it this way. It feels like we're not really a part of it.

I follow the hand, you, out of the darkness, into the green field. The dream version of this memory and the actual memory kind of overflow here. I know what's coming.

Jellal walks around the field, unaware of the tension. He kneels down in the grass, stares at trees, kicks rocks around.

There, I say silently. The sky is splitting open. I blink and then I see the ship, instead of a crack. It's crashing down. It drags a line of smoke behind itself in the air.

Though Jellal doesn't even flinch. I'm sure he heard me, but it doesn't seem important to him. He's just looking around, his back turned to the whole scene. He puts up his hands in front of him, making a square with his fingers and looking through it.

Truth be told, he looked silly. Ridiculous, even. Here I was, reliving my toddler trauma, and he acted like a gardener, or a very interested tourist. All he missed was a flower shirt and sunglasses.

I turn away from the crash of my parent's ship just before it hits the ground. I run away, as I always do, and hide. Now I have to wait for the face.

But it doesn't happen. Jellal ends the dream just before the climax.

My hands aren't burning. I'm still tied up, the roots strangling the life out of my wrists. Jellal gestures with one hand and they let loose.

I can tell he wants to say something, but somehow he knows I need a minute. Though nothing's burning, the flames are very, very happy. They dance around like it's a carnival.

I breathe in and out, close my eyes and think of filters. My own magic, surrounding the flames like a net catching fish.

When I return, there's a new cup of tea in front of me. Jellal sits not far away, waiting patiently. I clear my throat. 'Well? What did you find out?'

He doesn't ask if I'm OK and that's comforting to me. We can move past it. 'West.'

He sounds determined and a little proud even, but I'm not convinced. 'West? That's all?'

Sure, it was a whole lot more than I had figured out over the last few months, but it felt a little disappointing.

'Judging by the suspected time of day,' he explains, almost professor-like, 'the position of the sun, the vegetation and the dryness of the ground, my guess is it's somewhere in the West. The location will become more precise once we're in the right climate-'

'Wait, what?' I interrupt. 'We?'

He nods, unaware. 'Yes. I'll be able to pinpoint the location when we're getting closer. It will probably not look the same as it did eleven years ago, but hills don't move that easily. Well, unless there's a mage involved, but we can't predict that.'

I just stare at him. He does it again, deciding on his own. He suggests things, asks, but still does what he thinks is best. And up till this point, each decision he has made for me has proven to be useful. He knows what he's doing, because I do need help. I can't do this by myself anymore. I have bad habits and no money.

'Right,' I say, after contemplating, 'then we'll go West.'

He smirks a little. 'We'll leave tomorrow, after I've made my mask.'

He seems very excited about it and by this point I just expect him to show up with a goblin mask or something. But when we're ready to leave the next day, all he's wearing is a piece of cloth that covers his face from the nose to the chin, and a hat over his hair and forehead. Only his eyes can be seen, and even that's difficult.

'I figured a flashy mask would attract too much attention,' he says, 'though I already do, even wearing a mask.'

I shrug. 'That's alright. We'll just avoid people.'

'Riku,' he says then, and he sounds kinda serious, 'I have a request.'

But it is a little difficult taking him seriously when he looks like this. It's mysterious and a little scary.

'What is it?'

'I've thought of a name,' he says, 'but I want your permission before I take it, because I saw it in your dream.'

I blink. 'My dream? What, uh, what did you see?'

'On the side of the airship,' he explains, 'there was a word. It said "Mystogan". And I've been thinking of that word. But I will only take it if-'

'Please do,' I say, 'it means nothing to me.'

Really, I had no idea the ship was called that. And I was a little relieved, because I could stop calling him Jellal. It still felt weird, but from now on I could just think of him as Mystogan.

* * *

We set out on our journey to the west. The further we got, the hotter the climate became. Trees got smaller and the air dryer, though neither of us complained. Mystogan even said the mask was cooling, though I found that hard to believe.

During the walks, Mystogan asked a lot about the guild and its members. I told him stories about Natsu and Gray, the birth of Happy, and even a little about Erza.

'I can tell she means a lot to you,' Mystogan says after I told about the time she gave me my last name. I quickly force my eyes to the ground and my first reaction now would be to say that wasn't true, but that didn't matter. Because I cared a lot about Erza still.

The stories made Mystogan even more curious and excited to join Fairy Tail, though he knew he could never become all that involved. He'd have to remain distant, especially after I told him Erza was at the Tower of Heaven too.

'I see,' he says. 'Too bad. I would've loved to talk with her.'

The longer we walked, the more it felt like we were the last two people on this side of the world. There were no houses, no footprints. There were barely any birds. In my memory, it felt like I walked around a fruitful, green world. But there was nothing but dirt here.

'Are you sure we're going in the right direction?' I asked, more than once. Each time, Mystogan just nodded. He didn't even check.

'I don't recognize this at all,' I say, after another day. Then, at the horizon, a figure emerges. It's crouched, leaning heavily on a stick. Then a smell enters my nose and I stop. Mystogan continues on for a few paces and then turns around.

'What is it?'

I sniff again and enhance my eyes. It's really him. 'I know that man.'

Mystogan follows my gaze. 'I can't see him. Must be your dragon senses, then. Is it alright to approach him?'

I force my eyes even further, like a binocular, and zoom in on his face. 'Yes. I just don't understand what he's doing here.'

The closer we get, the stranger it becomes. He's definitely waiting for us, but he doesn't seem happy when we're finally within hearing range. It's the old man from Snowtown.

He looks at me from underneath his thick eyebrows, and completely ignores Mystogan. He seems just as grumpy as two years ago. Then he begins to speak.

'You're scum,' he starts, which is always an ice breaker, 'you're a danger to the world and everyone in it.'

Mystogan turns his eyes to me and by that quietly asks what the hell is going on. I don't completely understand it myself.

'Yet,' the old man continues, 'Rob judged you to be worth saving.' He turns his back to us and starts walking away. All we can do is follow.

He leads us down a hill and then stops. With the stick he's leaning on he taps on the ground. Immediately, a house shoots up from the dirt. It's almost identical to the one he lived in back in Snowtown.

The front door swings open on its own, the old man enters. Mystogan and I follow a few steps behind. The old man gestures we have to go into the living room. Though I've only glanced at it once right before Erza and I left, I can tell it looks the same.

We sit down around a table. The old man then seems to notice Mystogan. 'And who might you be? Another orphan?'

The way he says it makes it seem like he's disgusted. As if it's our fault we're alone.

'I go by Mystogan,' answers Mystogan calmly, though I can tell he still needs to get used to it. The old man stares, in the way I remember he can, that all-knowing, suspecting stare.

'I'm sure you do,' he says then. He turns back to me. 'And you. You're a mess.'

I just nod. I'll just endure this, it would be worse if Erza saw me.

'And the girl?' the old man asks.

'She's at the guild,' I say, 'she's doing well.'

'Hm.' The old man breathes in loudly through his nose. 'I'm guessing you returned to this place to find answers.'

I've never been so confused. I have no idea how he could predict any of that. 'Yes. Sort of.'

The old man taps one finger on his table. A teapot and three cups come flying over from a cupboard and float in front of us. As if an invisible hand is holding the pot, tea is poured in our cups and carefully placed before each of us.

'After our encounter,' the old man says, wrapping his hands around his cup, 'I've done my research. I couldn't just let you walk around the way you did. I have found the information you're looking for, though it might be hard to understand.'

He stops and I wonder if this means there's room for me to speak. He takes a sip, breathes out loudly, then continues. 'Over a hundred years ago, the airship of two archeologists crashed against a hill not far from here. At the time, it was said there were no survivors. It was uncertain what brought on this crash, though the couple seemed to have involved themselves with very dangerous magic. That magic would be the kind you're carrying with you as of now.'

He pauses again, giving me time to let it sink in. These answers only lead to more questions and there's so much I want to ask I just instead say nothing.

'The names,' the old man says then, 'of these people were Joanne and Haku Braverly. They had a son, who was presumed to have died in the crash as well, though I can tell you know where this is going.' He takes another sip. 'The how and the why are still unclear to me, but I am most certain the boy was saved by the creature in charge of the dangerous magic his parents dabbled in. Saved, perhaps raised. The creature thought of himself as a king, and he was in need of a successor. A prince.' His cup is empty now, the flying teapot refills it. He waits for it, giving me time to choke myself in confusion. But the story's not over yet. 'And what could be better than to take the son of your enemies?'

I hear Mystogan breathe out loudly, and though I can't see his face I can tell he's disgusted. I am, on the other hand, quite calm. Perhaps because I need time to give it a place in my mind. This is a lot to take in. I reverse all I can remember for now in my head and start of with the first and also the most important question: 'A hundred years ago?'

The old man nods, as if it isn't something to frown over. 'Yes. Dragons tend to send their children off through time and space.'

Right. So now there are parallel worlds, and there's also time travel. You're not really a dragon, not human either, but you still fit in either categories, I guess. So you send me forward, for what reason? No, wait. Tell me later, when I'm finished.

The old man places his cup on the table, it's empty. The teapot moves in to pour again, but the old man gestures with one hand that it's alright for now. The teapot descends and lands on the table. And I'm not sure, but I thought it looked a little disappointed.

'Now that you have your answers,' the old man says, as if right now I know and understand everything that was just said to me. 'There is one more thing we have to discuss today. I'm willing and able to honour Rob's wishes, but I will do so on my own terms.' The old man places both elbows on the table and folds his fingers together. 'I will train you.'

The way he says it tells me he's anything but excited about it. And I'm not sure how to respond to this either. It's not a request, he's doing this because he has to. Because of Grandpa Rob, because he thinks I'm dangerous. I know I'm not, but the flames inside me are.

So I move back from the table, place my hands on the ground and press my forehead between them. I bow down in front of him as deep as I can. This is how I have to fix my mess. By becoming stronger. And this man will help me. Though I can't get myself to thank him out loud.

'Oh, please,' the old man says then, 'sit up. I haven't cleaned these floors in years.' He uses the stick to help himself on his feet and mumbles we have to follow him. I push myself up.

'You know the spare room,' the old man says in the hallway, pointing the stick at a door, 'but I'll have to get another bed.'

I then realize what this means for Mystogan. I open my mouth, ready to apologize for the fact I can't take him to the guild, but he shakes his head before I can do so.

'We'll leave when this is done,' he says, and it sounds like he has a smirk underneath the mask.

The old man, though he seemed to have offered it himself, groans. 'Two boys. How on earth am I to take care of two boys? At my age.'

* * *

Mystogan and I tried not to be too troubling to the old man. He never told us his name, and during training we either called him "mister" or "master". We trained every single day, whether it was storming or not. Mystogan most of the time went off on his own to work on improving his spells and I spent my days with the old man.

Like every training that involves either magic or strength, and especially when it's both, we started with breathing exercises. If I was in control of my breathing, I was in control of my body, and by that my magic. At first I thought I'd have a head start, since my go-to is to breathe and by that enhance my senses, in order to send the power elsewhere, instead of suppressing it.

'Both are wrong,' said the old man, when I explained. 'One is running away and the other is ignoring the problem. You need to stop and face it.'

There were days, weeks, months were I would just sit cross legged in the dirt, with closed eyes, breathing, trying to focus. Somehow, the old man had a way of telling when my mind started wandering, and he'd hit me over the head with his stick. That completely took me out of it and the first days my ears were ringing so hard I could barely hold a tea cup to my mouth. But it forced me to get in headspace quicker.

When I got the hang of it, we moved on to the part where I actually got to use magic. Not just my own, not just yours, but both.

'The key to control,' said the grumpy old man, 'is balance.'

There was now an entire buffet floating around him. He ate while I trained, which was more like torture than motivation.

'I thought the key to control was fear,' I answered, one of the few times I actually dared to talk back to him. And it annoyed the hell out of him.

'Yeah, well,' he grunted, 'you're not a dictator, are you?'

The methods the old man used were, by lack of a better word, unconventional. He knew nothing of Dragon Slayer Magic and it was never his goal to teach me that. Your teachings were, after all, still somewhere in my mind. I would remember them one day.

The goal of the old man was to teach me how to be a wizard without you.

As soon as there was a spark of magic coming from me, after the breathing exercises, we stopped the training for magic and instead moved on to something else. In this phase Mystogan had to be involved as well.

'Remove anything that might compromise your movements,' the old man said, enjoying his tea. I took off my jacket, even though it was pretty windy out. Mystogan pulled his hat off his hair and then looked uneasy. He took a deep breath and then took off his mask.

I watch the face of the old man closely, but he doesn't even flinch. He doesn't care, probably.

'Ready?' he says, even though he hasn't told us what we're doing. He lifts one hand and roots jump up from the ground, like the house did so long ago. The tea pot and cups, which are as always floating around the old man, are seemingly pulled towards it. Before we know it, there's a creature standing in the dirt, a combination of china and tree.

'Riku,' the old man says, and he almost sounds amused, 'Mystogan. Meet your combat teacher.'


	12. Chapter 11: Cinnamon and Strawberry

**Heya, thanks for coming back! Today is a special day in my private life and I thought I'd celebrate this by uploading an extra chapter, extra meaning on top of the regularly scheduled upload on Wednesday. So enjoy this one and see you again on Wednesday! ;)**

* * *

_Chapter 11: Cinnamon And Strawberry_

The weeks following Mystogan and I would spar every morning. Around noon the combat teacher emerged and we each got to fight him once. Neither of us even landed a hit on him the first week. We weren't allowed to use any magic, we had to beat him with physical force.

We quickly figured sparring wasn't enough. Mystogan and I got used to each others' attack patterns. We had to build up our strength as well, and agility. The old man from Snowtown just watched while we ran circles in the dirt, pulled ourselves up by tree branches and lifted rocks on our shoulders. He didn't tell us to do any of this, but he'd sometimes let us know we were on the right track.

We then learned the creature served another purpose; it was a test as well. We had to analyse our enemy, realize we couldn't beat him and had to try changing that. It was simple problem solving.

The cardio exercises we put ourselves through took a lot out of me and I still had flames to guard. It forced me to be more aware of my breathing at all times.

Mystogan was the first to beat the combat teacher on his own. It took him three hours, but he did it. I had to give up after two, but I figured it just meant I was getting closer.

Mystogan still sparred with me after that, but other than that he went back to training on his own, working on his spells. So the combat teacher was the one I saw the most.

There was no use in cheating. The old man always knew when I was enhancing my senses, even when I didn't realize myself I was doing it. It earned me several jabs on the head with a stick.

But yes, eventually, I succeeded in beating the combat teacher, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here.

'Well,' the old man said, when the china of the combat teacher recollected itself and the roots went back into the ground, 'you're almost there.'

Now all that was left was to combine what I had learned so far; breathing, magic, analysis, strength and attack. And this I did together with Mystogan.

Mystogan himself once said landscapes change primarily due to the presence of mages. And I can safely say the valley you found me in is pretty much destroyed. It's more a crater now.

More control meant more magic, meaning more strength, meaning more confidence. And then something strange happened.

While I was learning to use my own magic, also in combat, memories of your teachings started emerging. It would happen right as I would launch an attack on Mystogan. Just before impact, an image would pass in front of my eyes. You were there, I was there, and it was almost like looking at myself from a different angle.

At first I didn't tell Mystogan and the old man about this, because I wasn't sure about it myself. Mystogan was a real good sparring partner, he was crazy strong. And he also didn't judge. The old man did nothing but.

One night I finally had the guts to tell them. The face of the old man didn't change, though Mystogan's eyes widened. 'Dark Dragon Secret Arts? That's a mouthful.'

'I'd like to try it,' I say, 'wait, no. I have to.'

I say this to the old man, who is either not interested or internally suppressing his anger. After all, the first thing he said to me upon reuniting was '_you're a danger to the world and everyone in it_.' Practising the magic he was trying to protect everyone from would be like spitting in his face.

I thought it unlikely and a bit out of character for him to throw a tantrum, but I also didn't expect him to just not react at all. He shrugged, basically.

'It would be good to know what it is you're protecting the world from.'

I guess that makes sense, to a certain extent. I saw it as his blessing.

At first I didn't want Mystogan around when I practiced. I told him to stay far away, do his own thing, and if he thought things were going south on my end to cast a sleeping spell over me. I had no idea if that would do it, but that uncertainty helped me focus even more.

Luckily, things never went south. It was one of the few times I underestimated myself. I had become stronger over the months, in mind and body. I remembered what Natsu told me of his Fire Dragon Slayer Magic and applied that to what I could remember from you.

And thus the following were born: Dark Dragon Slayer Roar, Dark Dragon Slayer Claw, Dark Dragon Slayer Blast and Dark Dragon Slayer Slash, with which I use my sword, and the Dragon Slayer Secret Arts Takeover.

When I felt certain I was in control of these attacks and spells, and not the flames, I tried them out on Mystogan. Until now, he'd always been stronger than me. He was much more skilled and able to perform the most intricate spell combinations. We either tied, or I lost.

Our first battle where I used Dragon Slayer Magic, I beat him only because I had more stamina. There was never any rivalry between us, but it was empowering nonetheless.

'Riku,' Mystogan says afterwards, still panting. It's a miracle his mask is still on. He started wearing it again after beating the combat teacher. 'You're amazing.'

And when he says that I get emotional. I look at my hands. Dark flames dance between my fingers, but this time they're mine.

'I was thinking,' says Mystogan then, either ignoring my glimmering eyes or just moving past it, 'you need an ultimate move.'

'What?' I ask, blowing my nose. The sun is sinking behind one of the dirt hills and I'm just so happy.

'An ultimate move,' repeats Mystogan, 'a last stand. A spell that will end any battle immediately. I think you're capable of that.'

Mystogan, being a very skilled spell caster himself, helped me develop a crazy final spell. It's been three years since and I still am not able to use it to its fullest extent. There's a four percent chance of me surviving it at its full capacity. I call it "Evil Dragon's Last Stand".

* * *

During the final stages of our training, we rarely saw the old man. He'd either sit outside watching, sipping tea, or sit inside his house, doing whatever. He brought food, provided clothes, and sometimes talked to us at night.

And one day he was just gone. The house, the teapot, everything went with him. He might've gone like this because he hated goodbyes, but I didn't think that was the case. It might've been his way of telling us we were ready, that he had nothing more to teach us, but it didn't feel right to leave just yet. Mystogan and I continued training on our own for three more weeks.

And one night, somehow, I knew it had been two years since I last saw the guild. Five years since the Tower of Heaven. However long since the deaths of my parents. I was now sixteen. I felt strong, confident, though I wondered what would be left of that once I saw Erza again. Thinking of her made me a bit scared to return, but I'd kept Mystogan waiting for long enough. He needed a home, and I would take him there.

I also needed new shoes. Boys grow a lot in their teens, so I had no choice but to return to civilization.

On the day we decide to leave, I pull up a map from the entire kingdom of Fiore. I place a rock in each corner to keep it safe from the wind. Mystogan looks over my shoulder. 'What are you doing?'

I take a stone in each hand and smash them together. One is more clay-like and leaves crumbs which I can use as ink. I wetten my index finger. Though I can't be entirely sure where in the West exactly we are, I mark an X where I assume it to be.

'Are you planning to return here?' Mystogan asks. I blow over the map till the ink dries.

'Dunno,' I answer. I'm not sure myself why I did it. I just needed something to remember this place by. I threw away the idea of building some memorial for my parents. The place looked entirely different than when they crashed. There was nothing left of that time. The world had moved on, and I should too, but I wouldn't forget.

'Let's go,' I say, rolling up the map.

* * *

The journey sucked. We didn't have any money and each time we entered a town, people looked strangely at Mystogan. They didn't trust a face they couldn't see. When travelling together with Erza, we were able to depend on the kindness of strangers, but no one wanted to help two boys in shabby clothing, one of them being unidentifiable.

We stayed off the roads, ate fruits and drank water. We started off each morning with breathing exercises and combat training to stay in shape. Each day we got closer to the guild, Mystogan talked less. I figured it was because he was nervous.

But once we reach the edge of Magnolia, it's me who hesitates. My mind is transported back to five years ago. Erza and I, both eleven years old, about to start our new lives. But now, standing side by side with Mystogan, it's for real. I can do it now. I can guard these flames and be a mage at the same time.

I close my eyes, open my nose, enhance my sense of smell. I take in the scents of Magnolia, and even get a little ahead of myself and smell out the guild. I can't tell if Erza's there yet.

'Are you, uh, ready?' asks Mystogan, and he's trying his hardest not to sound too impatient. I nod. While we take the last stroll towards the guild hall, I mentally prepare myself for anything.

Erza punching me in the face. Erza crying against my chest. Erza strangling me against a wall. Erza kissing me. Erza just beating the shit out of me. I don't know what I prefer, but I'm nervous. I left without saying a word.

The last few paces are just painful. At the end of the street I can already see the doors are wide open. The hall is packed, it takes me a while to distinguish all the different scents. Wakabe and Macao, obviously. Cana. Laxus. Mirajane. Elfman. Lisanna. Makarov. Natsu is home too, apparently. Gray is shouting at him. Happy floats around. And she's there too.

Mystogan stops and I notice I've halted too. I shake it off. 'Let's go.'

Initially, nothing changes when we enter the hall. People continue with what they're doing. Normally, guild members walk in and out of the guild hall all the time. The only ones people actually look up for is Gildarts. But we're not on his level.

Natsu smells me out when I'm already inside and stops banging his fist on Gray's head. Then Gray looks up too. He's not wearing a shirt.

I'm not sure what to do, so I wave slightly and continue making my way over to the bar. Mystogan looks around and his eyes almost pop out between his hat and mask. Slowly but surely silence falls over the guildhall, till only our footsteps can be heard. All eyes are on us.

The master sits on top of the bar, and I don't smell a drop of alcohol on him, which is surprising. I decide to solely focus on Makarov for now. I can smell Erza but I'm afraid to glance around and accidently look her in the eyes.

'Hello, master,' I say and I hate how loud my voice sounds in the silence. Makarov has a deep frown on his face, the same as when I left. All the other guild members have become slightly older, but he hasn't changed at all.

Then his mouth curls up. Underneath his moustache a grin appears. 'Well, well, well. Back already?'

I'm uncomfortable doing this in front of everyone, because none of them understand and they can't ever know, but I nod. 'Yes. And I've brought a friend.'

I gesture to Mystogan, who steps forward. Later, while doing all the administrative stuff that comes with joining a guild, Mystogan will tell the master of his kingdom. And thankfully, the master understood why Mystogan preferred to hide his identity.

'Welcome,' says the master. Mystogan nods shyly. He's afraid to talk, though I don't think anyone will recognize his voice. Not even Erza. There's a big gap between being eleven and being sixteen.

'And,' continues the master, and he raises a jug of beer, 'welcome back.'

That seems to be the sign the rest of the guild was waiting for. A collective cheer erupts in the hall and before I know it Natsu has me in a headlock. 'Riku! How dare you leave without saying goodbye?'

Happy is crying, pulling at my travel bag. 'We missed you so, so much!'

Again, I just think this is a general feeling they have with everyone in the guild, because truly; I didn't do anything special.

I'm able to free myself from Natsu, who then bumps his fist against my chest, I'm guessing to show some comradery. 'So, how's your grandpa?'

I look at him. 'My...my grandpa?'

Before Natsu can explain further, Cana has pushed a jug of beer in my hands. She looks and sounds tipsy. 'Yeah, you know. How was he?'

I glance at the master and realize he must've told them this instead of the actual reason I left. To visit a grandpa.

'Yeah, uhm,' I start, looking at the beer in my hands. It's been months since I last drank. I chug it down with a speed that amazes Cana so much she nearly faints. The alcohol shoots straight to my head and I already feel less uncomfortable. 'He's good. Good man.'

Someone hands me another beer and soon I'm telling all kinds of lies. Natsu, Happy and Lisanna listen to me as if it's the greatest epic they've ever heard, and Cana is drunk enough to be in the same headspace.

I forget Mystogan is there as well. He'll later tell me he didn't mind, that he was actually happy to see me like that. He had different things to worry about anyway. Everyone who wasn't listening to my bullshit stories about myself and my "grandpa" were being nosy as to why Mystogan was wearing a mask.

I forget another person as well, of course. Being inside the guild I can pinpoint her smell more precise. She's in the back, at the water.

'So you're stronger now, huh?' says Natsu, after I told him a version of how I trained with "grandpa".

I down another glass and nod. I open my mouth to start boasting about all the cool attacks and spells I've developed, but I stop myself right before the words leave my lips. At the same time I lock eyes with Gray. He's wearing a shirt and looks very, very pissed off.

'Fight me, then!' says Natsu, unaware of it all. I can't, of course, especially not Natsu. I'm not sure how much he knows about you, and it wasn't as if we were very close friends, but I didn't want him to hate me.

Gray turns his back to me and walks out the guild hall. I'm too drunk to realize he wants to talk. Erza is at the back of the guild too.

I feel nauseous and all I can think is 'what am I doing?'

'Maybe some other time,' I tell Natsu, and I head straight for the bathroom.

'You didn't finish the story!' Cana shouts after me, before falling off the bench she's lying on.

In the bathroom I open the first stall I can get to and vomit in the direction in which I think the toilet stands. I empty my stomach to the point my eyes hurt. What am I doing? I ask myself again. This isn't you.

Truth be told: the drunk me is a version that could fit in with Fairy Tail. The version who has no trouble telling lies, who can have a conversation without looking at the ground every few seconds. It's a version that is liked by most members.

Well, not everyone. Gray saw me and he knew. When my mind is clear from alcohol but I still feel like shit, I realize just now he was mostly disappointed.

I step out of the stall, wipe my mouth with my sleeve and turn to the sink. There's a mirror in front of me and I'm once again confronted with my reflection. Aside from the glow of alcohol, I've never looked better. My cheeks aren't hollow and my eyes are brighter. My body has become muscular, though not in the crazy way as Natsu and Gray. I've grown taller, too. My hair is longer and hangs around my face like seaweed. I push the locks up when I fight, so it didn't bother me until now.

I lean over the sink, closer to the mirror. There are tiny hairs on my chin as well.

I get so caught up in my own reflection the smell doesn't reach me until minutes after. Cinnamon and strawberry.

I see her standing behind me in the mirror a second later and I freeze. I hadn't even heard her come in. She's wearing armour, though it doesn't seem she wants to fight.

'Hi,' I force myself to say, and I feel like puking again. She leans against a wall, crossing her arms over her chestplate. The expression on her face is unreadable. I have no idea what she's thinking.

'You look good,' she says then. Her hair has gotten longer, as mine has.

'You too,' I answer after a few seconds. There is so much I can say to her, so much I want to tell her. I just don't know where to start. I'm pretty sure she knows the real reason I left. She knows I don't have any grandpa. Not any more, at least.

I jump a little when she moves. From underneath one of her armoured gloves she pulls out the golden dagger. 'I'm guessing we don't need this anymore.'

She tosses it to me, not in a way that it can hurt me though. I catch it with two hands and immediately the flames jump a little. They remember it too.

Before I can say anything, Erza has left the bathroom. I would've preferred if she held onto this a little longer, but I guess she decided it wasn't her problem anymore.

I think back to what the master said two years ago, right before I left ; '._..even though you've chosen to suffer in silence, I never wanted you to suffer alone_.'

Two years ago, I made a similar choice. I was gonna solve it all on my own, without Erza, and I never even considered if that was what she wanted. We've been together from the start, she told me multiple times she'd never abandon me, that she would always help me.

And I just straight up left, dismissing all of that. Now, she decided to take her hands off of it all. It's what I was trying to get her to do all along, but now that it finally happened, I was sad.

* * *

After the first night back at Fairy Tail, Mystogan and I decided to find a place together in town. We found a two bedroom apartment above a bakery, fifteen minutes away from the guild. We managed to convince the landlord we would pay double for the first month after we'd gone out on our first job. It was an old lady and she frankly seemed more interested in 'two youthful boys' than money. Creepy, yes, but we could take advantage of that.

Around this time, Mystogan and I decided to team up. We'd been training together for so long, we knew each other's abilities through and through. We could depend on each other, it made sense to go out on jobs together.

And if Mystogan didn't feel like going out there again, I went by myself. I'd do about anything to escape going to the guild. Erza was rarely there anymore, she was now an S-class mage. She was gone for months at a time.

And Gray was still silently judging me, even though I only allowed myself to drink after I'd gone on a job and only got drunk if it was someone's birthday. Even though I knew it didn't solve the problem with my nightmares, I kept doing it, because it kept me from remembering.

And before I knew it, an entire year had passed where I hadn't said a word to Erza. We avoided each other at all costs and that kind of affected the rest of the guild too. From time to time, Laxus liked to tease me about it too.

'Oh, what happened to "Rirza"? That's your names fused together, get it?'

At this point I was pretty sure she hated me.

Mystogan, on the other hand, was doing pretty good. He became known as one of Fairy Tail's strongest and it came as no surprise when he passed the S-class exams with flying colours. Fairy Tail's reputation grew as well, thanks to people like Natsu and Mirajane. I took on more challenging jobs as well, but stayed mostly in the shadows. Barely anyone outside Fairy Tail knew who I was, though there was one article about me in Sorcerer Weekly, titled "Who is Fairy Tail's Dark Prince?" Natsu found it the funniest thing in the universe, but it reminded me too much of what the old man from Snowtown told me about you; a Dragon King in need of a Dragon Prince.

Everything, besides the tension between me and Erza, seemed to be going great, but then something happened no one dared to think of ever happening. A guild member died while on the job.

It was one of the Strauss sisters, Lisanna. She was around the same age as Natsu and a very close friend of his. It affected the entire guild and things started shifting. All activities with and around the guild were suspended for an entire week. It rained on the day of the funeral and everyone wore black. Both Mirajane and Elfman, who had been through so much already after the deaths of their parents, had complete personality changes. Mirajane suppressed all of her grief and anger, while Elfman started thinking of himself as a manly man that would eventually solve it all.

It had been a while since I was at the guild for so long, and Erza was there too. Though Mirajane had been a rival of hers since childhood, I could tell she wanted to help, but didn't know how. It frustrated her.

After the funeral, there was a small reception at the guild hall. It was mostly just people sitting around, moping, not eating. Barely anyone spoke. I sat at my regular table, opposite of Mystogan.

And before I knew it, Erza and I were staring at each other. She sat three or four tables away, by herself. I saw an immediate change in her face. She softened.

It confused me. This past year, the tension almost made me hate her too, though most of it was frustration.

After the reception, Makarov decided the guildhall would be closed for the night. Mystogan and I went to our apartment and didn't say a word until we got home.

'Riku,' says Mystogan, after taking off his mask, 'would you mind if I moved out?'

I stop in the middle of taking off my shoes. '_Are_ you moving out?'

He shrugs. 'I thought that might be good for you. I feel like I'm an obstacle between you and the rest of the guild.'

I understand why he'd think that. Mystogan preferred to put everyone to sleep anytime he entered the guildhall. He had earned himself the respect from other guild members, but they were weary of him too, and annoyed. I was really the only one that hung out with him.

Other than that, I wasn't a really good roommate. Mystogan had lived in caves and other places by himself and was a very tidy person. I wasn't.

'If you want to move out, I'm not stopping you,' I say, 'but me distancing myself from Fairy Tail shouldn't be the reason. That's a choice I made myself.'

Mystogan stares at me for a second, and he knows that makes me uncomfortable, because of the relationship I have with that face. 'Are you sure?'

I nod. Erza's glance from this afternoon is in my mind. 'Yes.' Even though I just took off my shoes, I step in them again. 'I'm gonna take a short walk.'

Mystogan has already turned around and something tells me he knows. It needs to happen tonight, before she's gone again, and we fall back into our old ways.

She knows it too, because when I open the door she's there, her hand in the air as if she's about to knock.

'Hi,' I blurt out. She lowers her arm and hides it behind her back, as if it's a weapon.

'Hello,' she says, 'I was wondering if you'd like to walk with me.'

She takes a step back, giving me room to close the door behind me. I'm still wearing my jacket, the rain from earlier today has cooled down the night. There's a soft breeze as well that moves around Erza's red hair from time to time.

At first we say nothing. There's hardly anyone in the streets and there's nothing else to look at than the cobblestones at our feet. I can see the Cathedral from here and think back of the music on the square. Everything was different then.

So I decide for myself that I have to tell her everything by the time we get there. That memory has to become a happy one again, not a nostalgic, melancholic vision of when times were better.

I stop. 'Erza.'

She continues for a few steps before halting. I'm looking at her back now.

'I understand if you don't want to forgive me,' I say, 'but know that I did it all to protect you.'

Though I can't see her face, I can hear her smile. 'I knew you'd say something like that.'

I don't know what that means. 'Well, that's why you're here, right?'

Then I see she's angry. Her hands are clenched in fists. 'You don't get it. Riku, I knew you'd spin it around. You'd tell yourself you ran away to save everyone. You'd justify it for yourself. But in reality, you were just afraid.'

She says it calmly, almost matter-of-fact-like. And for the second time ever, I get angry at her. 'Yes, afraid to hurt you, and everyone else.'

She nods. 'Right. Of course.'

That just makes it worse. She thinks I'm being silly, even though I've done nothing but blame myself for the past two years.

'Is that really how you feel?' I ask, and I'm raising my voice a little. 'Really, Erza? You think I ran away, crying like a little kid, because I was _scared_?'

'There's no need to yell,' she says, still calm, even though she's trembling about now, 'I've tried telling myself over and over again it was stupid to dwell on why you left. That it was stupid to be angry at you. That I was a silly girl with a broken heart and you were a silly boy who didn't know what he was doing. That I needed to get over it.' She turns around. Her face scares me. 'But the truth is, Riku, I can't. You hurt my feelings. And I hate you for it.'

She's crying, but her face is filled with rage.

She must've been worried sick when I left. We had finally come clean with each other and I ruined that. When she'd learned to cope with what I had done to her, I returned, and she had no idea what to do next. Her and me both.

And to top it all off, someone we knew had just died. Someone who had been with Fairy Tail for a very long time, someone of our generation.

It reminded us how stupid we were being.

'Erza,' I say, but she punches me. Finally, she punches me. That's been boiling up for three years now. She punches me so hard I fall back on the cobblestones and I taste blood in my mouth and I'm glad.

She wipes her eyes with her sleeve and then helps me back on my feet. We continue our walk, at first silent again, processing what just happened. I had been gone from Fairy Tail for two years and I had lots of stories to tell. Erza too, though I wasn't all that interested in what happened with the guild. But still, we stay silent, till we get to the Cathedral.

The memories of the fair still aren't happy ones, they're still coloured by what happened afterwards, but it's not as bad.

Erza and I both stand still. There's one lantern on the square and there are lights shining out the windows of surrounding houses.

The drunk version of me would now ask her to dance, but the real me is satisfied by just taking her hand. She looks at me doing it and doesn't show any signs of not wanting this to happen. It's just holding hands.

'Erza,' I say, feeling her fingers in mine.

Faster than I can see, she leans in and kisses me.


	13. Chapter 12: Back to the Beginning

**Heya, thanks for coming back! Hope you enjoyed this Monday's chapter. And now enjoy this one ;)**

* * *

_Chapter 12: Back to the Beginning_

The kiss goes on for some time. We both get caught up in it. Eventually, I'm the one who takes a step back.

We look at each other, and I can tell she's a little embarrassed too. Right then and there, the bells in the Cathedral signal that another full hour has passed, I don't know exactly what time it was.

'So,' I say, after the ringing dies out.

'So?' Erza says. We both have no idea where to go from here.

'I, uhm,' I say, and I feel my voice sounds higher than normal, 'I missed you.'

'Oh,' she says, 'yeah. I missed you too, when I wasn't angry at you.'

I nod. 'I can imagine.' I pause. What to say next? 'Erza, I, uhm...I want to tell you about...stuff.'

'Stuff,' she repeats, 'stuff sounds good.'

We sit down on a bench, and I start talking. I tell her about the vision and the panic attack of three years ago, the first few months of searching for the crash site, the bad habits I developed, meeting Mystogan (I skipped the part about his true face, of course) and the old man from Snow Town.

'The old man?' Erza interrupts.

'Yeah,' I say, and quickly tell her of what he told me. Her eyes widen, not so much in disbelief, but in surprise. I continue to speak about Dragon Slayer Magic. After that, we both stay quiet for a while. Another hour has passed.

Then Erza asks: 'And you use this Dark Dragon Slayer Magic when you go out on jobs?'

Her voice drips of disapproval, but there's no need. 'Only if necessary. Otherwise I just fight with the sword you gave me.'

She nods slowly. 'Necessary.'

I can tell she doesn't like the idea at all. Of course, it could be because she's worried I can't control it. It's still dark magic, after all, which in most cases is just forbidden altogether. There's nothing I can say to her to convince her it's safe now. She sighs.

'Fine,' she says, 'I trust you.'

Then it's her turn to talk, but like I said; I'm not all that interested in the guild. Though I love listening to her talk. She tells me of the craziest monsters she fought, of the S-class exam and of all the times Natsu asked to fight her. She did respond, once, and Natsu couldn't move for three days afterwards.

When she's done telling, we're quiet again. Another hour has passed. Lights have gone out all around the cathedral, we might be the last people awake.

'This is nice,' says Erza then, softly.

I agreed. We sat there for another hour, just in silence, enjoying each other's company. We didn't discuss the kiss we shared earlier. Around midnight, I walked her home.

The next time we spoke like this would be weeks later, after we both went back to work. Every now and then, we'd get together and just talk and sit around. We both liked it this way and I quickly realized it couldn't be anything else.

There were still things left unspoken and that prevented us from getting any closer. I didn't tell her about the ships and I didn't tell her who Mystogan actually was. She sensed there were secrets and didn't ever pressure me into revealing anything. But we both knew it was what kept us apart for now. I continued to love her anyway.

After each quest, I couldn't wait to tell her about it, to just be around her. It became obsessive, almost. Sometimes I just forgot I was part of a guild. The only one I really talked to was Erza anyway. If I wasn't paying attention, the dark flames would burn up whenever I got too emotional. Whether it was excitement or anger, though I could easily put them out. It didn't feel as if I was losing control. I just didn't care, I was finally happy again.

And like that, two years passed, and we're almost back to where I started telling this story. During these years, Mystogan eventually moved out. He kept distancing himself more from the guild, and sometimes from me. The magic he was after in this world that was supposed to help him save his kingdom was still out there somewhere, and I could tell it worried him. I once even thought that him seeing me happy with Erza stirred up some jealousy.

There is one incident I have to tell you about before we move on to what happened when we returned to the Tower of Heaven. One night, I come home after a job, expecting to hop in the shower and then go back out to meet Erza. Mystogan is sitting in the living room, sipping tea. All the curtains are closed, so he's not wearing his mask. The face still scares me when it's the first thing I see crossing a corner.

'You don't live here anymore,' I say, throwing my travel bag on the couch behind him. He nods at another cup of tea on the table in front of him. I sit down. 'Is there something wrong?'

He sips again. 'Not really, though I think you need to know something. Erza came to speak to me today.'

I stare at him. He's calm, so that means nothing bad happened, though I've seen Mystogan calm in the most stressful situations. 'Why?'

'She's concerned about you,' he says, 'she asked if I knew the true nature of your magic.'

'What did you tell her?'

'The truth.' He puts his cup down. 'She just wants us to look out for each other.'

The way he says it tells me there's more. 'Each other?'

'Yes. Each other.'

Of course, if you remember, this is probably not what Erza asked him to do. At the beginning of this story I told you I found the guild hall basically in ruins after it was destroyed by a rival guild, Phantom Lord. While that whole thing was going on, Mystogan and I were on a S-class quest. Mystogan took off in the middle of it, leaving me to do the rest. He left to help Fairy Tail and didn't tell me a thing. I found out afterwards and I was furious, he had purposely told me nothing because if I would have gotten involved, I might have used Dark Flames.

Erza told him he to look out for me, to basically babysit me and prevent me from using Dark Dragon Slayer Magic. It was just a shitty thing to do. Plus: Mystogan lied about it, too.

* * *

Now we go back, to the point where I stopped to talk about the eight years leading up to going back to the Tower.

I've just landed on the ship Erza was taken on. Shô is there, not dead and now with a tattoo on his chin. He's trapped me inside a playing card and Erza is tied up in the belly of the ship. She asked me to promise her that whatever happens at the Tower, that I will stay Riku Starlight.

She doesn't want me to use the dark flames.

Right after she asks that, motion sickness kicks in. I'm stuck inside a playing card, but I can still sense the movements of the waves beneath me. I can't speak, and even if I could I wouldn't know what to say.

Shô was alive. Everyone was alive. For eight years I thought I'd killed them, that I burned them along with the ships. They had been alive all this time.

Erza seems just as shocked as I am, though I don't know if it's for the same reason, because we never spoke of what happened at the Tower. I barely remember anything that happened after I burned the ships, but I know she was there, and Jellal. I somehow always knew she had seen the evil Jellal, the corrupted, demon-like Jellal. It's why I never considered properly introducing Mystogan to her. All memories of the Tower are painful.

Then it hits me: what if Jellal was in on this? What if he knows we're coming? What if this is his doing?

My sight is blurry with angst and nausea, but I manage to glance at Erza. She's trembling all over her body. She's wearing a summer dress. All she wanted was to enjoy a free resort coupon with her friends. To relax.

Did she know the resort was in the same valley we stranded at, eight years ago?

Eventually, the guy with the fake jaw, which I know now is Simon, comes down the stairs from deck. He says nothing while he pulls Erza up by her arm. He takes the card I'm trapped in between two fingers and holds it up facing forward, so I can see everything he sees. I feel immediately better, now that I'm not in contact with the floors anymore. I take a deep breath and right away several strange scents hit me. Sweat, iron, dirt and a whole lot of dark magic. It hits me so hard that I could've fallen back if I wasn't stuck inside a card. The smell makes me so dizzy that for a second I don't notice we're off the ship already.

At first I only have eyes for the blind demon dogs. Some of them can fly now. I haven't missed them at all. And there are masked guards, and they look like our former slavers. Shô and the others are in cahoots with them, I realize quickly. I can't imagine how that could have happened.

Then I see the thing that I shouldn't have missed on first glance, but I somehow did. It goes up farther than I can see, all the way into the clouds. While the bottom of it is made of pretty much the same materials, the upper floors look more scrambled together, almost resembling a junkyard. There are big stairs circling around the outside.

'The Tower,' whispers Erza, also in disbelief. 'You finished it.'

The place oozes of dark magic. I have to breathe in through my nose and pull up all the magic I have to resist the flames. I haven't eaten dark magic in years and managed to fool the dark flames by eating regular fire, but that won't work here. They've caught on now.

Shô gives Erza a shove. 'Let's show you the inside.'

Milliana and Wally go in a different direction, taking Happy with them, who is still unconscious. Shô holds Erza's tied hands behind her back and Simon still holds my card up, making sure I can see every inch of the Tower as we go up.

It takes me several minutes to get used to this enormous amount of dark magic. Shô keeps whispering things to Erza while they walk. By the sound of Simon's footsteps, I can tell he's very stern, almost like a guard. But when I enhance my ears, I can hear his heart beating. It's unnaturally fast, as if he's nervous.

'Simon,' I whisper. I keep a close eye on Shô, but he's too busy. He solely focuses on Erza. 'Simon!'

'Shut up, Riku,' I hear him say, loud and clear, but with a slight echo. Shô doesn't notice, of course, but Erza doesn't either. Maybe she's too scared to glance over her shoulder, though it's Simon we're talking about. He was always the more reasonable of the group.

Then I realize he might be talking through telepathy. Some guy at Fairy Tail, Warren, has a similar ability. I try remembering how it works when you talk back, but Simon doesn't allow me to do so.

We go down a hallway I know all too well. Soon we're back in our old cell. The hole in the wall is still there, from the time we tried to escape. It was how the decline started.

Jellal tried convincing the guards it was his idea, but they took Erza for punishment instead. Jellal and I rescued Erza, and next the uprising happened. I was drained from magic and unconscious for several hours between that. During that time frame, something happened to Jellal. And Erza knows what.

Shô ties Erza up to a pole sticking out the wall, her hands above her head. He then turns around to Simon, with a grin. Then he looks at the card. 'Right. Forgot you were here.'

He takes the card with me in it and puts it in the chest pocket of his jacket. I then hear Simon's footsteps leaving the cell, going down the hall and disappearing.

All I can look at now is the fabric of Shô's jacket. I can smell his nervous sweat and some weird oil he put in his hair. Together with the suit I get the sensation he somehow prepared for this. As if today is a special day.

'Oh, Erza,' he says, stepping closer to her. He patronizes, tasting every syllable as if it's a piece of candy. 'Or should I say: Big Sis?'

I can't describe what it was like hearing him talk like this. The best I can do is say that I was deeply saddened and disappointed. Of course, people change a lot from when they were little, but this was a completely different person.

'Look at you,' he continues, and I wish I could see what he was doing, 'you're almost ready for the ceremony.'

'Ceremony?' repeats Erza. 'Do you mean...you mean the R-system?'

'Ah, you've heard about that, didn't you?'

I, on the other hand, have no idea what they're talking about. I never really cared about whatever it was the slavers had us building. All I knew was that I hated them and the Tower.

'Of course,' says Erza, 'the Revive System, to bring back someone from the dead.'

Shô laughs, a cackling, scary laugh, like an unpleasant clown. Each time he opens his mouth I just see the crying boy, hiding behind a rock as I rip apart the demon dog that was about to kill us. How the hell did this happen?

'Exactly,' says Shô, 'Jellal has picked you to be our living sacrifice. He will take us to Heaven.'

These are the words of a madman. He goes on about how the slavers had no idea what the system was capable of, that the world will be reborn and that he, together with Jellal, will rule the new one. For as far as I can tell, he has no idea who or what they're supposedly bringing back from the dead and I don't really care. I just want to get out of here.

Shô took away my sword when he captured me, so I try burning the card with all I have. But as soon as I want to use the flames for myself, they try taking over. I've learned by now to suppress them quickly, but it is worrisome.

Shô then lets out a scream and there's thud. Air shifts around the card and then I can see the room again. I fall flat on my back, freed from the card, next to an unconscious Shô. Erza has managed to free herself. She requips from her summer dress into her regular armour. She sighs, relieved.

'Are you OK?' she asks. I push myself on my feet, ignoring all the different scents of dark magic teasing my inside.

'I can manage,' I say, glancing at Shô. My sword is nowhere to be seen, I figure it must be back at the ship. 'You?'

'The same, I think.' She looks over her shoulder, at the hole in the wall. 'I just can't believe we're really here.'

I kneel down beside Shô. His face is pulled in a frown, but he doesn't look so insane anymore. He'll be out for a few hours, maybe enough for us to get away unnoticed. 'We should go.'

Erza looks back at me. 'Absolutely not.'

She sounds like she's speaking to Gray or Natsu, meaning there's no arguing. But I'm not Gray or Natsu.

'Yes, we are,' I say, though I can't sound that determined. I'm more scared. 'Let's find Happy and go.'

'Milliana won't hurt him,' she says, 'he'll be fine. But you heard what Shô said. Jellal is here.'

'So what? Do you really want to see him?'

She looks at the ground. Her voice sounds soft now. 'This will never stop unless I do.'

'Erza,' I say, and I know I sound desperate, 'be reasonable. Jellal's insane. He won't listen-'

'I know,' she interrupts, 'that's why I will end it.'

I stare at her and I realize there is nothing I can say to change her mind. She will fight Jellal, she will kill him, or die herself fighting.

My mind is racing, thinking of any strategies that could prevent the outcome of Erza dying. Jellal is surrounded by dark magic, this entire place is. If I take one wrong step, it will take over. I can't protect Erza. All I can do is stand by.

I feel my throat swell up. I could say that I hate her for wanting this, that it should be me instead, but this is Erza Scarlet, S-class mage. Titania.

'I'm sorry,' she says, 'but I have to do this.'

I barely hear her. My ears feel stuffed. Erza will die here. Erza will die and there's nothing I can do about it.

I feel like kicking something. My eyes find the barred door of the cell. Dark flames erupt around my foot as I pull back, and when my shoe hits the iron there's a loud clang. The bars just break clean through, as if sliced by a knife. The sound they make when hitting the ground echoes through the Tower.

There are flames everywhere now. In my stomach, in my eyes, my ears. It's dripping from my mouth, burning around my legs.

And once again, I just think all of this is unfair. We were finally in a good place again. I just don't know what I'd do when she's gone.

Then, somehow, my burning eyes find the unconscious Shô. His face against the floor, limbs weak round his body. He has lost his mind.

Getting rid of Jellal will save Shô. It will save Milliana, Wally and Simon. It will save me too. Jellal has chosen Erza to be the final sacrifice of this whole thing, and Erza will use this opportunity to save him too.

As I stand there, the flames die down. I get my emotions under control, but they're not gone. Then I see Erza is standing in front of me, just inches away. There's the saddest smile around her lips. I never knew that was even possible. And she just looks at me. It makes me so angry.

'I'm not going anywhere,' I say, though I can barely move my lips. It just slides between my teeth, which taste of dark flame.

'I know,' she says. 'This is about you too.'

It really is.

As we stand there in our old cell, where horrible things had happened to us, but where our family was also born, we both know we have to go, but neither of us moves. It almost seems like Erza is about to tell me something, but she keeps swallowing it down. Instead, that sad smile stays in place.

It's the unspoken that keeps us there, trapped in a cell which has, ironically, no door. I never asked Erza if she knew I burned the ships, if she knew that I might've killed our family, though it seems useless telling her now, with Shô laying at our feet.

And I never asked her what happened between her and Jellal. Not only will she defeat him to save the family, it's also about resolving something else and I don't know what.

There are other things too, of course. Stuff I could say to her, and most of it she probably already knows.

But Erza will die today. It's now or never. 'I love you.'

The words drift in the air between us. Erza tilts her head slightly to the side, a tear glimmers in her one eye that is still her own. 'I love you too.'

The moment we'd finally said it to each other should've been the happiest of my life, but all I could think now was how unfair everything was. Erza will die today.

I bow my head, till my chin rests on my chest. Everything hurts.

'Riku,' she says, 'we have to go.'

That's it. I have to accept that this is the last time Erza will be this close to me. From now on, all we will do is fight. None of what we say to each other beyond this point will be rememberable. It's all 'look out' and 'let's go here'. And Erza will die.

I empty my mind, store all that I feel for her away. I have to stay focused. There will be time afterwards to hate myself for going along with this. Right now, I have to be there for her.

And I lift my head. Erza has a determined look on her face, and I know she's ready too. All the softness of just now has disappeared. It's like we're two colleagues again, on a mission.

'There are some guys from the guild on their way here,' I tell her, and my voice sounds flat.

She breathes in. 'Natsu, Gray and Lucy.'

'If we move fast, we might find Jellal before they get here,' I say.

'Right,' she says, and equips herself with a sword. She throws me one too. 'Let's go, then.'

We close the cell door behind us, though I don't think it will stop Shô for long after he wakes up. We figure Jellal must be somewhere on the upper floors, where the dark magic smells the strongest.

We run into masked guards pretty early on. They come at us in patrols of twelve, Erza slices eleven of them and asks the last one where Jellal is. They're too afraid to answer.

Each time, Erza grows more impatient. We go up higher and higher. She's terrified and there's nothing I can do. When it happens, I will be there.

The longer I'm inside the Tower, the more I get used to the stank of dark magic. The flames only spark up when I'm not paying attention, but all I need is the memory of the old man from Snow Town hammering me with a stick, saying I'm an idiot for not breathing correctly.

Soon, I'm able to smell other things too. Surprising smells, even. I smell food, a whole banquet of all kinds of dishes and desserts. Then I smell people.

'Erza,' I say, and I stop running. She glances over her shoulder, with a frown meaning "what now?". I sniff again, just to be sure. 'The team's here. Seems like they're in trouble.'

She stops running and thinks. 'I should've told them not to come.'

I can't really blame them. It's pretty much in line with their character, though I don't know Lucy all that well.

'Natsu won't leave without Happy,' I say, though Erza already knows that. She seems to hesitate. We can't just leave them running around the Tower.

'I don't mind meeting them,' I say, 'so you can go on. I'll catch up.'

She smiles, as if I just said a silly thing. 'No.'

I freeze. 'What?'

'Which way?'

She just ignored me. 'Erza, what are you-'

'Unless they know I'm OK, they won't leave.'

'I can just tell them you are.'

She finds that almost amusing. 'You don't know them like I do.'

And I still have no idea what that means. I eventually give in and point to where the smells are originating from. We meet the trouble before we see the others. Two patrols surround the Fairy Tail mages. Some of them have already been knocked out. Erza jumps forward, slicing the ones left down with one swing. As the bodies fall to the sides, freeing a path, I see where the smells of food where coming from.

There's a big table, similar to the ones in the guild, filled with dishes. The group from the guild are all here; Natsu, Gray, Lucy and the water girl. Natsu is beyond happy to see Erza.

'Thank god you're safe!' says Lucy. She's wearing different clothes than before. The water girl just stands in awe.

When I walk into the room, no one really notices at first. I step over the unconscious bodies of the guards, emerging from behind Erza, and then Gray finally lifts an eyebrow.

'So you found-' starts Natsu, but he's cut off by Erza.

'You have to get away from here.' She yells it almost, scaring the water girl. 'You shouldn't be here.'

Natsu immediately doesn't like it, flames erupt around his fists. I realize Erza was right; there was no way I could convince them to go on my own. Especially when Natsu says 'Don't go saying that. Those guys kicked our asses, if we don't respond Fairy Tail will look weak.'

Erza forces down a sigh, the others just look confused.

I clear my throat. 'Uhm, this isn't really about Fairy Tail.'

Natsu turns his anger to me. 'Of course it is! Happy's been kidnapped.'

Right, stupid me. 'Yeah, I know, but we'll-'

'Where is he?' Natsu interrupts. I know it's only natural for him to react this way, the cat is his best friend, but it's getting on my nerves.

'Well,' I say, 'we don't know, but-'

Before I can say anything else, Natsu has run past me, out of the room, leaving only dust behind, screaming something about finding Happy himself.

'Idiot,' mumbles Gray. The plan of asking them politely to leave is already ruined.

'Someone's gonna have to go after him,' I say to Erza, but she doesn't seem to hear me. Her face is pulled into a mask that scares me. Seeing her friends here affects her more than she could've imagined.

This is the Tower of Heaven. The place of our nightmares (well, mine are recurring different dreams, but you get it), the island that holds all of the worst times of our childhood. To us, but especially to Erza, this is the worst place in the world. And the people she cares about most are all here.

'I'll get them back,' she says, her back turned to the others. She bows her head slightly, hiding her face in her hair so I can't read it anymore. 'But you have to go.'

Immediately, there's protest from Lucy. 'Not without you.'

Erza still doesn't turn around and she keeps her voice as determined as she can. All I can do is just stand there. They won't listen to me anyway. Gray is staring at me, with that judging look he always gives me ever since I came back from my two year search. It's almost a questioning look, always asking "what the hell are you doing?"

'This is my problem,' says Erza, 'I don't want any of you involved.'

Gray's eyes shift from me to Erza's back. 'It's already our problem.'

'Erza,' says Lucy slowly, 'what is this tower? And who is Jellal?'

I can only tell because of my enhanced senses, but Erza flinches slightly at the mention of his name by such a sweet person. I haven't met Lucy properly, but I can tell Erza cares about her. A lot.

'I understand if you don't want to tell us,' Lucy continues, 'because you said these people used to be your companions. But now, we are your companions.'

Erza's heart is beating faster. I stare at Lucy. She's not done. She ends it with 'we're on your side, no matter what.'

Erza's lip is quivering. Lucy might have said all the right wrong things. Does that make sense? All I said was 'I'm not going anywhere' and I'm supposed to be the guy that loves her.

I'm an idiot.

'Please,' says Erza then, and her voice is softer now, 'go back.'

Gray's face softens. 'That's unlike you, Erza. Normally it's all like "I'm the boss, follow me". But even you get scared sometimes, right?'

That's it. Erza lifts her face and locks eyes with me. I've seen her cry multiple times, but it's never easy to look at. This time, I'm looking straight into everything that has hurt her over the past eight years.

We never spoke of the Tower. But now it's all coming out. And I'm scared.

I know I have to push my own worries aside. Gray despises me, but he cares about Erza, and he won't leave unless he understands.

Which he won't, I realize. Erza will die today. Everyone in this room (though I'm not sure about water girl) will try to prevent that from happening if they learn about. The Fairy Tail-gang won't go anywhere, and I think some part of Erza is relieved.

I can love Erza all I want, but it won't change the fact that I'm someone who reminds her of this dark place. I was there. Natsu, Gray, Happy and Lucy are the people she shares adventures with now, the people that truly make her smile.

I almost feel like an intruder in this. Team Natsu just knows me as "that guy from the guild".

'I, uh,' I say to Erza, 'I'll go after Natsu. I'll meet-'

'No,' she says, so soft only I can hear it. There's no arguing. 'You should stay.'

She turns around and shows her tears to the others. Gray sort of gulps. Last time Erza cried in front of him was when Lisanna died.

'Sorry,' Erza says, wiping her face. 'Whether I win or lose, I will vanish from this world today.'

Obviously, that doesn't sit well with the others.

'What...what do you mean?' asks Gray. Then he turns to me. 'What does it mean? You just let her do that?'

It reminds me of that time when Gray interrupted my training, asking me why I let Erza go off crying on her own, why I never bothered to go after her. I open my mouth to speak, but Erza gestures I shouldn't.

'This is a decision I made,' she says, 'this is fate.'

Gray seems even more agitated, but he shuts up.

'Therefore,' Erza continues, 'I'll tell you everything.'


	14. Chapter 13: About the ships

**Heya, thanks for coming back! Enjoy this chapter! ;)**

* * *

_Chapter 13: About the ships_

I held my breath as she started telling. How she found me on the side of a road, how we got captured. She left out the parts where there were dark flames surrounding me, which I was thankful for. But I was more scared of what she would say when she came to the part where I killed a guard with my bare hands.

And as she told of our family, I realized I never told her of what happened at the caves, that time Shô dug up a strange stone which caused a blind demon dog to go berserk. I wondered if she knew, if Shô had told her about it. From the short interactions I had with Shô so far, it seemed he barely remembered it. I seemed to be no one special to him.

While Erza is telling the first part, before the uprising, Lucy stares at me. Her big brown eyes barely blink as Erza's voice carries on about how painful the work was we were forced to do, how little food there was.

Lucy seems at the brink of tears. She feels sorry for me, though she barely knows me. It's hard to look at, because I'm not used to this. And it doesn't fit in with any of the reactions I imagined of getting when sharing a little of my past. It doesn't feel right. I killed people.

Erza gets to the point where Jellal and I rescued her from the guards after being punished. She manages to switch the story in a way that it looks like we got seperated, instead of me staying behind while Jellal dragged her away.

Now I finally learn what happened while I was out. On their way back to the cell to get the others, Jellal and Erza were overthrown by a flying guard. They put Erza back in the cell and took Jellal further up into the Tower.

In the cell, Erza started the uprising. She convinced everyone to get up and gather weapons. She was going to save Jellal.

She stops talking. She looks at me. I know what's coming next. I was there too.

The magic troops arrived at the construction site, which had become the center of the uprising. They attacked, and Grandpa Rob saved our lives.

I give Erza a slight nod. She continues.

'After the fight was over,' she says then, 'we managed to take control of the slave ships.'

This, again, was a part where I wasn't present. At this time, I was being taken over by dark magic. And the mention of ships sends shivers down my spine.

Erza is telling her side of the events and I feel I have to share mine when she's done.

'But,' she says, and her voice sounds melancholic, 'right at that time, Jellal turned into something else. Something evil. I went back into the Tower to get him.'

There was barely anything left of Jellal when she found him. He talked about the person that was supposed to be resurrected, and how the slavers only grasped at the possibilities of the R-system. He hurt the guards, Erza begged him to stop. She asked him to just come with her, to the ships, away from here.

And he attacked her.

I flinch a little. Gray glances at me, less judging now.

If I'm correct about this, I arrive at the scene a little later.

Jellal tells Erza if she wants to go, she can, but he will keep the others. He'll need them to build the Tower.

'He said he'd treat them better,' Erza says, 'that they'd get food and clothes. I told him everyone was waiting for us, but he kept going on about Zeref.'

Eventually, Jellal had heard enough. He granted Erza freedom, but she could never tell anyone about the Tower, or all the people working there, our family, would die. If she ever came back…

She can barely speak now. 'He told me that if I ever came back, he'd make Shô disappear.'

The dark flames spark up.

He forced her to live carrying a big secret and the lives of her family depended on her.

'Next time I opened my eyes,' she says then, 'I was on a beach, with Riku.'

She's not looking at me while she says it and I can't make out if that means she's not telling the whole truth. I can't tell if she saw me burn the ships.

'Erza,' says Gray, 'you mentioned Zeref?'

I guess you know who that is. Erza apparently fought some of his demons in the past, one of them killed Gray's parents.

'And he wants to resurrect that person?' says Lucy. Erza nods. She seems a little relieved, now that she got to tell her story, but this is only the beginning. At least her voice is not trembling anymore.

'I don't understand his motive either,' she says, 'but I will fight him.'

At that moment, a scent enters my nose. I was so focused on Erza's version of our past that I didn't notice it before. He's in the hallway behind us.

'But what I don't get,' says Lucy then, 'is why your past allies would turn against you.'

I turn around, staring at the dark hallway, and enhance my senses.

'I don't know either, but...Riku?' says Erza then, glancing over her shoulder. I stretch the power of my eyes even further, and I can see him walking towards us. Shô.

I'm alarmed at first. His eyes still have a crazy glow over them, but it's now mixed with confusion. He first stares at me, then at Erza, and his eyes stay there.

'That story,' he says, and his voice sounds kind of normal, 'what the hell is that story?'

Erza is startled at the sight of him. 'Shô.'

'Are you…' he hesitates, 'are you trying to get sympathy with those lies?'

Lucy does have a point. Why are Shô and the others doing all of this, why are they backing Jellal's plan? He's the one who forced them to work on this ridiculous Tower, not Erza.

'You!' Shô says then, his voice louder. His eyes are filled with rage, all directed towards Erza. 'You burned the ships and ran away by yourself!'

I can't breathe.

'If Jellal hadn't seen you do it,' Shô continues, 'we would've sunk into the sea! You were drunk with your new magic, and tried to get rid of us!'

I still can't breathe. I watch Erza's face closely. She's not stunned at all. Shô's voice sinks deeper into desperation and it makes him sound more like himself. While he talks we can all hear he's starting to doubt this version he's telling us. Does he really believe Erza would do such a thing?

I then wonder why he's not mad at me. In Erza's story, most of the time I was just there. I was part of the family, too. I disappeared too, leaving the family behind. Why wasn't Shô mad at me?

And, more importantly: I'm the one who burned the ships.

'Do you actually think,' says Lucy then, 'the Erza you know would do such a thing?'

Shô struggles to answer. 'I...we...you don't know anything about us. Jellal...Jellal would save us. That's why we built the Tower.' His voice gets smaller. 'If it was all a lie...if you are right and he is wrong…'

My chest hurts, I have no choice but to take a deep breath. And again, I'm surprised by another familiar smell. He doesn't feel hostile either. A shadow appears in the room, and Simon steps out of it.

He grew up a lot these past eight years. I always figured he was around my age, but know he looks ten years older than me. Broad shouldered and with a stance that screams authority.

'You!' says Gray, 'you were back at the resort!'

'Wait,' says water girl, 'back then, he helped us.'

'What?'

Water girl blushes when she notices she has one hand on Gray's back. 'Well...he purposely attacked your ice clone, not you.'

I wasn't there when the fight at the resort happened, but I guessed Simon was extra careful not to actually hurt anyone.

He turns his head to look at me. He gives me a slight nod, the kind Mystogan gives me sometimes when he can't speak, in fear that someone will recognize his voice. It's the kind of nod that could either mean "I see you", or "I understand you". I have yet to find out which one he means.

'What the hell?' says Shô then, and the attention shifts to him. Simon looks at him, the way an older brother does.

'Shô,' he says, 'I put up a show to trick you, and to get these people here.'

I feel sorry for Shô, who struggles with what to believe. There are tears in his eyes. 'Why...why would you do that?'

Simon walks past Erza to the youngest sibling of our made up family, and lays one big hand on his shoulder. 'Everyone was fooled by Jellal. I played along, until the time was right.'

He locks eyes with me. It scares me. He knows something.

Then he turns to Erza.

'I believed you. For all these years.' They look at each other, and I again feel like an intruder. Don't get me wrong, I'm relieved Erza gets her resolve like this, but it feels like I'm not even part of this anymore. Shô treats me like I'm just one of Erza's silly friends she met after escaping the Tower, and Simon doesn't seem to recognize me either. And even if he does, he keeps his distance.

'Simon,' says Shô, who has now fallen to his knees, 'how can you believe… why couldn't I?'

He slams his face into the ground and covers his head with his arms and he cries loudly, like the small child I remember. Erza quietly kneels down in front of him, and starts talking to him soothingly. Eventually, Shô crawls towards her and they share a hug.

'I've waited a long time for this,' says Simon then, 'for powerful wizards to gather here. If we work together, we can fight him.'

It seems the sharing part of this reunion is over and I'm almost glad. During Erza's story, I felt like we were all getting too close to the fire. The fire being me burning the ships and having to tell that. You know?

But part of me knows it's not right. Today, the Tower of Heaven will get destroyed, one way or another. Erza will disappear, we might all disappear along with her. Though I doubt the dark flames will allow me.

'Simon,' I say, 'Shô, Erza. There's something you should know.'

Even though I'm speaking calmly, it feels like it's out before I can think about it. All eyes are on me now, the thing I hate most. Shô looks at me with teary eyes and for the first time he actually sees me. And he finally realized who I am.

'Riku,' says Simon then, 'I know what you want to say-'

'Do you?' I interrupt. 'Really, Simon? Do you know what I've done?'

Erza helps Shô stand up. 'Riku, now is not-'

'I'm the one who burned the ships,' I say. I shout it almost. And I stare at Simon, I stare at Erza and I stare at Shô. And I wait. I want to watch as their eyes fill with hatred. I want them to confirm what I already know.

I'm the Dark Dragon Slayer and I'm a monster.

'Why...why would you do that?' asks Shô softly. 'You were...you were there with us, right?'

I want him to shout at me, scratch my face, but he seems more likely to debunk what I just said.

'Riku,' says Erza, and she sounds furious, 'you didn't do that. It was them.'

I can't breathe. The flames are very excited we're talking about them again

'Them?' asks Gray.

And part of me almost wants them to come out, so I can show them all what it is we're dealing with here, but I know that if I do that everyone might get hurt.

'Erza is right,' says Simon, with such conviction I almost forget to question how the hell he knows that, 'Jellal has tried everything to make us forget about you.'

'What?' I blurt out. So I wasn't crazy. They did struggle to remember me. 'Why would he do that?'

Simon stares at me before he answers. 'Because he's scared of you. And them.'

'Huh?' says Gray, who is the only one here besides Erza that has seen what my magic is like. Can't really blame him for being confused, because on the outside it just looks like I'm Mystogan's secretary. I'm an average mage.

'So, wait,' says Lucy, 'who's "them"? Do you mean, maybe, Celestial Spirits?'

It's so innocent I just wish it were true. That you just put some spirit inside me, but no. Instead you gave me a ball of fire to guard.

'It must be pretty bad if this Jellal-guy is scared of it,' says Gray, and I hate that he sounds impressed.

'I'm, uh,' I say, 'I'm not sure how to explain this without freaking you guys out-'

'Then don't,' says Erza. She's still furious, steaming almost. She turns to face the others. And I'm starting to think her anger might not be directed towards me. 'Riku has been forced to guard dangerous magic for someone else. It has a will of its own, and Jellal used that for his own gain. That's what happened.'

'You...knew?' I stutter. She doesn't look at me.

'I guessed. It would be in line with the Jellal that forced me away from here.'

Gray stares at me, puzzled. He opens his mouth to ask something, but closes it and thinks again. There might be too many questions right now. Instead, Simon takes the lead again.

'If I'm right,' he says, 'and he is scared of you, he might already know that you're here. I wonder if we can use that to our advantage.'

I'm glad Erza referred to it as "dangerous magic" earlier, because it softens the blow a little, but I have to make it clear that there is no advantage to use. 'Listen, I would love to, but I can't. It's hard enough keeping them in control already. If they get out, I can't do anything.'

'Is it that bad?' asks Lucy. I feel uncomfortable speaking this openly about the flames, especially because I might say too much. I wouldn't just blurt out your name or anything, but all the words that can refer to "dark magic" and "dragon" are too close to the truth. I don't feel ready to share that yet.

'By control,' says Gray then, 'you mean you...deny them, or something? You suppress it?'

I try locking eyes with Erza, but she's turned her attention back to Shô. I have no idea what Gray wants with these questions.

'I...uh…'

'How long have you had...them?' he asks then. 'Is this a new thing, or were they around when we were kids? Is that why you disappeared for two years?'

He's not implying anything, nor is he annoyingly curious. Gray, somehow, is concerned, which is the last thing I expected.

My hair falls in front of my face and I'm thankful. I'm afraid to look him in the eyes, but I think it's already too late. I can't hide anywhere, everyone is looking at me, bombarding me with questions and I don't know how to answer. On top of that, the flames are about to burst out of every pore in my body.

I swallow down a scream when there's suddenly a hand on my shoulder. Simon's big brother hand. 'They were always there, weren't they?'

I feel so very small. A little kid. All I want is crawl away. Climb into the upper branches of a big old oak and never come back down.

'Riku,' says Gray then, 'why didn't you say anything? We could've helped, you know.'

Simon's hand feels hot, even though he's only touching my jacket. It's almost like he's choking me. But that's just my imagination, fuelled by flames that grab every chance to disorient me.

'It's...complicated,' I say then. 'And it doesn't matter, really. We can't use them to fight Jellal.'

'Maybe not to fight,' says Simon, 'maybe the thought of them is enough.'

I just nod. Gray's eyes are still very much watching my every move, but at least he's not judging anymore. Water girl has no idea what is going on, she seems more concerned about what Gray's feeling. And Lucy still looks empathetic.

'First,' says Simon then, 'we have to prevent Wally and Salamander from clashing.'

I'm thankful we move on to conversations with less emotions involved. I feel absolutely drained. I'm starting to miss Mystogan, who just always moves past anything that gets too vulnerable.

* * *

Simon leads us out of the room, to the staircase circling on the outside of the Tower. He runs in the front, with Gray and Lucy close behind him. Water girl, whose name is Juvia, follows, then there's me. Behind me are Erza and Shô, who still seems troubled. I don't blame him.

Simon tries tracking down Milliana and Wally with some form of telepathic magic, but it's no use. Something's intercepting his transmissions.

I glance over my shoulder. Erza has slowed down and waits for Shô. He seems to have lost all power to run.

'Are you OK?' asks Erza. I hold my pace too, though I don't want it to look like I'm eavesdropping, which I am.

'Yeah,' answers Shô, 'now that you're here.'

Then his eyes find me and we have an awkward stare. Neither of us says a thing.

I turn around and fasten my pace.

'In here!' says Simon then, and he crosses a platform back into the Tower. The hallway is dark, there are only red streaks across the ceiling. When I look at them closely, I see they're pulsing, almost like veins. It reeks of dark magic, which makes me weak in the knees.

I shake my head, trying to get rid of that awful feeling. Then Gray is suddenly next to me.

'Listen,' he says, again with that concerned tone, 'I get it if you don't want to tell me. Just know that we're friends, alright?'

We're not, I want to blurt out.

Yet there was no reason to push him away now, just because the words "dark magic" hadn't been used. "Dangerous magic" might've implied it just as much. Gray now knew what I was hiding, sort of. And he decided it wasn't all that bad.

I don't know how to feel. This day has been exhausting, both mentally and physically. I had to deal with the fact that Erza chose to die here, telling the secret of my life to people I don't normally share with, if I shared with anyone ever. The dark flames were having the time of their lives forcing themselves up my throat every few seconds, and now Gray talked about friendship.

It was all too much.

'I'm willing to listen,' Gray continued, 'whenever you're ready.'

That could be never, I thought to myself. I found the strength to nod, but a smile was too difficult. 'Yeah. Thanks.'

Then there was a shift in the air. I immediately stopped running. The Tower shuddered beneath my feet. The others around me halted too.

Then there was a booming voice. 'Welcome, everyone, to the Tower of Heaven.'

The first thing I thought of was Mystogan. They sounded exactly the same.

'I am Jellal. The ruler of this tower.'

Behind me, Erza flinches. Simon looks at the ceiling, trying to pinpoint where the voice is coming from.

'Both of our pieces are in place,' Jellal continues, and I can just hear him smiling, 'isn't it time to get things started?'

Shô's breathing fastens.

'What the hell is he talking about?' Gray asks, his voice soft as if he's afraid Jellal will hear him.

'No idea,' says Simon, 'but he can be heard throughout the Tower.'

Whatever device Jellal is using, it's strong enough to pick up a deep breath inwards, before he exclaims: 'Heaven's Game!'

Shô seems about to hyperventilate and I wonder if I should say something. Tell him to breathe in through his nose, anything like that. Though it feels weird. Right now, he doesn't really see me as a brother. Even if he did, I wouldn't know how to act like a brother.

'The rules are simple,' Jellal continues, 'I wish to use Erza as the living sacrifice to hold the ceremony to resurrect Zeref.'

Lucy looks at Erza for confirmation. Gray does the same with me, quietly asking if this is true. Erza hadn't mentioned this before.

'In other words,' the booming voice goes on, 'if the door to heaven opens, victory is mine. If you can prevent me from doing that, then you win.'

So far the "game" seemed simple, though I would've preferred most of all to just grab Erza and run away. She wouldn't, under any circumstance, be OK with that. But Jellal wasn't done yet.

'However, that alone would not be any fun. So I have assembled three warriors. If you cannot overcome them, then you will not reach me.'

Simon is standing in front of me and he is just as confused as the rest of us. Apparently Jellal didn't speak to his family about any of this.

'Three Warriors?' Simon mumbled. 'Who?'

'In other words,' adds Jellal then, 'it is a 3 vs 8 battle royale.'

'Does it really matter?' asks Gray, 'we can beat them, if those are the odds. One way or another.'

He sounds so determined Juvia seems to barely hold it together and I kind of wonder what their relationship is.

'Oh,' says Jellal, sarcastically innocent, 'and one final thing. It is possible that the Magic Council will attack this place from the Satellite Square. With the ultimate magic that returns everything to nothingness, Etherion.'

'Seriously?' I say out loud. I've never been familiar with the kind of magic that the Council uses, but master Makarov is always worried about the Council's activities in general. He feared them, to say the least.

'No one knows how long we have left,' the voice continues, 'but when Etherion is fired, everything will be wiped out. The game will be over, with no players left.'

Part of me was curious to know if this Etherion-thing was anything that could be considered as dark magic, because that would mean there was at least one way to survive. I could eat it.

I quickly realized that wasn't the case. If Jellal was scared of the flames inside of me, as Simon suspected, he'd do anything to prevent me from fuelling them with dark magic. And the way he spoke now, it didn't sound like he was all that worried.

'What is he thinking?' asked Lucy with a high pitched voice.

'Etherion?' Erza said. 'The Council is doing that? I don't believe it-'

I had been so drained and focused on other things, I saw too late what was happening. Shô cut Erza off by using one of his trapping spells. One second Erza is standing behind me, muttering to herself, the next she's inside a playing card and Simon is shouting at Shô.

'Now,' I hear Jellal's voice in between, 'let the fun begin!'

It's almost as if he knew what was happening in this hallway. Shô holds up the card with Erza in it. He's still breathing heavily. He's terrified.

'I won't let anyone hurt her!' he says, his voice breaking halfway through. 'I will defeat Jellal myself!'

This sounds just as stupid as when I would've said it. Simon had waited years for capable wizards to fight Jellal, if he knew he and the rest of the family could do it by themselves he would've done it. Shô didn't stand a chance on his own. Though I understood why he would do such a thing.

'Shô,' I say, and already regret it because I don't know where to go from here. He looks at me, wide eyed, still struggling to remember who I am to him.

Then he says: 'I'm sorry.' And he runs away, taking Erza with him.

'Damnit,' says Simon, and he passes me, going after them as fast as he can. The exhaustion of today is preventing me from jumping to action, and soon it's just me, Gray, Lucy and Juvia in this hallway.

I let Erza get captured again, I think to myself. The flames are just going to town and for only a second I lose all sense of space. It's almost like I'm floating.

I blink and next I know I'm leaning heavily on Gray, barely touching the floor with my feet.

'Riku,' he says, 'get a grip, man.'

Though I haven't eaten in hours, I feel stuffed. Gray helps me sit down against the wall and I'm panting as if I've ran for miles on end. Sweat is streaming down my face.

'Is this...them?' I hear Lucy ask. With what strength I have left I force my head up, so I can look at er. I wish I could nod, my throat is dried out.

'Yes,' I say, 'but don't worry. It goes away after a while.'

I'm lying, of course. I have no idea what's happening to me, but saying stuff that isn't true has become a habit. It's almost like drinking; it's easy and gives you the idea you're dealing with your problems, while in reality you're just making it worse.

Gray doesn't believe me and from this point on he will always question anything I say. But he lets this one slide. 'Fine. Get yourself together. I'm going after Erza, you two should look for Natsu.'

He gives me one last look, the one that tells me I will have an annoying conversation about this later, and he runs off, in the same direction as Simon. Lucy kneels down beside me.

'Are you sure you're gonna be OK?'

No.

'I just need some time,' I manage to say. Lucy lifts one hand and hesitates if she should give me a pat on the shoulder. I can tell she reads my expression and she decides not to.

'Alright,' she says, standing up again. 'Then we'll go find Natsu. Are you ready, Juvia?'

The water girl is staring into the dark hallway where Gray disappeared in and seems annoyed someone calls her name. It pulls her away from some fantasy she was having, probably.

They finally go, and I'm left by myself to groan, grunt, bite my lips and breathe like a fish out of water. Why was this happening now?

I can't smell anything. I barely sense my back against the wall. My head feels like it's been cut off from my neck. Then I hear footsteps.

'Hmpf,' says someone in the dark. The red veins across the ceiling have lost their brightness, but I still manage to see the contours of a person. 'Lovely to see you again, Dragon Prince.'

I don't think anyone is very fond of voices in the dark, but I do feel I have a bit of a veto. I've been dreaming of dark voices for most of my life.

The one that comes along with the footsteps doesn't surprise me. It's the same voice that was booming through the Tower moments before.

'Unlike the others inside this Tower,' he says, 'I do remember you.'

For a second I expect him to just sit down beside me, and cruelly act like he's the same boy that I knew as a kid.

'I thought you'd be at the top somewhere,' I manage to say. Though I can't be sure, his image seems to tremble.

'I'd expect more from someone with your nose,' he says, amused. 'I am at the top, glancing down.'

He's right, I should've smelled it. The thing standing before me is only a mirage.

'Although I'm not surprised,' he adds, 'because there's more you've missed. None of the others paid enough attention either, which works out perfectly for me.'

One of the red veins in the ceiling lights up, revealing his cloaked face. Just his smirk can be seen.

'I mentioned a 3 vs 8 Battle Royale. But there are nine of you.' His smirk breaks into a full on grin. 'Isn't that strange?'

He lets a silence come between us, almost as if he expects me to answer. No, he wants me to think about this. Nine of us; Erza, Gray, Lucy, Natsu, Simon, Shô, Milliana, Wally and me.

Suddenly, I hear Simon's voice from earlier: _'Jellal has tried everything to make us forget about you.'_

He didn't count me in when explaining his stupid game, and no one realized it.

'Don't get me wrong,' Jellal says, 'it's not that I didn't _want_ you to play. I just thought I'd be a bit unfair to the rest. Wouldn't you agree, Dragon Prince?'

'Stop calling me that.' It was really getting on my nerves, above everything else that he did and said.

He crouches to his knees, the hood of his cloak moves back a little, revealing more of his face. Precisely Mystogan's, except for one thing. Mystogan had this calmness in his eyes. The calmness that was over him and the calmness he needed in order to reach his goal.

Jellal had none of this. There was barely a person in there. And as he looked at me I was afraid I might forget what the boy was like. Though I'd grown to hate Jellal over the years for what he made me do, I tried to remind myself he wasn't always like that. He was a kid once. A person.

'What are you looking for?' he asks.


	15. Chapter 14: Existence is fading

**Heya, thanks for coming back! Enjoy! ;)**

* * *

_Chapter 14: Existence is fading_

'What are you looking for?' Jellal asks. 'Despite my shifting interests, I haven't changed. I'm still myself.'

I saw this as a weak attempt to earn my trust, to poke at a sore spot.

'I was only taught the truth,' he continues, 'I was shown a vision of the future. The future that will start today.'

He sounds as crazy as Shô.

'Why are you here?' I ask through my teeth. He smirks.

'Have you been listening, Prince? To resurrect-'

'Why are you here now, on this exact spot? Why have you come to see me?'

I can't hide my impatience and he enjoys that. 'Is this taking too long? I do apologize. As organizer of this Grand Battle Royale, I want to explain why you are disqualified.'

'It's because you're scared of me.'

He lifts one amused eyebrow. 'Scared?'

'Yes. You know what I am. You know what I'm capable of.'

He snorts a few times, and it grows into a laughter. He puts one gloved hand over his mouth to stop himself, it's all very theatrical and fake. 'You? You can't do a thing. Those flames, on the other hand...they would cause trouble for me, yes. But you? No.'

'I can make them do whatever I want,' I say, which is the biggest bluff of my life, 'I can control them.' I'm saying this while sitting partially paralyzed in a dark hallway opposite some insane man. This man just keeps pretending he's enjoying himself.

'Really?'

He lifts one hand in front of my face, the back of it almost touching my nose. I smell them before I see them. Dark clouds of magic appear between his gloved fingers, swirling up like smoke from a baked ham on a barbeque. My internal organs are screaming when the dark flames erupt and slash around at anything they can get their hands on. It's the first in a long time it actually hurts, they actually seem to burn me.

I could open my mouth, slurp it all up in one go. I could do it.

While I'm staring at the dark clouds, my mind travels back to the desert land. The old man from Snow Town is sitting cross legged on a rock. On his left there's the floating tea pot, on his right a tiny cup and three chocolate cookies. Above his head there's a dinner table, set for six and loaded with eight course meals.

He's staring at me. The stick he uses to beat me with when I don't listen properly is nowhere to be seen, but I know it will be out when the old man feels like he needs it. When I need it.

'The key to control,' he says, 'is balance.'

I haven't used my own magic in a while. All the magical veins have been overloaded with dark flames, the channels are clogged with your fire. I have to get the magic flowing again, and for that I have to stop resisting.

I smell the dark magic in Jellal's hand, but I don't act on it. I pull all the focus I can manage to one place: the little scar on my chest. Grandpa Rob put his spell there. Erza stabbed me there. Makarov placed a guild mark there.

While the base of the flames is mostly my stomach, my magic is stored in around my heart.

Cheesy. I know.

I pull out all the stocks. The flames are dark, but my magic is light. I always imagined it to be gold, like the dagger. It rushes to the flames like a river breaking through a dam, it surrounds them and that is all I need to turn my face away from Jellal's hand.

'Well,' he says, 'you've got quite the restraint, don't you?' The magic from his hand disappears and he stands up straight. 'You want to participate in Heaven's Game. Is that it?'

It's only a slight hint, but there's agitation in his voice. He hadn't expected it. He might've hoped I was so overwhelmed by the sudden offer of dark magic, I would've let the flames take over and cause a ruckus around the Tower. He might've hoped he could manipulate me to kill anyone he didn't think was useful to him, till only Erza was left.

'Fine,' he says, and the red vein in the ceiling brightens even more, 'let's see what the others think of that.'

He raises a hand, pointing the palm at the vein, and a shudder goes through the entire Tower, like it did before. When he speaks now, his voice is booming, and I know everyone inside can hear him now.

'Attention, everyone,' he says, 'I interrupt this edition of Heaven's Game to make a special announcement. Another player has entered the Battle. From now on, it will be 3 vs 9.'

At that moment, for some reason, my senses get a rushed enhancement. As if there's a big wave of magic flowing over me, I can hear whatever is happening a few floors above me. Erza has managed to escape the playing card Shô captured her in earlier. She's in the middle of fighting someone, but both her and her opponent stop to listen what Jellal is saying. She asks: 'Who?'

Gray is near where Erza is, maybe in a different room. 'Natsu, Erza, Lucy…' It sounds like he's counting along with his fingers. 'Juvia, Shô, Simon, Blockhead, Catlady….who else is left?'

Jellal lets his hand down, the red vein becomes less bright. 'You hear it, don't you?'

My magic, my own magic, is still working on dimming down the density of the flames and it makes my mind less clouded, but that doesn't explain why my senses were enhanced. Jellal had to be doing that.

He wanted to make sure I heard.

'What did you do to them?' I ask, and it sounds weak. The kind of weak that tells anyone I already know the answer.

Despite all their concerns, their worries and their kind words, the others have forgotten about me. The people that did know me, even if it was only as a member of their guild, now had a hole in their memory. I was never bothered by being in the shadows, I never minded being the guy in the back of the room. There was once a time I wished I'd never existed, but I'd overcome that.

'Weird, huh?' Jellal says, not even close to answering my question. 'The person that has known you the longest doesn't count you among the participants. There might be a tiny voice inside her head, saying "wasn't there someone else?", but the longer she stays inside the Tower, the smaller that voice gets, till there's no trace left of you.'

Erza doesn't know who I am. Jellal erased me and all that I've shared with her, all that we've been through. In her mind, she did it all on her own.

'You're frustrated,' Jellal says, and he sounds just as confident as before. He's back in control again. 'I get it. Although I'm doing you a favor here.'

There's rumbling above us. Erza has gone back to fighting. All the times she sparred with me are now empty memories to her. Maybe she's fighting the wind, or a ghost, instead of some boy with weak arms.

'No one here knows you, except for me,' says Jellal, 'no one is missing you now. Do you understand what I'm going for?'

I spent all my life trying to be close to her, but not close enough to hurt her. There were walls between us. We both helped building them, but it was mostly because of me.

It wouldn't hurt her now if I disappeared. I could leave this Tower right now, and she wouldn't realize there was someone missing. Whether she died or survived today, she wouldn't miss me. In a way, she was freed.

Going away now meant I could start a new life. I could live a life being a forgetful passerby. I could be someone who told strong stories to pirates in bars and afterwards just vanished. I could live a life without annoyingly concerned people surrounding me.

This passes my mind in only a second. It's like standing at the edge of a cliff and having a sudden urge to jump, but never actually doing it.

Jellal is hoping I take this opportunity. He's hoping I jump. If he can't control me like eight years ago, the next best thing is to get me away from here.

I can think this over without struggling. Even if it meant she wouldn't know who I am, I'd still try to save her. I'd still stick by her side while she attempted to get her resolve, knowing I'm just a stranger to her.

The flames are backing off for some reason. They seem on board with Jellal. They want to get away from here. It's not like I actually conversed with the flames before, but since they're on the same side as Jellal it doesn't hurt speaking up.

'Why?' I say out loud.

Jellal lets out a soft 'tch.' He's getting impatient. The Game is progressing and he still hasn't gotten rid of me. He can't.

'Look, Prince,' he says, now with disgust, 'I'm not just doing you a favor. This is for the King as well. He needs you.'

That means you, then.

'I can tell you where he is,' Jellal says. He's grasping at straws now. I've never had any intention of finding you. Well, not at that moment. I have no idea what Jellal knows about you, and what his relationship with you is. It sounds almost like you guys are on the same side, because the flames inside me agree with anything he says. But I don't.

My golden magic is finally done overflowing the dark flames. A sudden burst of energy helps me to my feet. I force my arm up and wrap my fingers around where Jellal's throat should be. He's only a mirage, I should be grasping at air, but I somehow succeed in grabbing him. He gulps in surprise when I squeeze and I don't let my own confusion take over. I'm in control now.

'I'm not going anywhere,' I say, pulling him closer so I can spit every word in his smirky face, 'I will get Erza out of here and destroy you.'

His dark eyes tremble a little and he knows they do, because they quickly shift back to crazy. That seems to be his most comfortable mask. He wraps his gloved fingers around my arm that is holding him up by the throat. I can't feel them.

Then, all of a sudden, he grins. 'Erza. Right.'

Right there and then, the mirage disappears into thin air. He spoke her name is if he realized something. As if it all clicked for him.

By resisting him I've pissed him off even more than before. He had an expectation of me and I turned out to be someone else. I've refused his offers and now he has to find some other way to get rid of me.

And whatever he tries next, it will revolve around Erza.

I think back to the desert and the old man from Snow Town. My breathing helps me send more golden magic through my body. There's a faint glow surrounding me, brightening the hallway around me.

I'm basically a walking candle.

Going after Jellal myself won't have any use. He's after Erza. Whether it's to get the sacrifice he wants for the R-system or if it's to get at me, she is in the centre of all of it.

I'm careful with using my nose, it's the first sense that picks up on dark magic. The flames are in my control now, but that could turn over easily. I feel them lurking, eager to jump at any given opportunity. So I use my ears instead.

The battle Erza is fighting is still going on, Shô is with her. Happy managed to escape and is carrying Gray away from the Tower, I assume he's flying. Natsu and Simon are walking outside the Tower, Natsu's practically snoring so I know he's unconscious. When I turn my attention to downstairs, I hear Wally and Milliana discussing about whom I assume to be Juvia and Lucy, who are both unable to move.

Everyone is in a pretty bad shape. I think that, as long as I don't use my nose, I should be alright. I'm almost confident, but only after a few steps I'm bummed out again. No one knows I'm here.

The people I'm closest to right now are Shô and Erza. All I have to do is walk up a staircase and I'll run into them, and the enemy they're fighting. I'll have to explain who I am and what I'm doing here.

While I'm running, I think of a believable backstory. I'm Yoku, nineteen years old, just joined Fairy Tail and came here after Mirajane suspected something was off. I use fire magic. It's not the best lie, but it should work for now.

I follow the sounds of swords clashing and the shouting of requip spells till I find the room where it's all going down. Upon entering I see Erza's armour bursting in a million pieces. It's one of her most powerful ones, cut like it's made of onions. Her opponent, a pink haired samurai-lady, giggles softly.

Erza stumbles, but straightens her back and requips another armour. I can't tell if she's winning.

Shô is standing a few paces away from the fighting, holding one arm with the other. I guess he's hurt.

He's so focused on the battle in front of him he doesn't hear me nearing. Another armour of Erza breaks, and she's barely wearing undergarments now. The samurai lady moves back, swinging her sword over her head.

Then I see flames. I don't know how, but the samurai will use a fire attack in a moment. I'm sure Erza is able to dodge it, she has a perfect armour to use against fire-type mages, but Shô is a few paces behind her. Erza'll either have to compromise her own safety to keep him from getting hit, or risk losing him.

I don't even think about stepping into the line of fire. The two warriors are dancing. This is their battle and any interruption from an outsider right now will be bad for both parties.

So the only logical thing to do here is to grab Shô and get him out before the attack hits. The fighting takes place on some sort of bridge that crosses the entire room. When I glance over the edge I see water down below, but it's a long way down. Falling will result in broken bones, no doubt.

There's no more time. I'm still too far away, so I take a risk and send flames to my feet to get a boost. I grab Shô by the collar of his jacket and jump over the edge of the bridge, pulling him with me. The fire attack licks at the ends of my hair.

With one hand, I grab onto the side of the bridge and with the other I hold Shô, who's now dangling over the depth.

'Let go of me!' he says, kicking his feet around. I squeeze my fingers harder in the fabric of his jacket as I feel it slipping.

'You think that's a good idea?' I say over my shoulder. He stops moving, thankfully. The fire attack rushes through the room, burning the exact spot we were just standing at.

When I'm sure it's over, I kick my feet to one side and swing from right to left, till I can toss Shô back onto the platform. The muscles in my arms feel sour when I do it. I said it before: I got weak arms.

Shô has to pull himself up in the last part, but at least he's safe. He turns his attention back to the fighting and doesn't bother helping me back up. I wonder if this is still because of Jellal's erasing-bullshit-spell. That if anytime I enter a room, people see me once and when they turn around they forget I'm there.

When I get back to the platform, I see I was right. Erza did use the armour specifically designed against fire and again it's sliced into a million pieces. That must hurt.

She requips. It's a random pick, she's just trying anything from her inventory now.

'She…' says Shô, but I doubt it's to me, 'she can't win.'

He's terrified. I genuinely wish I could say something reassuring. I clear my throat, which makes him turn around. At least he hears me. 'Trust me. She won't.'

He frowns. 'Who're you?'

'I'm Riku,' I say. Yeah, I know. I just forgot the entire, amazing backstory I came up with earlier. It didn't really matter, anyway. Next time he turned away he'd forget about me again. 'I, uh. I'm the ninth player. Well, actually the twelfth, but I'm on your side.'

He stares at me some more. Then Erza's armour gets slashed again. We both watch as she stumbles on her feet, grinding her teeth. Her face and arms are covered in small scratches and cuts. She barely landed a hit on her opponent, which must be frustrating.

She pushes herself back on her feet and takes a trembling breath. Her opponent is not impressed, which contradicts with what she says then, though there might be sarcasm involved as well. 'I have to admit: you're strong. What will it be this time?'

Erza's body glows blindingly for a second, and next she's wearing another….well, it's not exactly armour. It's barely an outfit. Her chest is wrapped in cloths, her arms are free from sleeves and shoulder bands, giving her more room to move. There's wide red pants around her legs, with orange flames embroidered at the bottom. Her feet are bare.

'What is she doing?!' says Shô under his breath. He's terrified of losing her, I realize. I'm a little relieved he finally knows who's on his side and who isn't. Erza cares too much about him, she doesn't deserve to be looked at as a traitor.

Also: I'm the one who burned the ships. If he wanted revenge, I'm the one he should be after.

No, wait. Let's rephrase it. Your flames burned them. He should be after you.

Anyway, the battle. I'm getting pretty worried myself. Erza has barely covered her skin. Her entire belly is exposed, one simple slash and all her organs would be splattered across the ground. She has two katana, one in each hand, but I don't know if they're strong enough if the samurai lady can use explosive attacks as well.

'I'm not strong,' Erza says, holding a warrior's stance, 'I'm the opposite. I'm weak.'

That peeks the interest of her opponent, who lowers her sword slightly. It's strange to see them make conversation in the middle of battle.

'Wearing armour doesn't make you strong,' Erza continues. 'I will beat you with my own strength. That is all I need.'

She jumps and crosses the air over to the samurai in a second. Their swords clash, spikes of light fly around their faces. They both hold, the iron trembling between them. Then Erza steps back, twisting the holsters of both her katana between her fingers, finding a better grip.

'Warmth,' she says, as if none of that just happened and she's continuing where she left off earlier, 'that is true strength. Fairy Tail has taught me that.'

Something changes in her, I still don't know what it was. The samurai sees it too; her eyebrow twitches. Erza has her back turned to me, but I see strength pulsing through her. Not magic. Swordsmanship. Years of training, years of carrying the hurt caused by this Tower, years of telling herself to be strong. To survive.

None of this ever came up in our conversations. We never spoke of the Tower. I never thought Erza had just "moved on", but I couldn't imagine everything that happened here still affected her to the point where she would throw herself in the fire like this.

This was about more than that. Erza would end it today, and this was how it had to be done.

Both warriors tighten their grips around their katana. There is a rhythm in their fighting and they wait for the next cue. At the exact same moment, they jump forward, swords aimed to kill.

There is a flash of light at the second of clashing, and having already sensitive eyes I turn away, so I can't see who gets sliced first. When I blink and the light fades, one of Erza's katana breaks into a million pieces. It breaks like it's nothing more than glass.

And for a beat I think she lost.

Then the samurai lady lets out a soft yelp. Her body hits the floor with a thud, like a bag of meat and bones. Her white kimono is covered in blood.

'She...she did it,' Shô stutters.

I take a deep breath. Erza makes the holster of her broken katana disappear. The muscles in her back relax only a little. Today isn't over yet.

'You're amazing!' Shô says. It's the first time he saw Erza fight, and it's been a while since I've seen her dance like this too.

She turns around. 'Are you alright, Shô?'

Though I'm standing practically next to him, she doesn't notice me at first. I wonder if Jellal's spell has somehow made me invisible to her. That might make things easier for me. I could just watch her, like the creep I am.

Shô rubs the damaged arm, as if he needs to make sure himself if he's OK. 'Yeah, somehow.'

And I don't pay attention for one second. The edge of Erza's katana is against my throat. She jumped faster than I could see. One of her eyes, her own one, stares me down. 'Who are you?'

Shô turns around and frowns. 'Right. He just showed up. Some guy...what's your name again?'

'Riku,' I say, staring back at Erza. I think of anything that I could say to her to help her remember. Hey, I once offered you my own eye, because one of yours had been taken from you, and everyone at the guild laughed at me. The guild, remember? Where we travelled to together. You stabbed me once.

I keep my mouth shut. It won't matter, anyway.

'Are you the ninth contestant?' Erza asks then, not moving a muscle. I would like to nod, but that would mean poking my neck harder against the katana, slicing my skin.

'Yes,' I say instead, 'I entered a little late.'

She stares at me some more and I hope for the best, but nothing changes in her face. She lowers the katana. 'Jellal announced you as being on our side. 3 vs 9. I have no reason to fight you and I have no time to get to know you, so please: just stay out of my way.'

She turns to Shô and by that I lose her attention, but before she starts speaking to him I force myself in between. 'Just know I hate Jellal too.'

Erza frowns at me. 'I don't hate Jellal.'

'Oh,' I say, and I think back to that little moment of confidence I had earlier. I had my own magic again, I was gonna fix it. What was I thinking? 'Right.'

She's not listening anymore. To her, I'm just "some guy".

All of a sudden, the lady samurai opens her mouth. I thought she'd stopped breathing. She lifts one hand, caressing a falling blossom leaf with her finger, seemingly out of nowhere.

'This is the first time I've lost since joining the guild,' she says. I guess she was part of an assassin's guild. 'But you and Jellal will all lose.'

Her voice is calm and deprived from anything even close to sarcasm. It's almost matter-of-fact-like, which makes it more disturbing.

'What…' says Shô, 'what does that mean?'

'Fifteen minutes,' she says. Instead of answering, the samurai starts singing. It's short, it might be some haiku, and I won't repeat it, because I didn't understand it anyway. Something about blasting away, I think.

'Etherion?' says Erza then, which could be an interpretation. 'Shô, take Simon and the others, plus all the people from Fairy Tail, and get away from this Tower.'

I wonder if that includes me as well.

'But...Erza,' says Shô, but there's no arguing.

'Will you do as I ask, Shô?'

He seems torn. Erza is a fierce warrior, but we don't know if that's enough to beat Jellal. And, apparently, there are only fifteen minutes left until some powerful weapon from the Council is send here. The odds turned very much against us, if they were ever with us.

Shô eventually says he'll do what Erza wants him to. 'But what about you?'

That's to Erza, not to me. I'm just standing there, I could be plastered to the wall, that's how not present I am in this.

'I will finish this,' she says. It makes Shô shiver, to which Erza smiles sadly. She pulls him into a hug and it feels like my existence is fading by the second.

It's almost like the take-over, back in the swamps. I was floating above my body, just watching as people got torn to shreds, unable to do a thing. Right now, I feel I'm watching them behind a glass wall.

Somehow, Erza does notice me. She lets go of Shô and frowns at me, probably wondering why I'm still around. 'I don't know you and I won't tell you what to do. Just don't get in my way.'

She said that before. This spell works very fast. I just nod. 'I won't.'

Then my ears get another rushed enhancement. Jellal is doing that, giving me the opportunity to hear him laugh behind his hands, a few floors above me. He's listening in, is what he's saying.

Erza gives Shô one last meaningful look and then runs to the other end of the bridge, still wearing very weak armour and carrying one katana. I'll give her a head start, as to not get in her way, so I wait before I follow.

Shô ignores me. He places two fingers against his forehead and closes his eyes. He does nothing for a while. But when I'm about to take a first step in the same direction as Erza, he gasps. I doubt it's because of me, but I still freeze.

Then I feel two fingers against the back of my head and Simon's voice trembles inside my skull. 'Riku!'

'Woah!' I say, covering my ears with my hands even though that does nothing. 'Loud and clear, jeez!'

'Sorry!' he says, softer now. Shô is still pressing two fingers in my hair, and I assume that's how Simon is communicating with me now. Shô is like an antenna, I guess.

'Wait,' I say then, out loud because I've forgotten how to talk in telepathy, 'you know who I am?'

'Yes,' he answers, 'parts of you. I've resisted this erasure spell for a long time, not always successfully, but it doesn't affect me as much as others.'

At least one person, besides Jellal, knows I exist, even if it's partly. I turn around, Shô moves his fingers to my forehead instead.

'I've tried my best to recover some of Shô's memories too,' Simon explains, 'but I can't reach Erza. She's too far up already.'

I look at Shô. He still seems a little uneasy, but not the kind of uneasiness someone feels around a stranger. This is more because the situation is strange. And we're standing very close to one another, and he's holding two fingers against my forehead, and all we can do is just stare.

'Riku,' Simon continues, 'meet me on the floor underneath the ceremonial platform. I'm taking Natsu with me.'

It sounds like there's a plan in there somewhere. I'm not sure what, but Natsu is a strong fighter and very determined. And if he's with Simon, he'll probably know who I am.

'Right,' I answer, 'I'll be there.'

'Good. Stay safe.' His presence fades from my mind and it's quiet again. Shô takes his fingers away and presses them against his own forehead. He has a quiet conversation with Simon that lasts a few seconds.

I'm free to leave. I should meet up with Natsu and Simon, but I stay and wait. When Shô lowers his hand, we look at each other again. Finally, there's some recognition in his eyes.

'I remember you,' he says. 'You saved me once. In the tunnels.'


	16. Chapter 15: Don't be Afraid

**Heya, thanks for coming back! I have two short announcements:**

**1\. Starting from July 15th, I will be taking a break from uploading fanfiction. I know, sounds super serious, but I do take my fanfictions very serious. Which I why I think taking a break is healthy. I hope to return at the beginning of September. **

**2\. I'd like to upload a longer, extra chapter on July 7th, because that is an important date in the Fairy Tail timeline and I'm a nerd :) So look out for that!**

**Anyway, enjoy this chapter! ;)**

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_Chapter 15: Don't be Afraid_

Of all the memories Simon could've retrieved, he chose the scariest one. I can't make out if Shô had seen how I ripped the blind demon dog apart, but I remember his terrified face, his trembling arms squeezing hard around my neck.

My throat feels sore as I stand there, on the bridge, opposite of him. Eight years have passed and the insanity in Shô is slowly fading. He seems mostly confused and, like me, doesn't know what else to say.

'I should go,' I eventually mutter. He just kind of nods. I turn around and enhance my hearing. Simon and Natsu are on the staircase circling around the Tower, apparently having a discussion. I feel sorry for Simon, because Natsu is stubborn as hell.

I decide to just meet them there, instead of the place Simon suggested. We're losing minutes here.

But before I can go my way, Shô opens his mouth. 'Riku.'

It's barely noticeable, but there's strangeness in the way he says my name. He's unsure. But I still stop.

'You know, uhm,' he stutters, 'I got this tattoo for the family.'

I look over my shoulder, though I shouldn't have to know he means the one on his chin. A 5.

'It used to stand for Jellal, Wally, Milliana, Simon and Erza,' he says, 'but that was before I knew the truth.'

Simon and Natsu have gone back into the building. They're a few floors above me. I dim down the range of my hearing, till their footsteps fade out.

'I know I can't take back all that I've done and said,' Shô continues, 'but I'll be better from now on. I promise.'

I'm not sure what to do with this. After all, I'm still an awkward piece of garbage myself, but I can tell it's important to him that he says this to me. There's no craziness or confusion now. It's determination.

'From now on,' he says, still pointing at the 5 on his chin, 'I won't forget you.'

In a second I'm back in the tunnels, eight years ago, telling Shô everything will be alright. I had no idea what was coming next, but that's just what you do. If someone's too scared to move, you tell them things will change for the better, even if they don't. That's what a big brother is supposed to do.

As soon as Shô is out of the Tower, he'll have forgotten about me. Whatever Simon did to retrieve this one memory, it won't hold against the rest of Jellal's spell. Shô knows it, I know it, but it doesn't matter.

Things will change for the better, is what Shô's saying. And I understand.

'Thank you,' I say. It's strange, but I'm proud of him.

There's a silence and a nod, then Shô leaves the room. I watch as he runs in the opposite direction of Erza. I listen to his feet going down the stairwell, to the staircase circling around the Tower.

For eight years, I thought I'd killed the terrified boy. I imagined him screaming while the ship around him burned. If the recurring nightmare didn't take up so much time during the night, I would've dreamt of Shô and the others too.

I feel like I'd gotten a second chance. Secrets are out in the open. My little brother thinks of me as family, even if it means forgetting my existence. This isn't just about me anymore. It's not just about Erza. I'm doing this for Shô too.

I use whatever emotion this is to fuel my own, golden magic, and instead of sending dark flames to my feet, I send light. I can walk six steps with one jump. I'm out the room in a second, on the staircase in the next.

I wonder how much time there's left. When I'm outside the Tower I can see one small boat on the water down below. The Fairy Tail mages and my family are in it.

All of them are looking up, into the sky, and pointing. When I follow their gaze I almost stop jumping. There are several different spell formations hovering over the top of the tower, sliding underneath one another. Etherion is here.

A rush of adrenaline enhances my ears to the point it kinda hurts, and I hear Simon panting right next to me. He obviously isn't, he's inside the Tower. I have no time to look for an entrance, so instead I use my light filled feet to kick a hole in the wall.

He's sitting, leaning, one hand on his side. He frowns when he sees me, shaking off the erasure spell. 'Riku?'

'Correct,' I say, kneeling down beside him, 'are you hurt?'

He doesn't answer, instead he looks through the hole in the wall. 'That light…'

I assume he's drifting between consciousness and a coma and there's nothing I can do for him.

'Where's Natsu?' I ask next. The magic in the sky is starting to align and it sends waves of hearable vibrations through the air, making it impossible for me to use enhanced hearing. I can't find Natsu's footsteps.

'He's...too late?' pants Simon, as if the ending of that sentence surprises him too. I'm not getting anything useful out of him for now.

'Stay here,' I say then, which is silly, because he can barely move. And even if he could, there was no way to escape the blast that was coming.

'Shit.' I continue going up the stairs, strategizing of what to do next. I wasn't bothered by the whole Etherion-thing before, I figured Jellal would probably stop it at the last second, but now I wasn't so sure anymore. Was he really insane enough to kill himself along with everyone else?

The building around me starts to shake. Through the holes in the walls that serve as windows the light of Etherion brightens to the point I can't keep my eyes open. Parts of the ceiling are coming down and I just have to guess where to put my feet to not get crushed.

A split second I worry about the tiny rowboat. I wonder if Shô can swim. I just hope Gray freezes the water or something, or Juvia regains some of her strength. I can't help them right now.

I keep going, because Erza is alone up there.

'Damnit,' I say under my breath. I wasted too much time. Was this actually happening? Was this Etherion really about to hit the Tower and kill everyone surrounding it? Some part of me just refused to believe that. And that's coming from someone who never really has any hope for anything.

I can survive this thing, I know I can, but Erza won't. The dark flames, your magic, will protect me from Etherion's blast, and with that in mind I fasten my pace. If I can get to Erza in time, and I keep the golden magic going, I might be able to pull off using the flames to my advantage. Dragon Slayer Magic isn't exactly great for defense, its goal is to slay dragons, obviously. The Takeover magic is basically a power up.

I can barely feel my feet touching the steps, but I somehow know that I've just passed Natsu. If his senses are working alright and Simon managed to give him some memory of me, he'll know it was me. I can't hear him saying anything.

My eyes are squinted and I can barely look between my eyelashes. Etherion is coming. I have to do it now.

I open my nose.

The dark magic pulsing through the Tower hits me hard at first. It's like an army of strong men throwing themselves at the gate of an enemy fortress, but my magic holds. The walls I've built up are strong and only allow minor leaks.

I don't stop running while this is happening inside of me. Part of my mind is busy regulating the dark flames, the rest is focused on locating Erza. The ceremonial platform is on the highest floor, the place Etherion will hit first.

My eyes are tearing because of all the light and it hurts, but I can't let that stop me. I force them open a little more, till I can see one red streak appearing at the top of the stairs.

It makes the flames jump and I can hold them off just in time. And I tell them what to do.

From my stomach they travel through my chest over my shoulders and stay on my back. The flames start burning my shoulder blades. It's like being struck by lightning, over and over again. My back is reshaping, the skin rips apart, making room for two scaled, burning, black wings. They're too dark.

I send my own magic to it, infuse the wings with yours. Instead of scales, feathers appear. Dark and light feathers.

I almost fall over, surprised by the new weight. These are my wings, I tell myself. These are mine and I can control them.

I've entered the ceremonial platform, I see Erza. Jellal is there too. He's sitting in front of her. He's holding her.

They're hugging and I don't know how to feel. It's not a jealousy. I'm furious, because Jellal is using whatever sympathy Erza still has for him for his own gain. He's manipulating her.

I can't save her from him. Not now. So instead of surrounding only Erza with my black and golden wings, I surround both of them, shaping a cocoon holding the three of us as Etherion rains down.

I hold my breath. The ceiling above us breaks. There's pressure in the air, it's like standing underneath a waterfall. One positive is that it forces down the dark magic inside the Tower as well, but it doesn't keep the flames from raging. They're not used to this. I can control them to do minor stuff, but never like this. I reshaped them to my will. I forced them to become a shield.

Etherion lasts half a minute. I expect to feel the ground beneath me disappear, I expect to fall hundreds of metres down, catching Erza midair, flying upwards before we hit the water, and get her to safety.

But none of that happens. Instead, there's laughter.

When I can see again, Jellal is standing up straight. We're still surrounded by my wings, the golden feathers are disappearing. Erza is sitting on her knees, looking at Jellal, at the wings surrounding her, then back at Jellal.

'What did you do?'

Jellal just keeps on laughing. He slowly turns around, so he can face me. There's a red glow in his eyes. 'So nice of you to stop by, Dragon Prince.'

Erza then sees me. I bet my body is barely noticeable between the massive feathers, maybe my head peeks out. My hair hangs in front of my face, which might make it harder to notice me.

'Dragon Prince?' she repeats. Back in the day, when she did know who I was, I told her what the old man from Snowtown told me about my parents, and about you. Though it doesn't matter. Her saying it right now just shows she doesn't remember me.

Before I can respond, Jellal presses one of his gloved hands in my face and gives me a push. I fall, but not because he's crazy strong or anything. There's dark magic between his fingers. I have no time to dim my sense of smell.

The sensation of dark magic forcing itself into you is like accidently snorting while you're drinking soda. It stings and it takes your breath away till you cough.

The wings disappear and I fall on my back, moving around my limbs spastically. The flames are raving. The dark magic travels down fast and the fire licks it up like ice cream.

I'm foaming at the mouth.

'What did you do to him?' I hear Erza ask. If she knew who I was, she would've held me. She would have told me it was going to be OK. Now I was a stranger, and she spoke out of general concern.

'Don't worry about him,' answers Jellal, 'just enjoy this new look.'

I manage to stop my feet from kicking around. My hands are now trembling fists, nails are pressing down hard in my palms. My own magic is paralyzing my body and with that keeping the flames from taking over. It's the best I can do for now.

My face is turned towards Erza and Jellal and I see we're all surrounded by thick, turquoise crystals. At first I think we're in a different place entirely, then I notice certain shapes similar to the room with the ceremonial platform, but instead of it being a room it's more of a roof terrace. The naked sky is above us, stars are coming out.

Erza is just as confused as I am. And Jellal is just laughing. 'Finally, the time has come! This is the true form of the Tower of Heaven. It's a giant lacrima.'

The bastard used Etherion as a way to fill the Tower of Heaven with magic, completing his stupid Resurrection System. His Tower absorbed it.

'You…' says Erza softly, 'you tricked me.'

I don't know what happened between them before I got here, but I'm pretty sure he tricked all of us. And the worst part is that I had a feeling he was up to something and did nothing to stop it.

Great going, Riku.

Then stuff happens that I don't understand. Someone else shows up with the same face as Jellal, but it's not Mystogan. I can't remember what they were saying, but the second guy made the council fire Etherion. And then Jellal and the other guy walk towards each other and fuse into one man.

That must have been a blow for the Council, but I talked to one of his mirages myself as well. They were convincing.

Apparently, Erza knew of the existence of someone else with Jellal's face and she hadn't told me about it. Sure, I didn't tell her Mystogan's true face, but mostly for Mystogan's case. Erza had no reason not to tell me. At least, not that I know of. Kinda hurt.

As soon as the other Jellal walks into the main Jellal, the air around him trembles. His magic is now at its full capacity again, which is worrisome. He seemed pretty strong with just one half.

'Riku!' says a voice. It's Simon speaking through telepathy. 'What is going on up there?'

I can't move my lips, I'm drooling on the floor like an infant and my mind is preoccupied with the flames, so I can't respond. Simon keeps saying my name over and over again, but it's no use. I'm pinned to the floor.

There's a loud thud that shakes me back to reality for a sec. Jellal has launched an attack on Erza, who is propelled backwards. She forces her feet on the ground, sliding over the crystals till she stops. She slams one hand onto the floor, opening a requip portal and pulls out a sword twice her size. She dashes forward with a scream, slicing where Jellal's face is supposed to be, but he ducks away just in time. Erza requips another sword midair and attacks without hesitating. Jellal evades her easily and Erza is losing to her anger.

I can't do anything but watch and I am ashamed.

The battle is moving away from my eyes and I can't turn my head to follow them. Turquoise crystals rain down whenever Erza misses Jellal again and he just keeps aggravating her.

There must be something, I think to myself. There must be something I can do. Jellal is supposedly scared of my flames. Sorry, _your_ flames.

I successfully used them in the past, I just did it again minutes ago. I've resisted them for years.

A scream wakes me from my wondering and I don't pay attention to my senses for one glance. Jellal just used dark magic and I can smell it. He put it on Erza, a spell to restrain her.

There's no time to doubt. Jellal is trapping Erza somewhere, and I'm not gonna be there in time to free her. Then I see something pink flash by. I'd totally forgotten about Natsu.

While I slowly start moving my toes and fingers around, he runs past me, not even glancing up once. My existence is fading from this place, but I refuse to submit.

I manage to roll to one side, so I can face the battle. Every muscle in my chest hurts and my sight is blurry, but I can see Natsu saving Erza. I'm grateful.

With one hand, I push myself off the crystal ground. I'm breathing heavily, but I can't pause.

'Simon,' I pant, even though that's not how telepathy works. I figured it was worth a shot, but his telepathic presence doesn't appear in my head. I grunt and put my other hand on the ground. I pull my legs in, pushing myself off the ground with my knees.

Natsu is holding Erza and tells her to stop this nonsense. I couldn't agree more. Defeating Jellal isn't the priority anymore, we just have to get out of here.

When I'm finally on my feet, I have to grab on to a crystal about my height to not fall over again. My immediate reaction is to pull away when I touch it, because it feels weird. The turquoise crystals are shaking beneath my bare hand. It's the same kind of pulsing I felt in the previous Tower of Heaven, but now it's Etherion's magic. The lacrima has absorbed it.

It's not really dark magic, my mouth isn't watering, but it's not clean either. I have barely any energy left, I can't afford to be picky, so I take one piece of lacrima, the size of my thumb, and put it in my mouth.

The taste is sour and it makes my throat burn. The filter I've developed to trick the flames into thinking I'm fuelling them with dark magic springs into action, but is confused. This isn't like anything else I've eaten.

Thankfully, that small piece is enough to clear my mind. The flames dim down to a group of candles. Still a group, not just one, but I can manage.

Erza is now laying on the ground, unconscious. Natsu is firing one attack after the other at Jellal. At first glance they all seem to hit their target, but when I dare to enhance my sight I see it's not the case. The flames are catching on, but just on his cloak.

Simon seemed to have a lot of faith in Natsu before, otherwise he would've send him to the rowboat with the others. I have to trust his judgement, because right now I can't fight Jellal myself.

I just have to get Erza out of here.

So I sneak between the crystals while Natsu is distracting Jellal. Erza lays face down, her arms next to her body. The dark spell surrounding her is fading, I just hope it's not hurting her.

I shut down my sense of smell as much as I can and approach her. She frowns slightly as I turn her over and hook my arms underneath her. Her head falls against my chest as I lift her up and she mumbles. Her face is wet from sweat and tears.

Whether she remembers me or not, I promise her silently I will protect her at all costs. I press her harder against me and start running away, towards the nearest edge of the crystal terrace. My plan is to jump off and force whatever power I have to create wings, and fly the hell away from here.

Very optimistic.

I'm not even close to the edge when I get a sudden rush of adrenaline forced on me. Jellal is doing it again and it makes me stop. He wants me to hear this.

'Is that all?' he says to Natsu. 'Is this the power of Natsu, son of Igneel?'

Natsu is panting, on of his fists is still burning, but he doesn't answer.

'I've got to say,' Jellal continues, and I can just hear that awful smirk on his mouth, 'I'm a little underwhelmed. Is this the famous Dragon Slayer Magic?'

Natsu slams his burning fist into his other burning palm. 'There's more where that came from, jackass.'

Jellal snorts and ignores him completely. 'Then again, it's not like you're a prince. This is nothing compared to him. Am I right, Riku?'

Him speaking directly to me sends a shiver through the back of my neck. He's taunting me.

'Who?' says Natsu, and by that confirming he doesn't remember me.

'That guild you cherish so much, Natsu Dragneel,' Jellal says, 'has some dark secrets. Your Fairy Tail harbors the most dangerous man of Fiore. He lives among you, and you have no idea. The Dragon Prince. Fairy Tail's Dragon Prince.'

Natsu wasn't present when Erza told of our past, and when I revealed I burned the ships. He doesn't remember me and he isn't exactly the brightest mage around. What he says next pretty much showcases all of that: 'I don't care about any of that. You hurt Erza, and now I'm going to hurt you.'

Say what you will about his intelligence, but the passion he cherishes for his guild can't be underestimated. Our guild, I should say. I've called him reliable before, and I will call him that again. And he sparked something else inside me: guilt. I was about to run off with the friend he was desperate to save, leaving him behind to take care of someone even the Council couldn't stop.

Natsu and I weren't friends, but we both wore the same mark. I've talked about family and friendship and love and all the other stuff I don't understand. I might be mistaking this guilt I'm feeling for something more positive. I might just be inspired by Natsu.

I look at the unconscious Erza in my arms. There's a frown between her eyebrows, like she's having a nightmare. This needs to be over before she wakes up.

'Damnit,' I say out loud. Natsu is challenging Jellal again, with more power than before. I don't know how he does it, but each time Natsu gets close to losing he pulls out more stocks. But raw power only gets you so far. Jellal is smart and Natsu isn't one to strategize. He needs help.

The flames are enjoying the anxiousness that is building inside of me. I press my nose in Erza's hair and I think back to what she said to me, the night after Lisanna's funeral. _'You'd tell yourself you ran away to save everyone. You'd justify it for yourself. But in reality, you were just afraid.'_

It was the most raw I'd ever seen her, which made it all the more true. And Mystogan would agree with her. He said something similar to me, only a day ago. My emotions were in the way of me truly using the flames.

I learned to fuse my magic with yours. I learned your Dragon Slayer Magic and I learned my Golden Magic. Now the silliest thing was left: my feelings.

I take one last sniff of Erza's hair. Then I carefully place her on the ground, her back leaning against a smooth crystal. This will all be over soon, I tell her quietly.

Behind me, I hear the fighting continuing. Natsu is struggling against Jellal, who uses magic to move around at the speed of light, punching Natsu before he knows what's happening. Exhaustion might be taking a toll on him, he can't focus on his senses.

I stand up, grabbing a piece of lacrima the size of my fist, and bite. I turn my back to Erza and head for battle.

'Simon,' I say out loud, still chewing on crystals. This time, I succeed in reaching him. He needs a second to figure out who I am, but then we're good to go. 'I need you to connect me to Natsu. Can you do that?'

'In a second, yes,' he responds. His telepathic voice is panting, he's stumbling up the crystal stairs. I can't ask him to do more, but I still tell him where Erza is.

'Stay there. I'm ending this.' I'm done with the crystal and I start running. Natsu is on the ground, slamming his bare fists into the lacrima floor. Before I pass him, Simon succeeds in connecting us. 'Natsu, don't look up.'

He looks up, I use his shoulder as a platform to launch myself in the air. Your dark flames come rushing at me in waves, covering my entire body in shiny scales. It's like jumping head first into the open beak of a monster.

Jellal's eyes widen as he sees me. He jumps back, expecting to dodge whatever attack I'm planning, but I don't wait to land. Before my feet hit the crystal floor, I've slashed a dark claw over his chest, ripping his shirt apart and cutting his skin.

At first he screams and stumbles. For a second I see genuine fear on him, but he forces it down. He might be more afraid to show weakness. 'That's more like it!'

I dash forward again, lifting one arm to avert his attention and then kick both his feet from under him. He jumps away in time, but I catch him by the throat. I slam his back against a clutter of edged crystals. There are bones breaking and air is pushed out his lungs.

But he still dares to laugh.

'Well, well, well,' he coughs, blood dripping from his mouth, 'where did this strength come from? Don't tell me it's love, I'll hurl.'

I would too. I can't say anything anymore, my mouth is filled with flames. Instead, I roar in his face, burning the edges of his blue hair. He gasps for air, clawing at the scaled arm that his holding him down, but I won't budge.

Behind me, Natsu has gotten back on his feet. I call for him through Simon's telepathy, because I can't talk anymore.

'Huh?' he says out loud.

'You don't know me,' I start, 'but there's no time to explain. I can't hold this form for long. You're drained of power, I have a solution. It's gonna sound strange, but you have to trust me. Eat the crystals.'

As Jellal is struggling in my grip, the scaled skin becomes thicker. The shine that was over them fades and there's now only matte black. And on top of that, I'm losing the flames. I feel them pushing me. They want me out.

I can't afford to get scared now. I've managed to use their rage for my goals by staying focused and blocking everything else out. If I slip up now, it's over.

Jellal's face is turning blue, he's kicking his feet around in panic. I squeeze harder, I can feel the bones in his neck cracking. I can't see nor hear what Natsu is doing. I'm feeling overpowered.

Just one glimmer. That's all that takes me out of it. One glimmer of old times. It's what I've been building up to this whole time, why I started telling you this story. I've tried telling myself over and over again I don't want to be like you. I've always just been too weak to actually go through with it, to actually become someone else. I've always been your slave.

But as I'm squeezing the life out of Jellal, there's one glimmer that tells me I am human after all. And that's what makes me weak.

I see the blue haired boy.

Next thing I know, the flames succeed in pushing me out of my own body. I float up, into the night sky. The scaled monster that is me but not me anymore loosens the grip around Jellal's throat. As soon as he feels it, he uses the light speed magic to jump away. He lands several metres further, on his knees, coughing.

The scaled monster can barely be called a dragon. It's burning, it has feathers, teeth, claws and smoke. Natsu looks at it, confused.

Then I see Erza has woken up. Instead of panicking, I drain myself from any emotion and force myself down. Unlike eight years ago in the swamps, I'm completely calm and that's what brings me back.

I focus on my feet touching the lacrima, I absorb whatever kind of energy Etherion is, and the fires start dying down. Scales fall off my skin, smoke evaporates, feathers fly away, till there's only me left. With ripped clothes.

Jellal is still coughing, but back on his feet. His back, chest and face are bleeding. Craziness inside him makes him laugh. 'You should've killed me.'

Looking back, I agree. I should have.

He throws his arms in the air and it's suddenly windy. My mouth starts watering.

'Natsu!' I scream. My feet are moving on their own, there's nothing I can do. 'Take Erza, and get out of here!'

Flames erupt around my feet, I feel my teeth are growing. Jellal is gathering all the dark magic within a one mile radius, and I'm part of it.


	17. Chapter 16: The End of the Tower

**Hey, thanks for coming back! Bit of an intense chapter up ahead. Enjoy! ;)**

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_Chapter 16: The End of the Tower_

It's an absolute shitshow. The place that used to be the the ceremonial platform of the Tower of Heaven is falling apart. Whatever spell Jellal is using, it's destructive as hell. Natsu is a few paces away from me, seemingly half conscious. I don't know if he took my advice earlier about eating Etherion. Erza is still at a safe distance, if Natsu can just get her out of here, things would be easier. Because Jellal's spell is trying to suck me in and I can't resist for much longer.

With what little control I have left I slam my dark claws into the lacrima beneath me. The flames jump around like a group of hungry hounds going mental at the smell of blood. As of now, Jellal is holding a giant, pulsing ball of dark magic between his arms. My claws are scratching at the surface of the lacrima floor, while my feet are desperately trying to move towards the spell.

I'm not sure what I'll do once Erza and Natsu are gone, but the darkest things come to mind. I might never see them again.

Jellal's spell is about ready. Even without absorbing your flames, he's gathered a scary amount of dark, harmful magic. The way he's looking now, Jellal plans to hit Natsu with it, and Natsu won't be able to dodge. I have to do something, but if I move I might make things worse.

I try to open my mouth, but when I try to speak there's only growling. Natsu should, as the son of a dragon, easily hear the words 'get up' in there somewhere, but he's too focused on the blast that is coming. He might be able to get up just in time to get hit. And he won't survive that. Sure, we're not exactly friends, but I can't let him die like this.

As a last resort I try connecting with Natsu telepathically, but I can't sense Simon anywhere. He can't establish any communications now.

Jellal is getting closer and closer to launching the bomb of dark magic. I keep resisting and keep questioning why your flames are so eager to join Jellal's attack.

Then Erza appears. I didn't hear her running from the spot I felt her earlier. She's hurt and exhausted, but adrenaline keeps her from falling down. She stops in front of Natsu, putting herself in the line of fire. Jellal laughs when he sees it. He can finally kill her.

Erza's face is rock solid determination. She's dead set on shielding Natsu from the blast. She has her arms spread, as if to welcome the dark magic with a hug.

And no matter what I'll do, she won't move. Even if I could speak, she wouldn't listen. She doesn't know who I am and she doesn't care.

But I have to do something. The flames are almost begging me to go go Jellal and when I look at Erza I understand why. And I feel silly for missing it. Your flames have no intend to join Jellal. They feed on anything I can make them believe is dark magic, but they are, of course, much keener on the real thing. Your flames want to eat Jellal's attack.

I look at him and see he's staring back at me. And then I know he's doing this on purpose. I can stop all of this now if I get up and absorb Jellal's attack, but that will come at a price. Absorbing dark magic means handing over the reigns to your flames, and you know what happens then. With the amount of magic Jellal has gathered I don't imagine anyone surviving the monster that will come out of me. I've never absorbed so much, there's no way I'll be able to keep control.

Jellal is taunting me. This is an impossible choice. Will I do nothing and let Jellal kill Erza, or will I save her from Jellal and let her get killed by the monster that will emerge as a result of absorbing dark magic?

This is all going on in my head while Jellal's bomb is about to burst. Erza still hasn't moved, though Natsu is begging her to do so. Salamander, I think to myself in panic, will you be able to destroy me?

Even without being an official S-class mage, Natsu was already legendary. He's not too bright, which often results in people underestimating him, but he has more than proven that he is an incredible mage. And on top of that, a Dragon Slayer. He's build to fight monsters.

Please, I say quietly, make sure to finish me off.

I start to pull my claws from the lacrima, then I hesitate. This is it, I think. This is how my life ends. And I'm terrified. There are still three fingers holding on to the lacrima, and I can't move. Jellal leans back, ready to throw his bomb. I tell myself to go, now, but I can't do it.

Erza is not moving. My chest hurts. Why am I not moving?

Jellal lets go of the bomb and as it flies through the air, something changes. I couldn't sense him before and he appears out of nowhere, so quick not even Jellal notices him. The dark magic is heading for Erza, but it doesn't hit her. At the very last moment, Simon shoves himself in front of her.

The tension in the air shifts, the wind dies down. The Tower stops trembling and there's a bright light. The pulling at my body stops, the flames die down. Then the loudest sound I've ever heard erupts as Jellal's spell hits Simon right in the chest.

For a second or two afterwards, there is only smoke. I quickly regain my control over the flames and panic helps me get to my feet. My claws disappear and I feel tiny and cold.

I enhance my hearing.

Erza is still breathing, so is Natsu. Simon is too, but it gets drowned out by the most horrible sound I've ever heard. And I've listened to people shitting their pants while they die.

The dust clears and Simon has fallen on the ground. Erza holds him in her arms.

On the outside it doesn't look like much. Simon had been hurt earlier, and though he got hit by Jellal's magic head on it just seemed to have scratched him. What I'm hearing is what's happening on the inside.

Dark magic is eating everything away. It forces itself through his intestines, rips into his stomach, shrivels up his lungs, pulls his muscles apart like they're nothing. The magic chews loudly. It's almost like it's giggling while doing it.

None of that can be seen on the outside. Only the light fading out in his eyes indicates that Simon is dying.

Erza speaks to him softly, her voice trembles. I can't make out what she's saying. I stumble towards them, fall on my knees beside Simon, and place my hands on his chest.

Erza stops, looks up and says something, but it doesn't reach me. I just hear the dark magic that is eating Simon away with a smile. I force, no, I _beg _your dark flames to lure them away. To absorb them. To leave Simon's body, and to instead destroy me.

Because that was what was supposed to happen. I was supposed to save Erza from dark magic. I'm a Dragon Slayer that feeds on Dark Magic. But like always, I got scared, and this time there was no darkness to hide behind, no taking over, no 'it wasn't you, it was them'.

Because I could've done something, and I hadn't.

'Please,' I say out loud, 'please, take me.'

If Simon dies here...well, I just didn't know what I would do. At that moment, I just knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself. So I just begged that darkness to take me.

Erza is pulling at me, Natsu is shouting, they have no idea who I am or what's going on. That would be for the better.

But the darkness won't come. Simon knows it too. With what strength he has left, he forces his arm up. With his index finger, he reaches for my temple. Immediately, his telepathic presence appears in my head.

'Riku,' he says, with an echo surrounding his voice, 'let go.'

I can't, I tell him. But his arm has fallen back. In his final moments, he turns his eyes to Erza. Beneath the iron jaw protector he wears, a smile appears. Tears fill his eyes, and then his heart stops beating.

Though the life is gone, the dark magic continues to feed on him. I stop calling for them. Something inside me cracks.

There's just a high pitched beep in my ears. I see Erza is crying, screaming, but I don't hear it. Natsu just looks shocked and at a loss for words. My hands are still on Simon's chest.

Something inside me cracks.

The next few minutes are a blurred. The short version would be that what Mystogan was afraid of, happened: I got too emotional. Which is a strange thing to say while looking back, because at the time I felt nothing. All I knew was that I wanted to kill Jellal and that it was the logical thing to do.

One second I'm beside Simon, the next I'm choking Jellal midair. You're right, I say quietly, I should have.

First of all: he could not be saved. Letting him live now would be like not searching for a remedy for an illness just because no one's sick anymore. People will get sick again eventually as long as there's no cure. Jellal would find his strength again, unless he was stopped for good.

Secondly: he made Erza forget about me. Until now I've kind of accepted that as being something else to deal with. I didn't even resist, didn't even try to change it. I basically gave up and let him shit all over me.

Thirdly: he wanted to kill Erza. She made her choice; if this all had to end with her dying, so be it. I can't stop her, but I can stop him.

Fourthly, and most importantly: he killed one of our own in cold blood. That should be a death sentence in any family.

It feels like I'm going in and out of consciousness. Every now and then I see flashes of what's going on, as if someone's showing me images. I have wings now, we're flying, I'm dragging Jellal with me towards the clouds. I feel nothing, and it's for the better.

I surround myself and Jellal with dark magic, like I did earlier to protect Erza against Etherion. I lock the both of us in here, in this floating chamber of flames. The walls, ceiling and floor are all part of my burning wings.

I throw Jellal away from me. He lands in the black fire, it claws at his bleeding skin. It must hurt, but I still don't hear much.

I imagine I must've looked demonic.

Jellal is trying to tell me something. He's not grinning anymore. He might be pleading for his life, but I don't hear it. And even if I did, I wouldn't listen.

The walls of flames are absorbing Jellal. The wings that have formed this chamber are detaching themselves from my back. I can walk around the space freely. Nothing burns me.

Smoke circles from Jellal's flesh. He's actually disappearing right in front of me. His limbs are probably already gone.

My hearing returns. I hear him scream and gurgle on his own blood. His internal organs have turned to pudding by now. His voice cracks one more time and then he's quiet. His heart is still beating, his eyes are still open, but he's dying.

Something inside me cracks. I don't feel guilty. I don't regret doing it. I just wish I never had to in the first place. Those damn ships always come back to haunt me. Jellal made me do it, like he made me choose between saving Erza or killing her myself, like he made me kill him.

His mouth is twitching, his eyes are staring at me. He's still alive, but he can't scream anymore. This would all be easier if he just said he was possessed by some evil spirit, but according to himself that is not the case. This is him, truly him. There is dark magic in him, but it's only there to manipulate him. It probably made Jellal feel like he was doing everyone a favour by finishing the Tower, that he was saving everyone. That he was still the good guy.

I'm crying. This must sound whiny to you, but I'm proud to be crying.

In this chamber of dark flames, as I'm staring at Jellal, waiting for him to finally die, I sense a presence. He's right outside. I know immediately who it is and I'm not planning to invite him in like this is our old apartment.

He manages to somehow force his voice through the walls. 'Riku.'

I'm not answering. Not because I'm mad at him for what he said earlier, I'm not that petty. I just don't want anyone around anymore. I want to wait for Jellal to die and then I'll disappear forever.

'Riku!' Mystogan sounds more alarmed, which is so unlike him. We've faced terrible monsters together and even then he barely flinched.

He's preparing a spell, I can tell it's a layered one. Several magical portals are opening in the sky around my chamber of dark flames, but none of them will be strong enough to penetrate the walls. I don't know why he bothers.

I continue weeping. Jellal is still holding on. The darkness has left him, he's fighting on his own now. Mystogan's attacks are hitting the chamber, but they don't even leave a dent. I wonder how he's doing it. From what I remember Jellal and I flew up, into the clouds. We're hovering high above the Tower, so Mystogan must be flying.

'Riku!' he says, and it's the most I've ever heard him raise his voice. His attacks have stopped. He curses, which is even more out of character. I feel him nearing and I try to ignore it. My eyes are focused on Jellal. He's paralyzed, his brain is slowly fading away. There's drool dripping from the sides of his mouth.

'Screw it!' I hear Mystogan suddenly say. Though I'm not connected to the flames the chamber is made of, I can feel whatever's going on. And Mystogan just walked into the wall without hesitation.

He screams when the flames surround him. Like Jellal before, he gets absorbed by darkness.

Something inside me cracks.

I quickly slam my hands into the burning wall and force it apart. Mystogan falls onto the burning floor, where the flames immediately surround him again. He mumbles a spell and a magical shield surrounds him, like a soap bubble. Half of his mask has been burned off, it just covers one side of his mouth. He's missing his cloak and staves. His hands, arms and legs have been touched by the flames, the skin looks red and gooey. He bites his teeth down hard.

'Why…?' is all I can say. Neither of us knows any healing spells, let alone how to treat burns like these. Burns caused by dark magic.

Somehow, Mystogan manages to stand up. He's breathing heavily, but his eyes are still bright. 'You have to stop this. Now.'

For a second I realize how strange it is to have both Mystogan and Jellal in the same room. The similarity is uncanny.

The heartbeat of one of them is fading. He's staring right at me.

'Riku!' says Mystogan then, louder. 'Listen to me, please-'

'It's too late,' I interrupt, and I can barely hear myself. My voice is surrounded by growls and, well, tears. 'He's almost-'

'Look at me!'

I force my eyes from Jellal to Mystogan. He rips his mask off, revealing his entire face. He's stumbling on his feet, trying not to pass out because of the pain.

'Please,' he says through his teeth, 'stop this. If you kill him now, there's no going back.'

'To what?' I ask. 'Fairy Tail? They don't remember me. The only thing left is this fire.'

Each time, I thought I had it. And I've come a long way. I could live a life as a mage with these flames. But not anymore.

'I know who you are,' says Mystogan, and at the moment I appreciated it, but it was hard to accept anything while I was also killing someone with his face, 'and I've seen your struggle. I don't think it's worth giving up now.'

I just annoyed. 'Why are you here, Mystogan? This has nothing to do with you.'

'Really?' he says, almost amused. 'Have you seen me? Riku, if you kill him, what do you think happens to us?'

I look away and focus on Jellal's fading heartbeat. He's almost there.

'Riku,' Mystogan continues, 'I can't let you kill someone that wears my face. Even after all that he's done. This isn't what you want, is it?'

I understand where he's getting at and I've concluded that myself earlier: I don't want to kill Jellal, but he left me no choice. And Mystogan is right about one other thing, something he didn't say out loud but we both now: I've never killed someone in cold blood. I've never killed someone deliberately. There were accidents, things beyond my control but which I can still be blamed for, but I've never been a calculated murderer.

Mystogan isn't just here for the sake of our friendship. After I kill Jellal, I will be more like you than ever before. If there is such a thing as a soul, Mystogan is here to save it.

But like I said: it's too late.

'No,' says Mystogan, 'there must be something you can do.'

Jellal's heart is only trembling now. He stopped blinking.

I carefully approach him. His mouth hangs open in a silent scream. I sense no darkness in him now, it's completely gone. Your flames absorbed it before they started burning the body. I accidently succeeded in cleansing him.

'What about your magic?' says Mystogan then, and I can tell he's about to pass out. I don't know what he wants me to do. I'm not a healing mage. I use the golden magic to fool the darkness.

When I concentrate, I feel there are only traces left. My face is still a burning mask, the golden magic consists of nothing more than a couple small, smoldering pieces of ash. But they're still there, somehow. If your flames are hungry hounds, my magic would be a newborn puppy, so young it can't even open its eyes yet.

I call it forth. It's confused and nervous. I extend my hand. It sniffs at my fingers, licks it, bites it softly. We have to reconnect.

Before I feel I have complete control, I take Jellal's face in my hands. His skin is cold.

I ask my magic to leave me, and to go to him instead. I don't know what will happen, but it's all I can think of.

As if the sun breaks through a huddle of thunderclouds, there's a light in the chamber. The flames let out a surprised screech, almost resembling a flock of crows, and the walls start thinning out. Fresh air flows in.

The flames let go of Jellal, his body falls forward. I catch him. There are only stumps where his limbs should be, my magic travels to those places and starts glowing. I have no idea what it's doing.

Jellal coughs and I almost drop him. His heartbeat grows louder. When I enhance my hearing even more, I hear my magic is working on his insides. The darkness would giggle while ripping someone apart, but my magic seems to almost hum peacefully, as if it's doing laundry on a sunny day.

Jellal coughs again and there's still blood between his teeth. One of his arms hangs around my shoulders, his head leans against my chest. The walls and ceiling of the dark chamber continue to disappear, only the burning floor remains, as a platform floating in the sky above the Tower of Heaven.

Jellal finds the strength to lift his head. He looks at me. 'Riku.'

Not Dragon Prince. Riku. Can't say I was glad. I wasn't doing this for him. If Mystogan hadn't come, Jellal would be dead.

Mystogan is still floating in his bubble, but I can tell he's struggling. I hope my magic can help him. While half carrying Jellal, I walk towards his bubble and carefully place my hand against it. Mystogan immediately seems relieved. Whatever I did, it numbed the pain a little.

My own magic was still alien to me and I realized it's an ever bigger contrast to your flames than I could've imagined. While your flames were always out to take me over, my magic seems willing to listen. All I have to do is think about what I want, and the golden light takes care of it. It was never like this before and it feels wrong somehow. Where was all of this before? Or did I just awaken all of it by accident? So many horrible events could've been prevented if I had been in touch with this magic all along. I can't be glad, I can't be relieved that it's with me now. It's frustrating.

'Riku,' gurgles Jellal again. I feel his magic is returning. It's still weak, but just minutes ago he was dying. If he continued to heal at this rate, we would be facing off against each other within an hour or so.

But it doesn't look like he wants to fight. Instead, he says: 'The Tower. It needs to be destroyed.'

I look down. The Tower of Heaven is trembling, pieces of lacrima are breaking off and falling into the sea. I can see the tiny row boat rocking against the emerging waves. Natsu and Erza are still on the platform, beside the lifeless body of Simon.

From what I can tell, the building is about to explode. The several magical battles that took place there that day, the use of dark magic and the blast of Etherion had damaged the structure to the point it became unstable.

'Get them out of here,' Jellal says, 'I'll handle it.'

* * *

Mystogan used a teleportation spell to get the tiny rowboat as far away as possible. I managed to grab Erza and Natsu from the platform and dragged them with me to the mainland. Both of them had passed out somehow, I think that was Mystogan's doing. When I was sure they were safe, I headed back to the Tower by myself.

I floated above the ocean and watched as Jellal, still with half his body intact, called forth one spell after the other. The Tower continued to fall apart beneath him. I could feel the tension building up in the core. Part of me knew I could eat it, but I rather had Jellal destroy it. He wouldn't survive it, we both knew that.

As children, I once compared Jellal to Erza; they both cared about the wellbeing of others and back then that was so strange to me. As I'm watching Jellal preparing to absorb the blast that is coming from the Tower of Heaven, I think back to that. Erza was prepared to die at the Tower, and now he is too.

But I don't know if this is his way of atoning for his sins or if it's another strategy. That's why I'm staying to watch.

There are mere seconds left before the explosion. I can see how Jellal falls on his knees, he's missing an arm and a foot. It seems this is all he can do. The Tower is surrounded by magical portals, waiting for the spells to be activated by their summoner.

I'm far away, someone who doesn't have my eyes wouldn't see me if they were at the top of the Tower, but Jellal somehow manages to look me right in the eyes. And when he does, he gives me another rush of magic which enhances my ears. He did this a couple times when he wanted to make sure I heard something within the Tower.

'Riku,' he says, 'Riku Starlight.'

I feel nothing. I don't know how he figured out my last name and I don't care. A bright light erupts from the lacrima. The clouds break apart and for a second there's complete silence. Then the loudest sound ever blasts over the water. It's even worse than Etherion and Jellal's dark magic bomb combined. I get pushed back, my wings almost fall apart.

When I can see again, everything is gone, even the island. There is not a trace of the Tower.

* * *

So I didn't kill Jellal. Hurray. But my life was still screwed over. Simon was dead and I wasn't ready to deal with the guilt.

The first thing I did when I came back to the mainland was search for alcohol. I didn't go looking for a cozy bar. It was still nighttime, going on morning, so everything was closed anyway. I broke into the first liquor store I could find, looked for whatever was the strongest and left some money on the counter. Then I disappeared into the woods.

I had no idea where I was and I didn't care. I sat down underneath a tree and watched the sky turn orange. The night was over and a new day began as if nothing happened. I find it a comforting thought sometimes, knowing that none of what you do really matters in the end, but I didn't think so on that morning. I was able to see the sunrise and Simon wasn't.

'Idiot,' I said to myself, but that didn't even begin to cover it. I kept going back to the moment I hesitated to eat Jellal's magic. By not making a decision then I had decided everything else that came after.

I open the bottle I half stole earlier and take sniff. It's terribly mixed, so it might knock me out for a few hours. As I'm about to take a sip, something moves in the bushes. I freeze and enhance my ears. Nothing besides the ruffling of the leafs and the fluttering of tiny birds.

Then something flashes by, I see it in the corner of my eye. I turn to look, but there's nothing there. I put the cork back on the bottle and wait. Nothing happens.

'Hello?' I say out loud, as one does when strange things happen. In my head I make a list of the people that should be able to find me here, which is short; Mystogan, Natsu, Erza. But I don't sense any of them. I don't sense anyone, no magical presence or a heartbeat.

I blink a few times. Maybe I'm missing something.

I stare into the forest, between the trees. There's a figure between the green. I see a face, when she realizes I've spotted her she smiles.

Then she calmly walks towards me. I know who she is, because I only have one memory of her.

She sits down in front of me. Her entire body is covered in a thin layer of light, as if she's a living star. She continues to smile while I'm struggling to make sense of this all.

She slowly lifts a glowing hand and touches my cheek. As soon as her skin touches mine, I recognize the kindness and the warmth. It's exactly like my golden magic.

'Riku,' she says, and I can hear her voice in my head. 'I'm proud of you.'

I press my face harder against her hand. I'm too shocked to cry. There are so many things I want to ask, so many things I want to say, but I'm overwhelmed by what I think is the love that she sends to me. I can't describe it otherwise, and certainly not to you, but it means everything to me.

I look at the glowing face of my mother. It's exactly like in my memory. The airship we used to travel in would fall apart around her, she would scream at my dad to do something, but each time she looked at me she would smile, even if she didn't believe we would survive. Though I've never got to know my mother, I feel I can safely say she was someone who cherished hope above anything else.

She leans forward and presses her lips against my forehead. Then she disappears.

The next few minutes almost feel like I'm outside my body again. I don't feel alive at all. The golden magic, the magic of my mother, is flowing within me, and it's stronger than it ever was before. Somehow, at the Tower, I awakened her.

There is also a part of me, which is probably connected to your dark flames, that tries to rationalize what I just saw. Perhaps I'm already drunk without even drinking. Maybe the overuse of magic has made me delirious. Mystogan could be hiding in the trees and could be showing me things. Or maybe I've finally gone crazy.

It makes sense for your flames to try make me believe these things, considering our history. You've destroyed my parents and took me in as your pupil. You've put magic inside me and made me a living weapon, a monster. And all this time I've fought against you on my own, but not anymore. Whatever I did at the Tower, it caused my mother's magic to surface fully, and it was more than a fart between my hands. From now on, I'm not alone anymore.

I lean against a tree. My life is still fucked. Simon is dead, Jellal is dead, I have no idea where Mystogan is, Erza doesn't remember me, but at this moment I am completely calm. I close my eyes, and doze off.


	18. Chapter 17: Closure

**Sorry for the delay! Enjoy! ;)**

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_Chapter 17: Closure_

Despite the growing presence of my mother, the nightmare still comes. When I wake up, Mystogan's sitting opposite of me. He has a new mask and all the places your dark flames burned him are wrapped up in bandages. There's a cup of tea in his hand, but he's not drinking. I'm not sure if he just doesn't want to, or if it's because the mask is shielding his mouth.

'You've been out for two days,' he says, calmly. I blink and feel immediately more awake.

'Two days? Is everyone alright?' I do want to know, of course, but there's an even greater concern: does Fairy Tail remember me?

Mystogan knows what I mean. 'I haven't been able to check. Erza and the others are on their way back to the guild, and your brothers and sister have left on their own adventure. Here.'

He hands me a note. It has a sketchy drawing on it, I think it's a map. This must be where Shô, Wally and Milliana are heading first.

'Thanks,' I say softly, and I leave it at that.

Mystogan stays quiet for a while, and then says: 'So where are we going?'

There's still a little tension between us. He played babysitter for a reason I thought was invalid, but now after everything that's happened at the Tower, he's proven me wrong. I still have a long way to go, but it's not all dark. I have my mother now, which is still insane to me. I need some time to get used to this. And with that, Mystogan can't help me.

'I don't know yet,' I say then, 'but wherever it is, I will go alone.'

I watch him closely and see something shift in his eyes. 'I understand. Be careful, then.'

The wind suddenly picks up, and Mystogan turns to dust in front of me. His teacup stays behind. I sigh. I might've hurt him, but it's better this way. Our friendship is solid, we care about each other, but right now there's no trust.

I take another look at the sketchy map and think of the last moment I shared with Shô. I really believed things were gonna change, but I'm not so sure anymore.

I spent the rest of the day in the forest, just thinking about what the hell I'm supposed to do now. The bottle I stole earlier is not far away from me, but I don't open it. I have to come to terms with everything that's happened, and I'm doing it without a drink.

* * *

The day turns into night and I finally start walking out of the forest, back to the world of the living. I haven't eaten in so long, and I only have little cash on me, so I buy something that resembles a hotdog from a shady vendor. After that, I take another look at the map. Even if they don't remember me, it feels wrong to not say goodbye.

So I set out to find my fake family. The first part I thankfully had to travel through the mainland, but for the last I needed a boat, which I wasn't in the least excited for, as you can imagine. I had to get to this small island, maybe a few kilometers away. It was morning again already, and I didn't feel like calling forth dark wings, since there were so many people around.

There was a sweet fisherman who told me his son could take me over the water. He probably thought I was some poor homeless man, because I was still wearing my raggedy, ripped up clothes. The son, some fourteen year old brat, just kind of laughed as I struggled at the bottom of the boat, trying not to hurl after I'd only eaten something that looked like a hotdog. He had to roll me onto the docks of the island, still laughing. By the time I wasn't dizzy anymore, he'd disappeared.

I managed to get back on my feet and enhanced my nose for the first time since I arrived at the Tower of Heaven. It took me a little while to distinguish which scent belonged to what thing and which were more important than others. I didn't get a good whiff of Shô before, but I remembered some cheap cologne that got stuck in his jacket. And that was easy to find.

The town surrounding the docks was small and lay at the foot of a mountain. Surrounding it was nothing but rocks, perhaps dried up lava. It wasn't the best spot to go camping, but it made sense for people who'd spent the past eight years on the same island building a tower.

I watched for a while before approaching. Shô and Wally were discussing the best ways to create fire and Milliana seemed at the brink of tears, for some reason. Their first adventure as free people apparently didn't go so well.

The first one to notice me is Wally. He immediately jumps up and points a gun at me, and I think he doesn't remember me. To him I look just as pathetic as to the fourteen year old fisher boy that brought me to this island. So I don't get any closer and just hold my hands behind my head.

'I don't mean to disturb,' I say and I try to sound as reasonable as possible. I'm not afraid, of course. Bullets are easy to dodge.

Shô jumps up too and holds one of his magical cards between his fingers, ready to throw it at me.

I watch his face closely and hold my breath. I'm about to find out how much of Jellal's spell is left behind now that he's gone. I see the gears turning in Shô's head as, yes, thank the heavens, recognition kicks in.

'Wait,' he says, more to himself than to Wally, 'you were there.'

Milliana jump to her feet and narrows her eyes at me. With the delicacy of a cat she comes closer, while looking me up and down. Wally slowly lowers his gun, but doesn't put it away yet. Milliana walks around me, touches my hair, pulls my ear, sniffs my armpits. Then she stops and I hear a surprised 'Oh.'

Then she jumps on my back, wraps her arms around my neck and licks my cheek. 'It's you!'

I don't remember her being this touchy, but I just accept it as her way of telling me I'm appreciated. She hooks her legs around my waist and now we're piggybacking.

'Your hair's so soft,' she says, and I can tell she's rubbing her face against my head. I'm not sure what to say. Her love for cats has developed steadily over the years, let's leave it at that.

'Get off him!' Wally suddenly shouts. His gun is pointing at me again, but now his hand is trembling. 'Milliana, get off him!'

I feel Milliana freeze a little, but she doesn't let me go. 'But...I don't want to.'

Though Wally wears sunglasses, I can see he has a wild look in his eyes. He's starting to sweat. 'But…he hit you.'

I did. When they'd taken Erza from the resort, they transported her to the Tower with a boat. I chased after them, attacked them on deck but got trapped in one of Shô's cards. I did hit Milliana, I knocked her unconscious.

'Yeah,' she says, still with her face against my hair, 'but things were different then.'

Shô grabs hold of Wally's arm and pushes the gun away, so it's not pointing at me anymore. 'Wally, you have to think back further. That's Riku, remember?'

Poor Wally just looks more confused. He lets go of the gun, it falls hard on the rocks. He drops to his knees and takes his blocked face in his hands. I imagine the memories were overflowing him, everything that had been suppressed by Jellal. Perhaps, back then on the ship, he had realized who I was. I mean, Shô did, he called me "a traitorous brother", but as soon as we got to the Tower, he barely looked at me. All of them forgot about me.

'Riku,' whispers Wally to himself. 'Riku….was there?'

Milliana licks my ear. 'He sure was!'

Shô kneels down beside Wally, in way Simon could've done so. 'I know, it's weird at first. But he's on our side. Just think back to-'

'I remember,' Wally interrupts. He takes a few deep breaths. 'Riku. We lost you, after the uprising.'

After Grandpa Rob shielded everyone from the Magic Troops, Erza went back into the Tower to find Jellal. I went after her. I ate dark magic, and burned the ships.

I look at Shô. As of now, he is the only one here that knows I did it. He was there and Erza told the members of Fairy Tail at the Tower. And I can tell he hasn't told Wally and Milliana about it.

I turn my eyes to the ground. 'Yes. And I'm sorry. I thought...well, I thought you guys were dead. Otherwise I would've come back.'

Milliana is softly purring, but it doesn't exactly make me feel better. I might not have killed them when I burned the ships, but I took away their only chance to escape the Tower of Heaven. Yes, it might have been your flames, but if I tell them about you, I'll have to tell them why Simon died.

My mind is spiraling again, and I don't realize Shô has approached. He's standing in front of me, again with an attitude that resembles Simon's. 'We know. Right?'

I feel Milliana nodding her head, and I think Wally does the same thing. I know I have to look up, but I'm a bit scared. Before I can find the words, Milliana jumps off my back and takes my hand.

'You know how to start a fire, right?' she says, while pulling me towards their "camp". They've stacked a few rocks on top of each other and placed a blanket over it to make a roof. I can tell the entire thing will fall apart if someone moves around too much in their sleep. And the food they've brought isn't what you'd call endurable.

Milliana lets go of my hand and points at the fireplace. 'Well?'

I kneel down in front of it and I can tell they've tried rubbing sticks together. 'I mean, I can...how long have you guys been here?'

'A day or so,' says Shô. 'I think we're doing pretty great so far.'

Miliana groans in annoyance. 'No, we're not. It's been terrible...and I'm hungry.' I can tell by the tone of her voice this was probably the reason she was at the brink of tears before.

'Right,' I say, 'I get why you want to try…all of this, but there's a village just down the road. There has to be at least one restaurant.'

Milliana just kind of giggles. 'Yeah, but we don't have any money, silly.'

I feel stupid for not thinking of that myself. I pat down my own pockets, but I'm out too. 'Well, there's other ways to get food.'

* * *

Luckily, there was a restaurant owner who had a poltergeist problem. I showed the owner my Fairy Tail mark and told him this was what I did for a living, and he let me take a look. The poltergeist in question turned out to be a bunny cursed to be invisible till the end of time. It was almost too perfect of a job, because I could experiment with my mother's magic. I thought of what I did when I cleansed Jellal and used it on the bunny. The curse got pushed out of its body, but other than with Jellal's dark magic it needed a place to go. I could've easily eaten it, but I didn't feel confident enough, so I asked Shô to trap it in a magical card. That worked, and I kept the card in my wallet as a souvenir.

The entirety of the "job" took about fifteen minutes, and as reward we got to eat anything we wanted from the menu.

It seemed that what Milliana, Shô and Wally had eaten at the Tower wasn't nearly as good as the food in that restaurant. I figured it had to do with Jellal's magic, or the magic of the thing that manipulated him.

After everyone's stomach is filled, it's late in the afternoon, almost dinner time, but I can't imagine any of us feeling like eating in the next eight hours. The restaurant owner has given us a private space and a bell to ring if we want more. Other than that, it almost feels like we're actually having dinner as a family.

'That was great,' sighs Shô, leaning back in his chair, 'is this what it's like to be a guild wizard?'

I smile a little. 'Not always. It's great in other ways too. Don't you guys wanna be part of one?'

'Erza wanted us to,' says Shô, and he frowns a little, 'but I think we have other things to do first.'

'Yes!' says Wally, almost excited, 'see the world! Have some cool adventures! And be _dandy_!'

I'm not sure why he added the last part, but I remember him and Milliana both having their own quirks in their childhood, and I guess this was his now.

'Riku,' says Milliana then, playing with a chicken bone, 'have you and Erza been together all this time?'

I'm a little taken aback. 'Uh, yeah. Most of the time. We've...gone separate ways, but we're still friends.'

Milliana looks from the chicken bone to me. 'I'm glad to hear that.'

I'm not sure what she means by that and it makes me spiral again. Does she think I can protect Erza, or is Erza protecting me? Is it even about protecting at all?

I realize I must look weird, so I take another sip of water. I'm not drinking tonight, of course. Then I say: 'Yeah. It's good.'

There's a silence and I feel that if there's ever a time to bring up Simon, it's now, but I don't know how to start. 'I...uh…'

I just wish things were different. I wish none of this had happened. I wish I was able to save Simon. I wish I was able to stop Erza. I wish I never went to the Tower. I wish the Tower never existed. I wish you'd never taken me in. I wish my parents had never gone after you.

If they hadn't I would've probably lived an average life. I would've grown up average, married someone, gotten kids, died of old age. But instead I got this.

I wrap my fingers around my glass of water, as if it's the last burning torch inside a dark chamber. I close my eyes, which is even worse than looking at the ground. 'I'm sorry about Simon.'

The silence that was already there seems to get more intense. The words, especially the name of Simon, makes the air around the table tremble. After a while, I slowly open my eyes. Shô's sitting up straight, staring at his empty plate. Wally is biting his teeth down hard, making his jaw even more sharp than before. Milliana has pulled her knees to her chin and has tears in her eyes. I brought the mood down hard, but there's no other way. They deserve to know.

'I was there,' I say then, 'and I just….I'm so sorry for not stepping in when I could. There's….it's a lot to explain, but I have...powers and I could've...you know.'

Perhaps I should've rehearsed this beforehand. Milliana presses her eyes in her knees and sobs softly. I'm sitting right next to her and I could do something to comfort her, but I don't feel I deserve to do that.

'I understand if you hate me,' I say to all three, 'you have every right to. Simon…he should've lived.'

Shô looks away from his plate. 'It was dark magic that killed him. Right?'

I know he understands what that means. If he paid enough attention during Erza's and my story, he knows what it is I could've done. His mouth turns into thin stripe and he goes back to frowning at his plate. Milliana is still sobbing and Wally's jaws seem glued together.

I hear footsteps outside the room, the owner is about to enter. He opens the door slightly, looks in, reads the room, and leaves. I listen to him walking away and I think of what a big brother would say.

I won't let something like this happen to any of you.

I will become stronger.

I will become better.

I promise I will protect you.

But if I say any of those things, I would be lying, because I don't know if I can do it. Part of the reason I am here is because I didn't want to go back to Fairy Tail. At least, not right away. If I can't face Shô, Wally and Milliana, I won't be able to face Erza.

Shô looks up again. 'Thank you for telling us.'

His expression is hard to read. He looks angry, but his voice is calm.

Milliana lifts her face from her knees. 'Yes. That couldn't have been easy.'

I squeeze my glass of water harder between my fingers and wonder what the hell is going on. I want them to hate me. Why are they not hating me?

Wally finally relaxes his jaws. 'Shô told us about the magic. The one you have to supress.'

So they did know a little.

Wally kinda chuckles. 'I mean, I've always known there was something off about you. Not in a cool way.'

'Simon knew it too,' adds Shô, 'and to be honest, I think he'd be proud.'

What he means by this just goes completely over my head and I feel anger rise within me. 'That I let him die?! That I just stood by, ready to sacrifice Erza, because I was _scared_?! Shô, I basically killed him myself!'

Though he still wears anger on his face, his voice remains calm. 'I don't know, Riku. I wasn't there. But I've been around Simon for most of my life. He's kept his secrets, but I know how his mind worked.'

And when he says that, I feel like I'm being transported back to the moment I had shared the secret of the ships. Simon suspected Jellal was scared of me, and wondered if we could use that to our advantage. Back then, I thought he meant the flames, but now, in the restaurant, I realize he was talking about me with dark flames. The idea that I had it within me, even if I didn't have the power at the time to control them. He didn't pressure me into using your flames. And he'd acknowledged the weird kind of struggle I'd endured my whole life.

And then I know Shô is right. Simon wouldn't want to put me through that.

The death of Simon is something I will carry with me forever. No matter how I phrase it, I feel guilty for not stepping in when I could. I blame myself for the fact that the golden magic wasn't strong enough then. If I'd accepted my mother earlier, things could've turned out differently, but at that moment there was only a spark of her and a whole lot of you. I did what I'd always done: I resisted you. Simon died because I refused to be like you.

And somehow, as I'm sitting there in the restaurant, I get a little closure. I feel my anger die down.

* * *

A week passes in which I teach my brothers and sister all that I know about sleeping outdoors and gathering food when you don't have money. We get a little time back that was taken from us as a family. Shô seems an entirely different person when he's not either whiny or going crazy on ideas about ruling the world. He's kind and sometimes a jokester even. Wally is all about attitude and cool poses, while Milliana just hugs anything that resembles a cat. I know I'm smiling when I talk about them now and I'm glad that I went to see them after everything that happened.

And I wished I could've stayed longer. I would've liked to travel the world with them and pretend everything wass alright forever, but there were still things left unsolved. I had a new magic to learn, and also an apartment in Magnolia for which I paid rent. And to be completely honest: I couldn't just leave without saying goodbye to Erza.

I've said it a couple times and I will say it again: nothing nice ever lives long. On my seventh day with my siblings, which were also seven days in which I wore the same raggedy clothes, Mystogan showed up. His shadow emerged at our campsite and he stayed away from the light, just in case. Wally, Miliana and Shô knew the voice of Jellal too well and had seen his eyes countless times. They'd recognize them in an instant.

I saw him first, then Wally. My heart dropped a little, but then he said: 'Hey, isn't that your friend?'

When Mystogan had saved their rowboat from the Tower, he'd thankfully thought of covering his face. It's a weird thing to dwell over: being saved by someone wearing the same face as the one you're fleeing from.

'I'll be right back,' I say to my siblings, and walk over to him. I immediately know something's off. Mystogan has never looked so down. He wasn't exactly cheerful before, he'd been through too much already, but he had a sense of calmness about him. Now he just looked distressed, terrified almost.

Without saying a word, he turns around and starts walking. I follow him to the other side of the mountain, as far away from any ears as possible. There he stops, turns to me, and says: 'Erza has seen my face.'

I feel instantly cold. 'How?'

Mystogan sits down on a rock, leaning his elbows on his knees. He takes off his hat, and his blue hair falls over his eyes. 'Laxus knew. I'm not sure how. I've been so careful. Always.'

You probably don't give a shit about any of this, but I do, so I will tell you why this is so terrible. Now that Mystogan's secret is out, there's no way he can return to Fairy Tail. If Erza or Laxus ever told anyone what Mystogan actually looked like, he'd be arrested for Jellal's crimes. The only place that was his home in this world was now gone.

And, to bring it back to me: I knew Mystogan's true face and I hadn't told Erza about it. She didn't tell me about Siegrain, the guy in the Council, either, but this was different. Mystogan was part of Fairy Tail. He was my teammate. He was practically family.

But still, whatever this meant for me, it was worse for Mystogan. He'd basically lost everything, and he seemed at the brink of tears.

'Wait,' I said, after I'd thought for a little while, 'start at the beginning. How the hell did this happen?'

All of it was Laxus's fault. The idiot had gone insane, basically. He thought Fairy Tail looked weak compared to other guilds, just a bunch of idiots. Together with his three teammates he'd orgistrated a game to find out who was the strongest in the guild. Of course, he'd hoped that would be himself. In order to get everyone to join in, he and his team did a bunch of shitty things: first, they turned a group of girls who where competing in a beauty pageant to stone and used them as hostages. Then they forced everyone else out the guild, except those over 80, to fight in town. One of Laxus' friends was a rune mage, so he trapped everyone in battle grounds and only the winner could leave. Then there was also a circle of electrified lacrima hanging over Magnolia, and if Makarov didn't drop his title as guild master, bad stuff was gonna happen. Or something like that, I don't remember that part so well. And on top of that: if anyone tried to destroy the lacrima, they'd get electrocuted, because of an Organic Link Spell.

'What the hell,' I just sighed at all of that, 'why go through all that trouble?'

Mystogan didn't answer and continued telling how it all went wrong. He just happened to be in town and knew he had to do something. He met Laxus in the Cathedral and they clashed. At first it seemed Mystogan was winning, but then Erza appeared. He got thrown off his game for a second, and Laxus used that unguarded moment to blow his mask apart. Next, Mystogan looked Erza right in the eyes, and saw firsthand all the hurt that face of his had caused her.

The only thing he could do was run away. That's how he came here.

'But how?' I ask when he's done. 'How did Laxus know?'

Mystogan shook his head. 'Maybe I screwed up somewhere. Maybe he snuck a peak while I was not paying attention.' He bowed his head and hid his face, still with a mask before it, in his hands.

'Damn it,' I say. Laxus ruined Mystogan's life and at that moment I think Laxus is too far up his own ass to realize what he has done.

I've been angry plenty of times. After Jellal had murdered Simon, I was so angry I just stopped having feelings altogether. And when Mystogan sat there, basically crying, I felt almost at the same level. Only a few heartbeats later and I just would've straight up let the flames take over. Ever since my mother's magic appeared, they've been quiet, but now that I felt this negative emotion, they grew stronger.

I notice just it just in time, take a deep breath and take control again.

Mystogan is more important now.

'I don't think Erza would rat you out to the government,' I start, 'she would first want to know more. And I don't think you've lost yet. We might have to make Mystogan disappear. We find you a new outfit, new mask...maybe something crazy this time. And we can think of another cool name.'

Mystogan doesn't look up, and I'm not sure if any of this reaches him. He feels lost, the way he was before joining Fairy Tail. Before I found him. He feels as if he has nowhere else to go.

'Mystogan,' I say, but there's still no sign that he's hearing me, 'just stay here for now, alright? Keep an eye on my siblings, don't get too close….you know why.' I pause. Still nothing. 'I'll go check how Erza feels. I won't tell her the whole truth if you don't want her to know, but I can share enough to make her understand. OK?'

Mystogan is still not moving, holding his face. Just a giant ball of sadness and grief. I wait a little more, but I won't get much more out of him. Just like myself before, he needs to deal with this on his own.

So I leave. I go back to camp. With every step, I feel my anger rise up again. I think of that smirk on Laxus' disgusting face. At first I just thought of him as a low life, because he was always teasing me. He barely seemed to go out on jobs, but he was still an S-class mage. He clearly thought too highly of himself, and all I want to do now is punch him in his stupid face.

Only Shô is still up, he sits by the fire. Wally's snoring loudly, and Milliana's purring.

'Everything alright?' Shô asks as I approach. I can't tell him, of course, and it feels like lying when I say Mystogan's "in trouble".

'I...have to leave,' I add, 'just for a little while.'

Shô's clearly disappointed, but he nods. 'Of course. Do you want us to wait till you come back?'

The innocent way in which he asks me this makes my heart ache, and he sees it in my face.

'Oh. Right.'

And I feel like a dick. 'If you just keep using that awful cologne, I can always find you.'

This manages to put a smile on his face, thankfully. We both say nothing, and I feel people who are not me would have hugged Shô by now. But I just give him one final nod, and take off.

If you've paid attention, you'll notice I didn't tell Shô I was going back to the guild. I told Mystogan I was. Well, I told him I would check on Erza, but I'm not. There's something else I have to do first.

It's already night and there are no lacrima around the beach, so no one will see me call forth dark wings. The flames are pleasantly surprised that I use them, they can barely contain themselves. I fly up, till I feel I'm shielded by the clouds that hang over the ocean. With speed that makes my eyes water, I go to the mainland. I enhance my sense of smell.

According to Mystogan, the Battle of Fairy Tail only happened two days ago, which means Laxus can't be far from it.


	19. Chapter 18: Revival

**Announcement 7/7: It's been brought to my attention that there are multiple stories written by different authors on this platform about an OC named Riku with a similar backstory as the Riku in this fanfiction. I was not aware of this when I accepted the request for the story by sketchywolf back in december of 2019. I didn't steal any ideas from other people. I didn't know I was writing a fanfiction about another fanfiction. This makes me sad and disappointed, because this is not what I want to write. I have decided to continue this story regardless, because I've spent too much time on it already and I refuse to let that go to waste (even more than it already has after this discovery) and there are people who enjoy reading this story. I am not sure how long I can keep working on it after this, but I will try my best. So please keep reading.**

**Other than that: enjoy this extra chapter, in remembrance of the seventh of July, 777 (7-7-777), in the Fairy Tail timeline known as the day the dragons "disappeared" ;)**

* * *

_Chapter 18: Revival_

It's near morning when I cross the sky above Magnolia. I resist the urge to lower altitude and leave the protection of the clouds. Now is not the time.

I can't remember what Laxus smells like, I have to rely on my ears and eyes. Magnolia becomes smaller, the next town, Onibus, is already in sight. My anger keeps me awake and I try imagining what Laxus is thinking. He betrayed his guild, his grandfather, his home. Where does someone like that go?

There are train tracks below me. If Laxus had any sense of self awareness left, he wouldn't go by public transport. If he felt any guilt, he'd want to disappear.

I cross over Kumugi and Oshibana and then make a sharp turn to the East, towards Mount Hakobe and the surrounding chain of snowy peaks. This was the place I tried to freeze myself. My head is already in a negative space and if I go down that path farther the flames might grab their chance, so I force the memory away.

I have to fly lower in order to cross over Mount Hakobe, and end up looking over a deep dale, with a frozen lake and a large group of pines. There is smoke rising above the trees. I enhance my eyesight, and then I see him, sitting on a log, warming his hands above a small fire.

Without giving it much thought, I let my wings disappear and I start falling. Branches break and snowy birds flutter away as I make my way down through the pine trees. I'm pretty sure the headphones Laxus wears don't work, but he doesn't look up as if he hears me coming. That should've told me enough, but I was too stubborn to listen.

I continue falling, my feet first. The heels of my bare soles land on the back of his head and I push his face into the snow. There's only a loud thud and a crack when his nose breaks, he doesn't say a thing.

Before he can push himself up to take a breath, I grab the collar of his coat. I lift him off the ground and throw him towards the nearest tree. He hits his back hard against the stem, it pushes all the air out of his lungs. His feet slip from underneath him and he slides down till he sits on the ground. And he coughs, but still doesn't say a thing. His nose is crooked and bleeding.

My anger prevents me from thinking straight. I shoot forward, grab Laxus by the throat and lift him above me. Considering my build I shouldn't be able to do this, I got weak arms, but adrenaline solves a lot of things. In the back of my mind, I hear the golden magic yelping, which is a first. My mother doesn't agree with me doing this.

'Shut up,' I mumble. I squeeze Laxus throat harder between my fingers. He's biting his teeth down hard, but other than that he doesn't seem all that affected. It's almost like he doesn't care.

I blink a few times and notice that he actually looks terrible. His coat is not zipped up and I can see his entire upper body is covered bandages. His head is plastered as well and the broken nose I gave him makes him look more pathetic.

I'm strangling a man who's already lost everything. So I let go.

He falls on his knees and coughs. For about a minute that is all there is, and a minute is long. I just stand there, looking at him. There is not a trace of the smug face that used to tease me. The one that was so far up his own ass about being an S-class wizard he spend every day when he wasn't out on a job on the second floor of the guild, to literally look down on everyone else. Erza only went up there to get jobs, never to gloat. Laxus was just a piece of shit.

And he still is when I'm looking at him coughing his lungs out, but he seems a little less arrogant. Before, his carelessness was part of his arrogance, now it seems to say "do what you want".

When he's managed to control his breathing, he looks up and says: 'Yeah. I deserved that.' He carefully wipes the back of his hand across his broken nose, looks at the blood and lifts one eyebrow. He seems genuinely impressed. 'You're the first to actually break something of mine.'

I'm still furious. I could beat him senseless to make him understand how I feel, I'm pretty sure Laxus would just let me do that, but it's not fair to kick him while he's down. Truly, I wanted to break his face some more, but I had to give in to the magic of my mother. Well, to a certain extent, that is, because she wants to go as far as to heal Laxus, but I don't agree. He needs this pain, otherwise the bastard won't learn.

I'm not helping him stand up either. Instead, I walk over to his pathetic little fire and stir it up some more. Now that my anger dies down a little, I realize how cold it is here. Your flames don't do shit to keep me warm and I'm still wearing shredded clothes, so I sit close to the campfire.

Laxus eventually gathers the strength to stand and limps back to the log he sat on earlier. He pulls his coat tighter around himself and shivers. He frowns, probably because it now hurts when air leaves his nose. His lower lip is also swelling up, but it doesn't bother him when he speaks. 'If this is about your girlfriend, I didn't-'

'Oh, I'm sure she's fine,' I interrupt snappingly, 'she doesn't need a silly battle game to prove she's the strongest in the guild.'

Laxus breathes out again. 'Right.'

And she's not my girlfriend, I should've added, but I was still too angry to correct him. And it wouldn't matter anyway. Laxus was the only one that actually paid attention to the kind of friendship Erza and I had, other members of the guild were either too scared to ask Erza about it or too weirded out by me. I mean, the only one I hung out with was Mystogan.

'If you wanna beat me up, that's fine,' Laxus continues, 'but you should know the old man already expelled me.'

'So?' I say, still snapping. This is the first time I'm not intimidated by him, I just get annoyed every time he breathes.

He looks at his hands, wrapped in bandages, and thinks. 'As a member of Fairy Tail, you have every right to be furious with me. But it seems a little out of character for you. If it's not because of Erza, then why are you here?'

OK, so Laxus is a piece of crap, but he's not stupid.

'You're right,' I say through my teeth, 'I wouldn't be here if it was just about the guild. You've done something far worse and you don't even know it.'

He freezes and I see genuine confusion on his face. He's thinking hard. Perhaps it would've been better to leave then, and to let him question himself.

He looks at me, as if he can read the answer off of me. I'm not saying shit, I've finally calmed down and I just might kill him if I try to explain everything myself.

Finally, something clicks. 'Mystogan.'

I nod and we both stay quiet for a while. I don't think I have to explain why this is horrible. The Magical Council collapsed, the Tower of Heaven is a black page in the history of the Government and Jellal Fernandez is a sought after criminal. Mystogan has been with the guild for three years or so, and though he's always been clouded in mysteries any idiot can tell he wasn't involved with any of those things. Well, I hope they can.

'You knew?' asks Laxus then and I just nod again. 'So are they like brothers, or…?'

I don't feel like explaining about Mystogan's kingdom and other worlds, all Laxus needs to know is that he ruined everything Mystogan had in this one.

'Something like that,' I answer, 'but he's innocent. All he ever wanted was a home.' And a way to save his kingdom, but I think it's best to leave that out for now.

I watch Laxus' face closely as realization kicks in. 'So he had nothing to do with the Council?'

'Nope. Tower of Heaven also wasn't him.'

His eyes widen and his mouth falls open a little. To the outside world, everything that has happened at the Tower of Heaven is reduced to "strange activities by a cult leader named Jellal Fernandez". There's not a word about slavery in there, or Zeref, or anything about dark magic, so Laxus doesn't know this either.

'But I have known that Jellal personally,' I tell him, 'as children, we were enslaved. As was Erza. Jellal got….corrupted, and turned into the new slaver.' I pause to let this sink in. 'Mystogan wears the same face. I've known for years, but Erza didn't. To her, that face means-'

'Slavery,' Laxus finishes the sentence. And I think that's about enough. He might've thought it was funny to show Erza that Mystogan had the same face as someone on the Magic Council, someone who judged her when she was arrested for damages caused by Fairy Tail.

Laxus himself has known hurt, no doubt, but none of it comes close to what Erza went through, or to what Mystogan went through. He hurt my two best friends and I want him to know that. If I let anger decide my actions, I would be punching him into the ground until I was certain he was able to feel the same pain.

'I...I didn't know,' he stutters. 'Did...did Mystogan...?'

'I told him of the Jellal I knew,' I answer, 'he knows how much hurt that face has caused, but like I said: he's innocent. He wanted a chance at a somewhat normal life, not bearing the sins of someone else.'

Laxus lets his head sink into his hands, his breathing fastens. 'And I…'

Yes, he took that away.

He's basically crying and I just kinda sit there and look at him. Behind the log he's sitting on his travel bag lays. Together with the clothes that he's wearing it is all he has. He's lost everything. The master spit him out. He hurt a place that would welcome any silly straggler, such as myself, with open arms.

The last of my anger fades and I hate myself for it. And I also hate myself for judging Laxus. I would never purposely do anything to hurt Fairy Tail, I know that much, but I've made mistakes. Hell, Simon died because of me. Who am I to tell Laxus he's a screw up of a person?

Let's be clear: I'm as friendly with Laxus as I am with, for example, Natsu at this point in time, and we'll never be friends, but I felt a little sorry for him. Yes, he deserved a beat down and he deserves to know what he did to Mystogan. He deserved to be pushed into the ground till he couldn't breathe anymore, but he also deserved the chance to get back up again.

And as I am looking at him now, I realize he's sitting the exact same way as Mystogan when he told me what had happened.

I think I've done enough, but I can't leave just yet. 'How did you find out?'

Laxus doesn't look up when he answers. 'The Thunder God Tribe has a thing for eyes. Evergreen had been screwing around with some device, and I borrowed it once, and saw through his mask.'

'Evergreen doesn't know?'

'I don't think so.'

'And you didn't tell anyone else?'

'No.' He lifts his head. 'And I won't.'

'Good.' He could be lying, of course, but if he feels as terrible as he looks I think it's alright. He hides his face again and I sit there for a while. This all turned out differently than I thought it would, which is probably thanks to the golden magic.

If your dark flames are the bad side, and the golden magic is the good, then I don't agree with either of them. I'm not healing Laxus, but I'm also not killing him. I'm letting him suffer while hoping he'll become a better person.

If he's anything like me, the guilt he's feeling now will try to convince him to end it all. What's left now, huh? it will try to tell him. I don't know how I would feel if he actually went through with that. I doubt I'd feel guilty, because it would be his choice, even if I played a role leading up to it. But I also know it would be the right thing to make sure he wouldn't go through with it. The right thing meaning the opposite of you.

Normally I have these kind of insights on my own problems and it feels alien to have someone sitting opposite of me who's going through something similar as myself. When it's just me, it takes a whole lot of effort to find the core of the problem, but now it's all crystal clear. Seeing the same thing outside of myself makes things way easier.

Laxus screwed up, as I have many times. I always think of disappearing, never facing the problem head on and I think of continuing to pretend everything's alright. When I see Laxus, I think of revival.

Everyone has their own journey, their own experiences. I can't expect Laxus to act the same as myself in a similar situation. He copes with it differently, but it still surprises me when he lifts his head to look me straight in the eyes. Tears, snot and blood are all smeared over his face, but he looks clear of mind.

'Riku.' His voice is calm and determined. 'I don't know you all that well, and I now know that I really didn't know many people in our guild. It's too late to repair those relationships, or to even start them, but...just know that I'm sorry. I truly am.'

And I can tell he is. Like I said: we'll never be friends, but I can hate him less now. 'Just be better.'

Laxus manages to smile a little. 'I will. And I'm sorry for teasing you.'

'Alright, that's enough.' I stand up, pat the snow of my raggedy pants and shiver because I'm now not close to the fire anymore. 'Where are you going?'

Laxus wipes his index finger underneath his eyes and looks at it. Blood and snot. 'First I'll need to clean my face.'

It's a simple answer and it tells me he has no idea what to do next. Camping out in the dale behind Mount Hakobe was a strange choice anyway (a choice I made myself when I wanted to disappear) and on the other side of these mountains there's only forest and the sea. Back in the South East there's a small town called Shirotsume, and the first train station is in Clover Town, which is miles and miles to the West. Laxus has no direction whatsoever.

He's staring at me while I think about this and his smile from earlier grows into a grin. 'You're not worried about me, are you?'

'Not really,' I say, again with a snappish tone. I can't help hit, I still don't like him. 'But I know some other people who are lost. They really suck at travelling, so they'll need all the help they can get.' I pause and think this over. Is this really the best idea? 'They're family of mine. And Erza's. If you feel like paying for what you've done, you could start by looking out for them.'

Both the flames and the golden magic are confused by this, which means I'm thinking for myself.

But Laxus shakes his head. 'I appreciate it, but I think I need some time alone.'

I might just be trying too hard to help him, because if he can be helped, so can I, but we're too similar in this stage: we both think it's better if the world forgets about us. I still think Laxus is a piece of shit, and I think the same about myself. And now I've been way too nice to the guy that ruined Mystogan's life at Fairy Tail.

'Fine,' I say, 'suit yourself.'

I turn away from the fire and my mind is already occupied with finding a spot to fly from, when Laxus starts talking. And I just sigh. 'What?'

'I said thank you,' he says, 'for telling me all this.'

I didn't do it for you, I should've said, but I swallow that down. Instead I say nothing, and just walk away from the campsite.

* * *

It's late in the afternoon when I return to the island. Shô, Milliana and Wally have already left, Mystogan is still sitting where I left him. He's not holding his head in his hands anymore, thank the heavens. He managed to make himself some tea, and if he can do that it means he's probably better than before.

'I didn't go to Fairy Tail,' I say, without any other introduction. I can read from his unmasked face that he already knew.

I feel my stomach rumble. I haven't eaten in a day, again, and I'm already guessing what I will look like the next time I glance into a mirror. Mystogan throws me something wrapped in cloths. I smell bread.

'They left that for you,' he says calmly. He places his tea cup down and reaches his arm back to grab something else, 'along with this.'

I'm barely over the fact that they thought of food for me. There's no space in my head to fathom that Mystogan is holding my sword. The sword Erza gave me.

The last time I had it was when I attacked the ship Shô and the others transported Erza with to the Tower of Heaven. I hadn't thought about this weapon in nearly ten days.

I swing it around and it takes a few seconds for muscle memory to kick in. Especially with my weak arms, but my body remembers the agility, the balance and the bond I had with this weapon. I don't think I told Shô about how I got it, he was probably just kind enough to think for himself that I wanted it back.

I don't have any holster to put it in, normally I would carry it on my back. Now that I don't have any other choice, I use the one requip spell I know. The weapon disappears into the magical inventory.

I sit down to eat the bread. It's a little doughy, but I've had worse. Mystogan sips tea in silence. His gaze is often far away and he seems lost in thought. Sadness echoes through every breath he takes. Just finding him a new identity and a new mask won't solve this.

When I've eaten the last of the bread, I say: 'What do you want to do?'

Mystogan's eyes shift a little, he's waking up from his thoughts. 'I...don't know. But you have to go back to Fairy Tail.'

'I know,' I say, 'and I will. And I'll talk to Erza. She's the only one who saw you, right? If I can convince her-'

'Don't put her through that,' Mystogan interrupts, 'you can't do that to her. She….I've never seen someone look so full of pain. Jellal has damaged her, not even you can fix that.'

I think back to a moment in the Tower of Heaven, when Erza didn't know who I was, and I introduced myself, and I told her I hated Jellal "too". She had frowned and me, and simply said: 'I don't hate Jellal.'

And she still doesn't.

'Shit,' I say, 'you're right. But...you're part of the guild. You can't just leave.'

Mystogan looks at his teacup, it has somehow filled itself again. Though the afternoon is already turning into night, there's enough sunlight left for him to see his own reflection looking back at him. 'I know, and I won't. I have to stick around anyway. Anima is closer to Magnolia every day.'

Anima being the magic he's searching for, just so you know.

'But I can't enter the guild hall. Ever.'

Considering the fact Mystogan always kept his identity a secret when in the guild, you'd think he didn't like coming there. Now that he's actually said out loud that he can't anymore, he sounds melancholic. Fairy Tail is...insane, to say the least, but it's a home to him.

I stand up. 'If we leave now, we can reach Magnolia before ten. I can pick up some late dinner, we could hang in my apartment.'

Mystogan has the same look on his face as Laxus, the one that tells me he needs to be alone. And that annoys the hell out of me. I suddenly understand why Erza got mad at me for not accepting help, because it is very irritating when someone is so deep inside their own negativity they won't listen to anything you say. It's like talking to a wall.

'Alright,' I say, as normal as possible, 'just let me know when you're in town.'

'Riku,' he says, before I can turn around, 'thank you. For everything.'

And all of a sudden, I feel my throat swell up. Today has been exhausting. I was furious, then annoyed, furious again, annoyed and now just really, really sad. The way Mystogan says it makes this feel like a farewell, as if we're never going to see each other again. And I'm not ready for that.

So I turn away from him. When Mystogan talks again, I hear he's tearing up as well. 'You're hard on yourself and others, but you have kindness in you.'

I can't listen anymore. I call forth my wings and get the hell away from that island, leaving my best friend in this world alone.

* * *

For the third time in twenty four hours I fly over Magnolia, and this time I actually land there. It's just before midnight, I had to fly a little slower because….well, I was bawling my eyes out the entire time.

I land at the edge of town. On this exact spot I stood with Erza many years ago, and with Mystogan a few years later. Now I'm alone.

I open my nose and let the scents of Magnolia overwhelm me. At the end of the day all the smells of the people that passed through are still hanging around, waiting to be washed away by rain or the cold of night.

I open my ears and hear the murmuring of people in the streets, some on an evening stroll, others just done with work and on their way home. When I concentrate a little more, I can hear chattering and laughing from the guild hall. I haven't seen the new building yet and I am curious, but I'm too tired to take a look now.

I've lost the keys to my apartment somewhere during this shitty adventure, so I have to enter through the window. I'm emotionally and physically drained.

The inside of my apartment is dark and I don't feel like blinding myself by turning the lights on. I head straight for the bathroom, pull the shredded clothes off my body, throw them in a ball in the corner and step into the shower. I could describe what I smelled like, but that would be a waste of time. Let's leave it at 'nasty'.

When I step out again and dry off, I glance in the mirror above the sink. And I look as terrible as I imagined: hollow cheeks, spiky ribs, dark circles around the eyes. I'm also paler than last time I saw myself. I could be dead.

I walk out of the bathroom, pull a clean smelling shirt over my head and put some pants on. Next I want to go to bed, but I then see there's someone laying in there. I was so lost in thought when I entered my apartment that I hadn't noticed Erza sleeping in my bed.

For about half a minute I just stare at her. The moon shines in through the window (a different one than the one I entered through) and reflects on her red hair, which smells amazing. She's softly snoring, and her face looks peaceful.

My bed isn't all that broad, and even if it was I wouldn't just go lay down next to her. It's my bed, but it just feels wrong. In the dark, I find my way back to my closet, where I stuffed some extra blankets when I moved in. I try to be as quiet as possible, but when I open the closet door a bunch of stuff falls out and lands with loud thuds and bangs on the floor.

'Damn,' I whisper. I glance over my shoulder, but Erza hasn't moved.

I search with my hands across the floor for the blankets and I grab a pillow from a chair. There's a soft carpet on the floor before my bed. I've slept on worse surfaces, so this should do nicely.

I place the pillow and I'm about to lay down when Erza suddenly asks: 'What are you doing?'

I'm glad I put on some pants before, but I still feel a little embarrassed. 'Sorry, did I wake you?'

She sits up. Her hair falls over her shoulders and though she's sitting with her back against the light of the moon and her face is hidden in shadows, I know she's smiling at me. Even if it's only slightly.

She shoves a little further back, towards the window, and pulls the blanket away. 'Just come here.'

For your information: she was in fact wearing pajamas.

I still hesitate. I slowly grab the pillow off the floor and place it next to the one she's using. Then I sit down on the edge of the bed, my back turned towards her. The mattress is warm and soft. I feel a lot and nothing at the same time.

I hear Erza sigh and next she has an arm around my neck. She pulls me down, so I'm laying next to her. I still have my back turned towards her.

She pulls the blanket over me, basically tucking me in, and now we both lay underneath it. Next she wraps her arms around my waist and she presses her nose between my shoulders.

At first I don't respond. I feel her warmth and all the tension of the past twenty four hours flows out of me. The flames still warn me the nightmare will come, no matter what, but I don't let that ruin this moment.

I carefully place my own hands over Erza's, and I squeeze a little. We say nothing, and eventually both fall asleep.

* * *

The next morning she's gone and for a second I think it was all a dream. That my bed was empty all along.

But then I notice a small piece of parchment on the cupboard next to the bed. _'Meet me at the guild - E'. _

My entire apartment still smells like her and that makes it easier to get up. I put on some clean clothes and search for a new holster for my sword, so I can wear it on my back like I do normally. I'm thinking Erza wants to have breakfast together, maybe go for a walk and talk about everything that's happened. I'm nervous, but I think we'll be alright. She knows who I am and she's made me feel welcome.

But I do enjoy having the option to go on a job afterwards, to get away from it all. And I need money as well.

I head for the guild and if it weren't for the words above the gate and the flag with the symbol I would've thought the hall was some private mansion. This version has four stories, a bell tower and two watchtowers next to the gate. An iron fence surrounds it, but the front doors are still the same size.

I feel very small standing in front of it and though I'm still a bit weird about being a part of this guild, I can't help but to feel a little proud. How can you not be, seeing this building?

When I open the door, the inside is even more impressive. The ceiling is crazy high, and apparently they've gotten rid of the floor meant for S-class wizards. They've kept the long tables and the bar also looks identical to the previous one, but what's new is the stage area. Fairy Tail consists mainly of extroverts, so I imagine nights of terrible singing and dancing and everyone just having a good time.

I am too in awe about the new hall that I notice too late someone's running towards me. Before I can do anything, Natsu has hooked his arm in mine and is dragging me out the guild.

'He's here!' he shouts, and I can't see to who. 'Time to go!'

'Go…?' I repeat. Happy appears above my head and next thing I know we're out in the streets.

'Aye sir!'

My feet are just dangling above the cobblestones, the guild hall becomes smaller and smaller. I'm faced opposite of the direction Natsu is running into, so I have no idea where he's taking me. 'What...is going on? Where's Erza?'

Natsu giggles. 'We'll tell you later.'

I don't know how to feel about this. I'm guessing it means Erza's involved. She said to meet her at the guild, and as soon as I got there Natsu said it was time to go. Something fishy is going on here, but I don't mind staying confused a little longer. But not for too long. 'Fine, but can you at least let me walk by myself?'

'This way's faster,' Natsu simply answers, and I can only sigh. He drags me to the outskirts of Magnolia, past the train station, towards the forest and almost to the road leading to Onibus. There he finally stops, and drops me on my feet.

I've spent about half an hour looking backwards and I would've been surprised when looking the other way no matter what, but this is truly a shocker. Erza, Gray and Lucy stand on the side of the road, all carrying backpacks and wearing travel clothes.

Natsu giggles again and this time it really makes me uncomfortable. 'What's all this?'

Erza then throws me my own travel bag, I'm so confused I'm barely able to catch it. It's fully packed with clothes and other supplies. She must've packed it while I was still asleep this morning. 'We're going on a quest.'

I look at the other people, her friends. All of them have determined looks in their eyes and I don't like it. These people are way too interested in what the hell is wrong with me and I'm not looking forward to spending time with them. The Tower of Heaven was bad enough already.

But this isn't even the worst part, because I start to really panic after my next question is answered: 'What kind of quest?'

Gray is the one who says it and it makes sense, considering what he told me in the Tower of Heaven. He was concerned about me, and had said that he would've helped me if he'd know what I was dealing with. And that is now coming back to haunt me: 'To get rid of what you were forced to guard.'

He means the flames, meaning you.

I just stare at him for a moment and feel the flames grow. It's been a while since I was scared. It's their favorite version of me, it's the one that's easiest to persuade. I haven't had the time to really get the hang of my mother's magic, but in this moment I try calling for it. It doesn't answer.

So instead, I take deep breaths, like I used to do as a kid. I send all the energy towards my nose, enhance my sense of smell in order to regain control. It must look strange to the outside, because Lucy asks: 'Are you alright?'

'He's OK,' Erza answers for me. She knows what it is I'm doing. There's kindness in her eyes, but also that annoying determination that everyone in Fairy Tail has. I have nowhere to run.

'I've done some research,' she says, 'and there's a place we have to check out.'

I continue to take deep breaths. I can smell the dirt road, the sweat of Natsu, Erza's shampoo, Lucy's perfume, Gray's feet, Happy's little backpack stuffed to the brim with fish. The freshness of trees, the mess of surrounding towns.

'A place?' I manage to say.

'Yeah!' says Natsu, as if this is the greatest thing in the world. 'And we're all coming along!'

'How wonderful,' I whisper. By "a place we have to check out", I assume it's a place of dark magic, or something else dangerous. I'm at a loss for words. These people, including Erza, don't have clue about the dangers. My parents were murdered because they meddled with your business.

'You are all….' I start, and I have to pause. Idiots? Jerks? I'm not sure what they are. I know they're just trying to be nice, but they shouldn't. No one, except for Erza, has any reason to do this. They're just here to be nice and I absolutely despise them.

'Riku,' says Erza then, 'just let us help you.

There's still so much that needs to be said about Simon, Mystogan and Jellal. I was prepared to talk about it this morning, not to go on some mission where I have to pretend to be a normal mage again.

Finally, I feel my mother's magic. It's weak, but it helps me calm down a little. I close my eyes and enhance my ears. I hear the heartbeats of everyone here, the singing of birds, rustling of leafs. I have nowhere to run.

'One condition,' I say, and I open my eyes again, 'if I say it's getting too dangerous-'

'We'll turn back,' Erza interrupts, 'but I doubt it will. These are Fairy Tail's finest.'

Natsu and Gray both blush a little, while Lucy scratches the back of her head. Happy seems beyond excited, even though I'm pretty sure Erza wasn't necessarily talking about him.

The flames have been subdued and my panic is gone. I nod.

Erza gives me a smile and I wish I could smile back, but I'm just annoyed that she did this behind my back.

All of a sudden Gray throws an arm around my shoulder, as if we're the best of friends. 'Alright! The old gang is back together!'

'Old gang?' asks Lucy.

'The three of us,' says Erza, 'we used to go out on jobs all the time as kids.'

'Well, not _all _the time,' I mutter, but no one hears me. Gray has started walking and is pulling me along, almost holding me in a headlock. After a few minutes he notices his shirt is gone.

I just sigh and know this will be a long and tiring adventure.


	20. Chapter 19: A Fairy Tail Adventure

**Sorry for the delay!**

**I took some liberties with the lore and geography in this chapter, just so you know!**

* * *

_Chapter 19: A Fairy Tail Adventure_

For some reason everyone else thinks it's a good idea to not actually enter Onibus, but to picnic by the side of the road leading to the town. I haven't had breakfast yet and apparently the others haven't either.

Happy empties his backpack full of fish, Natsu pulls out an entire ham, while Lucy eats a salad and Gray just an apple. Erza hands me a sandwich and has a smoothie herself. It seems she's thought of everything.

I sit down beside her, but don't start eating yet. There's still so much to discuss.

'Erza,' I manage to say, 'can we...talk?'

She doesn't look at me, but just says: 'later.'

I can't tell what she's feeling. Maybe my nervousness annoys her, maybe she's not ready to have a conversation with me. I'm dreading it as well, but we both know what happens when we don't speak openly with each other.

I try not to sigh, but I can't help it.

Gray and Natsu are butting heads about something, I missed what. Erza coughs softly and that's enough to make them stop. Happy's belly is swollen from his fishes and he has no other choice but to lay on his back and moan.

Just a few days ago, Laxus forced all these people to hurt each other and themselves, but none of that can be seen on the outside. That kind of behaviour confuses me, but I also admire it. To pretend everything's alright, that's literally all I want to do.

I'm used to being the one that observes, and normally people don't notice I'm staring, so it's kind of a shocker when I suddenly lock eyes with Lucy. Her brown eyes are fixated on me and she smiles. It's an encouraging smile, I know that much, but it makes me uncomfortable. I hardly know her.

'Alright,' says Erza then, and I thank the heavens Lucy's attention shifts to her. 'Let's discuss the mission.'

She searches around her travel bag, which is so stuffed it's about eight times her own size. No one has told me what we're doing yet, all I know is that it has to do with you. I have no idea where we're going, so I'm surprised when Erza pulls out a map of not just Fiore, but the entirety of Earthland.

She places a rock in each corner to keep it from moving and points at a place named 'Bosco'. I've heard of it, I know it has borders with Fiore, but it's very closed off. There's no trading agreement, I don't even know if the country is a kingdom, or if it has wizard guilds.

'Bosco is a lawless country,' says Erza, 'which means dark magic roams freely. Gajeel's been there once, and through contacts of his I discovered there's a mountain rumoured to have belonged to the person that forced the magic in you.'

I feel a little panic rise within me at the mention of "dark magic". Before, I avoided those words. I glance at the others, meaning Lucy, Gray, Natsu and Happy, but none of them seem shocked or distraught. They nod, as if this is an ordinary briefing. So I keep my mouth shut.

'None of us has ever been to Bosco before,' Erza continues, 'and Gajeel only crossed through once, but he was able to tell me the entire land is covered in forest. There are no roads, there are no cities. All the people live as nomads and use magic to travel around. There is no government.'

'So it's a wasteland, is what you're saying,' says Gray.

This is bad, I think to myself. This is really, really bad. If dark magic is everywhere in that country, that means it even worse than the Tower of Heaven. I was able to suppress the flames back then, but it took a lot. Even with the golden magic I have now, I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my control. Bosco sounds like a freaking candy store for the flames.

My fear turns into slight irritation when I see Natsu's grinning about all this. As if it's just another fun Fairy Tail adventure with his friends. But the one I should really be mad at is Erza. She planned this whole thing.

So I turn to her. 'You…can't be serious.'

She knows me well enough to hear the distress in my voice, but she rolls up the map as if she doesn't. She doesn't even look at me.

'Erza,' I say with a slightly raised voice, 'this is insane.'

She just completely ignores me and if I wasn't getting angry I'd be hurt. I try taking deep breaths again, but then Natsu opens his mouth.

'Riku,' he says with that stupid grin, 'I'm a Dragon Slayer. Whatever monster comes out, I'll be able to beat it!'

I stare at him and feel the last remains of reason leave me. First of all: what the hell does he know? He must've seen some kind of form of the flames take over at the Tower.

Secondly: he's right. Right before Jellal launched his attack at Simon, I wondered myself if Natsu could kill me if I absorbed Jellal's magic. I silently begged him to kill me, basically.

And in my anger right now, during that picnic, my mind gets stuck on that. So what I say next can be seen as the meltdown of a desperate, silly boy.

'Fine!' I tell Natsu. I jump to my feet and the flames rise in my stomach. 'Then promise me you'll kill me if-'

'Riku!' Erza suddenly screams. She stands up, her eyes wild. 'Don't you dare!'

The flames are laughing at me, and I feel them crawling up to my lungs making my chest hurt. I have to get away from here, but I'm being stubborn. 'What do you want me to say, Erza? These flames won't stop until I'm _dead_!'

'Flames?' says Natsu.

And just think: shit. I spoke too freely.

I don't know for sure if the flames stop once I'm dead. I just needed Erza to understand why her plan is ridiculous. But now that I've mentioned "flames", I'm the one who's ridiculous. I gave away some part of the secret I've kept even before I joined Fairy Tail.

So I just get angry at myself. I turn away from this stupid picnic and go onto the road leading to Onibus. I'm not sure what to do there, I just can't stand the humiliation.

* * *

By the time I reach the town, the angry clouds covering my mind have faded. I walk through the cobblestoned streets with my hands deep in my pockets and my head low. My hair falls over my eyes and I don't look at anyone.

Onibus around me is lively. People head for the centre, maybe to the train station or the town hall. It's not a big town and most buildings in the outer districts only have two stories. Onibus doesn't have a wizard guild, so most magical jobs here are done by Fairy Tail. Aside from lighting and vehicles, the people here don't use much magic.

I sit down on some park bench, next to a vendor selling newspapers. I glance once and see the face of Jellal looking back at me from a front page.

'Damnit,' I mumble. I do have a neck for picking the right spots. I don't leave, though. I lean with my elbows on my knees and stare off into nothing.

Even in my frustration back there I knew Erza is just trying to help. The problem, however, is that she only does what she thinks is best and for some reason she thought not telling me crucial information was a good thing. She first had me believing it wasn't all that bad and only told me the real plan after I'd already agreed to go. It's not illegal, but it is shitty.

She took advantage of my trust in her. Not once did she ask me if I wanted this. She packed my bags, had Natsu drag me out here and basically told me to not speak my mind. Well, it might've been childish of me to say "Promise me you'll kill me", but that is the reality of the situation.

I'm so lost in thought I don't notice someone sits down at the other end of the bench until she starts talking. 'Uhm…'

I look up and that startles her. I must look crazy, a frowning mask behind dark hairs. But it's only Lucy.

'Sorry,' she says, 'I didn't mean to scare you.'

I take a deep breath in, accidently take a whole whiff of her terribly sweet perfume, and breathe out. 'No worries.'

Then we both just kind of sit there. We've only met twice before, once in the resort and another time in the Tower of Heaven. I know she's a Celestial Mage, and that she's friends with Erza.

I watch the town continue living on around us. It must be a Monday or something, everyone seems busy and ignores us. It's almost strange to be sitting on a park bench like this.

After a while, I clear my throat, and say: 'You're here to convince me to come back. Right?'

Lucy doesn't act as if I've uncovered her secret mission, which I appreciate. 'That, or I could kidnap you.'

I look her up and down. 'Really? You?'

'I have a Spirit who can trap anyone,' she says, 'so watch out.'

I smile, although it's more out of courtesy. A dark and sarcastic part of me wants to ask her if that Spirit can trap your flames, but I swallow it down at the last second.

'I, uhm,' Lucy says then, 'I'm sorry about Simon.'

That takes me by surprise. I look at the cobblestones in front of me.

'We don't know each other all that well,' she continues, 'but you have my condolences.'

So far, no one has offered me their condolences. And as I'm sitting there I realize I haven't actually taken the time to grieve over Simon. There was guilt and anger instead and that took up all the space in my mind and heart.

It takes a while before I respond to Lucy. Eventually, I just say 'Thank you. I appreciate it.'

She winks. 'You're welcome.'

I don't know how to feel about the wink.

'You know,' she says then, 'we did a job in this town once. Me, Erza, Gray, Happy and Natsu. We performed in a play, because the original cast had quit. I don't remember the story, but I think I was a princess. Erza was a prince, or a knight, and Natsu...well, a dragon.'

Lucy speaks with a genuine love about this job. I don't know how else to put it, but there's a sense of joy that comes over her when she talks.

'And Erza was very into it,' she continues, 'but once she got on stage in front of an audience, she kinda...froze. It was sad, but also kind of hilarious to watch, because she's so scary all the time.'

I lift an eyebrow. 'Scary? Erza? No way.'

Lucy looks stunned. 'You don't think so?'

I kinda shrug and feel the last of my awkwardness fade. Lucy is easy to talk to, which is probably why Erza sent her after me. 'I mean, she's fearless, but I'm not scared of her. Are you?'

'Yes!'

'Tch.' I think of all the times I've seen her fight. 'She's fearless, gracious, just and passionate.'

'I agree,' says Lucy, 'but I'm still scared of her.'

The conversation then dies out. The thought of Erza performing in a play makes me smile. It's odd, just like her love for strawberry cakes. I'm still mad at her, but, well...you know.

And I hear myself say: 'I wish I could've been there.'

'You're not at the guild very often, are you?' Lucy asks. 'Is that also because of the flames?'

I still hate that I spilled the word "flames" earlier, because from now on everyone will refer to them as that, making them even more real than they already are.

'Well,' says Lucy when I don't answer, 'you can be at the guild more often once we've gotten rid of-'

'We can't,' I interrupt and I regret that I sound annoyed, but Lucy doesn't let it stop her.

'We can try, can't we?'

I press my lips down hard and think of how to explain this to her without sounding too pathetic. 'I've always tried to avoid imagining what my life would be like without these flames. I don't want to hope for the day they're gone.'

I know, still a bit whiny, but it's true. The day of the fair and the night of the supermoon were times of hope. I got a taste of what I could be without you, but the same night everything got taken away. I was reminded of your power and I ran.

'But isn't hope a good thing?' Lucy asks, which is such a Fairy Tail mindset. I think hope is an illusion, personally, but I don't want to go all emo on her.

'All I've done until now,' I say slowly, 'is try to be better than these flames. That is how I beat them. Anything else is just impossible.'

'But aren't they magical?'

In this sentence, "magical" is not a synonym for "beautiful", it just literally means they're made of magic. I nod.

'So,' says Lucy, and I can tell by how she talks she's thinking out loud, 'that means anything is possible. Magic is the impossible power after all.'

I look at her and repeat this sentence a couple times in my head. Magic isn't supposed to be possible but it is. The impossible power is possible.

'I'm not sure what I'm trying to say,' Lucy says then with a crooked smile, 'but you get it, don't you?'

'I do.'

'Cool.' She hesitates. 'And I can't speak for the others, but I'll believe you if you say it's too dangerous. I will turn back if you say I should.'

I don't know her well enough, so I'm not sure if she's just trying to be nice. And she doesn't strike me as the kind of person that gives up easily. It's more a matter of respect.

'I mean,' she adds then, 'you've had these flames your whole life, right? You know them best.'

She almost makes me smile. Almost.

'They're unpredictable,' I say, 'that's what I know.'

'Right,' says Lucy, 'so we all just have to be careful.'

* * *

So yeah, I eventually gave in. Lucy was a good negotiator.

It turned out I was actually walking in the right direction when I went to Onibus; we had to go through there anyway. Lucy and I met up with Erza and the others in a different part of town, and from there we headed out, going West.

Erza walked in the front, with her giant backpack, Gray, Natsu and Happy followed a few paces behind and Lucy and I were behind them. My outburst from earlier wasn't discussed, everyone acted as if nothing happened, which I both despised and appreciated.

While walking, I asked Lucy to tell me about her Celestial Spirits. I wanted her to take my mind off everything, and I enjoyed listening to her talk about something she liked. I learned all about the Zodiac Spirits, and I heard what happened to Loke, who used to pose as a normal mage and was a member of Fairy Tail for a while. Not that you care, of course, but it turned out he was a Celestial Spirit all along. And not just any Spirit: he was the leader of the Zodiacs.

All in all it sounded very impressive, but after a few hours Lucy suddenly got quiet. She slowed down her pace and her cheerfulness disappeared a little.

I was right next to her, but still Natsu somehow noticed the sudden change first. He turned around with a look of concern. 'You okay, Lucy?'

She nodded. 'Yes, it's just...we're close to my father's house.'

From the look on her face I could tell she didn't have the best relationship with him, so I decided not to ask about it. And from the look on Natsu's face I could tell he knew too.

I hadn't noticed before, but it turned out Lucy, Natsu and Happy had become inseparable friends. Their relationship had me thinking about Lisanna, the girl from Fairy Tail that died on a job a few years earlier. She had been close to Natsu and Happy as well.

My eyes drift to Erza. The night after Lisanna's funeral was the night we reconnected. We realized we needed each other.

I feel silly for earlier and even though she's right in front of me, I miss her.

After about ten minutes I can see for myself what Lucy meant with her father's "house" : at the horizon appeared a mansion which was about six times the size of the new guild hall. It dawned on me later that everything surrounding it, including the mountain behind the building, belonged to the same estate.

Lucy didn't glance at it once.

The last hour of the day we crossed through a forest. For some reason, I felt uneasiness grow within me. "Bosco" is, in some languages, the literal name for "forest". I saw the one we went through now as some prelude to what we'd find in Bosco.

When the sun started to set, Erza announced we'd be setting up camp here.

'The border's only a few miles away,' she adds, 'so we'll be entering the country in the morning.'

I expect we all just roll out our sleeping bags and lay down under the stars, but these mages aren't that lazy. Well, except for Natsu and Happy, who do precisely what I do, but the others all have their own individual methods for sleeping outdoors. Erza brought a tent which pops up as soon as you place it on the ground, and it's the size of a tiny house. Gray uses an Ice Make knife to slice a tree in half and uses the branches to make a hut for himself. Lucy has a tent as well, but she has to assemble all the poles and pegs herself.

I throw my travel bag on the ground next to Natsu and Happy and search for my sleeping bag, thinking Erza probably stuffed it in there somewhere.

'Riku,' I hear her suddenly say, and it's the first thing she's said to me since this morning, 'there's enough room in here.'

I don't have to look up to know she's holding her tiny house tent open for me. Happy is giggling about this. And why wouldn't he? Two people who've known each other for years planning to sleep in the same space: that's hilarious.

Considering the size of the tent, it wouldn't surprise me if there's furniture in there as well. Perhaps a very comfortable, king size bed. And it's childish of me to refuse, but I am still pissed at her. We haven't talked yet.

'I'm good,' I say to her. And for some reason everyone else stops with what they're doing. Lucy drops whatever she's holding and looks at me with big eyes. Happy stops giggling.

Erza, on the other hand, takes this rejection rather well. 'Fine. Suit yourself.' She disappears into her stupidly huge tent.

I ignore the questioning looks Lucy is giving me, because I don't have to answer. I haven't told her shit about myself and Erza.

I turn my bag upside down and then realize Erza hadn't even packed a sleeping bag. I sigh, but don't regret my decision. I've slept with less around me.

After everyone's settled, it's time to make dinner. Natsu and Gray are in charge of the fire (no idea why Natsu would need help with that), while Lucy and Happy slice up some vegetables. Erza is picking out a pan to use, she apparently brought a complete set of kitchen ware.

I have nothing on my hands and instead just watch. Everyone knows what they have to do and it's very clear they've camped out like this a bunch of times. It's strange having nothing to do myself, but I'm not the greatest cook. And most of the time I forget to eat anyway.

On top of that: the whole situation from this morning has given me the idea they all think they're doing me a favor by dragging me along on this adventure. And with that idea in mind I don't feel guilty if they do the cooking.

Erza has finally found the perfect pan, Gray and Natsu are done with the fire. Like I said: I'm not the greatest cook, but I think it won't take long for the food to be ready. I'm sitting beside my bag and think I have a few minutes to relax, but of course I can't have that luxury. Gray and Natsu now have nothing to do and so they walk over to me. Before I can protest, they've each hooked an arm under an armpit of mine. They pull me off the ground and carry me into the woods.

'Uhm,' I say, a bit stunned, 'you guys good?'

'We need to talk,' answers Gray, and I get the urge to say something along the lines of "Yeah, figures", but I don't.

The smells of cooking fade and I hear the rush of a river not far away. We enter a clearing in the forest. Without the trees, I can see the moon is already out. Her light makes the grass look a shade of light blue.

The boys drop me and I land with a thud on my ass. Gray and Natsu look very serious, with their arms crossed and their faces hidden in shadows. If I didn't know them better I'd say they planned to murder me here.

'What's up?' I ask, in my most "one of the boys" tone of voice.

Natsu drops the serious act and instead gives me a grin, the annoying one he always has when it's all about friendship and adventures. 'We wanna know more about the monster.'

'The flames,' adds Gray, as if he's telling me something I don't know.

I knew this was coming. Gray already said something similar back in the Tower of Heaven. Though I didn't expect him to be this direct.

I don't know what to say and the fact that they're standing, their shadows hovering over me, while I'm sitting on the ground, makes this all the more difficult. So I stand up and clear my throat, but I still don't know how to start.

And I've got to say that I surprised myself. I was actually about to spill the beans, all I needed was the words.

Gray sees me struggling, because he says: 'We don't need the entire story. We just wanna know why you asked Natsu to kill you if they come out. The flames, I mean.'

Of course it's about this morning. And I have the genius idea to play it cool.

'Oh that,' I say, 'yeah, forget about that.'

Even Natsu is smart enough to see through that. 'You can't just say stuff like that.'

I sigh. 'Yeah.'

They already know about flames and dark magic. The only word that has been left out all those times, is "dragon". And maybe that's the word I'm most afraid of, because of your reputation. A Dragon Slayer who bathed in the blood of the dragons he murdered, a creature more dragon than slayer. Considering Natsu's dragon father Igneel "disappeared" seven years prior, I wasn't all that excited about breaking the news that I'm your… pupil, successor, prince, I don't know. I'm ashamed to be all of them.

And as I stand there in front of Natsu and Gray, I realize how much I want a normal life. I want to go out on silly jobs where I star in stupid plays and have a laugh about it at the guild afterwards.

'You're right,' I say then, 'I shouldn't. I might've meant it at that moment, but that's not what I truly want. These flames are...just plain evil. And I've tried my best to be the opposite of them. I haven't always succeeded. Simon…'

I can't finish that sentence. Like I said before: I haven't taken the time to grief. It hits me hard. The rest I tell to the shoes Gray and Natsu are wearing, I can't look them in the eyes.

'Things could've been different,' I continue, and my voice is trembling and I hate it, 'and what I'm most afraid of is making mistakes. I'm never sure if what I'm doing is the right thing. Sometimes I do too much, and sometimes not enough. The only thing I know is that once these flames take over, I've failed. Dark magic is what they feed on, so I try to stay away from that. That's why I was so...upset, this morning.'

At the end, my voice is almost a whisper. I'm in disbelief. I actually said how I felt and that's terrifying.

The silence that follows is just agonizing. I don't feel relief, just more stress and I don't know why. Your name wasn't mentioned, nor was the word "dragon". The secret isn't fully out, but it feels like it is. I'm again waiting for people to tell me they hate me. At this point in time, I'm still too stubborn to see that I'm just surrounded by a group of kind people.

Finally, Gray opens his mouth. 'Thanks for telling us. That's all we needed to know.'

Despite my stubbornness, I can breathe more easily now. These two won't question me any further, is what Gray's saying.

'Look,' he adds then, 'I've always kinda suspected something was off with you. And honestly: it was just frustrating to watch. So I'm glad you told me.'

I don't know why, but hearing him say that makes me hate myself even more. I don't get why he's being nice to me. Maybe I should tell him all the horrible things I've done. I don't deserve to be treated like this.

'Yeah,' says Natsu then, 'and I think you're doing the right thing.'

I'm still looking at his feet, but I know he has that idiot grin on his face. Suddenly, he takes a step towards me. I freeze.

He shoves me. Not hard, but it brings me out of balance. I don't know if he did it on purpose, but his hand touched me at the exact spot of my guild mark.

'So don't go saying I have to kill you,' he says, 'it makes Erza sad.'

I pull my eyes away from the ground. The two idiots are grinning as if they've won the lottery and something tells me they now think of me as a friend and that terrifies me.

Then I think of silly jobs, starring in a stupid play, having a laugh at the guild. If I can just push all the negative thoughts out for a second, I can grin along.

It ends up being a slight smile, but I'm getting there.

'I won't,' I tell Natsu. 'Thanks.'

Gray gives me a pat on the shoulder and I find myself not wanting to die when he touches me. 'Let's head back. Dinner's probably ready by now.'

* * *

It takes me until after dinner to notice my bag's not where I left it. Since Natsu and Gray didn't do much for dinner, they were now in charge of the dishes. I could hear them bickering as they carried the stuff to the river.

Lucy sat in front of her tent with a book. Erza was in her tiny house tent, I could see her shadow against the canvas.

Happy is about to go after Natsu, but I stop him to ask if he's seen my bag. He giggles behind his paw and points the other one at Erza's tent. Then he disappears between the trees.

I sigh and see Lucy has a smile on her face as well. And it's not because of what she's reading.

I get up, pat the dirt off my pants and calmly walk over to Erza's tent. Though Lucy's not looking at me, I know she's paying attention to what I'm doing. And I hate that I'm kinda blushing.

I clear my throat before I enter the tent, just so Erza knows I'm coming in.

The inside of her tiny house tent looks about how I expected. It's basically a living room, there are even carpets. Erza's sitting at a desk, looking at the map of Earthland. There's a lacrima of light floating beside her, which explains the shadows on the canvas. She doesn't react to me.

'I'm just getting my stuff,' I tell her. Still nothing.

I walk past her and find my bag in the corner beside the bed, which is, as I suspected, kingsize. I can't help but to shake my head over that.

I throw my bag over my shoulder and walk back to the entrance in a fast pace. It's way too awkward in here, but when I pass the desk again I find myself halting.

I look at her red hair. Even though she's right there, I miss her.

I have to say something.

'I, uh…' I stutter. There's still no movement, but I know she's listening. 'I appreciate what you're doing.'

I wait, though I'm not sure for what. It's almost like I wait for the words to dissolve into the space between us.

After that, I step to the entrance, my head bowed and my ears probably red with shame. I push one of the curtains aside and I'm already with one foot back in the grass when she whispers: 'I love you too.'

I freeze for a second, then put the other foot outside too. The tent closes behind me and my face feels hot. I stand there some more, processing what just happened.

From the corner of my eye I notice Lucy has closed her book. She has her legs pulled up and her chin leans on her knees and she's smiling at me.

* * *

**AN: Little is known about the countries surrounding Fiore and all I could find out about them are texts written by other fans, which aren't canon, so I've taken the freedom to write about Bosco in a way that fits this story. **


	21. Chapter 20: The Vision

**I'M BACK BABY! From now on, I'll go back to uploading twice a month to keep my sanity. ENJOY! :D**

* * *

_Chapter 20: The Vision_

The first I see when I wake up is Erza. Her face is hanging over mine, upside down. Her hair falls over her shoulders and the ends caress my cheeks. She has the saddest look in her eyes.

I realize my head isn't leaning against my backpack, which I decided to use as a pillow the night before. I'm resting in Erza's lap. Not only that: she's holding my face in her hands.

Still confused I notice Natsu, Gray and Lucy standing around us, Happy floats above their heads. They all stare at me, and everyone looks sad.

The sun is already out. For the first time in a while I slept without waking up in the middle of the night after the nightmare.

Then it hits me. Right. I probably should've mentioned something about the recurring dream. I might've been talking in my sleep. That probably freaked them out, but they don't have to look all that sad about it.

Erza's gaze doesn't change, not even after it's clear that I'm awake. And as sleep fades away, I realize I'm breathing real fast. My chest is pumping up and down and I try sucking in as much air as I can, as if I just spent over ten minutes under water. I feel then that I'm sweating. My skin is soaking wet. I might literally look like a fish that swam too far towards the shore.

Everyone here probably thinks I'm in complete panic, but I'm actually quite calm. As if my mind and body are disconnected from one another. I have to get my breathing under control first, but as soon as I think that to myself I get the urge to take a look at my hands. And when I do, I see they're burning. Black flames are dancing between my fingers, right in front of everyone. They're exposed.

So I kinda do freak out now. I close my eyes and breathe in loudly through my nose. The flames seem awfully cheerful, like children being chased around the room by their parents. They know how stressing this is to me. I don't want the Fairy Tail mages to see the flames. I'd prefer it if they never saw them in the first place, and I know that's stupid to think if we're really going to Bosco, but I want to prevent it as much as possible.

But here they are, in bright daylight.

I continue to take deep breaths and call for the golden magic. The flames are surprisingly easy to subdue in that moment and that's strange. I'm not even completely focused; they just give up.

I still have my eyes closed, I don't see it happen, but I know they're disappearing. Maybe in thin air, or they crawl back into my skin. My body stops acting as if I'm dying and connects with my mind.

Erza doesn't let go of me and when I look at her again her eyes haven't changed either. She is sad. The others aren't moving either. I feel uncomfortable with them just standing around and watching. It's like they walked in on me taking a shit while naked.

But my main focus now is Erza. I carefully place one of my hands on top one of hers, a hand that is holding my face. I'm not sure what I mean to do with this. She looks like she needs reassurance of something. 'It's alright. I'm OK.'

'Don't lie,' she says softly.

'I'm not.'

'They've gotten worse.'

I think she's referring to the nightmares. I pull my hand away and sit up. My shirt is soaked and glued to my back. I turn to Erza. 'They haven't. They've always been like this.'

'Always?' says Gray. 'You've always cried your eyes out in your sleep?'

I quickly turn to him, just to make sure he's not joking. I'm still bad at reading jokes. He's deadly serious, the sadness that was over him earlier has turned to confusion.

'Cried in my…' I repeat softly. With my fingers I slowly touch the skin around my eyes. Though everything about me right now is moist, I can feel tears. I look at my fingers, as if I need to see it myself to make sure.

'We found you like this,' Lucy says then, 'and they...the flames were there, so we didn't know what to do.'

By now, the cat is a little more out of the bag than it was before. They know what the flames look like, they know it's evil, but they don't know they belong to a dragon and they don't know about you. I still feel I have things to hide, so my first instinct is to act casual in order to avoid further suspicion. The suspicion being their weird looks I don't know what to do with.

I clear my throat and attempt to shrug. 'To be honest: this is a first for me as well, but trust me when I say it wasn't any different than usual.' Right as I finish that sentence I know I haven't made it any better. 'I mean, normally it's not that bad. Generally. It's just a dream. Don't worry about it.'

Yeah, you and I both know that's not true. My nightmare is some screwed up memory, but as I sit there opposite of the Fairy Tail mages I just think down playing it is for the better. The flames are not bothering me now; I'm fine.

'Didn't look like it, though,' says Natsu then, and that's the first he's said since I woke up, 'I've never seen anyone as much in panic as you just now.'

'Yeah,' says Happy, 'I have nightmares sometimes too, but they're not nearly as bad as yours.'

It's almost as if they're asking me what I dream about. I don't feel like telling them at all.

I look back at Erza. Her eyebrows are wrinkled. She wants to ask me a million questions, but knows I won't answer in front of the others. We need a moment alone, some space where we can shout at each other for keeping things to ourselves, for leaving things unspoken, just like the night after Lisanna's funeral. But who knows when we'll get that moment.

I mean, I already know, I lived through it and am now telling you about it, but at that time I had no idea if we could ever have a normal conversation again. We went through hell and at one point she didn't know who I was.

I turn around, so I can sit face to face with her. I have to say something. 'I swear, I have no idea why this happened. The dream was the same as always.'

We've known each other for years, and when you know someone long enough you'll recognize earnesty. And I hope that she still does, even with the tension that is still left between us.

For a second I think she might get angry at me. I see she is swallowing something down, maybe an insult about how I always try to do things alone and by that disrespect her, but when she speaks she's calm. 'Fine. I believe you.'

I don't know what kind of signals that sends to the others, and I don't really care. I stand up and let my hair hide my eyes as I search through my bag for a clean shirt.

'I'm just…' I say, when I've found one that doesn't smell that bad and a cloth I can use to dry myself, '...gonna wash up.'

I turn away from the group and start walking in the direction of the stream.

* * *

With the way I smelled that morning, I should've stayed in that water for about a week. It seems the nightmare used up all the bodily fluid I possessed to make me sweat. There was no time, sadly. I wasn't sure how far the morning had progressed, but we couldn't waste too much daylight.

I just put my head under water a few seconds and splashed some under my armpits and on my chest. I washed out the shirt I wore while I slept and made a mental note to ask Natsu if he could gently dry it for me. Once he stopped looking at me strangely.

When I'm done I sit down beside the stream, granting myself a few seconds of peace. Today we're entering Bosco, a land where dark magic roams freely. I feel uneasy, to say the least.

I stare into the water. There's too much movement to see my own reflection, but I'm sure I look terrible. Pale, skinny, sick maybe. I wouldn't believe me either if I said I was OK.

That's part of the uneasiness, I think. I'm not a stranger to long travels, but I'm not used to travelling with these people. It's a big difference compared to travelling with Mystogan; he never addressed anything he knew would make me uncomfortable, which was basically ignoring all problems.

But now I have Gray, Natsu, Happy and Lucy around me. Gray has stopped judging me and instead became very, very interested in my well-being. I thought I'd solved that after telling him a bit more about the flames, but after my dramatic nightmare panic attack I guess we're back to square one. Natsu, together with Happy, can be a handful too. It wouldn't surprise me if Natsu asked me to battle him someday, because that's just the kind of person he is: always proving to himself he's the strongest (and to be honest: he probably is).

And then there's Lucy. She's been part of Fairy Tail long enough to have started believing in the whole "if you have friends, you can do anything"- kind of...well, crap. And she's desperately trying to be my friend, and I don't mind that she does, but I wonder how that has changed after this morning.

To sum it up: I feel like the way I woke up that morning has made me look weak in the eyes of everyone. Weak and helpless, someone who's suffering, someone who needs to be taken care of. And again: I just don't know how to deal with that.

Same old, same old. But this is important. It's part of the reason I'm telling you this story. I want you to know what kind of person you created.

Which brings me to the next thing that happened.

So picture this: I'm sitting at the bank of a stream in the middle of a forest. For some reason I look to the other side of the stream. There, between the trees, I see a familiar face, illuminated by golden light. My mother's here.

Yes, the mother you killed.

A few heartbeats all I do is look at her. I need time to process.

When my confusion is blown over, I jump to my feet, as if stung by a bee. There are so many interesting questions I could've asked, but in the moment I just went with what first came to mind. 'Why are you here?'

She smiles at me. Though her mouth isn't moving, I hear her speak. Her voice echoes in my head, as if she's using telepathy. She says: 'Is that how you greet your mother?'

Unlike last time, she's staying where she is. I want to go to her, see her up close. Ever since she first appeared before me and told me she was proud of me, I've wanted to see her again.

'Sorry,' I say, 'I'm just...surprised.

She smiles at me and it feels only natural that she does. 'You don't think this is real, do you?'

Last time there was barely a conversation, so I feel a bit shocked when she speaks this direct. 'I don't. Sorry.'

'Don't apologize.' The light around her dims a little, and before I can blink twice she's crossed the stream. Now she's only a few paces away from me. 'I understand. But I will prove to you that I am real.'

She slowly raises her hand. The dress she's wearing has long sleeves that reach all the way to the ground. When she moves the fabric falls back slowly, revealing tender, gentle skin, also surrounded by golden light. She points her finger straight at my face, just above my eyes.

Some of the golden light leaves her and crosses over to me. My heart skips a beat and I resist ducking when the light reaches me.

'Breathe,' my mother says.

I realize I'm tensed up. I carefully suck in a bit of air through my mouth. The golden light surrounds me and a curtain is lifted on reality. In a matter of seconds the forest has disappeared. I can't hear the stream or feel the grass anymore. I see metal plates, chunky cupboards, a round ceiling, small windows.

'This is…' I say.

'The Mystogan,' my mother says. She's now standing beside me, her hands folded together so her long sleeves are connected. She's still glowing. 'Our airship. Our home.'

That was its name. Mystogan, and my friend took it as his, with my permission. Thinking of him and how crushed he was the last time I saw him stirs up some emotion, even more than I'm already feeling standing inside a vision of my former home, so I push my friend out of my mind.

The face of my mother is still calm, but she seems melancholic. I can't imagine what it's like to be a ghost version standing in your own home.

'Is this a memory?' I ask her, because that's the first that comes to mind.

She nods. 'Mine. You can explore if you like.'

I hesitatingly take a step forward. There are no sounds, I hear nothing I would expect to hear inside an airship. No trembling tubes or rattling engines; it's completely quiet. I take another step and bend down to look through one of the small windows.

There are clouds for as far as I can see. The sun is only poking halfway through. I've flown plenty of times myself, but I'd never been that high.

'That's pretty,' I say softly, as not to disturb the silence.

'Yes,' says my mother. She's still standing in the same place.

I straighten my back and turn away from the window. For a second I think about motion sickness. I'm not feeling any, then I remember none of this is real.

Everywhere on the walls hang wooden cupboards, which is odd in combination with the metal plates the ship is made out of. The cupboards all have distinct forms and sizes, some seem accidental and others experimental attempts. Some are squares, others triangles but with four corners, and a few have a diamond shape but with uneven edges. Altogether these cupboards create an unsolvable puzzle on the wall, a mosaic without a hidden image.

I walk past it, letting my eyes go over each individual variation. My mother stays in the same place, but follows me with her eyes. She seems to be waiting for something. After a while, she says: 'Your father always had the desire to be good at crafting. He went to any supply store we came across and bought tools he didn't know how to use...it's a miracle even we managed to fly this ship for as long as we have.'

I feel a smile appear on my face. I once saw my dad in the vision Mystogan helped me see years before. He had a gentle expression, but other than that I had no idea what kind of person he was. I never imagined him to be such a...dad.

'So he was a bit of a dork?' I ask my mother.

'You could say that.' And from just that I can tell she loved him very much.

I continue through the cabin till I stand in front of a ladder. It goes up, the cabin we're standing in now is in the belly of the ship. Above should be the control room.

'Can I go up?' I ask, just in case. My mother just nods and something tells me this is where she meant to go from the start.

I climb the ladder and when I poke my head through the hatchet at the other end, she's already standing there.

Everywhere I look there are buttons, small monitors and meters. There's a window in the front, and three chairs. Two of them are facing out the window, one of them has a handle in the armrest. The third chair is situated in the wall, facing the opposite wall. This one is much smaller than the others.

'That's mine, right?' I ask my mother. She nods, but doesn't say anything.

There's no way I fit in the seat right now, so I position myself beside it, facing the same direction I did when the ship crashed down. I could point at the parts that got ripped off first, and what I looked at next.

Slowly but surely the atmosphere in the control room starts to change. The sun pokes out above the clouds and shines in through the window at the front. It blinds me and after I've blinked a few times someone's sitting in the chair with the handle in the armchair. I only see the back of his head, but I know it's my father.

A few heartbeats I just stare at him. I want to ask my mother if he can hear us, but when I quickly glance at her I know she won't hear me. Her eyes are empty, because that is her deceased husband.

I don't move. I could go over and watch his face, but for some reason I don't. After a few blinks my mother is sitting in the other chair. Not the golden one, but the one that belongs in this scene. I imagine all of this is a combination of my mother's memory and her imagination.

Her hair is purple, the same as I saw it before.

I glance at the golden mother again. Her mouth hasn't moved this entire time, she always speaks in telepathy, but now she seems to press her lips down even more than before as she looks at herself and my father.

Then she looks over her shoulder and I follow her gaze. A small boy comes running towards the seats. There still isn't any sound, I don't hear his feet on the metal floors of the ship. When he passes me I see he presses a small plushy against his chin. The thing is so chewed and wrinkled it's impossible to tell what animal it's supposed to be.

The boy stands still between the two seats and pulls my mother at her sleeve. And I just think: that's us. The three of us, a family.

The atmosphere changes again, the sun isn't as bright anymore. It's a different day. My father is steering the ship, my mother is walking back and forth, biting her nails. The little boy stands near the hatchet leading to the cabin. He follows his mother with his big eyes. He's too young to understand what is going on, but he's old enough to know his parents are distressed and he shouldn't get in their way.

I don't know how I know this. I was only three years old at the time, but in this vision I feel connected to the boy I'm looking at. He's terrified.

The lights all around the control room start flickering, the needles in the meters are shaking and turning like crazy, but there still isn't a single sound. My father is pressing all kinds of buttons and shouts something empty over his shoulder. A shudder goes through the ship and the vision gets distorted. Smoke emerges and for a second it's unclear what's happening.

Next I see my mother putting the little boy in the seat in the wall, fastening three belts around him. I'm standing close enough to see the sweat on her face and if this wasn't a vision I'd be worried I was within her personal space. But this is a vision, and I stay still.

My mother kneels down before the little boy in his seat and takes his face in her hands.

This part is new to me. In my memory the ship is already breaking apart by now, but in my mother's memory we have a final moment together.

She stares at the little boy intensely. And slowly but surely, a golden light forms around her. Even if it's just a vision, I feel the magic. It's an insane amount of power, unlike anything I've ever felt before. There is still a hint in there of the golden magic I possess, but it's not nearly as strong as this. My mother was crazy strong, is what I'm saying, which comes as a surprise. The old man from Snowtown only told me she was an archaeologist.

The golden light now surrounds the boy as well. At first he's completely covered by it, then it travels inside of him from every angle, centering in his chest. The place where I now wear my guild mark.

My mother presses a kiss on the little boy's forehead, and then sits down next to my father. What comes next is the nightmare, which I know by heart. Their home falls apart around them. The boy is crying and somewhere in the chaos he loses his plushy.

'I've seen enough,' I say to the golden version of my mother.

'Of course,' says my mother. As the metal plates of the control room start ripping apart left and right, the entire vision disappears. For a moment there is only light, then we're back in the forest, standing at the bank of the stream.

I feel dizzy and quicky sit down before I fall. I touch the grass beneath me, the actual sunlight. My mother, the golden one, stands beside me.

After I've processed what just happened enough to ask questions, I get back on my feet.

'So it's you.' I know that's not a question, but she still answers.

'Yes. I hoped I could protect you from the Dragon.'

That means you, obviously.

'I failed,' my mother says then, her eyes towards the ground. 'I was foolish to think I could do anything. I wasn't an experienced mage. I had power, but no idea how to handle it.' She looks at me. 'But you do. And that makes me so proud.'

Flashes of the times I used the magic go through my mind: the first training match against Gray, enhancing the power of my weapons on missions, all the way to the point I healed Jellal. I just told the magic what I wanted it to do, and it listened. There's not much "handling" in there. It's always been a desperate call for help.

'I...I only…' I stutter.

A smile reappears on my mother's face. 'Don't cut yourself short. You've come farther than I have.'

I must've fully awakened it at the Tower of Heaven. Somehow. I look at my hands, as if the magic will appear there if I want it to. Nothing happens, of course. 'You know what I use the magic for, right?'

'Yes,' she answers, 'you trick the flames of the Dragon to think of anything as fuel. A very crafty solution.'

'But there has to be more we can do, right?'

She hesitates before answering. 'I came to warn you, Riku. Things are about to get worse.'

I drop my hands and stare at the grass. Just when I was about to feel positive. 'You mean the nightmare?'

'Everything.' She pauses. Very slowly she raises a hand, and this time we're standing close enough for her to touch me. With an index finger she pushes my chin up. 'But that is only because the power of the Dragon is getting weaker. The flames are distressed.'

And for the first time since I woke up I check on them. I concentrate on my stomach and I feel them smoldering, but only softly. Since my mother appeared I haven't felt them and even now it takes effort to sense them.

'They come at me when I'm weakest,' I say, 'because they have no choice.'

'Yes,' says my mother, 'you've gotten stronger.'

My mother lets go of my chin. It strikes me how real her eyes look. So full of life, even though she isn't. It must be the golden magic that has brought her here before me. The golden magic she gave me.

'No,' I say then, '_we_ have.

She smiles and though her mouth doesn't move more than that, I hear her chuckle. And in those real eyes, I see tears emerge. Golden tears, and they glitter as they cross her cheeks.

'It's a shame I can't hold you,' she says, 'I can't cut your hair, or read you a story. Though you're probably too old for that.'

And just like that, there's a lump in my throat, but I can't look away now. This is my mother, she is here now, and I have to cherish every second. 'But you're here now.'

'And I'm not going anywhere.'

There's still so much I want to know about her, but we both feel this meeting is coming to an end. She's told me what she wanted to tell me, and I should get back to the others. The light that surrounds my mother slowly fades and her image breaks apart in a million glittering dust particles. They travel towards me and gather in my chest, where they've always been from the beginning.

I take a deep breath and turn my head to the blue sky above. Tears stream down the sides of my face and in this moment I can take on anything in the world.

* * *

When I return to camp, everything's packed up already. I was gone way longer than necessary. Lucy pretends to read a book, Happy and Natsu play with sticks, Gray is leaning against a tree with his eyes closed but not sleeping and Erza is swinging her sword around a little further away from the others. They're just waiting for me to return and even though they don't really respond when I walk to my bag, I know they're keeping a close eye on me.

I've already decided to go to Bosco regardless of what I just learned about the flames. Even if they're getting weaker, they will never go away completely. They're easier to control, so the possibility of a takeover is slim, meaning I have less to worry about. I can go along on this silly adventure, maybe get things sorted out with Erza.

But first I have some explaining to do.

I clear my throat, giving the others the sign they need to stop pretending to be busy. And even though I want them to listen to me, I feel a bit anxious when they are. 'I, uh…'

When I don't finish that sentence, Lucy says: 'You were gone for a while. Everything alright?'

'Yeah,' I answer, 'I'm sorry about earlier. I should've said something about the nightmares. I mean, Erza knew, but I had no idea it was gonna be this bad.'

And when I say this I realize I'm not apologizing to her, but to the others, the ones who don't really know anything.

'Are you, perhaps, stressed over Bosco?' asks Lucy, which is a logical explanation considering my tantrum from the day before.

I shake my head. 'No. What I'm trying to say is...Erza was right. It's worse, and it will get worse. But that's only because it's getting better.'

Now they just look confused, Natsu especially. He even goes as far as to raise his hand as if he's in class. 'I don't get it. Is it the nightmares, or the flames, or both?'

'The nightmares, for starters.' And for this part, I turn to Erza. 'The flames are getting weaker.'

Her eyes widen. The sword she's holding slips between her fingers and hits the grass with a soft thud. She can't believe it. 'What?'

I nod. 'Yeah.'

Natsu, who's standing closest to me, gives me a shove. I'm so surprised by it I nearly fall over, but I somehow know he meant it in a friendly way. 'That's great news!'

Erza slowly steps towards me, her face still in disbelief.

Just a side note about what this means for us: remember the festival of the supermoon? That day and night Erza and I felt closer than ever before. Right after, your flames drove us apart again. We never managed to repair that damage.

'But…' says Erza once she's standing in front of me, 'how do you know this?'

It might be too complicated to explain my mother appeared before me. Not that I don't want to tell Erza, I guess I will at some point, once we have a moment alone together. 'I...had a vision.'

She can tell by just looking at me there's more to the story, and she knows not to ask further. Instead, she pulls me into a hug. I feel a bit startled at first. The chestplate of the armour she wears sticks painfully in my torso, but I don't complain. She sighs against my shoulder. 'This _is _great news.'

I like having her this close to me. For a moment everything's fine. I almost forget the others are still around us, as they were earlier when I woke up so dramatically.

Erza lets go of me. 'What about Bosco?'

'Oh, we should definitely go,' I answer, 'we've come all this way.'

She smiles at me gratefully. 'But it will get worse?'

'Yes.' And for this part I turn back to the others. 'It's gonna be bad. But just know it looks more terrible than it is. Trust me: I'll be fine.'

And this time, I'm not lying.


	22. Chapter 21: Enter Bosco

**Hey, thanks for coming back. Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter 21: Enter Bosco_

After that brief moment of happiness, it's back to business. We're going to Bosco, Erza and I still need to talk and I have to curb my awkwardness to survive amongst all these extroverts.

Erza's walking at the front of our fellowship, leading the way. Today Lucy walks beside her, followed by Natsu and Happy, which means Gray is keeping me company.

The relationship, or whatever it is, I have with Gray is strange and tangled. We haven't spoken properly in years, and part of me goes as far as to say we never had a real conversation because I was so closed off all the time, obviously hiding something.

But now that I've spent some more time around Gray, I know it's not just my fault. Everytime I look at him I just wonder what the hell kind of friendship he wants; he constantly fights with Natsu and Erza scolds him for it, but he still hangs out with both of them. And back when we were kids all we did was sit around.

Our friendship pretty much ended when Natsu joined the guild, but things were complicated way before that. The last job me, him and Erza went on ruined a lot. It was the job with the cursed tree. Gray got hurt, Makarov scolded all of us, but it was basically my fault.

I think back to that time as we walk next to each other in silence. There's probably never a good time to bring it up, but I feel I have to. This journey to Bosco isn't just about me getting rid of the flames; I should use it to get rid of everything that bothers me.

'Hey,' I say after a while. Gray glances over. 'Remember that job with the cursed tree?'

He lifts his chin and looks at the sky, as if that will help him think. 'Oh yeah. That sucked.' Then he frowns. 'That had to do with dark magic too, right?'

Now that he knows a little more about me, he's reevaluating every memory he has of me and adding the flames into it. He's solving the puzzle that annoyed him all these years.

'Yeah,' I answer, 'I'm sorry for what happened back then.'

He looks back at me. 'What?'

'Well, I knew something was off, but I didn't say anything. And you nearly smashed your skull.'

A smirk appears on his face. 'I get my skull nearly smashed during every job I take.'

And as he's saying that, I notice he has a new scar on his forehead. I should know by now Gray's just not that careful, or squirmish, as I am.

He bumps his fist against my shoulder. It's a friendly gesture, but it kinda hurts, because I have weak arms. 'But I get what you're saying. Thanks.'

Though Gray annoys the shit out of me still sometimes, he's a good guy. He can be a hothead and seems forever grumpy, even when he smiles, which is why I've always found him hard to read, but despite that, he's appreciative of the people around him and seems generally glad to be alive. I think he's cool.

'Thank you too,' I say to him, 'for being so chill about all this.'

With "all this" I mean flames, nightmares, anything shit that's ever happened. Gray just makes a "tch" sound and looks away. 'Forgot you were such a softy.'

For a moment I'm confused. My social skills have been screwed over by years of paranoia, but I'm pretty sure this is his attempt to "banter". I've seen Wakabe and Macao do it at the guild from time to time, but I never had a conversation like it myself. My best friend was Mystogan, and he has the sense of humor of a tomato.

I shrug and say: 'That's odd coming from the theatre kid.'

And I see Gray is genuinely taken aback. As you know, he had a weird fascination with performing arts as a kid. And on top of that: he doesn't know me as the type of person that strikes back. He grins. 'Theatre kid, huh?'

I decide to take it a step further. 'Lucy told me about the play in Onibus.'

He scoffs. 'Please don't remind me. Most awful thing I've ever done.'

'Really?'

He pretends to glare at me. 'Yes. You'd hate it too if you were there.'

'I dunno,' I say, 'I never tried. Maybe I have a secret talent. A magnificent stage presence… I think I'd make a wonderful tree.'

'Yeah, a cursed one.'

I have to look at him to make sure this is still part of the banter, and thankfully it is. So I laugh, because it's funny.

Erza looks over her shoulder and eyes me. She smiles.

* * *

The last fifteen minutes of the journey to Bosco we walk up a hill that ends with a cliff. Halfway Erza folds up the map. 'This is it.'

'Really?!' Natsu shouts, and he runs past her, Happy flying behind him. They halt at the edge and gasp loudly.

Lucy sighs with relief. 'So can we take a break now?' She sits down on a rock.

'We're not even in the country yet,' says Gray, but I can tell he too is glad the first part of the journey is over. Erza made the executive decision to travel by foot, since a third of our group consists of Dragon Slayers. Any form of transportation will prove unnecessarily troublesome because of mine and Natsu's motion sickness. And aside from that; I can't move whenever I hear the breaks of a train, thanks to you.

Walking all day does take a toll. The only ones who don't seem all that bothered are Natsu and Erza. I'm not counting Happy because the cat can fly.

I, on the other hand, get nervous after realizing Bosco is just around the corner. Even with my mom beside me and with the knowledge that the flames are getting weaker, I'm a little anxious.

Gray joins Natsu at the edge of the cliff, Erza waits halfway. She turns to me. 'Come take a look.'

I take a deep breath, throw my backpack off and slowly step closer. Bosco is just below, and the first thing I get to experience from this country is the smell.

It's sweet. Sickeningly sweet. It stings and it takes me a second or two to decipher what the hell it is. By far the most general scent in the universe: flowers. I have enough experience with my Dragon Slayer nose to distinguish different kinds: roses, sunflower, orchids, magnolia's, violets, germini's, tulips. They're overwhelming and make my throat burn till I cough, which looks alarming to the others around me.

'I'm fine,' I say, still coughing, which doesn't help, 'just strong scents. Caught me off guard.'

'I know,' says Natsu, taking in a big whiff, 'it's amazing.'

I never wondered whether Natsu's sense of smell is as good as mine and right now I'm not interested in comparing. Right now I just think he's stupid.

I pull some power away from my nose and only then have time to look at what I'm smelling. At first I think what's in front of me is just a plain field of flowers, reaching for as far as I can see. There's not a single building in sight.

Since the strong smell surprised me, I'm not in complete focus. To me, it looks like the field of flowers is only about an arm's length down. I haven't travelled to other kingdoms that much, but I've seen enough of the world to know that this is a very odd border. There aren't any people around, no one's patrolling. Erza said the country consists mainly of nomads, but that doesn't necessarily mean there's no form of national security. If it truly was this easy to enter Bosco, why didn't more people go there?

I open my mouth to ask why we're all standing around staring at the place when we can just jump down and go there, but then I realize I'm not looking at a flower field.

When I narrow my eyes I see the greenery between the flowers I first thought was grass is actually all trees. There are trees around every flower and if they are normal in sizes, as in, normal trees, that means the flowers are huge. In reality, the forest is a long way down and the flowers are larger than life.

'Oh,' I say out loud, 'this is unexpected.'

Gray turns to me. 'What wereyou expecting?'

'Not sure. Swamps, cold, darkness….not this.'

Happy suddenly pops up next to my head. 'Are you disappointed?'

'Of course not,' I quickly say, 'it's actually quite beautiful.'

Lucy now gets curious as well and joins us at the cliff. For a short time no one says anything, we just watch the endless field that is Bosco. On my right I have Erza and Gray, on the left Lucy, Natsu and Happy, which means I'm basically in the middle of this companionship. All these people are here to help me and though I'm still not used to that idea, I'm glad they're here.

'What are you smiling about?' asks Gray then. My initial reaction is to turn away, hide my face, but there's no need. I shrug.

'I dunno. Perhaps this journey isn't as bad as I thought it would be.'

And I know what you might be thinking: this is all awfully light for this story. Is your pupil, is your chosen prince actually appreciating life? Is he truly that weak? The answer is yes. Whenever I experience a moment of joy, I forget how terrible things can be. I often scold myself for it, I shouldn't allow myself to get caught up in the moment, because that's when I drop my guard. But being human is about more than logic.

Having spent time around other members from Fairy Tail, I've found that it's only normal to step into the light every once in a while, because it makes the time spent in darkness worth it. In my case, as I've often said before, nothing nice ever stays nice, but I've come to care about the nice times to the point I'm willing to risk having a bad time after. Everyone needs something to fight for. Otherwise there's no point to anything.

Anyway, back to the cliff.

Gray smirks after I said what I said. 'Good to hear you're catching on.'

Natsu crouches down and leans dangerously far over the edge of the cliff, but no one warns him, so I won't either. He holds one hand above his eyes to shield them from the sun and looks down. 'How far do you think it is, Happy?'

Suddenly Erza's not next to me anymore. She grabs Natsu by his pink hair and drags him away from the edge. 'We're not flying. We proceed with caution.'

Natsu kicks his feet around and whines till she lets go of him. 'You didn't have to do that!'

'Maybe,' says Erza coldly, and then she changes the subject. 'Let's have a quick lunch before we continue.'

We each go back to where we dropped our bags and search for something to eat. Keep in mind: this is a nice time, which means a bad time is coming up. And this one's really, really bad.

I remember kneeling down beside my bag, opening the front pocket and feeling a sour taste in my mouth. At first I didn't think much of it, I figured it was an after effect of the intense flower smell.

I heard Gray asking what Erza was planning to do once we'd entered Bosco, and Natsu said something that ticked him off. They bickered about something, not sure what, because at that point my ears stopped functioning. I couldn't hear anything.

I looked at my hands, fiddling with the front pocket of my bag, and suddenly I wasn't able to keep my eyes open.

I wasn't too far off the ground, but I still managed to hit my head hard. And through the pain I realized my mouth was watering, and you know what that means.

I blacked out for a few seconds and the flames jumped at the opportunity, but the golden magic was quick to respond. The takeover was prevented, but I still sensed dark magic.

When I open my eyes, everyone's standing around me, like they did this morning after the nightmare. No, wait, Natsu and Happy weren't there.

I immediately sit up, my ears pop open and I take deep breaths. 'I'm alright. I'm OK.'

I'm not sure if anyone asked, but I can see it on their faces. The flames turn to smoldering ashes and I silently thank the golden magic of my mother.

'Is it the flames?' Erza asks.

'Something's off.'

I see Natsu standing at the edge of the cliff, Happy sitting on his shoulder. The sweet smell of the flowers is still very present, but I sense dark magic too. Something is nearing, but I can't tell if it's coming from the same place.

'Natsu,' I say, 'get away from there.'

He looks up, confused, and opens his mouth to ask why, but it's too late. Something dark shoots up from below, wraps itself around Natsu's ankle, and starts pulling him down.

Gray is first to respond. He dashes towards the edge, freezes his feet to the ground in the process and grabs Natsu by his arms.

'Hold on!' Gray shouts, trying his hardest to pull Natsu free from what seems to be a tentacle. Happy flies over Natsu and tries pulling him by the collar of his jacket.

I quickly jump to my feet and almost fall down again. Erza requips a sword twice her size, jumps through the air and starts slicing the tentacle that is trying to take Natsu. Lucy wraps her arms around Gray's waist and tries her hardest to help him stay grounded, even though the magical ice around his feet is already cracking. The tentacle is crazy strong.

I push myself up and grab my own sword, but before I can do anything Natsu starts to scream. He screams in a way I never thought he could. He's in extreme pain and everyone hears it and it's heartbreaking, because it's Natsu and he isn't supposed to scream like that.

And then he stops. He falls quiet and his eyes roll away. I stand there, with my sword in my hands, half in shock.

As if someone throws a glass of water onto a wet painting, all the colour is drained from Natsu's body. His hair turns gray, his skin becomes unnaturally white.

Lucy screams his name, but he doesn't respond.

All of a sudden the tentacle lets go of him. Gray and Lucy fall backwards now that the resistance disappears, and Natsu's colourless body hits the dirt. His eyes are closed.

What happens next is a bit blurry. Erza runs over to Natsu, turns his body around and shakes him, but he doesn't respond. Gray gets to his feet but then stops moving. Lucy puts a hand over her mouth and cries softly, Happy stares into nothing.

The tentacle disappears back into the forest of Bosco. Everyone slowly realizes what just happened. As you know, mages learn to recognize magical signatures and presences of other mages. In this moment, no one could sense anything coming off Natsu's body.

And it gets worse, because when I enhance my ears I don't hear a single heartbeat. My sword slips through my fingers.

Without saying a word I push Erza aside and place both my hands on Natsu's chest. Though I'm quiet on the outside, I'm screaming inside, begging the golden magic to do something. I did it before, with Jellal. I should be able to do it again.

My palms start warming up, but other than that nothing happens.

'C'mon,' I say through my teeth, but I'm too weak. I already fought off two takeovers today and spoke with my mother. It's not an endless stream of magic, I too run out every once in a while.

But I won't accept it. The stupid tentacle only took Natsu because he was closest to the edge, but the thing was looking for me.

It's not a stretch to think this situation is awfully similar to what happened with Simon. And in some ways it is that exact situation, though I'm not as guilty. And I've learned from that time. I've reconnected with my mother.

'C'mon!' I say again, louder, encouraging the golden magic in my hands. And finally, finally, a spark manages to cut through whatever it is that is killing Natsu. Two small streaks of light enter his chest, travel to his heart and surround it.

I remove my hands and stare at his face. The colour is still gone, his heart isn't beating, and it feels like I've done nothing.

'Riku,' says Happy, 'what did you do?'

I could be honest and say I have no idea, but right now the cat is looking at me for reassurance. 'I gave him something to protect his heart. But without his own magic, I'm not sure-'

'We'll get it back,' says Erza, in a tone of voice that warns not to argue with her, 'Gray, you're with me.'

Gray is still half in shock, but blinks himself back to reality. His rival is laying at his feet, barely alive. 'Right.'

Though I know what Erza will say, I still open my mouth: 'I'm coming too.'

She's already on her feet, and sighs. Then, to my surprise, she says: 'Fine.'

I glance at Natsu one last time before I grab my sword off the ground. I feel the golden magic buzzing in his chest and it's almost as if I'm leaving a part of myself behind. As if I've asked my mother to look after him while I'm gone.

Erza and Gray are already at the cliff. Lucy sits beside Natsu, Happy has found his way into her arms. I hate seeing them like this.

In just a matter of minutes, this adventure has turned to shit. There's nothing I can say to them to make it better.

So I turn my back on them, and decide to push any memory, any mental image of the crying blue cat and the sobbing blonde girl away. I decide not to feel bad for them anymore. I shut off all emotion.

Erza has requipped into an armour that controls the air around her, giving her the ability to somewhat fly (or to, depending on how you look at it, graciously fall). Bosco is a long way down from here, as we've established, ascending by just climbing down will take forever.

Erza turns to me. Her face is cold. She's in battle mode, as I am. 'Use your wings.'

At this point, Gray doesn't know a whole lot about my abilities. In a different context he might go into shock upon hearing this, or resort to endless questioning. We don't have time for that, so he ends up saying: 'Just do it.'

Erza has already started falling/flying. I take a deep breath, take a bit of dark flame and golden light and mix them together. From my shoulder blades erupt two wings about an arm's length long, smaller than usual, because it's been an exhausting day already.

I'm not used to carrying someone else while I fly, so both Gray and I awkwardly move our limbs around before deciding we'll just hold hands, meaning Gray will dangle below me like the crate of an air balloon. Looking back, this wasn't the smartest decision, because of my weak arm strength, but I didn't complain. My sore muscles served as motivation to get down faster.

Erza's already far below us. I can see her cutting into the roof of the forest beneath a sunflower. I'm not sure if that's where the tentacle monster disappeared, but I'm in no position to question anything. We just have to hurry.

The scent that comes off the forest is still very intense. I don't know if that caused me to black out before, but just to be sure I decide to not use my nose for a while. Like I did at the Tower of Heaven, I close off my sense of smell completely.

Keep this in mind, it's important for later.

I land not far from Erza and then we're officially in Bosco. Hurray.

The forest itself isn't anything to write home about. The trees stand close to one another and are of the most basic sorts and sizes. Every few metres there's a giant flower. One thing that is notable is the absence of birds and other animals. I don't hear any rustling, no singing, no squealing. But you already knew this, right? You've been to that place before.

'Riku,' says Erza, who has requipped into a more mundane armour, 'do you sense anything?'

We came here without a plan and now we depend on me. Which is fine. 'Nothing out of the ordinary.'

'Come take a look at this,' says Gray, who has walked off on his own. He points at something a few trees further. 'There.'

I look, and should notice it instantly because I can still enhance my vision, but I have no clue what he wants me to see. 'What?'

Erza glances only once. 'Broken branches. Something came through here.'

Both of them start running into the direction Gray was just pointing at, and I have no choice but to follow. I feel like a rookie, even though I've done tons of S-class quests with Mystogan. On the other hand I wonder why both Erza and Gray get so worked up over broken branches. The tentacle that took Natsu's magic was huge, and the monster that was attached to it had to be even bigger. If it really walked through the forest, it would cause more damage than just a few broken branches. Trees should be unrooted, but I see nothing of the sort.

'Through here!' says Erza, and we turn right.

And after a little while, Gray says 'Here!' and we turn right again.

They both seem so confident in their tracking skills that I keep my mouth shut. Questioning it now might take up time we can't afford to lose.

But when we turn right again, I know something's off. Gray and Erza aren't in the least confused, and keep on running. They want to save their friend at all costs and put all their power into it. They're sweating and breathing fast, and considering these are people that do this kind of stuff for a living (adventuring, not necessarily saving friends), it's very strange they get tired so easily.

I am, on the other hand, just fine. I'm a bit drained of magical power, but I can continue running without any problems.

We turn right again.

'Guys!' I say, because now it's getting ridiculous, 'we're going in circles. You know that, right?'

Instead of turning their heads in shock, both of them, in unison, scream: 'Shut up!'

So yeah, they were cursed. They were very much put under a spell.

I keep on running with them while I think about this. I didn't sense any magic, nothing of note. The only thing that bothered me about this forest was the smell.

'Erza,' I try again, and I even fasten my pace so I can run next to her, 'listen. This forest is screwing with us.'

'I don't care!'

I open my mouth again, but I know there's no reasoning now. I'm the only sane person left and I continue running with the crazy ones. The scent of the forest is doing this, I'm almost certain. It didn't have much effect on them when we were on the cliff. I got a big chunk of it, but I managed to fight it off. And while I did that, the tentacle monster appeared.

I wonder if the two are connected. They must be.

Before I can fully figure this all out, I have to make sure Erza and Gray don't end up like Natsu. They get more exhausted with every step they take. It's clear they won't listen to me.

I look at Erza. Her natural determination makes the effects of whatever curse this is even more intense. Nothing can shake her. It's admirable almost, but in this instance it's her weakness.

'Erza,' I say, tightening the grip around my sword, 'I'll fix it. I promise.'

She doesn't look up, I don't think she even heard me. And I have to admit: that kinda hurt. It reminded me of the brief period at the Tower when she didn't know who I was. Just like then, I'm someone who's in her way, instead of a helping hand.

But this isn't the time to be hurt. I suppress whatever sadness I'm feeling, and hit Erza on the back of her head with the bland side of my sword. I hit her hard enough she immediately loses consciousness.

Gray's only a few paces behind me and stops dead in his tracks. 'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

I thought knocking Erza out first was for the better, but I hadn't considered how that would look like to Gray. I thought he wouldn't notice, I thought the spell wouldn't allow him to get distracted, but I thought very wrong.

I put my sword back in the holster on my back and catch Erza in my arms. When I'm about to carefully place her on the ground, Gray jumps at me. He fires a few ice arrows at me, which I manage to dodge only in the last second.

'What is wrong with you?!' he screams at me. He slams his right fist into his left palm and an ice lance appears out of nothing.

There's no way to make him understand. Right now it just looks like I plan to kill Erza while we're supposed to save Natsu.

The first thing I do is move away from Erza, because I'm not sure Gray has the clarity of mind to keep her out of his attack range. I hide between the trees to escape the ice lances he fires at me. He growles in frustration. 'Come out, you coward!'

I have to get close enough to knock him out, or throw something with the right velocity and in the right angle to hit him on the temple. Gray has powerful spells for both attack and defense, but it's been years since we've sparred. I have no clue how strong he has become.

While I'm hiding behind a tree I think back to just a few hours ago, when we did our banter thing.

'Gray!' I shout without showing my face. Immediately an ice hammer hits the tree, breaking it in half. I flee to another one and crouch down. 'Remember the job with the cursed tree?'

I don't know why I try, but I can't help it. He uses the ice hammer again, and I dodge it just in time.

Then I feel my mouth watering.

The golden magic stirs up, forcing down the flames, but I'm so surprised I fall to my knees. I blink, trying not to pass out like before.

In the chaos I enhance my ears. Before I hear anything, the ground shudders. Then loud thumps follow, irregular and accompanied by what I can only describe as a slimy, wet sound. Something is nearing and it's coming fast.

'Gray!' I shout again, 'you have to hide!'

He stops attacking, and I when I sneak a peek I see he's panting, leaning against a tree. Erza lies not far away from him.

The thing is almost here. I have no time to be subtle anymore. I cross the few paces that are between me and Gray and put him in a headlock, like Natsu always does to me. I grab one arm of Erza, bite my teeth down hard and use all the arm strength I have (so, not much) to throw her unconscious body over my other shoulder. Then I run.

Gray kicks and tries freezing himself off me, but the flames are quick to burn it off. They don't like ice.

The thing, which I'm pretty sure is the tentacle monster, is behind us. I don't know where to go. I keep on running, passing giant flowers and regular trees left and right. When I get to a clearing I feel panic rising. I shove it down. No time.

I send dark flames to my feet to enhance my speed and cross the clearing in a matter of seconds. When I'm among the trees again, I dare to glance over my shoulder. The tentacle monster is standing in the clearing. It's not so much an octopus or anything like that. It has more in common with a pile of mud that just happened to have a few tentacles.

And as I'm looking at it, I hear its voice in my head: 'Prince Riku.'

Aside from Jellal, no one has ever called me "prince". Jellal knew about you, so when this mud monster in Bosco addresses me in the same way I know you're somehow involved with whatever is going on here. I don't know how and I don't know when, but you told someone about me.

Sure, I'm surprised, a bit shocked, but other than that I just run even faster. I'm carrying two people who are dear to me and I have to get them to safety.

I don't think Gray heard what the mud monster said. He has stopped struggling, and then says: 'I know that job. The one with the tree.'

I'm not sure if this is a sign that the spell he was under is wearing off, but I'm still a bit relieved. 'Good. I was thinking we should make a play about it.'

He doesn't respond.

The mud creature has stopped in the clearing, and part of me wonders if he's waiting for something. I take this opportunity to slow down my pace and free Gray from the headlock.

He's in no condition to run, but he doesn't say it. If there's no other option, I could try to fly carrying both him and Erza. But I'd need time to focus, meaning we have to keep running anyway, because there's no focusing while you're getting chased.

I take Erza into my arms, her head falls against my chest.

'Prince Riku,' the creature calls again, 'please halt. In the name of the Emperor.'

Gray doesn't seem to hear it.

'C'mon,' I say to him, and start running again. And that is one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made.

Gray doesn't follow me. He can't.

I hear a thud behind me, then screams. Gray screams in a way he shouldn't scream. When I turn around the mud creature has wrapped a tentacle around one of Gray's ankles, and colour is slowly drained from him.


	23. Chapter 22: No Choice

**Hey! Thanks for coming back. Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter 22: No choice_

Gray looks at me while he screams. There are no words, just sounds from his throat.

I don't know what to do. I'm holding Erza in my arms and I'm afraid to put her down, because the mud creature might get her too, but Gray is being drained of his magic right in front of me.

I turn to the mud creature. 'Stop! Stop it!'

Gray's screams are getting weaker and I'm just standing there, pressing Erza against me. The tentacle stays wrapped around Gray's leg. His eyes roll back into his head.

'Hey!' I yell at the mud creature. 'I said stop! I'm here, let him go!'

There's now only gurgling coming from Gray and I feel his magical presence dimming. His hair turns a dirty shade of dark grey and his skin is as pale as the moon.

My breathing fastens. 'Stop! You have to stop!'

For some reason the mud creature is not talking now. Gray's face falls into the dirt. And I can just hear my heart skipping a beat.

The tentacle is pulled back, but it's far too late. Gray is gone, just like Natsu, but this one stings way more, because, well...it's Gray. My first friend within Fairy Tail, the theatre kid who annoyed the hell out of me.

When he lies face down in front of me, completely drained, I forget about what I decided before. I'm not in battle mode anymore. I just snap.

Each time I blink I see something different. First there are flames, next two dark arms erupt out of nowhere and shoot towards the mud creature. Claws with sharp nails try grabbing it, but the thing is barely solid, there's nothing to hold on to. I hear growling and I'm not sure if that's coming from me or the creature.

'Prince Riku,' says a voice then, and it sounds again in my head. 'I see I have your attention.'

The mud creature moves around the black claws, it's kind of all over the place, and then comes together to form the pile it was before. I then realize the black arms are made of flames, and they've sprouted out of my back, like my wings. My own arms, my human arms, are still holding Erza.

I want to reach for the mud creature again, but the flames resist. They're not listening to me, not because they take a liking to the mud creature. They've noticed how weak I am. Now would be a good time as ever to attempt a takeover. When I force them towards the mud creature, the flames just turn around and rush at me.

Before they can push me out of my own body I make them disappear, which I succeed at easily. It's like my mother said: they're getting weaker, and with that impatient.

I fall to my knees, still pressing the unconscious Erza against me. The mud creature is talking to me, but I don't hear what it says. My eyes find the drained Gray and I just feel defeated.

And without thinking, I start whispering. 'Mom. Mom, please. You have to do something.'

The mud creature falls silent.

I'm too exhausted. I can't even sense a spark of the golden magic. Not only that: if I want to transfer some of it over to Gray just like I did with Natsu, I have to use my hands, meaning I have to let go of Erza. I can't do that, the creature will get her too.

'Mom,' I whisper again, 'please do the thing. I don't know why, but you understand, right?'

There's no answer. Instead, the mud creature speaks again. 'Prince Riku, all is not lost. Listen to what I have to say, and your friend-'

When I interrupt him, my voice does not sound like my own. It sounds like a million agonizing voices all screaming at once. A demonic voice that suits dark magic. 'Give him back!'

Though I can't read off any expression, the mud creature seems taken aback. Then it says: 'That I cannot do. Your friends' magic has travelled over to the Emperor.'

If I had listened to what it said before I might've understood what that meant, but in that moment it sounded like crap.

I turn my attention back to my mother. At first the sentences that leave my mouth are sort of understandable, but the longer I try the more disrupted my begging becomes: 'Mom mom mom you have to help him give him some of our magic I did it with Natsu and he's somehow alive until we get back his magic this is Gray he is my friend and I-I-I need him because he is my friend but I can't do it because Erza this is Erza she and I have to talk to each other about Mystogan and Simon you don't know them but the flowers and the trees and Shô said he knew me but what about the thing with the gross feathers and you know the mask that scares me at night….' And so on. It's panic without the flames and now that I've experienced it I don't think either is worse. Though there is one person who's succeeded in calming me in both cases.

I'm in the middle of telling my mother how I stubbed my toe that one time when I was ten when a fist is jammed into my jaw. My face is thrown back and I nearly fall over. I feel a piece of tooth floating in my mouth and taste the iron of blood, but I'm thankful she did it.

Erza frees herself from my arms and rubs the back of her head with the same hand she just punched me with. 'Are you back?'

I blink a few times and lie. 'Yes.' I already feel myself slipping back into it. 'Erza, I'm so sorry. I thought I could save both of you.'

She just then notices the drained Gray. Anger crosses her face and she glares at the mud creature. Even though she just woke up after getting knocked unconscious, she's still in battle mode. 'That thing did it?'

Before she can stand up I grab her arm. 'Don't attack it. It will take you too and I can't-'

She pulls herself free from my grip and looks at me with what I can only describe as disgust. 'Riku, get yourself together.'

I don't know what's wrong with me. I went from not understanding a single thing about family to having a mental breakdown. I'm not used to this. Erza, however, knows that panicking won't help anyone. Our friends are out cold and we're the only ones who can help them.

Instead of doing some breathing exercises and getting my focus back like I usually do, I crawl towards the body of Gray. I turn him on his back and his skin feels awfully cold. His face is so blank it seemed it never smiled, or chuckled.

I can't get caught up in such a detail. I place my hands on Gray's chest. Erza stands beside me, with a sword drawn, keeping a close eye on the mud creature, so I feel secure enough to search for the golden magic within me.

By the time I've succeeded in transferring some magic over to Gray I'm sweating as much as I did this morning, but I refuse to pass out. I wobble to my feet, unsheath my sword and join Erza in glaring at the mud creature.

As if it waited for me to be finished, it says: 'Prince Riku, that is a very remarkable technique.'

I don't feel flattered in the slightest. I turn to Erza. 'Can you hear it too?'

'No. What is it saying?'

'It keeps calling me "Prince".'

'What? Why?'

I haven't had the chance to tell Erza that Jellal called me "prince" as well. I don't think I even mentioned that you made yourself "king". There's no time to explain it all, so I say: 'I'm not sure, but its boss is looking for me.'

As if it's part of the conversation, the mud creature says: 'Correct. The Emperor has invited you to the palace and I am to take you there at any cost.'

"At any cost" meaning Natsu and Gray are just collateral damage. Even though I'm exhausted I feel anger rising in my stomach. 'This Emperor has their magic, right?'

Erza gives me a quick glance. She still can't hear the voice of the mud creature, she has to figure out the conversation from my side only. 'Emperor? Gajeel said there was no government in Bosco.'

'Indeed he does,' answers the mud creature, ignoring Erza, 'and if I may offer some advice, my lord, I think it best in the favor of your friends to accept this invitation.'

In my head that translates to "the only way to save Natsu and Gray is to go to this stupid palace to meet this stupid Emperor". And it seems I'm the only one who's invited.

'What is it?' Erza asks.

I answer without looking at her, because I know she won't like what I'll say. 'If I meet with this Emperor I can get the magic back.'

As expected, I feel her magical presence growing. She's preparing for an attack, despite my warning earlier.

With my tired brain I quickly calculate the odds of us winning against this monster. I couldn't grab it with the flames, it just liquified the moment I got too close. We could perhaps capture it, stuff it in some bottles, but what's next? If what it said about Gray and Natsu's magic is true, we'll have nothing, except, maybe, a little bit of revenge.

Erza isn't the type of person to take revenge, but she still intends to fight and I don't know why. Looking back, I'd say that underneath the facade of battle mode she was freaking out a little.

As if the creature is listening in on what both me and Erza are thinking, it says: 'I cannot tell you what the intentions of the Emperor are. I can, however, assure you there is a way to heal your friends, since you have put a protection spell over their hearts. If the lady-'

'Hold on,' I interrupt, because something doesn't add up. 'You said that if I met up with your Emperor I could save them. Now you're telling me that is only the case because I used my own magic?'

The mud creature doesn't answer.

'You had no idea what I could do,' I continue, 'and I only used my magic _after_ you attacked Natsu. Would you still have told me I could save him and Gray if I hadn't used it, meaning you'd be telling a lie to lure me to your Emperor? Is what you're telling me now the truth?'

Before, I thought the mud creature just made a mistake when it took Natsu instead of me, now I'm not so sure anymore. It seems it would tell me I could save him and Gray if I came to the palace regardless if that was true or not, and I would only find out about the lie once I was already inside the palace.

Yet the creature is now saying I created a possibility to save them myself by using the golden magic. He's telling me I screwed up his plan, but that could be a lie as well. If his orders were to take me to the palace at any cost, he'll just promise me the entire world if it means I'll agree to go to the palace.

This is all very confusing and makes my head hurt, but there's just one more thing I don't understand. I'm exhausted; the creature could take me on easily. It could drain me of magic and drag me to the palace himself. He had this opportunity earlier when Erza was still out. Why didn't it attack me then? Was there another order saying it couldn't hurt me? If that's the case, then I am somehow of value to this Emperor.

All of this makes way more sense now that I'm sitting in front of you, but I'd like to give you a taste of the confusion I was in. And I almost want to congratulate you on this scheme you started more than a hundred years ago, but since it involves my own life I'd rather not.

When the mud creature finally responds he speaks calmly, as if he anticipated I would see through this plot. 'I understand your confusion, prince Riku. I was indeed surprised by your ability. It has certainly complicated the situation. Thanks to you, the draining of your friends could not be completed, since they are still alive. Their magic is still connected to them, it cannot be consumed fully. As of now, there are two options: either the Emperor returns the magic, or you release the spells you put on your friends and let the draining be completed. Personally I cannot picture you picking the second option, though that does not matter in the end. In either case, you have to meet with the Emperor.'

Even if I found a hole in the plot of the mud creature, the result is the same. I lower my sword.

There aren't any people around we can go to for help, not for miles. None of us who are left know anything about properly transferring magical power, or at least enough to save a person like Natsu or Gray. I sensed earlier there must be some kind of time limit to how long both of them can remain in the state they're in. They need their magic quick, or they will die.

'Damnit,' I mumble.

I have to meet with this Emperor and there is no guarantee I'll be able to leave afterwards. This person wants something from me.

I force myself to look at Erza, who has watched my face closely for several minutes now. Her battle mode is slightly cracking. I can't imagine what she's feeling right now. She organized this journey and under her leadership two of our friends have been injured. The crucial information she had about Bosco turned out to be false and the person this whole adventure revolves around is about to leave for what is very likely to be a trap.

'No,' she simply says, 'you can't. I'm not letting you.'

If it was the other way around, I wouldn't let her go either.

I glance shortly at the unconscious Gray. I feel the golden magic working on his insides, keeping him alive, ready to receive his own magic. I think about Happy and Lucy, who are still sitting beside Natsu on the cliff.

Sure, this adventure was about me, but the shitshow it turned into is _because_ of me. A few years before that idea would've shrivelled any confidence I had. I'd tell myself that once again I ruin everything around me. I would've blatantly sacrificed myself.

Now I know that isn't enough. Even if I succeed in saving Gray and Natsu, they would never forgive me for how I did it. Erza wouldn't.

So I tell her: 'Wait for me. Take Gray to the cliff and wait.'

I feel her magic fading. 'You can't go alone-'

'I have to,' I say, 'that person needs me for something. I'm just going over there to negotiate.'

Erza scoffs and lets her sword disappear. 'That monster is treacherous, you just called it out yourself. What if this Emperor-'

'Fine,' I interrupt once again, 'if you haven't heard from me by midnight, come look for me. Just clog your nose, otherwise you'll get cursed again.'

She turns her eyes to the ground.

During all this the mud creature is just patiently waiting at the other end of the clearing. Though it doesn't have eyes, I know it's looking at us.

'Riku,' says Erza then, almost whispering, 'are you sure you'll be there before midnight?'

No.

'Yes,' I say, 'I will come back. And when I do, I won't leave again. Ever.'

She still doesn't lift her eyes. Her gloved hands are folded in fists, they're shaking. I start to suspect she'll hit me again, but she changes her mind at the very last second. She relaxes her hands and all tension leaves her body through a sigh.

There are no tears, no hugs or kisses. She kneels down beside Gray and throws his drained body with scaringly ease over her shoulder.

'Prince Riku,' says the mud creature then, 'you might want to tell your friend she will find the cliff by going East.'

I look at the pile of mud and don't say anything. Then it adds: 'My lord, you have decided to meet with the Emperor, have you not?'

I don't answer.

'Then I have no reason to trick you or your friend,' the creature says then, 'tell her to go East.'

I stare at the creature some more. Erza hasn't left just yet, she noticed there's a silent conversation going on again.

I tell her the mud creature said to go East.

'I see,' she simply says. 'I will take it into consideration.'

And without saying anything else, she disappears between the trees. I watch until I can't see her red hair anymore and I think about all the problems I just created. I have no idea if I'll make it to the cliff tonight, I just had to say something to make her leave. I didn't want her to get drained too. She'll be pissed at me for this afterwards, but I guess we'll just stack that on top of our other problems.

I sigh, put my sword back in the holster on my back and fall to my knees. Adrenaline has kept me on my feet till now and it's wearing off. I have no contact with the golden magic, the muscles in my arms and legs are sore and I haven't eaten since this morning.

'Prince,' says the mud creature, sounding a bit worried, 'allow me.'

I look over my shoulder. The pile of mud has shapeshifted, on the exact same spot now stands a horse carriage (without a horse) made out of clay, the fancy kind rich people drive around in, except with a horse and not made out of clay. The door on the side swings open.

I don't have the energy to be surprised, amazed or disgusted. Already half unconscious I get back on my feet and walk over. I hesitate to enter, because it is still the mud creature. I don't know where its eyes or mouth or anything are, but when I touch the clay it feels solid.

I eventually step inside, sit down and nearly have a heart attack when I notice someone sitting on the opposite bench. It's a man made out of the same kind of clay, wearing a top hat and a clay suit.

'Apologies, prince,' the man says, although his mouth does not move. 'I did not mean to alarm you.'

This is the human form of the mud creature.

The door closes and the carriage starts to move on its own, the clay wheels roll through the grass and forest paths easily. The clay man gives me a very unsettling smile. 'Rest easy, prince Riku. We will arrive shortly.'

I have no idea what that means. I just lean back and close my eyes for a little while. If the clay man wasn't there I probably would've cried.

* * *

Somewhere during my nap I noticed my sword was poking in my back and I leaned off to the side, pressing my face against the clay door, just beneath the window. The clay man wakes me up by saying "prince Riku" in my mind over and over again.

I sit up straight, blink a few times, rub my eyes, and just then hear the cheers. I look out the window and see a crowd of people. When the ones standing closest to the carriage notice me they scream even louder.

'What...the hell?' I say. I turn to the clay man, who's still sitting opposite of me. He lifts one clay arm and points with his hand at the door, urging me to step out.

I look out the window again. There's a red carpet on the ground, the crowd of people stands on either side of it, creating a pathway I'm supposed to walk. I can't see what's on the other side yet.

'Prince Riku,' says the clay man, 'welcome to Underlind.'

I'm not fully awake yet, so I just say: 'What?'

The door of the carriage now swings open itself and I can hear the cheers of the crowd even louder, but I still manage to hear the clay man say: 'The capital of Bosco.'

And the shithead doesn't give me time to be confused. The bench I'm sitting on launches me onto the red carpet. I thankfully land on my feet, though I don't doubt the people in the crowd would be happy enough to help me up if I'd fallen.

The carriage behind me drives away and I'm left there, by myself, facing thousands of people. All of them seem ecstatic to see me and I have no idea why. Some are crying, a few faint. My name is being chanted. 'Prince Riku! Prince Riku!'

I take a step and the crowd cheers even louder, as if I performed a miracle. Each time I turn to look at one side of the crowd the other begs me to look their way again.

Being the centre of attention was never my thing and this had to be my worst nightmare. I just shut down my ears for a while and instead enhanced my eyes.

There's a stone wall behind me, I don't see an entrance. I have no idea how the carriage got in here.

The wall is about fifty metres high, I can't see anything that's behind it, not even through the cracks. The wall goes on for I don't know how long, I can't see the end of it on either side. When I look beyond the crowd I see a mountain. The whole reason Erza organised this adventure was because of a mountain where you supposedly used to live, but the one I'm looking at doesn't look like the kind of mountain I pictured you living inside of. This mountain has a city built into it. All the roads are sloping and meet at the top, where the palace is located. From where I'm standing I see the palace has six towers and all of them disappear halfway into the clouds.

I'm not even at the foot of the mountain. Going all the way up, crossing the city and the screaming people will take me all day. I'm not even sure I can do it, the nap I took in the carriage made me even more tired.

But I have no choice. Everything depends on what I do here, so I keep on walking.

By now you probably know I hate you, but I'll spare you the agony I felt while I climbed up to the palace anyway.

When I finally see the gates I'm wheezing. I have no idea how much time has passed, all I know is that the sun is out, so there's still time to meet back with Erza. The last few steps I see her face in my mind.

Then I'm through the gate. I'm standing in what I think is a courtyard, the palace surrounds it like a circle. The yard itself is so neatly kept it feels I'm walking into a painting: every single stone seems placed perfectly where it needs to be, the stripes of grass interrupting the stone square is evenly trimmed, the flowers are all turned upright to face the sun.

It's absolutely disgusting.

The gate closes behind me and I feel secure enough to open my ears again. The cheers of the crowd now sound muffled and that gives me room to breathe.

There's no turning back now.

Opposite of the gate I see steps leading into the palace. I take a breath, pretend it's not a sigh and walk up to it. The doors are wide open, the palace itself seems just as excited about my arrival as the crowd outside.

The inside is, as you know, boring. The walls are perfectly solved puzzles of gray bricks and the floors are so clean they're almost see-through. It has that same neatness the courtyard has, nothing of the mountain itself has remained.

Every few metres I encounter a painting on the wall of some stoic looking person. I don't bother learning their names from the tiny cards next to the frames.

After a few minutes of walking around and turning corners I realize I haven't seen a single person yet. No maids or lackeys, or knights, or whatever other kinds of people walk around a palace.

Then, out of nowhere, I hear this voice in my head. Its presence feels exactly the same as the flames', but I somehow know it's not them. This voice triggers something inside of me, something so horrible it's almost on par with how I respond to the sound of train brakes.

Because it's your voice.

I stop walking. I stop breathing. I stand there in what I now believe to be your palace.

And I just start laughing. It starts out a chuckle but grows into a kind of bellowing that doesn't fit a skinny dude like me. My entire body shudders because of it, I fall to the side and lean with my shoulder against the perfect wall.

No matter how hard I try to be better than you and these flames, I won't ever get rid of you. Everything shit that's ever happened to me is all caused by you, even the outcome of this shitty adventure. I came to Bosco thinking the "rumors" about you were fake. I had no intention of meeting you face to face, ever.

But you don't care about what I want, do you? You're the Dragon King, and now apparently also the Emperor of Bosco, a country that's not supposed to have a government.

You stomped in there, fed the people, made yourself the leader and waited till the time was right to come get me. You would send your magician mud monster after me and finally continue what you started a hundred years ago, when you murdered my parents and made me your "prince".

But you hadn't anticipated that I'd show up myself, and that's the most infuriating of this whole thing. I actually made things easier for you, even walked into the palace myself. I practically gave myself up and I didn't even know it.

Why did I ever think the Emperor was someone else? No one but you, Jellal and the old man from Snow Town know me as "prince".

I let myself slide down along the wall till I'm half lying on the ground, but I haven't stopped laughing at my own stupidity. I knew it was a trap. I called out the mud monster myself for screwing up.

Yet here I am.

The voice, your voice, that sounds inside my head tells me to look for two red doors at the end of a corridor. I don't get up right away.

My laughter eventually dies out. I just think: everything is screwed. There's no way I'm getting out of here. Gray and Natsu will die and I'll never get to see Erza again.

I sit there a few minutes longer. My mind gets less clouded and I can think a little better. Not much, but a decent amount considering the situation. I have a million questions, but this one seems the most urgent: what do you want from me?

Of course I know that now. I'm just saying it to explain why I got back on my feet.

Remember what I said earlier? Even before I knew I would meet you on this adventure I made a promise to myself to get rid of everything that bothers me. I would fix strained relationships, build new ones, enjoy life. I didn't believe I would be free of you and your flames; I wanted to create a different kind of freedom.

I didn't want to meet you face to face, but I had no choice. So I might as well make the most of it.

I get up, wipe the sweat, snot and spit off my face, and start looking for the red doors. I prepare myself for the worst.

All this happened on this exact day, one year ago. A meeting neither of us saw coming, a meeting that didn't fit in with your plans. So you told me to come back a year later.

And here I am, telling you about my life.

But to end my story here would feel a bit rushed, right? And besides: that first meeting doesn't really count, because only part of you was present in the palace.

For the sake of narrative, I'll just tell you how I experienced that conversation. And what I've been doing this past year, of course.

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**Just a quick message for the people who are reading along with the updates: I try to upload every other week, but at the moment my (writing) schedule is a bit flooded. As I've planned it out now, this story will end around chapter 30-35 and in order to answer all questions properly and to give Riku the ending he deserves, writing the new chapters takes a bit more time than usual. I will, of course, try my best to update frequently, but please understand if it takes me longer. That's all :)**


	24. Chapter 23: After a Hundred Years

**Hey! Thanks for coming back! Sorry for the delay. I'm afraid the next chapter will take some more time as well, but it is being written! I'm not abandoning this story any time soon, so don't worry! **

**A note for this chapter: I slightly changed some of the canon character motivations to fit this story better. It might not add up with the original Fairy tail storyline.**

**And a short message to the guest reviewer who has asked me to write a Detective Conan fanfiction: I feel flattered :) and I would do it were it not that I haven't seen Detective Conan and right now don't really have the time to get into it (I'm still behind on One Piece and even Fairy Tail). But thank you for asking me! I hope you'll find someone else willing to write it!**

**Other than that: enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

_Chapter 23: After A Hundred Years_

As I get back on my feet I feel determined. I came to this palace to negotiate and the fact that the person I will be doing that with is you doesn't and shouldn't change that. Natsu and Gray have to be saved, that has always been the goal. If I can just keep that in mind as I face you, things might work out. If I just keep my cool and pretend you're not the reason my life is miserable.

So off I go to find the red doors. I walk back the way I came, turn a few corners, glare at some paintings and finally find them at the end of a hallway. As soon as I lay eyes on them they open by themselves. Couldn't even take a second to prepare.

The final few paces I think of the pale faces of my friends. If I can just keep this up. If I just stay calm.

As soon as I enter the room that's beyond the red doors all that fades away. Instead I'm hyper focused, almost panicking. I keep on walking and at the same time inspect every inch of the space. I'm no expert on palaces, but I suspect you've led me to the throne room. The ceiling is crazy high and on my left are six long windows with stained glass, the sun shines through and draws figures across the floor. There's a red carpet, just like the one outside, starting from the doors to where the room ends at the other side. Against the wall on this other side is a platform on which stands a throne.

It would make sense if you were sitting on it, waiting for me, grinning as I approached, but you weren't there. Instead there stood a mirror on the cushion, a mirror that reflected nothing. There was only a mass of darkness moving around in it, shadows with rasping, whispering voices resembling the flames'.

Again: you couldn't be bothered to show up yourself, could you?

The red doors slowly close behind me. I'm now halfway into the throne room and then stop, because that's when I notice the girl standing next to the platform. She has her back turned to me, so I can't see her face.

It's the red hair that throws me off a little.

Save Natsu and Gray. Think about Natsu and Gray, and seeing Erza again. If I can just take the lead, have the upper hand in this negotiation, all of that can happen. For that I need confidence, or the pretence of that.

I force myself to keep walking. The girl says nothing while I near and does not turn around. I stop a few paces before the platform and look directly at your mirror.

The first thing I say to you could be crucial, so I take the time to think of something that immediately tells you I'm not afraid. A lot can be said after a hundred years (though it doesn't really count since you've sent me forward in time).

A quick sidenote: the flames are awfully calm during all this. Subdued in the presence of the big boss, I guess.

The words that eventually leave my mouth are: 'What do you want from me?'

And you, the darkness in the mirror, chuckle, and that already tells me I screwed up. You chuckle in a way an adult does when a child does something silly. And the fragile confidence I built up while walking into the room is wavering again.

You say: 'That's a broad question. What do _I _want from _you_? Aren't you the one bargaining for the lives of your companions?'

And damnit, you're right. I said a stupid thing. And on top of that: I hadn't considered what hearing your voice would do to me. Sure, I hear it every single night in my nightmare, but this is different. This is in real time, in real life. We're in the same room (sort of).

I start sweating and I hate myself for it, but I can't help it. It's like hearing the brakes of a train: the sound is a trigger of negativity.

Luckily I don't fall to my knees or start panting or something else that would make me look pathetic. But that's like putting glitter on a pile of shit, because I know I've already lost. I'm not calm anymore, I'm not cool, I'm not thinking about saving friends. All I want is to run as far away as possible.

I guess it should be admirable that I didn't. I stood there in front of you, as if awaiting punishment, and said, with the tiniest voice ever: 'Yes. That is why I'm here.'

A part of me feels frustrated and it forces me to not look at the ground. I can't look directly at your mirror anymore either, so instead my eyes drift over to the girl standing next to you. She still hasn't moved. She wears a purple gown that reaches all the way to the floor. Her hair is the same length, the same colour and the same amount of pretty as Erza's, but from the first glance I've known it's not her. She doesn't have the same magical presence. The one that I feel coming off the girl does ring a bell, but I can't concentrate enough to properly identify her.

And at the moment I don't care. It's not Erza, but having someone in the room that looks like her when you and me first meet is just a dick move on your part. You somehow already knew that I care for her and decided to use that against me, to throw me off guard.

And just as you suspected, I found myself staring at the girl.

You, from your mirror, watch me closely. After some time, you ask: 'Like what you see, prince Riku?'

I look away from the girl and instead focus on the cushion on which leans your mirror. I don't answer and that makes you chuckle again.

'Look at you,' you say, patronizingly, 'you've grown. Last time I saw you, I was afraid to crush you beneath my own two feet if I didn't pay enough attention as to where you were.'

You pause again, as if I have to say something to that. You sound like a distant family member, or a childhood bully whom I just happened to run into years later on a sunny day in a bright city. _You look great. What are you up to now? Are you married yet? _That sort of thing.

'Interesting,' you say then, 'you have the body of a man, but the spirit of a child.'

This causes my eyes to focus on the ground before your throne. You're mocking me to my face and there's nothing I can do about it.

I wanted to. The last thing I want is to be afraid of you or to admit to that, but it is the truth. In that stupid palace in Bosco I turned back into the little boy I am in my nightmares.

And while I stand there I can feel that you sense all this from me. You enjoy having this power over me.

Really: what did I ever do to you? I was just a kid when you took me. Did this whole revenge-thing on my parents need to last this long?

These and other questions swim around in my little boy mind, but I ask none of them out loud. After another chuckle, you say: 'But, then again: you are a bit early. One year, to be exact.'

I raise my gaze a little. I'm...too early? That sounds as if I had to come to Bosco at some point. As if it was already decided for me.

From the moment the mud creature tried convincing me to come to the palace, I'd suspected I was needed for something. After finding out you were the Emperor I already knew I played into your hands, but I never anticipated your schemes went so far as to have an actual planning.

If Erza didn't plan out this trip to Bosco, I would've somehow gone to the country myself.

'When I sensed you at the borders,' you continue from your mirror, 'I was surprised, and delighted. It saves me the trouble of summoning you myself. Well, unless you intend to leave after this conversation is over. Do you?'

I don't answer right away. I consider lying to you and realize it doesn't matter. I wet my lips and respond with a soft 'Yes.'

'Why?' you ask quickly. 'Everything you need is right here. Good food, comfortable beds, people who worship you, endless dark magic and all the red haired girls you could wish for. I have no intention of keeping you imprisoned here, but I am curious to know what is out there in that cruel world you so desperately want to return to.'

All you just said made me realize you have no idea what kind of person I am. Did you actually think I wanted dark magic? Did you think some red haired girl was all I needed to feel content? That those two things were all I lived for?

You reminded me of how shallow you are. You're a beast who only thinks in what he needs.

Now that I'm almost done telling you about my life, you've realized I never wanted dark magic. I was able to fight off what you wanted me to become and I think that is partially thanks to my mother and her magic. The woman you killed to take revenge will always fight you.

I still have nothing to say, so you take the lead again: 'Fine. I won't stop you from returning to the world, because I know you will come back here. And when you do, you must tell me about yourself. I want to know what drives the Dragon Prince to stray away from his destiny.'

At this I could almost laugh. The thing you call destiny is something you've created. Fate doesn't exist when it's manmade. Or monstermade.

Sadly I don't have the balls to laugh at you in your face.

'I imagine friendships must be part of it,' you continue, and I can almost hear you smirk, 'so it would be unwise to return the magic of those two boys, would it not?'

I feel my throat closing up, but swallow and say with the most unsteady voice: 'But you already know I can't escape.'

The darkness in your mirror stays quiet for a moment. 'That is true. So I would be doing you a favor. But what do I get in return?'

I open and close my mouth.

'You have nothing left to offer,' you say, 'and considering I already gave you so much, I have trouble feeling generous.'

You're talking about the flames. The greatest gift you've given anyone, right? You taught me how to use them and somehow think of that as a charity, even though you did it all for your own gain.

You're not generous. You haven't given me anything. All you've done is take. I have no life because of you.

'Ah!' you say then, 'there is one thing you could do that can repay some of your debts to me. It's very simple, think of it as a symbolic gesture. If you can do this small thing for me, I will give the magic back to those poor boys.' You pause. 'Swear your allegiance to me.'

This is before I knew what the hell kind of destiny you had in mind for me.

Out of all the "favors" you've done me this would be the first one where I actually got something out of it; Natsu and Gray would be saved.

But, as I just said: you don't know how to be generous. I would return to Bosco in one years time, whether I wanted to or not. Swearing allegiance wouldn't change a thing.

So I sunk down to one knee, bowed my head, and told you I would serve under you as the Dragon Prince.

'Good,' you say when I'm standing on two feet again. 'Now, prince Riku, are you curious about your destiny?'

I really wasn't feeling it anymore and that clearly showed, but you didn't care. You just started telling me about how you had your eyes on Bosco for centuries, about a war that raged in this country long ago and how it destroyed the magical foundations, causing all of it to turn dark.

'As you may know,' I remember you saying, 'I'm quite fond of wars. In fact, I plan to finally finish the one I started 400 years ago, with your help.'

I have little memory of our training together and most of what I know about you I heard from other people. A Dragon Slayer who is more Dragon than Slayer. Someone who will kill anything that has to do with Dragons.

'Prince,' you say, 'have you ever heard of a Dragon Seed?'

Of course not. The Dragon Slayers I knew personally at that time didn't know about it either. You explain it to me in a few sentences I can't repeat now, because I had no way of processing all of it properly.

As I understand it, the Dragon Seed is the plant-like thing that grows inside a person practising Dragon Slayer Magic, resulting in them eventually turning into a dragon themselves. This can only occur after a certain amount of time.

Now let me back up a little, just to get the full experience of what I was thinking. According to the old man of Snowtown, you chose me because you needed a successor. Not only that: my parents somehow wronged you and you took revenge by taking me.

But really: what the hell would you need a successor for? The country of Bosco? Hell no. You had no use for a prince. That was just a cheeky nickname. What you want is a monster. Imagine what you could do with a dark dragon, a thing that consumes dark magic. The flames you gave me were not for me to guard, or to keep safe. They are exactly what you said they were: Dragon Seed.

You knew the Dragons who still existed a hundred years ago planned to send their pupils forward in time to stop you, and you went ahead and sent your own pupil a year before they did. You hoped it would speed up the process of me becoming a dragon-like monster, but all it did was make the flames more aggressive. Sure, I turned into a monster a bunch of times, but those were babies compared to what you wanted me to become.

So you calculated again. I should be ready in a few years. By the age of twenty, I'd be ready to turn into your personal creature of darkness.

'I despise Dragons,' you say, 'and I despise anyone that comes close to them. I want to rid this world of them. The Dragon Slayers, that is. I want a Dragon strong enough to kill any Slayer.'

In a year's time I would become a monster. I would suck out all the dark magic lingering in Bosco and do whatever you told me to do.

That's why the people of Bosco were going insane when they knew I was coming. The city of Underlind was the only place without dark magic, thanks to you and they loved you for it. You somehow put it in their heads there was a way to free the entire country of dark magic, and the person who could do that was me. Prince Riku would rid Bosco of evil, free the people, all that kind of crap.

'I would've done it myself, of course,' you say, referring to the killing of the other Dragon Slayers, 'but now that you've pledged your life to me, I won't bother.'

I sometimes do wonder if you're just being a dick or if you're actually stupid. I never had a choice in the matter and you try acting as if I willingly put myself in the fight. You never planned to fight this war yourself, because you knew you wouldn't survive it. You knew I wouldn't.

But there's more.

As I've told you, my mother discovered the flames were getting weaker. It seemed to me I couldn't turn into a monster anymore. Of course I didn't say this to you while in the throne room.

By now, I've told you about my mother. And now you know why I still haven't transformed.

There's one more thing, which you've probably already realized yourself: Natsu is a Dragon Slayer. The same Natsu whose magic got taken away by your servant, the mud creature. The creature told me you couldn't consume the magic because I used the golden magic, something you hadn't mentioned either.

If your one goal in life is to destroy anything Dragon, there's no way you would willingly return Natsu's magic. The only reason you would return it would be if you didn't know he was a Dragon Slayer.

So to sum it up: you didn't know Natsu was a Dragon Slayer and you didn't know about the golden magic, which meant someone was keeping information from you.

As I was thinking all of this over I felt my confidence growing. Maybe not all was lost. Maybe there was a way to turn things around.

'Well, Prince Riku,' you say then, 'is there anything you'd like to say before I send you off?'

And for the first time since entering this stupid throne room I know exactly what to say.

During this conversation I felt defeated, humiliated, just so very small, but I managed to find a light in the darkness. I guess a little bit of that stupid Fairy Tail mindset stuck with me. Anything that has to do with magic should be impossible, but it is possible, which means anything is possible. Something along those lines, something similar to what Lucy tried to tell me back in Onibus.

This journey to get rid of everything that bothers me didn't end when I met you. It has only just begun.

Are you getting nervous? You should be. You have no idea what's coming.

There's still some story left if you want to hear it. All about how I returned to Erza and the guild and spent the last year of my free life before I came back.

You want to know more, right? I will tell you everything, as I've done this entire time, because it doesn't matter. I could tell you all the details of my plan and still execute it perfectly.

So. Shall I continue?

Fine. Let's start with what I told you before leaving that stupid throne room. I looked straight at your mirror, cracked a smile, and said: 'See you in one year.'

And to this you said nothing. I think you were confused. You didn't expect this sudden change in attitude. Perhaps you suspected something was off, but you didn't stop me. You ordered your mud creature to return the magic to Natsu and Gray.

And when you gave the order, the girl with the red hair that had been standing beside your throne the whole time started melting. Like a candle burning out she fell apart into a pile of brown I recognized as the mud creature that brought me here.

* * *

Outside on the courtyard, the mud creature transformed back into the clay carriage I arrived in earlier. The monster would take me out of the city quickly, so I wouldn't have to deal with the crowds of screaming people.

The creature joined me inside the carriage as the clay man with the top hat. It sat on the opposite bench and said nothing while we drove off the mountain, into the forest with the giant flowers. I expected to leave the carriage once the walls of the city couldn't be seen anymore, but the doors remained closed.

I thought again about the missing information. About you not knowing Natsu was a Dragon Slayer and not mentioning the golden magic once. There was only one person who knew, one person who had been present in the throne room besides your mirror and myself.

I looked at the clay face of the mud creature. It stared into nothing, almost seemed lost in thought.

I suddenly thought back to the moment Erza went away with Gray. The mud creature insisted I would tell Erza to go East, to find the cliff.

Even though this thing took Gray and Natsu's magic, even though it got me into this mess, I felt thankful.

After a while, I asked: 'Why didn't you tell him?'

And for the first time I saw some emotion in the face of the creature. Its mouth trembled a little, its eyes looked sad. I heard its voice answer inside my head. 'I rarely think about what it's like to be human. However, that golden magic has awakened a desire deep inside of me.'

I realize this monster wasn't always like this. You made it this way. It feels the need to serve you, but doesn't really want to.

After all the revelations and new information of that day, I struggled as to what to say to this. 'I...can't help you, I think. I don't know how to undo what he did to you.'

The mud creature simply nodded. 'I thought so. Though there is a rebellious spirit inside of you, is there not? You will oppose him.'

Hearing it from someone else, out loud, made it sound dumber than I feel it is. But it's true; I'm not going along with your destiny.

'Then,' said the mud creature, 'I am satisfied.'

So if you're wondering where your servant is, all I can say is that it's probably long gone.

* * *

The mud creature took me to the Bosco foot of the cliff. There your servant transformed back into the tentacle form it had earlier. It wrapped one tentacle around my waist and lifted me off the ground. Before it set me down on the cliff, I heard its voice inside my head: 'Good luck.'

My feet hit the ground and then I'm back. When Erza sees me and the tentacle, she runs to the edge with her sword drawn, but the mud creature quickly disappears between the average sized trees and the giant flowers.

She then turns to me. 'Are you hurt? What happened?'

Inside the palace, there was a moment where I thought I would never see her again. So for a couple seconds I just stand there, looking at her.

Then, without saying a word, I just take her into my arms, bury my nose in her hair, and sigh. I feel her freeze up, just because she's surprised. This is, by my standards, a blatant act of affection. Eventually she lets go of her sword and answers the embrace.

And for about half a minute it's just us on that cliff. I nearly forget the reason I went away. Then I feel something small land on my head. I see Happy's blue tail hanging in front of my eyes.

Next two other arms grab me from behind, and a face is pressed against my back. It's Lucy.

Natsu joins in by wrapping his arms around the three of us. I hear Gray sigh before deciding to join the group hug.

The mud creature did as he was told. Gray and Natsu got their magic back, and felt as good as they did before it got taken away. We all survived the trip to Bosco and I'm so happy I don't have the time to feel embarrassed about getting hugged by everyone here.

I guess you were right. Friendship is part of the reason I want to be part of this world. These people, and this cat, are my friends.

The thing that eventually breaks up the hug is the rumbling of my stomach. I haven't eaten since this morning.

'Ah, sorry,' I say softly.

Erza laughs. 'Let's get out of here.'

We let go of each other and grab our bags. I quickly grab an apple from the front pocket of my backpack, because I really feel like fainting now.

Before we leave I look over the edge of the cliff once more. The palace can't be seen from here, but I somehow feel you looking back at me. Next time we'll meet, everything ends.

I look away when I feel a hand grabbing mine. It's Erza, of course. 'Come on.'

When I look at her now, the most awful realization hits me: I can't tell her. I can't tell her a single thing about what was discussed in the palace of Bosco. If I do, she'll want to come with me when I return. She can't, and shouldn't.

I realize I can't tell any of these people. Once again, I will have to live keeping giant secrets. And this time I have to come up with a lie too.

You've succeeded in making my life horrible again, and I just can't wait to pay you back for that "generosity".

Erza can obviously tell something's going on. She's standing so close she can see every drop of sweat on my forehead. 'What is it?'

I force myself to smile, even though I'm pretty sure it looks awful. So I say something that fits that expression. 'The flames aren't gone. I don't think they ever will be.'

She squeezes my hand. 'We'll find some other way.'

That just breaks my heart. There is no other way. There never was and there never will be.

But that's just Erza. The swordswoman with an endless fighting spirit.

I don't correct her.


	25. Chapter 24: Carpe Diem

**Again: Sorry for the delay! I'm still working hard on this story. Enjoy! ;)**

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_Chapter 24: Carpe Diem_

A few miles back into Fiore we set up camp in the woods. Erza basically orders me to sit down while the others do all the work. 'You've done enough today.'

'More than nearly dying?' mumbles Gray, referring, of course, to himself and Natsu being drained of magic to the point their lives were in danger. It's really a miracle they're both already back on their feet, though Erza doesn't seem to think so. Even worse: she gets annoyed by Gray's comment, but he runs off to get water from the river before she can knock him on the head.

I sit down against a tree, eat some apples and watch as the tents are set up. I notice Erza put my bag in her enormous tent. Again.

I open up my sense of smell, which I closed to protect myself from the curses roaming in Bosco's forest. Like any time when my nose is opened again, all the scents of the world come rushing at me, making it impossible to determine which one goes where.

I close my eyes for just a second to let it sink in, and when I open them again hours have passed.

I blink a few times, disoriented. For the first time in years I wake up feeling fine, which is strange. My mother warned me about my nightmares becoming worse, but I just straight up didn't have one despite falling into a deep sleep.

My stomach makes noises. I smell curry. Lucy is stirring the pot with a big spoon. Natsu and Happy are dancing around the fire, almost as if they're doing a tribal pre-dinner ritual. I see Erza's shadow moving around in her own tent. Gray sits not far away from me, chewing on some leftover vegetable.

None of them have noticed I'm awake yet, which makes me feel like an outsider looking at a group of friends, a group I myself am not a part of. It's the complete opposite of when we all stood side by side on the cliff, looking out over Bosco.

I stare at my guildmates and slowly realize this trip has brought me back to the very beginning. I can't tell them about you or the conversation we had. I have to hide what's really troubling me, meaning I'm unable to create any kind of relationship with another person. And that sucks.

I stare at Gray, who's sitting closest to me. He looks like his normal pale self again, the grumpy guy who punches you in the face to let you know he appreciates you. Though I've known Erza the longest out of all these people, Gray has seen through my bullshit more than anyone. I think Gray is cool, but he has a way of being scary too. Or rather: I'm scared of him being disappointed in me. If I have to lie about Bosco, he'll surely be pissed.

I'm so lost in thought I almost don't see Gray's begun to stare back at me.

'You alright?' he asks.

'Uh, yeah,' I answer, and I instinctively sit up straight. 'How are you feeling?'

'Better.' He turns his attention back to the fire, but I can tell he wants to say more. He frowns to himself, as if he doesn't know how to put it. Eventually he looks at me again and says: 'Thank you. For getting me back.'

He says it with such honesty I'm taken aback a little. Natsu and Happy now notice I'm awake as well. In a matter of seconds Natsu has wrapped one arm around my neck and Happy is pressing himself against my chest. 'Yes! Thank you so, so much!'

I cough something along the lines of 'Sure thing, you guys would've done the same.'

'Oh, shut up,' says Gray, but he's not implying I actually shut up, 'no need to be humble about it.'

To all of them, I'm a hero. Definitely not used to this feeling, but I don't mind it. For a minute. I look at Lucy for help and at first she does nothing but give me the same thankful googly eyes, but then she says: 'Allright, dinner's ready.'

Natsu and Happy let me go and I can breathe again. Everyone gathers around the fire, plates are handed out and no one says anything for a while. Lucy insists I eat three whole plates, which is more than I can take, but I don't have much of a choice. I can tell Natsu's jealous, though he doesn't say it.

With every bite I think about what I'll say when asked about Bosco. So far I haven't gone into much detail of what happened there. I feel my throat closing up the longer I eat. I'm not looking forward to telling lies again, but none of these people can know. For their own sakes.

When I've emptied my last plate I hand it back to Lucy, who puts it with the other dishes in the empty pan. She pinches Natsu, who lies in the grass next to her, in the stomach. 'You'll do them, right?'

Natsu doesn't flinch, I doubt he even felt it with that rock hard torso of his. He just yawns. 'I'm kinda tired. Nearly dying takes a lot out of you, you know.'

'We're all exhausted,' says Erza, 'we all need to rest. So the quicker you're finished, the sooner you can sleep.'

Natsu groans, but doesn't dare to protest. Erza then glares at Gray, who rolls his eyes and stands up to help as well.

Lucy turns to Erza. 'Do we take the same route back tomorrow?'

'I think so,' Erza says, 'unless you feel more comfortable taking a detour.'

Following the same route back means we'll be passing the Heartfilia estate again. Lucy blushes, seemingly from embarrassment, but manages to fake a smile. 'I would, actually.'

I watch Natsu and Gray gather the dishes and disappear between the trees together with Happy, on their way to the river. Erza gives me a smile I don't know what to do with and disappears back into her enormous tent. Lucy relights the fire.

I sit there, baffled. Everyone's just picking up the journey where it left off. As if Bosco didn't happen. Of course I don't like being the centre of attention, but it feels strange not to be asked _anything_.

No one seems to care. Not even Erza.

My eyes drift over to Erza's shadow in her tent and I wonder whether I should ask her why. She was the one who planned this terrible trip, the one who did the research which turned out to be all wrong. But she acts the same as everyone else.

I need to clear my head. The past twenty four hours have been nothing but anxiousness, anger, running around, all resulting in the creation of liters of sweat. Normally I drown my own smell out as to not get distracted from others, but I imagine I don't give off the best aroma. Diving into some ice cold river sounds like a plan.

Then I remember my bag's in Erza's tent. Just like last time we camped I have to go in there to get my stuff and have some awkward, dodgy conversation because we're both hiding things from one another.

Half sighing I stand up. When I enter she's sitting at her desk, just like last time. She looks up from whatever she's doing, quickly smiles and returns to her work. Some writing, I think.

'I...uh,' I stutter, and already regret everything, 'I'm gonna wash up.'

Don't know why I bother telling her. I walk past her desk to where my backpack is.

'There's a lake not far from here,' she says without looking up, 'just a couple minutes South.'

The opposite of where Natsu and Gray were going.

'Cool,' I reply, and leave more frustrated than when I entered. Just from that short interaction I can tell she's pretending everything's alright and I hate that. I'm very aware I'm doing the same thing, but it's worse when I see her do it.

After about ten minutes of supposedly going South through the dark forest I find myself standing still at the banks of a lake. The water is so calm I nearly miss it. The moon reflects onto the surface like a blindingly white porcelain disk. Aside from a few birds there are no animals around and I hear nothing but the water splashing calmly against some rocks when the wind creates ripples in the middle.

'What the…' I whisper. I stand there for a minute or so, wondering if this is real. The anger I felt just now fades a little.

I drop my backpack, take off my clothes, pile them up behind a rock and step into the water. I quickly go under as not to waste time getting adjusted to the temperature. It takes my breath away a little, but it's not too bad.

I swim till my feet can't reach the bottom anymore. With my hands I brush my stupidly long hair out of my face. I tread around aimlessly, still asking myself if I just walked into a dream. Or a curse, which seems more likely, though I don't see any signs.

Speaking of dreams: where was my nightmare? I sure don't miss it, but it is weird not having one. At the moment I don't feel strong enough to try contacting my mother in one way or another and part of me doesn't really want an explanation. The flames are also awfully quiet this evening and part of me just wants it to be like this all the time.

I hold my breath and go under again. I decide to ask her tomorrow morning. Right now, I just want to be here.

When I come back up I sense a presence at the bank. I'm completely naked, so I make sure to keep the water level at my chin when I turn to see who it is. Not that I'm ashamed of what I look like, I'm just not comfortable enough with myself to be naked around strangers.

Or people I know, for that matter, because the person at the bank is not a stranger. Erza steps into the moonlight, wearing a bathing suit, holding what appears to be a bar of soap.

I'm not exactly happy to see her. I nearly roll my eyes at her, because I should've known this would happen, she being the one telling me about this place.

'I just came to drop this off,' she says, 'c'mon, you know you can't properly wash yourself with _just_ water.'

I try saying something along the lines of "I guess" but it comes out as a weird gurgle. I step closer to the bank while remaining mostly underwater, but to take the soap from Erza I have to come up a little. Before I can do so, she asks: 'Want me to wash your back?'

I would've liked to say no if I could, but I know deep down I can't keep giving her the cold shoulder. I can pretend to distance myself all I want, but the moment I actually can't see her anymore I'm lost. There was a moment in Bosco I felt that.

This is hard for me to understand, just imagine what that's like for her. Honestly, I would've given up on me years ago, but she didn't. And now she's here to wash my back.

Without saying a word I turn around and sit down on my knees, so my back is completely above water. I hear some splashing and soon enough I feel Erza's hands on my skin. The pleasant smell of citrus fills the air around us as she soaps not only my shoulders and back, but also my hair.

We say nothing for a while. We have tons and tons of things to talk about, but we both don't know where to begin. Jellal, Siegrain, the Tower of Heaven, Simon, Mystogan, and I could add Bosco to the list.

We remain silent. After minutes have passed, Erza suddenly giggles.

'What?' I ask. I bring my hands up to my hair and find several locks pointing straight up. Erza used the soap to mold them into a mohawk.

I lean forward to see my own reflection in the water of the lake. The pointy locks fall to the side of my head as soon as I move, but I get a glimpse of it.

'Hm,' I say, 'does it work for me, though?'

'No,' says Erza, 'but you do look better with your hair up.'

'Then I should probably cut it off.'

'That's a bit extreme. Maybe try a ponytail first.'

I look at her over my shoulder. 'Seriously?'

'Why not?'

I shake my head. 'You already gave me "Starlight" as a last name, that's about as girly as I can stand to be.'

'I don't think it's girly at all. And even if it is, what's wrong with that?'

'I dunno. Just not really me.' This is about all I can take of this fake conversation. We're both dancing around the real one. Drives me nuts.

I swim back into the lake and dive under to wash the soap off. When I come back up Erza's swimming right next to me. I instinctively move away, which makes her frown. 'It's just me.'

I open my mouth but I have no idea what to say. She looks at me for a couple seconds and then dives under. She pops back up a few arm lengths further. I go after her.

'Sorry,' I say when I'm close enough, 'I'm just…'

'A mess?' she says.

Before I can answer she's gone underwater again. This time she pops up closer to the bank, where the water's not that deep. She stands up, her back turned to me, the water reaches just around her waist. She combs her wet hair with her fingers and pushes it all over one shoulder.

I stay where I am and kind of stare, like a creep. Again have this urge to be close to her and at the same time I don't.

I half swim, half walk over to where she is and stand still behind her. I slowly wrap my arms around her, rest my chin on her shoulder and softly pull her back further into the water. She places her own hands over mine holding her and presses her head against my cheek.

Again, we say nothing. We drift around, half walking wherever we can reach the bottom.

I don't know how long this moment lasted. It felt like floating, almost, with just the moon around to witness.

I'm the one who eventually breaks it. 'What's wrong?'

Erza has started to tremble. She's squeezing my hands almost painfully hard. She doesn't answer. I try freeing myself so I can look her in the eyes, but she won't let me.

'Hey,' I try again, 'I'm here.'

I don't know what else I can say. Saying "I'm here" feels strange in itself when I know I will be leaving her again in one year.

She takes a deep breath and says: 'I know. I'm sorry.'

Her grip around my hands softens. I carefully remove my arms and swim around her so I can see her face. She refuses to look me in the eyes.

'Don't be,' I say. Hesitantly, I add: 'We'll figure it out.'

She nods slowly and not very convincing. 'I guess we have to.'

However the conversation about the big pile of problems we've built up over the years will start, it will end with us being different people. We both know it.

Erza lifts her face slightly, and looks at something behind me, though I doubt it's all that interesting. 'Riku, why are we like this?'

Now I'm sure we're talking about the same thing, and it's the closest we've come to discussing it.

'I...don't know,' I say, 'I guess we've always been like this.'

Despite my tendency to overanalyze everything, I have no idea why we've made things so difficult for ourselves. I blame your flames for a lot, but every now and then I wonder whether things would really be all that different if they weren't around.

Sometimes I even go as far as to think Erza wouldn't care all that much about me if we hadn't gone to the Tower of Heaven together. Those shared experiences are really what binds us.

What else do I have to offer her? I'm a socially awkward mess adoring a woman who gets hundreds of love letters from all around the world on a daily basis. Princes want her to be their queen. She could be ruling kingdoms if she wanted, but she stuck around with me. A guy who has basically nothing. I'm not funny, I look weird, I have no skills besides whining. Maybe an average swordfighter at best.

'Thank you,' I say, before I really think about it. Erza's confused as well, but at least she's looking me in the eyes now. I then add: 'For not giving up on me.'

She stares at me some more, and looks a little more like her old self. 'If I give up on you now, I would be giving up on myself.'

All I can think is: that's it. That's all it is.

I'm partially right about the shared experiences. Our lives have been shaped around each other, it's no wonder certain feelings blossom. We even confessed them a couple times so far, but this was different. There was no mysticality around it.

We need each other. That's it.

We stood there in the lake for some time. I think we were both just kind of taking it in. It was liberating, honestly. There was a lot more to unpack, but weren't afraid anymore. We knew we could figure it out. Together.

Slowly, everything around us faded away. The water, the trees, the moon, the stars. I couldn't hear anything else beside our breathing. It almost seemed as if we travelled back in time, standing opposite of each other on the Cathedral Square while a band is playing an intoxicating song that makes us do things we wouldn't dare to otherwise.

I don't remember who moved first. One moment we're standing still, the next we're wrapped up in one another. We kiss, we touch, we explore. We remove one of the many barriers we put up between the two of us.

So yeah. We had sex. That's all I'll say about it to you. It feels weird telling you about that stuff, just like my first kiss, though it is part of my life. It certainly was this past year.

After that first time we lay down in the grass and kind of laughed. I was for sure wondering if what we just did was the right thing, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

I roll on my side and say: 'Let's go away together. Just us. No quests, no jobs. A vacation, sort of.'

Erza sits up, pushes my hair out of my face and pokes my nose. 'I'd like that.'

'Good. And then we'll talk.'

She kisses me. 'Then we'll talk.'

We dive into the lake one more time before heading back to camp. I put my backpack on the same spot in Erza's enormous tent. Erza falls asleep as soon as she lies down in the giant bed, but I stay up a little longer.

This was for sure the weirdest day of my life. It pretty much started off when I woke up crying, then I met my mother, then I bantered with Gray, then we reached Bosco and I nearly got thrown out of my body by the flames, then Natsu got his magic taken away, Erza, me and Gray went to get it back, Erza and Gray got cursed, Gray got drained, I sent Erza away and went to Underlind, where I met the people of Bosco and you, heard your grand plan, decided I wasn't going along with it, went back to Erza and the others, realized I had to lie again, got irritated by Erza, reconciled with Erza, and now I'm here.

There was barely any time to grasp the fact that I have one year left. I have one year to figure out what to do when I meet you again, meaning this could very well be the last year of my life.

That just hits me as I'm sitting on the side of Erza's bed. We're just on good terms again and for a minute I was so happy I forgot everything else.

* * *

The next morning I wake up soaking wet. I roll out of bed, hit the ground face first and then feel how much I'm wheezing. My arm muscles are sore, as if I just spent an hour lifting weights.

Conclusion: the nightmare came and it came hard.

I first focus on breathing. I close my eyes and call for the golden magic. Apparently one of my arms is covered in black flames and I have one wing erupting from my shoulder blade, which is basically a partial transformation.

I continue to lay on the ground, unable to move as I force the flames back. When I'm sure they're gone, I open my eyes again. Erza's sitting beside me on her knees, pale as a sheet.

I push myself up into a sitting position. 'Are you alright? Did I burn you?'

She shakes her head. 'Not even the bed. Just you.'

Then I see the empty bucket next to her. She used it to throw water on me. It did little against the flames, but it did wake me up.

'It was bad,' she says softly.

'I know,' I say, even though I barely remember what I dreamt, 'but I promise you: it was the same as-'

'Riku, you cried for your mother.'

I stare at her. It kind of makes sense, and yet it doesn't. My mother never appears in the nightmare herself, only in the memory. It feels troublesome to explain that to Erza at the moment. I barely understand it myself.

'That is...weird,' I say instead, 'but I'm fine now. Really.'

Erza's pale face doesn't change. I take one of her hands in mine and she kind of looks at it. Then, almost whispering, she says: 'I just hate seeing you like that. Not being able to do anything.'

She must've gotten the water only minutes ago. She was woken up by me screaming bloody murder. She tried shaking my burning, crying body, called my name, told me everything was alright, but I never heard any of it. She ran to the nearest river, filled a bucket with ice cold water and ran back and watched me wake up like a fish on dry land, gasping for air.

I squeeze her hand. 'I'm sorry.'

'There isn't much you can do about it, right?'

'Maybe.' I let go of her hand and reach over to the empty bucket. 'I guess this sort of worked.'

'So from now on I just have to throw water on you every morning?'

At the mention of "every morning" I kind of blush, since it indicates we'll be waking up next to one another a lot more.

'I know it's not very romantic,' I say with the best joking voice I can manage, 'but it's this or me wetting the bed.'

She smiles a little. 'I guess so.' Then she leans towards me and kisses me quickly. 'Just don't die next to me, then.'

I know I can't make any promises, but I still kiss her back. 'Of course not.'

Then we hear footsteps right next to the tent. Lucy's voice follows: 'Everything OK?'

As if we've been caught Erza and I move away from one another and in unison yell: 'Yes!'

Next we hear a high pitched giggle, which is coming from Happy.

There's really no need to feel awkward about whatever it is Erza and I have. It's pretty obvious to anyone with decent eyes that there is something between us. I just don't like the attention people like to give it. Or attention in general.

After I've dried off the river water, I decide to face everyone the best I can. I take a deep breath and walk out Erza's tent as if it's the most normal thing in the world. The initial reactions from the others aren't as wild as I imagined: Lucy just kind of smiles at me, Gray and Natsu don't even bother to look up. The only one I have to worry about is Happy.

All the while during breakfast he stares at me and giggles to himself. Eventually he flies over to me and whispers in my ear: 'So do you lllooove her?'

I look around, but at the moment everyone else is busy packing their things. Despite being a creature with working eyes, he feels the need to ask me this. So I turn to him and say: 'Do you?'

Not the most intricate question, but it keeps him busy for a while. When everyone's packed up and we're basically ready to go, he comes flying back and says: 'As a friend; yes.'

It takes me a second to remember what this is about. I was trying to find a spot to contact my mother, but I guess I'll have to do that later. Then I nod. 'Good. Then there's no competition left.'

I basically just admitted to being Erza's...whatever. Partner? I don't know, but Happy sees this as the world's greatest riddle. Lucy, who stands close enough to hear it, laughs behind her hand.

And then we're off to the guild. We take the detour, going all the way around the Heartfilia estate. I walk beside Erza this time and we're so close our hands keep brushing against one another, but we don't hold. It's just a teeny tiny display of affection, which confuses Happy even more.

At one point he goes to Natsu for advice. He whispers, but everyone around understands him perfectly. 'Do you think they're together?'

'Huh?' says Natsu. 'I dunno. Does it matter?'

Happy gasps in horror. 'Of course it does! Young love is important!'

'Why?' asks Natsu.

'Because...well...it just is!'

* * *

We reach Magnolia late in the afternoon. Everything's the way it should be, even the guild looks the same as when we left (which doesn't happen very often).

'Let's have a drink,' says Gray, 'to celebrate.'

There's a tiny voice inside me wondering what the hell we have to celebrate, since this whole trip was a disaster, but everyone else thinks it's a great idea, so I'm dragged off into the guildhall anyway.

Upon entering we're greeted by other members of Fairy Tail, mostly the ones who barely go out on jobs: Mirajane, Wakabe, Macao, Cana. The guidmaster sits on top of the bar drinking wine as usual, and slightly raises his glass when he sees us.

We pick a random table to sit down at and Mira already comes around carrying two trays filled with jugs of beer.

'Oh,' she says, when she notices I'm there as well, 'would you like a soda, maybe?'

I know she's trying to be polite. My relationship with alcohol is not that well-known in the guild, Mira is one of the few people aware of it. I feel all eyes at the table turn to me, so I stutter: 'N-no, it's fine. One should be fine.'

Before things can really get awkward, Natsu has raised his jug. 'Cheers! To Riku!'

'To Riku!' the others shout, which really catches me off guard. The rest of the guild turns their heads to look at us, then raise their glasses and jugs as well. In a matter of seconds the entirety of Fairy Tail is chanting my name, even though most of the members have no idea why. They just hear a reason to party.

'T-thanks,' I stutter whenever there's a silence, 'you can stop now.'

My face is almost the colour of Erza's hair, that's how uncomfortable I felt. Gray laughed out loud, which he doesn't do very often, and bumped his fist against my shoulder. 'Loosen up a little! We're back, we're safe. Forget about the other stuff.'

There are a bunch of things he could refer to by saying "other stuff". Why he's not asking about Bosco, for example.

Instead of questioning, I raise my beer. 'Right. Good job, everyone.'

Gray shakes his head. 'You're such a grandpa.'

In the meantime, Natsu and Happy have snuck away and are now going around the guild telling everyone a heroic version of what occured in Bosco: I defeated a giant squid. I get impressed looks from guildmembers left and right, which makes me want to crawl into a corner and disappear even more.

Erza grabs my hand and I look up.

'Enjoy it,' she says, 'you deserve it.'

A few hours pass, we eat dinner, Gray and Natsu start a fight, Erza breaks it up, and I try my best to fade into the background when the big brawl begins, hoping everyone forgets the tale of Riku Starlight the Savior.

They should forget about me anyway. In one year I will be gone.

After meeting you I'd made up my mind that I would oppose you, but that's a lot harder in reality. I feel as if I can't enjoy the time I still have left when I know it ends with you. I hate that you still have control over me.

The brawl of fighting Fairy Tail members now rolls around the guildhall like tumbleweed, dragging in people left and right. Erza's somewhere in there too, and Lucy's about to be sucked in, despite her efforts to run away from it.

I just watch. I don't have the urge to join in myself, but part of me wonders what's so fun about it.

There is a pause where the brawl breaks apart. Some people take this time to tap out, Gray and Natsu just yell at each other over nothing. For some reason, Elfman thinks he can break off this fight and he makes his way over to them. He fails to see the floor around Gray is covered in ice and as soon as Elfman steps onto it he slips, makes a complete salto mid air and lands on his ass. I'm somehow the only one who sees it happen, because no one around him reacts.

And I don't know why, but that just hit me right in the funny bone. I start laughing like I've never done before. My mouth is wide open, my shoulders are shrugging rapidly, my eyes are filled with tears and my stomach hurts. It's hysterical, but not in a bad way.

The entire guild around me falls silent. That scruffy looking guy, the shy one, is making a noise no one has ever heard from him before. I know all eyes are on me now, but I can't stop.

This is the moment I know I can't go back to my old ways. I can't fade into the background anymore, because I want friendship, comradery, love. I want to fix things with Erza. I want to banter with Gray. I want to see my siblings again. I want to be happy, even if it's just for one year.

So I kept on laughing. At the end of the night, Erza went home with me. The next morning we went on our vacation.


End file.
